Marriage Vows, did they really mean till death do us part?

@Citychic (4071)
United States
September 13, 2009 5:00pm CST
Hello Friends, While most of us realize that marriage is a serious commitment what I would like to know is when you took or decide to make the decision to marry someone, will you try to honor your vows for the rest of your life? Or will you bail out the minute you see that things aren't starting to go the way you had planned? In today's society where the ratio of divorced people are continuing to increase. Will you be one of the people that will stick it out or will you just say what the heck, everybody else is getting a divorce once the glitter goes out of the marriage and there is no longer romantic days and loving nights, will you bail out or tough it out through the hard times? I'd love to hear from you, what are your thoughts on this most critical decision that we make in life with another person. Happy mylot!
2 people like this
17 responses
@dbabcook (389)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I have been married and am now divorced and have been for almost 10 years now. I believe that when you take those vows that it is for life. Unfortunately, after many attempts at trying to keep that marriage from falling apart and then having been physically and mentally abused I realized that it wasn't meant to be so I took my child and left. I think that there are circumstances in which a divorce is the only answer and this was one of those instances. No one should live with abuse and unfortunately I had done so for the last several years of my marriage before getting out. But if you are just going through tough times, whether it be financially or something with children, or something else simple (ok, not so simple during that time) I believe that if you stick it out and work together you can overcome any obstacle that you set your mind to. Don't just throw in the towel without trying.
2 people like this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hello dbabcook, thanks for sharing. I like the advice that you gave at the end and I'm also glad that you found the strength to pick up the pieces and to take your child out of that unhealthy environment. All marriages go through their share of ups and downs but when it's our turn to face the music and to try to sort out what's happening,we'd much rather it be someone else to have to deal with it instead of ourselves. But for me it's not just financial, it's a whole array of other things but we may be able to work through it, I'm already starting to see positive changes. Only time will tell, take care and wishing you all the best for a happy life for you and your child, Happy mylot.
1 person likes this
@UK_Shree (3604)
13 Sep 09
I'd really like to think that marriage still does mean something extremely important to people. I know that a lot of people do get divorced today and I think that's because everyone is so independent now and able to look after themselves. Sometimes I think that people get out of a relationship once they feel they are getting little from it, married or not. But I for one take marriage seriously.
1 person likes this
@marty3888 (2360)
• Acme, Michigan
13 Sep 09
people can be independant but still be married, still have someone in their life. I think that's one of the problems and causes divorces. People think we're married now, you have to do what I say. you're mine now. People don't "belong" to anybody and they shouldn't be made to feel like they do. Me and my girlfriend are very commited to each other but we let each other do what we want.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Well the only way that we can really believe that marriage has a true meaning is when we look at marriage in light of the bible. Because it was God who created the institution of marriage in the first place. It was God who decreed that a man should take a wife and the two would no longer be two separate individuals but one. So if we have to be one person, certainly that tells me that we'd have to be two very close individuals, two people that will talk about everything. Not having secrets from each other. Which this kind of relationship is kind of rare to find these days whether an individual is married or dating, simply because almost everybody have some kind of a secret they are withholding from someone else. ( Mind you all, this is just my perceptions and views on marriage, according to the ways that I understand it). So to UK_Shree, I'm with you when I say that marriage should have some kind of a profound meaning. In other words it's not something that we should be going into lightly, with the intention that we can just leave in case things doesn't go right. My response to the other responder is that you are absolutely right, people do tend to want to think that they own other people. I think we've all heard it said before. "That is my man" also "She is my woman". But you are right, nobody owns anyone. And the sooner we all begin to realize it, the better off we will be. As far as you and she doing whatever you want. All I can say to that is that freedom comes only with a price, so be careful with what you guys are doing because it may not be worth it in the end to have a relationship where both people are doing whatever they want. This just my opinion on it. Have a nice day and thanks for sharing.
@UK_Shree (3604)
14 Sep 09
I agree with you both. Being married should not mean losing independence in any way. It should mean being the person you have always been but just sharing your life with someone that you love.
@eileenleyva (20354)
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
A vow is called a vow precisely because it must not be broken. That is why I believe divorce means a desecration of that vow. It is absolutely possible for two people to fall in love and live the rest of their lives together. Many problems may crop up but what is life without such inconveniences. The problem is, people today hurry so much in getting hitched without fully knowing if the person they are marrying is the right person for them. The proper way is to get to know one another first, be friends, become engage, and see whether they could live with the eccentricities of their fiance/e. If so, proceed and make that vow. Otherwise, one cannot be sincere nor truthful.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hello Eileenleyva, just wanted to say that I totally agree with you. You've gave some great advice for those that are thinking about marriage and even for those that are already married, we must realize that life will surely have it's share of challenges but if we've found the right partner we can face those challenges head on. Unfortunately though we never truly know if someone is the right person for us until we actually go through a few things together and we are able to see how the other person handle thing. Happy mylot!
