What should my friend do?

@maximax8 (30066)
United Kingdom
August 30, 2009 6:50am CST
My friend is dating a man of thirty five years old. Her boyfriend doesn't use deodorant so spells of body odder. He only cleans his teeth three times a week. My friend has an itchy head and had found she has got head lice. She has got rid of them but she worries she might have got the head lice from her boyfriend. Why do you think her boyfriend doesn't like hygiene? What do you think my friend could do to improve his cleanliness?
11 people like this
51 responses
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
31 Aug 09
Hey! Well if she is really starting to care for him I would try to find the root of the problem and see he does not take care of himself . For me it would be a turn off and I am sure the smell would be too. I would get sick from it all and might just freak out. But was he always this way? It is not hopeless just yet! Best of luck to her because he could just be awesome!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 09
That is soooo nasty. But what about you friend why doesn't she tell him he's being nasty. Mabey she can show him how to be clean unless she's also nasty and stinky. Your friend needs to tell him that he needs a shower and a good teeth cleaning, she can introduce him to deodorant it is very cheap you know and being 35 has nothing to do with being dirty. Like i said before she needs to let him know unless he takes a good shower and a good teeth cleaning and wears deodorant she will not go anywhere with him. What about his friends and co workers what do they say about this guy. That is if he has any friends and if he has a job
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18316)
• Greece
30 Aug 09
Hi Maximax, well the solution is obviously for your friend to leave the smelly creature with a clear reason why, such as 'you smell'. Why on earth would she want to be around anyone like that, headlice and bad breath. Is she that desperate for a man that she'd put up with that. No matter what his other qualities may be if he hasn't discovered hygiene by age 35 I'd say he's beyond change.
@ladyhope (377)
• Canada
31 Aug 09
I don't think that she leave right away. If she truly likes/loves this man, she should feel comfortable enough to tell him exactly what you just told us. We can't know how or who he was raised by just off of what was told, so it's possible that he never got into the good habit hygiene due to his past(bad parenting, poor...). That being said, if it is just a laziness thing or of he is unwilling to change when she tells him, then I think she should leave.
• India
5 Nov 09
hi there, u didnt tell us age of ur friend,,,,Good thing she was only dating the guy and has not fell in love with him. Who would fall in love with a guy who has a body odor and only brushes his teeth thrice a week? Then a lice?? Does his friend even know what he looks or smells like? To improve himself, he must take a shower, be taught on what is a good hygiene and to make him realize that it's not good to have those unpleasant odors. My mind immediately registered the picture of Mr. Fuzzy Lumpkins in the power puff girls show.
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
no offense but i sense the boyfriend has more than what we can call a "hold" on your friend. it seems like it's almost bordering on a secret that the girl doesn't want the guy to divulge so she stays with him. itchy is itchy and bad smell is bad smell so any humans, even animals, react by doing something about it. peace .
@AKMEDIA2 (328)
• United States
9 Sep 09
You guys should tell him or actually it's your friends' responsibility to tell her boyfriend because it's not good or healthy for either of you guys to be around this person. Imagine what it would be like if they had kids. They could really get seriously ill from poor hygiene.
• United States
5 Sep 09
I firmly belive that the only thing you can change about a person are their diapers. That being said, why would she want to change him, she started dating him while he was nasty. SHe should either leave him or get over it. People do not change because we want them to but because they want to.
• United States
4 Sep 09
Encouragement! He needs encouragement, and lots of it, but gently. She needs to start out by gently suggesting things. If she really likes this guy, then she can change his habits, but she will need to use some finesse in doing so. You know, southern hospitality.
@suesan35 (479)
• Sri Lanka
1 Sep 09
Hey maximax, my question is how on earth did your friend get attracted to such a creature. She seems to worry about gettig lice from the BF etc. If he has body odour and brushes his teeth only thrice a week, ugh! I can't understand how she can be with him. If he became like that quite some time after they started dating I can understand cos' that might be due to some stress, sickness or problem, in which case she has to stand by him and help him, but definitely not falling for a smelly and unhygienic guy. WoW. she must be a saint. The only thing she can do is drag him into the bathroom, open the shower and lock the door.
