What is more important?

@camomom (7535)
United States
August 28, 2009 8:36am CST
My husband and I used to both work full-time. We could pay our bills and had money left over to do things we wanted to do. After we had our 1 child together, I cut back my hours and money got tighter. It got harder to do the things we wanted to do together. After our youngest was born I quit working all together because we couldn't afford daycare and we didn't want someone else raising our kids. Money got even tighter and we had no extra money. later, we received food stamps and things got a bit better. He recently took a salaried management position making almost twice what he was making and we lost our food stamps. Now, we have no money extra at all and are lucky to even pay our bills. Due to his new hours, we also have no time with him. I personally would rather have time with him and no money and have to depend on welfare temporarily then to have some money (still not enough to do anything) and no time with him. What would you prefer? A little bit of money and no time or no money and some time together?
3 people like this
13 responses
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I don't know. I know time together is very important. When I was married I worked 2nd shift and my husband worked 3rd shift. We saw each other very little and valued what time we were able to grab a few moments together. We got creative for a few moments of privacy. Once had my mom watch the kids for an hour so we could do some errands. We took his bike and headed for the woods. Sounds like your husband is doing well in his job. I would not think it would be a good idea for him to downgrade. There is no real right or wrong here. In the end, you have to do what is best for your marriage and your family.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3468)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Good answer that is good to see that someone actually sees family choices as individual choices.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Thanks. I know there is no right or wrong but I feel like everything is the wrong answer. Unfortunately we have NO ONE to watch our kids. It's REALLY hard to make even a few minutes for each other with 3 kids always needing something. He is doing really well at work and loves his job so I can't ask him to change that. I also feel like the kids are suffering from it though. Maybe I'm just selfish, I don't know. I just love him so much and want to spend every second with him because I love his company so much. He's my best friend in the entire world and I miss him.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
29 Aug 09
aww...I hope this works out for you. I do know it is really hard on the relationship. Stay strong.{{{hugs}}}}
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
28 Aug 09
you know hats off to your husband for being a man and taking care of business. sometime we need to give up things to be able to live. if that mean spending less time with him then that what you got to do. for two years the one job i had, i worked nights and my wife worked days. through the week only time i saw her when i was on my home and she was on the way to work. we would wave at each other. then weekends i would work from friday straight through to monday. but we did live good. even when i switch jobs i worked night and she worked days. but i was off on weekends. so i got up ealry on sat mornings so i can spend time with them. just got to do what need to be done for now it will get better
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
28 Aug 09
We just got married in June and haven't had any time together. We have NO time to talk and he has NO time with the kids. My first marriage ended because we never saw each other and eventually we just didn't know each other anymore. If we didn't have kids I might agree with you but there are 3 kids involved here. They all need their dad, especially his 8 year old son. He has emotional issues and NEEDS his dad.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 09
then yo two need to make sure that make time for each other as a family and as a couple as well. it's hard to deal with but remember at least you got a man who wants to work and take care of his responabltiess
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I know but our time is SO limited. I do appreciate everything he does for us. I love him SO much.
@KMPierce (165)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I prefer family time! I'm in the same place as you, I quit my job after the kids came along. It's so important to us to have a close family and spend quality time together. Yes, things get tight but just remember kids grow up so fast and the tough times don't really last that long when you look at the big picture.
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I agree. Thank you.
@jen14ed (866)
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
The most important is the time you spend from your family and love the love is important too but in this world you need to do somethings to earn money to buy you need to pay your bill and buy a food and all you need.. i things you need to works to to earn money in your day off you can spend you time in your child and your husband i know is so hard to earn money. we need to earn money we need to work to live this world we need to money to buy food to pay your bill and all your need the money is important too.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Thank you.
@hoho159 (55)
• China
29 Aug 09
I can understand you ,because raising child and family are so hard in the world. It needs money whatever you do .if you don't have money,your child cann't eat .if you donn't have money,you cann't afford the charge of family. so people of the world do their best to earn. your husband go to work,so there isn't much time for talking to you. like your word,your child need thier father,so donn't think other problems, take care of you family.they need your husband,so do you.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
That's exactly it.
• United States
29 Aug 09
I think that you would feel worse depending on the government; at least when my famuily had to do that I felt ashamed even though it was for a legitimate reason of a medical disability that my husband developed. Maybe after a while a different shift or position will open for your husband that would allow him more time with your family. Another avenue would be for you to start your own business and both of you work together on making it succeed.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I'm not ashamed to use welfare, I've paid taxes for 19 years. That's part the reason we pay taxes. I'm not lazy and asking for a hand out. We have high medical expenses and 3 kids that we can't afford GOOD daycare for. Rent in our area is high for the right size house for the number of people we have living in it. I would love to start our own business but we need a start up fee or money to start the business that we just simply don't have.
@shellyli (55)
• China
29 Aug 09
In my mind i want to have the family time , but i also want to have a good live , if my husband don't have more money , but can pay the bills , i want to them famlily time .
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I agree, Thanks.