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (20354)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
Have you heard about invoking the help of St. Therese of the Child Jesus. She is also called the Little Flower. The prayer goes like this... St. Therese of the Little Flower, please send me a rose from the heavenly garden and tell God our Father that I will love Him more and more. Say 5 Our Father, 5 Hail Mary, 5 Glory be. Do this prayer for 5 consecutive days before 11 am. You will receive a rose from the one who will be your partner in life. If he is not around yet, you will just receive some roses from somebody you love - a friend, an aunt, or your brother, LOL! Just try this if you think you are in love with someone.
@busybren (258)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I would like to think that marriage is forever, but I don't. I'm one of the unfortunate souls whom have just recently seperated (divorce is being finalized as we speak) for many reasons including the downfall of our economy. I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE OR THE ECONOMY, but it took a toll on my relationship and ended shortly after. I believe marriage is wonderful, beautiful and SHOULD BE ever after, but things don't always end up that way. Both have to be willing to work it through, but it's not always the case. I do see the high statistics on divorce in the past so many years and it's extremely high. HOW EMBARRASSING, but what can you do? BOTH PARTIES have to be in it, to win it.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hello busybren, thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to you for your present situation. But it seems that you've learned a lot from your experiences and the way that you talk, so I pray that you're being made stronger with each passing day. You spoke a mouthful my friend when you said "Both people have to be In it, to win It" I loved that. Hopefully if you ever decide to give marriage another try you will find someone that share your same attitude. Also I don't know if I can completely say that our Economy has anything to do with the decline of marriages. But I'm sure that it certainly has played a big part in things because when people loose their jobs a whole lot more is being lost when it comes to relationships. But hopeful that you will recover from whatever minor setbacks that you may have encountered. keep your head up! Happy mylot!
@busybren (258)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Thank you very much, Citychic. This is very warming to me. I have had many people, who believe marriage is NOT to be broken NO MATTER WHAT, but that's not what I believe and I have been told many MANY things (and have lost many people in my life, such as married friends), because of my split. Thank you :)
@dorannmwin (36651)
• United States
14 Sep 09
In my opinion, marriage is forever and I will honor my vows for as long as I live. It is actually quite sad to me to see that there are so many people that bail when the going gets tough. I think that by working through things when the going gets tough makes a relationship a lot stronger than it was before the two people hit the bumps in the road. My husband and I have been married for five years, we've really never gotten into a fight. We work through every problem that we have and I believe that is the main reason that we are as strong as a unit as we are.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
That is great advice that you've shared dorannwin. Working through our problems together is always the best way to go and it takes the burdens off us if we'd have to go through our problems alone. Congratulations on your five years of marriage and I hope you have many many more. I'm sure you will have many more delightful ones. Happy mylot.
• United States
14 Sep 09
I have to say first that I was married for 40 years to the same man...There were tough times and fantastic times. Through the tough times,we hung in-communication is a definate must- and never go to bed angry.If we had an argument,we worked to settle it before we went to bed. We had 5 children,so sometimes time was at a premium and a lot of time money was even shorter.I am a firm believer that if you love each other,respect each other and communicate,things can be worked out. So,in answer to your question-I feel you should try to honor your vows and tough it out through the hard times....and communicate!If you're thinking of getting married and you have questions,get the answers before the wedding. The only time I'd say don't try to tough it out is if it's an abusive relationship.Then I'd say run,don't walk away.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Thank you very much for sharing histexladi, you've given great advice and wisdom spoken by a veteran marital person of over 40 something years, that is quite commendable.I will be sure to keep what you are saying in mind although once we have children it's not so easy to just walk away from another person that we've been married to for quite some time. As their would always be legal issues involved but still it was great advice and certainly well worth considering Happy mylot.
@iceydon (342)
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
Why would I stick to vows that wont do any good for me in the long run? Ill rather break vows than live like in hell with it.I think vows are made to be broken.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Do you mean like rules are made in order to be broken? Friend I think that you have the wrong idea about it but I will certainly allow you your right to speak your piece and to have your say. Now allow me to have mine if you don't mind. Rules are put in place to protect us and I believe, now I believe this with all of my heart, although I could be wrong. But I believe that vows were meant to be taken in order for us to try to live by the promises that we make to others. Happy mylot!
• United States
14 Sep 09
Unless my husband goes out on me, I will work through anything we face. I will not and cannot stay in a relationship with a man who would disrespect me like that. I did marry my best friend and can't imagine he would do that to me. We have been married for 5 years and together for 10 years. I love him more every day. It is amazing how many challenges we have already faced and we just keep making improvments to our relationship. We rarely fight anymore. We had a year or so where that was all we did but we really have grown to show our appreciation for each other. I understand why people divorce so often, it is easy. A marriage is one of the most difficult jobs we have. We keep romancing each other in differnent ways and it has certainly changed over the years. I will stick it out forever I think!
