I want to bring my MOM home

@chaime (1152)
August 31, 2009 10:28am CST
I live in the Philippines and about four or five years ago my sister, who lives in Canada, petitioned my mom and my then under-aged brother and they left our home country about three years ago. Now my mom is not young anymore, she is already in her sixties but still strong, so when they got there, she opted to work part-time rather than stay at home. She hurt her back on time when she slipped on the snow when they were still new there. Anyways she went to the doctor and she was prescribed meds and PT to help ease her pain. Now my sister got married, to another Filipino, the guy was divorced and had children. Now one daughter of my brother-in-law (now) lives with them and maybe because my mom is set on her old ways and this young girl is set in her new ways, she and my mom always clashes. Of course I understand that my sister is set between a rock and a hard place in this situation and I know that our mom can be hard-headed and I don't know how to say it in english - 'makulit' - or someone can be hard to make understand - and at this time they too (my mom and my sister) would clash. Whenever I talk to my mom, I have this feeling that she is sad and lonely and I really want to bring her home but she said that she wants to stay there since her medications (for her diabetes and hypertension) is free and so is hospitalization in case she gets sick. Since the health care system in Canada provides for her, unlike is she stays here, everything will be shelled out of her pockets (and mine), and so will hospitalization in case she does get sick and in the Philippines it will costs maybe hundred thousand pesos if we want the best care for her. Like now, she is starting to feel back pains again (owing to that fall the first time) and after talking about it and stuff, I asked her what my sister said, she said that my sister didn't know about what's ailing her. In my mind, I was thinking, my goodness, what are you telling it to me for? I can't help you, I'm too far away from her. My sister is there and you didn't tell her? It seems to me that she is estranged from my sister and I feel that she is lonely. I want to bring her home but I know that it's gonna be a lot of adjustment for my own family if I do, I live with my in-laws so we definitely have to move if my mom will stay with me (and my family for good) I cannot afford a new house so we will definitely be renting (an added monthly expense) and adjustment for my kids living with another person. There's so many things to consider. I would like your opinion, should I convince my mom to come home and stay with me, although this will mean financial burden for me? Or should I talk to my sister - and will it actually help since I'm sensing she's already closed off being nice to our mom. Or should I just let things be? And just be here as a sounding board for my mom (thru YM or phone) whenever she feels the need to sound off. Sorry this has been long but I wanted to explain everything so I'll get a good opinion. Thanks
1 person likes this
1 response
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
31 Aug 09
I understand your predicament. If your mom is in a difficult situation staying with your sister who I presume is giving her cold shoulders, it is better for her to come back home and be happy with you who take great concern of her welfare and other relatives. I fully understand the Asian trait where relatives are closely knitted and plays an important role in staying rooted to relationships of relatives and she might find great happiness in their company. Being in a foreign land has limitations and even if it rains gold in that place there will never be a place like home. You may need to adjust yourself to accommodate her home coming but that doesn't pose a problem since you are united once more with your mom. It will definitely give you a lot of blessing to care for your parent.
@chaime (1152)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
yes I realize that it will be a major adjustment, not only for me, but for my husband and children as well, that's why I'm weighing my options and my mom's before coming to any decisions.