Ladies Who Lash Out At Their Men

@wolfie34 (26789)
United Kingdom
September 8, 2009 1:58pm CST
Has there ever been an occasion where you have hit your man, maybe in anger or frustration or because he has done the 'dirty' on you 'mistreated you badly' or has badly 'betrayed' you? How do you lash out? Do you thump him, scratch him with your nails, slap him? Pull his hair or hit him in the crown jewels? Has he retaliated in hitting you back, or has he quickly retreated, fearing another onslaught? Or has he even cried because you have hit him so hard or kneed or kicked him in his privates? Were you annoyed at yourself afterwards for hitting him and letting your frustration get the better of you, or do you think you were totally justified at lashing out at him with your fists? Have you ever got violent with your man because you knew it was the only way you could get through to him, because shouting, sulking or crying didn't work Did you get a 'buzz' out of hitting out at your man when he's really upset you or did it frighten you that you were capable of aggression in this manner? Have you felt like lashing out but were too scared to do so, scared of his reaction and how he would retaliate if at all? Do you think it's more acceptable in society for a woman to hit a man rather than the other way round?
4 people like this
16 responses
@suzzy3 (8349)
8 Sep 09
It is not acceptable for anyone to hit anyone.Anyone who is suffering these types of attack should go to the police and dob them in.I feel just as sorry for battered men as woman.For a man it is so embarrasing to admit a woman has hit you and hurt you,but times are changing fast,abusive woman should be put in prison like abusesive men.Why should they get away with it.To answer your question I would never dream of hurting someone I love be it my husband,kids,or friends.In fact anyone at all come to that.I was in an abusive marriage for years and broke free,bought my kids up and married a lovely guy who feels the same way as me.His partner was abusive in drink a horrible way to be.In a way I feel sorry for them what on earth has happened to them to make them so horrible.They will never find love unlike us will settle down and be loved with no abuse at all.Unlike them who will end up on their own with only themselves to blame.I always say those type of people need help and if they don't go out and find it they will meet someone bigger than them,Start their nonsence and take a hiding to nothing.Natural justice is what it is called.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
Sad to say I certainly found no help for me was available when I was being mentally abused, mental abuse is the worst because you can't prove it. I wanted to escape, all the hostels were for women and they couldn't help me. I had to escape, it could have easily of turned out so different, my ex pushed me so far that I nearly pushed them down the stairs once. Mind you if I had killed my ex it would have been justifiable homicide and I'd be out by now!
@suzzy3 (8349)
9 Sep 09
Me the same I used to lay in bed and hope he got knocked down, outside our house was a main road as he staggered home from the pub all over now thank goodness.
@suzzy3 (8349)
22 Sep 09
@sehlers (166)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Yowza you hit a nerve with this one. I just divorced a very abusive husband. He never hit me, only because he had a prior felony assault conviction and would end up in prison if he did so and because of my job he knew I could take him down. However, he was horribly verbally and emotionally abusive. Unfortunately, over the years I also because verbally abusive in self-defense. I can be downright mean. It totally appalls me that I'm capable of being so horrible, because normally I'm actually a nice, patient person (just ask the folks I take care of). I'm really worried that if I get into another relationship I'll react inappropriately to a disagreement; rather than hashing things out like normal people would, that I would go on the attack. I also worry that I might verbally abuse my son. I'm really working hard at balancing discipline with him and not doing anything to tear down his self esteem. I focus on his behavior, rather than him as a person. So far I think I'm doing okay. I also realized something else through this relationship, which is another reason I'm very careful with my son. I married a man who was just like my father. *sigh
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
It's a subject close to my heart my friend and firstly I want to thank you for sharing your experience and it sounds like me, because I used to be a placcid, warm, caring, calm person until I met my ex, my ex turned me into this person I hated! I became aggressive, I nearly even pushed my ex down the stairs, they knew exactly what buttons to press and I would start screaming, throwing stuff and I just lost it! And I was made to feel that I had a problem. I still have anger issues even now, and I escaped my ex in 2007. 2 years next month. And that has put me off relationships for life, never, ever again and I don't want to see that aggressive wolf in me ever again for as long as I live. Maybe it was survival kicking in but I even scared myself at times with my ferocity.
@sehlers (166)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Oh, yeah. My ex tried to make everything my fault. He's the one who needed help, but always blamed me and said I had no right to get angry when he was abusive. He even told me I needed anger management. Well, I did get anger management. I threw his sorry butt out of the house, and I haven't been so angry since. LOL. Seriously though, I hope to have a normal relationship someday, and once I can get insurance I'll be seeing a counselor to get past my fear of lashing out at anyone with whom I may be in a relationship.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Society is coming around to recognize that women also abuse men. The problem in that is that most men don't report it. I slapped my husband once and that was after putting up with so so much abuse. Did I feel right?...NO, I didn't. I felt as if I lowered myself to his standards and for a moment, I had. It made me wonder even more just how he lived with himself because I really did not feel good. He didn't feel good either. He told me that he still has nightmares over those days. these people that abuse the ones they love are hurting too. They need help.