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hi jodylee_04530, that is just wonderful that you share such endearing thoughts towards marriage. And it's even nicer that the two of you have grown together over the years. I see nothing but good things happening for you and your partner, simply because you've showed great maturity in being able to stop fussing and fighting. Hopefully you both will continue to grow in love and peace. If there is a lot of disrespect in a marriage, I know that I couldn't stay in it forever. First I would have to leave for a while and pursue a separation then if there were no changes i would have to let it go. But once you've overcome so many hurdles, such as we have, you feel almost like, you can overcome just about anything. Ours is still a work in progress and we strive daily to try to make things the way that we'd like them to be. Wishing you all the best, Happy mylot!
• India
14 Sep 09
Yes , marriage is a commitment for whole life and i am not married yet but still i am sure that iwill try to honour vows for the rest of my life .yes sometimes it may happen that what i thought i didn't get that i mean we'll get to know that person is quite different but as we love that person and once decided to live with that person for the rest of our life i think we should try to adapt in that environment.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Great words and thanks for sharing. I think you will do just fine when your time comes for marriage because you have a great outlook on it. take care and have a wonderful day! Happy mylot!
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
Marriage is a sacred vow. Whether things go rough one should try and fight it out together for better or for worse. However, nowadays it is quite easy to bail out because of annulment and divorce. Sadly no one wants to stay when things are not what they expect it to be.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Thanks for sharing great your great wisdom hwoarrangpoy. It seems that you have a good grasp upon what the marriage vows mean. I only hope that you can see it in that same light once it comes time for you to get married and hopefully she will share the same views on it as you do. If so you will have a strong marriage, this will be what I'm wishing for you. Happy mylot!
• Mexico
14 Sep 09
I took two years married and i can tell you it is over the least, can decide whether marrying or no, but what matter is how willing are a respect that decision and accept the consequences respect your partner and also to you. also affect your past, education, thought. of this depends on if your relationship is forever or divorce outset think after a few years.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Okay, well I think I get your point here, anyhow, thanks for responding and will be sure to remember that marriage is a lasting endeavor, be blessed!
@coolcat123 (4390)
• India
14 Sep 09
a person vows means he should stand by it.husband and wife are like two sides of a coin who have to go hand in hand together the whole life. both should have calmness and understanding among themselves and should be able to help one another in every sphere of life.they both should avoid quarrels and try to end it soon.Its a fact that when two hot mind meets then it ends up with a blast. So,be cool and try to understand the responsibilities on you after marriage.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hey coolcat, I like that, they don't call you coolcat for nothing I see, lols. Anyhow you give out great advice and I hope that everyone who read your message will read it and take heed to it, if we want to have good happy marriages we have to stay cool and not quarrel. For some this may be very difficult to do but oh so necessary. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure you will be married for a long lone time! Hopefully for a lifetime, happy mylot!
@yecal10 (143)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I stand in awe of the seriousness of the marriage vow. Actually, I don't think I can do it, and I also don't think I would want to. Trading freedom for security is a tradeoff I am unable to see the point of. It is great for those who want it, though!
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
14 Sep 09
Hi Yecal, wow, that's a nice compliment that you are paying to marriage. Also at least you're honest. I always say to thine ownself be true because once you look in that mirror you will surely have to give an account to the person that's staring back at you. So if you don't think that you can do it, it's probably best not to venture off into that direction, at least not for the time being. Happy mylot!
@coolcoder (2019)
• United States
14 Sep 09
My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year, and believe me, judging by some of the stuff that happened before I came along, not all of it was roses and glitter. I truly honor and respect that they have been determined to keep their vows, and have kept them throughout the years. Although I myself am not yet married, when and if I do marry, I'm going to look at their marriage as a model for my own.
1 person likes this
@amyson (3509)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
i respect marriages vows as long we love each other i will stick to it.but there is some situation love fades away too.or he /she committed adultery i can say the vows will be broken.but i still give him another chance to change but if it still not working i do not think i can stay in a relationship.i do not want to being as martyr and die early because of allowing for not respecting our relationship.
@CJscott (4182)
• Canada
14 Sep 09
I have a better idea. I am NEVER going to get married, then I don't have to deal with all that head ache. Why do I need a peace of paper and a priest or judges blessing to say that I will spend the rest of my life with the person I choose to anyways? Cheers.
@Hatley (164167)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 09
oh yes they do mean that yes indeed, marriage to me is not just the bells and whistles and fireworks of that first romantic year it is the getting up and getting breakfast, getting your kid off to school an dhusband off to work and maybe yourself. its sick kids and sick husband, and having to have surgery yourself, in making compromises and in laughing and loving and being together to help each other when the going is tough. this all beats the fireworks as it is being with the person you like and love and knowing we are there for each other.I am a widow now but had a long and great marriage.