Family and Money...

@sredith (239)
United States
September 10, 2009 9:42pm CST
Do you think that it's fair to charge your adult children rent when you offer to let them live with you to help them get on their feet? It really makes no sense to me. I also don't agree with making a big deal out of loaning family members money. That's your family and you should want to help them out no matter what!
3 people like this
15 responses
@bird123 (10486)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I guess that depends on the children. If they are going to school or saving to get a house or car, it would be ok not to charge. But if they are lazy, doing nothing, and partying all the time, the piper must be paid at every party.
2 people like this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I agree with that as well, if they are trying to figure their lives out and save up for something or are going to school it's sort of counterproductive for the child to be paying rent.
1 person likes this
@Eisenherz (2909)
• Portugal
11 Sep 09
No, I don't think it's fair to charge your own relatives. Fair isn't even the word...it's not human as far as I see it. And I agree, blood relatives are the purest sort of relationship we'll ever have because even when we don't get along with them, deep down inside we have that feeling of bonding sentimentally in a unique way. Good thread.
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@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Thanks! I think it is extremely unfair because you're basically saying, money is more important to me than your well-being, sorry. I hate it. I would never do that to my children, or any family member for that matter!
1 person likes this
11 Sep 09
Yes, family is family and money is money. However, there is always boundaries between both of them (I mean family and money). I've ever heard a story about a son who can't even stand upon his feet (I mean economically) because he's supported by his parents. And his brother (from same parents) has a good bussiness and makes money a lot, it's simple that he's not supported by his parents. Sometimes we have to be very careful if we want to help our family member. Helping them sometimes just the same as destroying them. And supporting an ADULT is something that keep his/her as a child.
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
The point is that the family owns the home, the child doesn't eat that much and they do work to buy themselves the things they need, and wants to save money to get a place of their own, and the rent is making the person not be able to afford to save anything because they don't make a lot of money. That's the situation.
1 person likes this
12 Sep 09
But help them to make them stand upon their feet is not an easy option, I believe, it's not like claping your hands. But if they work to buy themselves all things, that's better than they do not work at all. =)
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@cher913 (25861)
• Canada
11 Sep 09
no, not if you are wanting to help them get on their feet but if these children are making a lot of money and live at home for free, they need to learn that the world is not like that and need to be charged rent.
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Right, I agree with that. But I also think that it is the parent's job to teach the child when they are younger to take care of themselves and teach them a good work ethic and how to use their money wisely to prevent situations like that, instead of "Nope, I never helped you open a bank account like the rest of the kids or taught you that you should work and save your money and now you don't and you're going to be homeless unless you pay me rent."
1 person likes this
• Poland
11 Sep 09
You're right sredith. For some reasons it's right and for some no. Thing is simple when you help them so much they'll don't grow up so fast.
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@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
As I've previously stated, if the child is just leeching off the parents and not trying to accomplish anything to better themselves, it's probably right to charge them rent.
1 person likes this
@cbeee3 (2063)
• India
11 Sep 09
Family is family. Money is here today gone tomorrow. I think if the child is earning enough, he/she should contribute on their own towards the running of the house. But its just strange if you ask me, when people ask their relatives for rent.Especially, if they are one's kids, its too much to ask them for rent. At least I don't have a family like that. ( Knock on wood.)
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Yeah it's a good thing you don't. It's sad when family is run as a government and not as a family.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Sep 09
I think its horrible to treat you child as if there a business associate and not your child that you chose to bring into this world. When they have your grand children are you going to charge them for baby sitting your own grand child???
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Ugh, I agree, and when you treat your own child like that it makes them feel like they don't want you to even be around your grandchildren because they don't want you crushing the children's personalities and trying to make them live up to your ridiculous standards and expectations!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
it is not and i will not do that. i am even thankful that they live with me because i am assured that they always come home safe. who are there to be called upon and who are there to help the family than the family members themselves? yeah, should be family first ..
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
It's refreshing to know that there are people that agree on this, because it hurts being in a family where people are shallow and will make you feel like a disgrace for being poor.