• United States
29 Aug 09
I used to have all the money in the world before my son..but didnt we all lol..then i got hurt at work and became disabled for life,and lets face it,im 36 and been disabled for about 10 yrs now and since Sky i barely have money to pay bills and food let alone do many fun things..but if we did have a choice..id much rather have lil money and time,then more money and no time,.kids grow too fast and teh years slip away fast..i cant believe mine is 7 already and its killin me,so for teh nest 10 i will make every second of the day i have him with count..even if its reading a book,or goin to a beach..or just doin some craft together:)
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I know what you mean TIME is always better then money in my eyes. My mom lost the love of her life WAY too early. I don't want to miss out like they did. I also don't want my kids to miss out on their dad because he is the greatest dad I've ever met. He tries so hard to make our lives so perfect but life just gets in his way. He loves his kids SO much but he's missing out on their lives.
@Realsmack (155)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Sacrifice can be a hard thing to handle. But under the circumstances you are going to have to sacrifice the "quality" time so you can maintain a viable life style. You have children to look after and that is the most important right now. Believe me there is always time, you and your husband are just going to have to figure that part out. Whether it's just a few hours at night before you go to bed, time is time. Just try and make it as special as possible. Maybe it might be time for you two to loo into starting your own business, something to think about.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
We would love to start our own business but don't have the start up costs needed or the credit to get any loans we would need. I'm not willing to give up "quality" time, maybe "quantity". You're right we do have children to think about. They're the one's suffering the most. No time with their dad and we have no money to spend on them.
• United States
29 Aug 09
Without knowing anything about your budget and expenses etc, would it be possible that you could cut corners on your monthly expenses and cut down on some stuff, cable tv, phone connection, shop around for cheaper insurance and so on. Sometimes it is worth it to change the lifestyle, working hard and not having any family time is not always worth it - personally I would rather cut down on expenses, live a more frugal lifestyle in order to become a happy family where there is more time for family time etc. Maybe do a family meeting and figure out what works for everyone of you. Depending on what you like to do as a family, I bet there's free activities in your local neighborhood that would be fun to do, these free activities can sometimes be fun and enjoyable for the whole family.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
We've already cut back everywhere that we can. Our rent alone practically takes half of his monthly pay. We both also work online to make some extra money but it doesn't pay much. I search for free activities weekly to find things to do. The bad thing is that most of them are going on when he has to work or sleep. He's diabetic so he has to stick to a sleep schedule too or his blood sugar goes wacky. We do the free activities that we can though. Great suggestions but we already do them.
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
I think I can relate with your problems, as I am spending the whole day outside of the house and yet my earnings are still insufficient. Anyway, I don't believe that you will never have time for your family as it only requires time management and the quality when you are together. Money these days is very hard so I suppose we should take each opportunity available, which is why I find it odd when I hear the song of Eagle; Love will keep us Alive. In real life, couples should sacrifice a bit in order to make a decent living. Otherwise, they will have a misunderstanding especially when there is really no money to buy food or medicine when the child is sick. Just my thoughts, though.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them. I see where you're coming from because I've been on both sides of it. We really do try to manage our time the best we can but there seriously is very little of it. I appreciate your opinions and respect them.
@Opal26 (17686)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Hi camomom~ I can understand your feelings on this, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to have a better for your family. I know that you would much rather have your husband at home with you and the kids, but isn't better having to be less dependant of the Welfare System and have a bit more money to spend? I know how I hated having to depend on Welfare when I was on it. I hate all their rules and regulations. I would have much preferred to have my job back or another job and my own money again. Maybe in time he will be able to make more money and you will have that extra money that you need. This way you have more of chance of him getting that if he is working a better job. Sometimes you have to be patient.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I understand that and no I don't want to depend on welfare but we could pay our bills better when we were on it and we had more time together. As far as him making more money, that won't be happening any time soon. I know sometimes we need to sacrifice things but it's hurting our children by not having their dad around. They're too young to understand why he isn't here like he used to be. They are behaving horribly because of it and I have to take on that stress also. Our 3 year old cries every night for her Daddy and he can't be here. She hasn't been sleeping well because of it either. What's the point in being married to someone if you can't even have time to have a relationship? What's the point in having children if you aren't going to be around to raise them? What's the point in having money if you are too busy working to enjoy it? What's the point in living if you don't have time to have a life? These are the questions that keep coming into my mind.
@ladygator (3468)
• United States
28 Aug 09
I would and have to a certain extent. My husband tried the truck driving route. But it kept him away from home for almost an entire year. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I could not handle it after he was gone for four months in a row. Right now we are really struggling. We can barely pay our regular bills. I run a home daycare and due to the economy my income has dropped significantly leaving us with below poverty income. 400 in food stamps to feed a family of 6. with 3 being male and who eat in huge portions. But I do think that emotionally we are all much happier to have him home. However it does cause stress since we are limited as to what we can do.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
28 Aug 09
Been there Honey. I, most of the time, miss it though. We have such limited time together and finances aren't that much better. We were getting $550 in food stamps and barely struggling with bills and we had time together. Now we have no food stamps and are definitely struggling to pay them and have no time together.