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
1 Sep 09
i think it is all habit. i wasnt raised to brush his teeth and take shower when he was young. he needs to get into the habit of doing it or his teeth will fall out and his hair will fall out. maybe take him to a spa for a day and show him what it feels like to be pampered and clean, and maybe he can get used to it from then on. he needs someone to teach him before it is too late for him.
@lisell12 (21)
1 Sep 09
This is a very delicate situation. Your friend does not want to hurt his feelings,but on the other hand cleanliness is very important. This is how I would approach the situation. I would got to Walmart (or one of your favorite stores) you know how they always have those kits for men or women, with deodorant,mouthwash a razor toothpaste, gum and a few other little items, well if I was your friend I would buy one for men and one for women,and when she gets home, she can say,WOW look at what they had on sale,,(and since they are little bottles)she might say I bought one for you and one for me,,What do you think?? I thought it was something we both could use, since they are in tiny bottles, we can keep them at each others house,that way we will always be fresh,and sweet for each other. Hope it helps,,,Good Luck...
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
31 Aug 09
Why in the world is she attracted to him in first place?? I would think she'd want a clean boyfriend and she must have known he was nasty from the moment she met him. But,maybe she's not too clean herself------------- I don't know, but I'd tell him point blank to clean up his act and take him to Wal Mart and have him buy himself deodorant. Geez, it's dirt cheap and who only cleans their teeth every three days---------- Who'd want to kiss him ??? to me he doesn't like to clean up cuz he is probably lazy. Could be too he was raised not to care, but don't you think it's time to clean that guy up ???
@mlh8087 (370)
• United States
31 Aug 09
I think her boyfriend has low self esteem issues or is just plain lazy-take your pick. He sure wouldn't be my boyfriend.
• United States
31 Aug 09
As far as the deodorants are concerned; if you smell that bad you need to change your diet. Deodorants only cover up a deeper problem. The rest of the problems this guy has is a lack of self respect, and laziness. Your friend needs to tune into these problems and change her own beliefs, in order to bring something to the table, or just move on.
@34momma (13891)
• United States
31 Aug 09
i am not sure if this is serious or not, but i say leave his nasty A$$ alone. i am not going to continue to date anyone who gives me bugs becuase they are to lazy or too nasty to wash... come on do you even have to ask.. Gross
• United States
31 Aug 09
oh my god he sounds nasty. short of throwing him in the river,i don't know what she could do. sounds like he might have issues other than cleanliness going on if he doesn't keep up on himself at all.
@aerous (13461)
• Philippines
31 Aug 09
I think yes! Because all of us must be aware of our hygiene. Most especially girl. if his boyfriend does not want cleanliness. she should leave that kind of person...he's not deserve to be love...have a nice day!
@tintukm (1083)
• India
31 Aug 09
Hygiene is a part of day to day life so why back of from this even if it takes time to be clean and tidy.The boyfriend of your friend , by your statements comes up as a guy who lacks this important aspect of life-hygiene.He should be made aware of many goods to help the cleanliness come to him,the constant approach by your friend on telling him to be clean can make a difference. The body odor sprays ,shampoos,and many nourishes can help him loose lies in his hair.Your friend also must be to told not to stay very close until he stops them.To Out spoke is what none mustn't be fearful of the thing to come,simple talks can too lead to a great change in a person's behavior.
@fec139 (812)
• United States
31 Aug 09
This would be an absolute deal-breaker for me, but your friend must really love this guy. If she really loves him, she should be able to tell him that he must improve his hygiene. Usually, lack of hygiene means that there is something going on in his head. It could be depression, or just not caring about himself. Or it could be that he just has some philosophical reason. Either way, your friend has to decide if, for some reason he refuses to change this, does she want to stay with him and tolerate his lack of cleanliness?
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
31 Aug 09
Makes me wonder what she saw in him on that very first date if he has such bad hygiene, to even date him again. Having bad hygiene can stem from several areas. How he was raised himself, his mental state (depression can sometimes cause you to have no care for yourself), or being just downright lazy to do anything about it. Lack of self-confidence can sometimes cause a person to be unclean as well. Heck, I went through a phase of being unclean for almost a year but once I was diagnosised with depression and treated for it, I turned back around for the better. So, I would say your friend could help guide him toward a 'cure' for his bad hygiene but only he can cure himself. She can resort to leaving him if he refuses to change in that area.