1 person likes this
@omiami (412)
• Malta
11 Sep 09
I agree with you. I would be able to do that to my children. It would be great to have them still with me so I wouldnt think about charging them. I would be happy if children stay with me and dont rent a place because like this they can save more money instead of renting a place so I would not charge them. Having said that I also want to say that the children should contribute and help their parents. It doesnt mean that it has to be financially but for example they help their parents by cleaning etc, common normal things in a family. I believe that adult children should be grateful and responsible enough to give a helping hand in their homes. Like this they will start to be independent although still living with parents. But again regarding renting charges, I dont agree that they should be charged.
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Agreed!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Sep 09
If adult children need to move back home, they should contribute to the maintenance of the home. They are living there also. When my wife had graduated from high school, she went to college. She lived at home and did not have a job through two years of college. She graduated with an Associates Degree from college and got her first full-time job. Her mother made her pay rent for living at home. It was much, and she always had plenty left from her paycheck. Her mother always taught her to be financially responsible. Today at age 49, she has had a credit score of over 800 since she was 40 years old. Her sister, who works in banking, tells my wife that most people never reach a credit score of 800 and if they do, they are ususally in their 70s! Because of the teachings of her mother, my wife has an excellent credit report. She can go out and get a loan for just about anything she desires. More people need that type of teachings from their parents.
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I feel that it is a parent's job to teach their children about money and financial responsibility as well, but not a lot of people do that, so your wife is very lucky to have had that sort of support from her mother.
1 person likes this
@kcoregon (303)
• United States
11 Sep 09
My brother paid my parents rent when he lived with them but my mom saved the money each month and gave it to him once he moved out. It taught him about responsibility of paying rent and it gave him extra pocket money once he moved out. Truthfully I don't see the harm in a grown child contributing to the household if they could manage on their own but choose to live at home. However if the child is living at home because they are struggling, and not struggling because they can't hold a job or are lazy, then there shouldn't be any expectation of rent or financial contribution to the household. However grown children shouldn't just think of their parents as a free ride. If my children wanted to live with me and they could survive on their own I would expect them to make a contribution of their own free will as a way of showing responsible behavior. If my children were struggling I wouldn't expect anything.
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
That was how it went when I was 18 and lived with my Grandmother, I paid her rent and she saved it all up for me. I think as long as you're not making waves in the house and you're making a contribution to the household in some way and you're living there for a purpose, you shouldn't be expected to pay rent. (Especially if your parent kicked you out of the house as a teen and as a result of that you never learned how to take care of yourself and you're back as a second chance to regain control of your life.)
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (5034)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
I don't think fair is the right word to describe this. And I don't agree about charging rent to your kids after they grown up. I believe family should be united. We can stay in the same house but must bear responsibility to help out in the family. We as kids can help to pay some bills or buy some food for the whole family to eat. About the loan part, I don't think parents should no longer give pocket money once their sons/daughters start working so a loan is a must. It's okay if they're still studying but not when they already have their own income. That way they'll learn to be on their two feet and start being responsible. Besides, the money for the loan probably come from their fund. What's wrong with paying back? (and pay more than the actual amount)
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Loans are fine if it's something like a credit card bill or a car payment or something like that... but if your child is about to be evicted from their home or has no food or something like that, I guess I wouldn't even ask them to pay it back if those were my kids. I feel that when I have children I will be choosing to have them, and it's a lifetime responsibility as they weren't the ones that chose me!
1 person likes this
• China
12 Sep 09
I can understand what you say. As a host in a family,what should he first consider, the family or money? I think the family is more important.because the money is out of our body and it can not buy the happy life.Rather,a warm atmosphere in the family is much important.As to me,I need a warm family rather than much money.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Sep 09
Good day.. Blood is blood. I mean if I can afford to help my relative then I will. Money should not be an issue here. You don't charge your relations when they are down right?
1 person likes this
@hsofyan (3447)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
11 Sep 09
I agree with you. My 2 sons, 24 and 19, living with me and I support their needs as much as me.
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
You are a great parent, then!
1 person likes this