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
Exactly most men are far too embarrassed to report it, imagine a man going into a police station even now and admitting he is getting abused by his wife? They'd laugh at him and that is why most men would keep quiet.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Well, it used to be acceptable for a man to beat his wife. The cops turned their heads on that sort of thing. It wasn't until women banded together and spoke out and fought against such behavior that things began changing. The men could learn from us and do the same. It starts with a support group...a club of men who have all suffered this same sort of abuse. By working together, they can change things.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
8 Sep 09
I would rather walk away with my dignity in tact. I dont think violence solves anything and if you feel the need to inflict it on others and carry out the violence then you need to reevaluate yourself. You may have anger management issues. I have never done so and I have no intentions of doing it regardless because I think if I did, then I would be disrespecting myself. I don't think that is is acceptable to hit a man or a woman and it doesnt matter who doesn the hitting. Violence gets nowhere. It doesnt help solve the issue.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 09
You are right violence doesn't solve anything and there is no place in any relationship for aggression. Anger issues need to be dealt with in a controlled way, either through outside help or through therapeutic methods like music, art, tai chi, meditation, yoga etc...
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
9 Sep 09
Yes and see you just showed how many other ways there are out there to handle anger and negative emotions/ violence. So, I don't think that anyone should start violence or fight violence with violence. Thanks for replying.
@lawana_f (327)
• United States
9 Sep 09
When I was younger I would hit back to protect myself. But after my first marriage ended, I thought I was a fairly non-violent person. I have been married twice and with my second husband I would swat him in what I thought was a playful way when he was playing or giving me a hard time. One day about a year into our relationship he told me I was being to rough when I did that. It made me stop and think. After that I never used any type of violence with my husband, nor have I since that time. (that was 1990). There came a time a few months after that that I needed to go to counseling, it started with me going with a friend that was also a victum of abuse. There I learned that we do have a pattern we use when we pick a partner and we repeat that pattern over and over unless we learn how to break the cycle. I was lucky with my second husband, but I learned how to see what I was doing and how to change the pattern. This type of counseling is usually free (In Texas) through shelters. You should check and see what is available in your area. This really effects more than just your partner/spoouse selection. It effects all aspects of your life.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
I have found therapy very helpful, I was actually a victim myself and I needed to stop seeing myself as a victim and more of a survivor. Freud got it right about repetition, it's breaking the cycle, and victims move on from one abuser to another.
@sehlers (166)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Ooo, I'll have to look into free counseling through a shelter here. I lost my insurance when I got divorced, so free is good.
@lawana_f (327)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Selhers, Good luck to you and God bless you for seeking help.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
The only man I have ever physically lashed out at is my big brother, and for him it's like being attacked by a feirce wee kitty cat... lol. He is now and has always been the only person on earth who knows how to push all my buttons at the same time. He used to provoke me because he thought it was funny watching me spazz out! I never hit. Just like men aren't supposed to strike women, I don't think women should be striking their man (unless it's self defence and then it goes both ways). I have always delt with issues using verbal cues... talking or the lack of talking usually gets the point across in my world.....
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
I am probably the most placid, easy going guy you'd care to meet but my ex brought out the worst in me, and yes they knew and pressed all the right buttons too, I seemed to turn into Mr Hyde over night, it actually scared me the way I had become, I am still dealing with the anger issues even now. Some people just push and push and never know when to stop. I did come close to pushing my ex down the stairs, fortunately I didn't and for my own sanity I escaped, I never want to get into that position again. That is why I am much happier being single.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
Sounds like your ex maybe needed a push..... not to promote violence of course, but geez. Sounds like she has quite a negative effect on you, I'm sorry that happened to you, but we are not all like that! The great thing about my brother and I is that we can fight with each other full force but in 5 or 10 minutes we always, ALWAYS, end up laughing it off.
@kalav56 (11496)
• India
9 Sep 09
My God! What you have written is all absolute Greek and Latin to me wolfie.I am from a country which has the patriarchal system and here the husband is the superior. In educated circles, however, women are respected and their words are definitely given a lot of weight but the situation you have suggested is unimaginable as far as I am concerned.Even if we raise our voices,[if we become louder than the husband] it is not the accepted thing.Some husbands would protest while others would allow their educated wives to run roughshod over them and then try and establish their supremacy in some other way[sometimes even late in life]---but generally such men are also not respected in society. Just for comic releief --Once a classmate of mine asked me this question some 30 years back and I was even shocked at the thought.She said that she would give her husband a tight slap if he overstepped.[she was huge and conspicuous by her overweight].Needless to say that I gazed openmouthed at her and was awestruck .
