My Friend's Boyfriend
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
September 10, 2009 4:43pm CST
My friend and roommate K has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with this guy for around 2 years. He's got some personal issues that he obviously has trouble dealing with and consequently she gets to deal with them for him. Or adversely he turns into a little troll who takes out all his frustration on her.
I'm not a big fan of the guy, but I'm always nice and friendly to him when I see him.
Around 6 months ago, a mutual friend of mine and K's finally had enough with the turbulent relationship and all it's ups and downs and told K she needed to think better of herself and dump him for good.
K and the mutual friend ended up having a big falling out, and went from being very close to seeing each other maybe once a month.
Now about a month ago, K and him had a BIG blowout. I decided to stand behind her and rallied a bunch of friends to do likewise. The next weekend we were out camping, and K got upset with me for texting a guy I really like, stating it was supposed to be a 'guy free weekend' (which I don't ever recall agreeing to) and I was being insensitive to her feelings by talking to a guy when she's in pain over one.
We ended up having a big falling out and went from hanging out every day to only seeing each other when we're both watching TV in the living room. It's been over a month since we did something together outside of the house (and it used to be a daily occurence).
Now K and her boyfriend got back together after our falling out, and things are apparently swell between them, but I just don't understand how she keeps letting a man come between her and her friends.
I'm also doubly hurt because she's gone from hanging out with me every day to hanging out with one of the mutual friends I got to rally around her a month ago. They weren't close at all before that.
3 people like this
8 responses
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
11 Sep 09
I somehow feel sorry for your friend but I don't really have to wonder why she still goes back to her boyfriend. It appears as if they do have a lot of similarities when it comes to personality traits. They seem to have trouble dealing with their own emotions...they appear to be "unstable".
I can understand that as a friend, you're concerned for her and it does hurt when your kindness is not reciprocated. My opinion about this is, she's quite immature...and for that reason, I would not take her seriously because it doesn't seem like she knows better.
She needs a little growing up to do and well, if you can stand her, just be there for her while she goes through her "metamorphosis" though I wouldn't blame you if you would choose the alternative.
2 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Sorry to say this, but it sounds like K has a lot of growing up to do. Obviously she only wants to be with others who agree totally with however she's thinking at the time. It takes a level of maturity to place values on friends, even if they have differing (or contrary) opintions. I hope you have your own circle of friends. If you're really upset about her, just know that when she has a falling out with the people she's calling friends now, she'll come crawling and act as though nothing had happened.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
11 Sep 09
Unfortunately all of my friends are also her friends, and I don't know WHAT was said after our falling out, but I feel kind of ostracized now. One of my friends who I've always come through for whenever he had a crisis, calls her on almost a daily basis, but hasn't seen me in over a month. I think I just have a knack for picking the wrong people as friends.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
11 Sep 09
It seems like it's time they outgrew that type of behavior. You expect it in high school...but not at their age. If there's anyone outside of this group of friends, that you 'kind of' know...ask them out to a movie or something. Start thinking about broadening your circle of friends. Of course, there IS a bright side to all of this. We get to see a lot more of you 
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Sep 09
I'm sad for you that your friend has spoiled your friendship. She is showing a high level of emotional and therefore relationship immaturity and there's not much you can do. I don't know how old she is but she probably won't change...fickle people are just like that.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
11 Sep 09
If you notice, "K" is the common denominator in all the falling outs. She is losing all of her closest friends because of this guy. This is pretty typical in an abusive relationship. Sadly K seems blind to the signs of abuse. Maybe it hasn't reached that stage yet but this is a very common sign of it...alienating friends because of a guy. If it were my friend, I'd let her know that I care and that I am always there for her. Then I'd move on and hope that she would sooner or later come to her senses. There is not a lot you can do if she has shut you out. She doesn't seem ready to face the truth just yet.
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
11 Sep 09
I've always worried that their relationship is going to go from an emotionally abusive one to a physical one. It's already VERY emotionally abusive, though. He often tells her she's "fat", "a psycho" or "ugly", but for whatever reason she just lets him. And it's bizarre, because she is NOT the kind of girl that has ever taken that crap in the past from anyone. He doesn't respect her, but she just kind of takes it.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
11 Sep 09
It sounds as if your friend needs the abuse this man gives her, the control he needs to assert. She needs some help if things are as you say they are. Patch it up with her if you can, and get your friends together to have a talk with her and try to get her to get some therapy.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 09
K sounds to me like a teenageror a young twenty who has yet
yet to grow up. and boyfriend sounds like a user,well I
think theyshould have stayed broken up. He needs to grow'up andquit
being a troll, and she needs to respect herself and not let
'herself be used. love real love doesnt use people.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
11 Sep 09
Actually, the funny thing is that she's 26, and almost a year older than I am. Unfortunately this is also her first serious boyfriend.
@arkansos (545)
• India
11 Sep 09
Well that's girls. Many girls seem to have a masochistic gene. They get hurt again and again and again and keep going back from more. I never figured out what the hell is wrong with them. I think they are mostly insecure about their own selves. Your friend getting mad at you was totally unjustified. You were trying to help her and she blows out on you. But that's life
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Hey bree! Your "friend" "K" sounds like she is really mixed
up! She doesn't seem like she knows what she wants! She is
in a bad relationship that she thinks is going to get better,
which you know probably never will. She goes back and forth
with her friends according to which one agrees with her.
This is not the type of person that you need as a friend!
She doesn't seem to be able to make real decisions and only
wants to be with people who agree with her! That isn't how
real friendships work and you are smart enough to know that
already! I wouldn't waste my time bothering with her! She
needs to grow up!
1 person likes this
