Do you give a reason when you say no?

United States
September 12, 2009 7:33am CST
I was thinking about this yesterday when my daughter asked me if she could play with her playdough. I responded "No, because we have to pick up your brother in 10 minutes" So when we got home she asked again and I said "No, we're having dinner in a few minutes". I'd never realized before that I automatically give a reason when I have to say no. Works out well that way. My kids never attempt to argue with my decisions, and they don't get disappointed either. They just accept it and wait for a better time to ask. Do you automatically give a reason when you have to say no, or do you just say no and wait for them to ask why?
7 people like this
33 responses
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Sep 09
Sometimes I say why, but if it's a regular rule I just say no. They don't argue too much but I do get arguments and have to get insistent sometimes.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I give a reason some of the time I guess. Sometimes I just say no and then they will just keep asking me and asking me. Or they will whine and ask me why and then I'll give them the reason. I think sometimes I don't give a reason because I expect them to know the reason when they are asking for something they know will get them a "no" answer. Like when they ask for candy at 9am. They know I have never let them have candy before lunchtime but they will still ask for it.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
13 Sep 09
I've always told you that you are an excellent mother!
• United States
14 Sep 09
Thanks.
@bunnybon7 (43294)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Sep 09
when mine were young i guess i wasnt that great with that i had never even thought of it. a person usually ends up doing it the way parents did and i can remember my mom not giving a reason. back then, most parents told you just hush or "Because I said so!!" you are obviously a very good parent.
@bunnybon7 (43294)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Sep 09
btw, i think sometimes its because we dont know how to explain a reason. is there ever a reason you cant explain to a child because of a delicate matter not for childrens ears?
@SViswan (12071)
• India
13 Feb 10
I used to do it automatically when my older son was younger and I still do it with my younger one. But I just realized that I've stopped giving explanations for my older one. He keeps asking 'why' all the time and it bugs me because I have no time to explain things to him (some things I can't really give him the explanation without thinking about it). I know it's not right and I have no excuse besides the fact that I'm doing too many things at the same time and mean to sit him down and explain things later but never get around to doing it:( I will be doing it now that I'v realized it.
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
20 Sep 09
I think I give a reason some times, but others I just say "No." I'll have to pay more attention though and see which I do more!
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
Now that you mention it, I think this is what I did with my kids too. Let's face it...if someone asks for something and you say no to them they generally whinge a bit and ask "Why not?" so you end up being answerable to someone with your reason. Also, if you are questioned as to why not and you give your answer, nine times out of ten you will be given an argument. To me, giving your answer and the reason why in one go puts you on top of the situation. If they try and argue, you just say, "....and there will be no arguments!"
• United States
15 Sep 09
Sometimes I give a reason and sometimes I don't. When I don't give a reason my son will usually ask why and then I just give him the old "cause I said so" reason. lol And he usually just goes with that and doesn't ask my why about it again.
• Canada
15 Sep 09
I don't have kids, but my husband and I always give eachother reasons when we disagree, ore can't do something, or won't do something. At first he didn't used to do this, but I quickly informed him that if i thought he deserved a reason, then I deserve one too, and he thought that made perfect sense.
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
hey same here. although giving a reason is not intentional on my part. guess it's part of me naturally being inquisitive. so, i always have to explain everything. and i also get the same reaction from my toddler. no more asking again. you made me realize that this is the reason why most kids ask and ask and ask and can never seem to remember any sort of training their parents try to instill in them. i've seen kids like this and parents who just say no. now, i know...
@Annmac (949)
13 Sep 09
I only realized I did it when a friend asked me why! She rarely told her children why they couldn't have something. Just saying No usually was met with the 'but why? Mum!' in that annoying whine all children are born with, which I'd have to answer eventually so I just found it easier on my ears to say why before they asked. I also realized how little I had to say No to my children compared to other Mums! They knew when to ask for something and when to 'argue' for something! If I said No they knew I meant No and they knew that they'd get a No from Dad too so there was no point pushing it!
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 09
katsmeow1213, thanks for sharing, and I am sure this will be a good parenting tips for everyone in MyLot Well, I think my baby is still too young for me to reason with her, however I normally do this to my staff when they ask for some permissions while at work.. I have to work with a bunch of teenagers, therefore giving them reasons first hand will save e lots of trouble explaining the 'why'
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
13 Sep 09
I normally explain as to why I am saying no. I guess I got to many of those "because I said so" when I was younger.
@balasri (26549)
• India
13 Sep 09
I do not have to give the reason for saying No for a thing I do not want to do or say.Anyone who managed to get a no from me does not deserve an explanation for it except my child,wife and my business partner.
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
hello katsmeow1213, no i don't give reason when i say no. i only do that when they will ask me why? if it is not necessary, i don't bother.
• India
13 Sep 09
Although I always prefer to say a reason whenever I say "NO" to my children, sometimes I say "No" without giving a reason, as I cannot find a reason at that time. When my 5 year old son wanted me to purchase a doll which is very expensive, I told him no, but did not say any reason, as it will lead to more questions from him. It is better to say reasons whenever you say No but according to situations, you can also say NO, the reason for which they will understand later.
@resssaaa (445)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
I always have an explanation when I say no. Sometimes, I just say the explanation instead of saying no! haha. Well maybe It would depend on the situation if you would explain to them why you answered no. I find it hard to get along with people who just kept on saying no without stating any reason at all. It makes me feel its unfair and not right. I mean, you just say no cause you want to? what's the point right? There has to be an explanation, and it has to be a pretty good one.
@janebeth (2033)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
hi kats, i seldom give a reason in every no answer from me.. but i will wait if they will ask why and i will explain to them.. it really depends on the topic, and why would i answer no.!! there are always an explanation in every answer we have.. janebeth.
@elenyae (390)
• Australia
13 Sep 09
Yup, I definitely always give a reason or else it just makes me seem as though I'm being selfish and irrational by saying no. Of course, I do like to mess with my friends when they ask me whether I want to go out or something and I just reply with "No." Of course after about the 3 seconds of awkwardness I go on and give them the reason. They've gotten used to it now...I think it's just me wanting to be a little weird. What I also like doing is laughing raucously at their suggestion before telling them straight-faced no. It's really like a bad sitcom...but it's become a habit among friends. I'm just worried that one day I'll do it to someone who doesn't know me well and seriously offend them. :O
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
12 Sep 09
No I do not give a reason. I try to explain to them what they have done but at the time it is because I said soo amd I am your mother.