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
I guess it does differ so much from different cultures, and to be honest that never occurred to me so thank you for setting the record straight on this discussion. Thank you!
• United States
9 Sep 09
I don't really ever lash out. I am not going to hit anyone and it shouldn't be socially acceptable to hit anyone anywhere anytime. I have been known to yell, give the silent treatment. I believe mostly though in constructive communication, you wait until both parties have cooled off and then you discuss the problem.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
If you take yourself out of the 'confrontation' and give yourself and your partner time then you can see it in a different light and aggression and frustration burns off and the heat of the moment is lost.
@thea09 (18314)
• Greece
8 Sep 09
Hi wolfie, I actually believe that certain people attract violent people towards them due to lack of self esteem, not all, but some, otherwise why do so many women go from one abusive relationship to another. To your question though I have never had a single man raise a finger towards me and I haven't done it back, it's just not on, it's not me, and it's not the sort of person I would be drawn to. It's pretty clear from the off if a man does not have full respect for a woman.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 09
Hi Thea, the same can also be said for men too, I believe it's Freud's rule of repetition, going after the same type of men or indeed women as a pattern. I found Freud and pyschology extremely fascinating. I have never ever hit anyone but came close to it, I used to find that throwing plates and cups around was just as effective.
@kprofgames (3098)
• United States
8 Sep 09
I don't think it's acceptable either way. It is still hitting a spouse, companion or SO. It just doesn't fly. Have I yes. Was it the a common way that a woman does it, no. Was I annoyed withmyself later? Not a chance. I didn't feel any regrets or remorse over it but I wouldn't do it again either. It was wrong to be that out of control of your anger. Period.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 09
You are right it's not acceptable either way, but sometimes lashing out is the only way that some people can deal with things, although I am not condoning it. But we are only human after all and some people can really drive us to it!
@dawnald (84213)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Sep 09
One time I whacked him after saying for the nth time something that absolutely wasn't true. Not hard or anything, just a thump in the arm, then I took off on a walk. No, it isn't acceptable...
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 09
That is a good idea just to leave the room and go for a walk then you can clear your head rather than stay in a confrontation.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84213)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Sep 09
Yeah should have started walking before I whacked him...
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
I think its horrible if a girl hits a guy. Just becuase we may not be able to defend ourself as much as them doesnt mean its okay for us to himthem but not for them to hit us. Personally, Id be disgusted in myself if I hit my guy. I dont think I could ever be mad enough to think about doing so. Although when he makes me mad to the extreme i get mad and walk away and say Ill leave (not literally, I mean like the house...we dont live together so I threaten to go home) luckily my boyfriend never leaves fights unfinished or lets people walk away.
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
It is unacceptable I agree, I guess you don't hear about men getting attacked much because most men would keep quiet about it, mainly due to embarrassment.
@JenInTN (27545)
• United States
9 Sep 09
No..I've never hit a man out of anger. I have had to defend myself befoe though. I think it is putting yourself in a man's position and kind of opens up the field to get the crap knocked out of you. I think there are things that are worse than hitting. I do think that it is unfortunate that it may be more acceptable in society but it doesn't make it right. I have known men to take some physical abuse from a woman before and it was really sad.
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
Personally I think that mental abuse can actually be worst than physical abuse, because it is very difficult to prove mental abuse because the scars are inside rather than out. I know I have been there.
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
9 Sep 09
The only form of lashing I've done is through tongue lashing! hehehe.. It's quite difficult to be physical with someone in anger, because no matter the gender, it's still an act of violence toward a spouse and no matter the argument (most especially on my side) why not just leave the person be (since I'm not married) instead of hurting the person physically?
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
I guess some people feel trapped in their relationship and have no way out, maybe they have children or for financial reasons and they get frustrated which leads to aggression at the sadness of the life they are forced to live or feel forced to live.
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 09
wolfie who have you been around, are there really that many women that do that sort of cr ap. Ihate hearing that as'two people who love each other should not be beating on each other. maybe what they though was love was just plain old lust.that doesnt last all that long. no I wqould not do any of those things to my husband and never did when he was alive. okay we may have had a few spats but we were too intelligent to hit each other.we just talked it out.People who are that physical with each other must have a few brain cells missing.
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 09
Not that I condone it but some people are pushed so far and the only way they can retaliate is through aggression. But men are probably far less likely to report it than women.
8 Sep 09
It's never OK in my opinion. It's a double standard for a woman to hit a man knowing full well he wouldn't hit her back. It's spiteful. I knew a girl that used to punch her boyfriend because she has a terrible temper. She seemed to think there was nothing wrong with that. I was shocked when she admitted it to me. She really wasn't a nice person though. People don't expect women to be abusive to men, but it happens.
@wolfie34 (26789)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 09
I don't think men would openly admit to being hit by their girlfriend/wife so it's much less heard of. Sometimes even the quietest of people male or female can turn into Mr Hyde!