Don't know if he cares enough about me...

@skaterx (530)
Finland
September 15, 2009 2:43pm CST
I've been kind of 'dating' this guy for a few months now. We live close by, we see each other most days at our apartments, but we have hardly ever gone out to do anything that's not inside our apartment. I ask him to go to various things, and then he'll say he's not feeling like doing anything. Even going out for a walk recently near our apartments, something like 5 or 10 mins in he feels like turning back. He's easily turned on sexually, even when I'm not doing anything. I don't even know what this has become anymore. He doesn't really call unless I call him, doesn't really msg or anything unless I do first. Even if I ask him straight if his feelings have changed and if we should break up, he says 'dunno' and that its not 'black and white'. Well I'm pretty much fed up with feeling down though. He can spend hours out with university people drinking the night away, but can't manage an hour or so going with me somewhere. I mean how do I even begin to deal with it anymore? Should I just ask him why he is like that (will probably answer 'don't know'), he says he needs space (well breaking up is good space), I mean should I try to give him a chance to make things better or just leave with my sanity and dignity in tact?
1 person likes this
9 responses
15 Sep 09
I don't think you should be asking him anything, he seems like a bit of a flake that is only using you for sexually pleasure. I think you need to sling this guy before you get more attached to him and can't easily dispose of him. If he is unable to tell you if he thinks you are in a relationship or not then that kind of shows that there is no future for this and you need to end it as soon as.
1 person likes this
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
15 Sep 09
yeah im just being kinda stupid. we're both physically attracted to each other, but both know theres something wrong with this 'relationship', that i shouldnt even call a relationship anymore. it makes me kinda resent having cared so much, and when he was acting totally inappropriate, like sometimes he would freak out and get really mad all over stuff. And then stupid things like saying he cant handle the pressure so he can escape from having to go out with me somewhere. sounds bad huh : /. this kinda stuff tends to happen when i start trusting someone at the start, slowly its become bad, and he might even know he's exploiting me! I don't know anymore, i dont even want to guess how he feels about stuff, I just want my peace of mind back so i can sleep peacefully...
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
15 Sep 09
Thanks Doug, thanks for the supportive words. You'll save me from all the pain yeah, I just need people to keep speaking sense so I can stick up for myself and do what's right. I'm happy that people care about me yeah :). At least the positive thing about these problematic relationships is that I can find out who REALLY cares about me, and who my good friends are, because they are there to give me kind words and talk some sense into me. It was also my friend who talked me into leaving a bad previous relationship, or gave me the courage to.
@Ammudoll (549)
• India
15 Sep 09
When we are in love both have to enjoy the feelings and life, but in your case he is not very concerned about you and your feelings. He gives importance to his life rather yours. May be he don't want to end the relationship for some other purpose at the same time do not want to end up as well. When he has time to enjoy with friends he will definetly try to be with you. People who are working 12 hours a day atleast they try to be with their loved ones for few hours or minutes. If I were you I just broke up.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
16 Sep 09
Yeah you're pretty much right. I also thought he gave his life more importance than mine. That's always quite wrong. I used to love someone a lot and do everything to be with them, but they didn't give much of a damn when it comes to me, they always came first, and i was always second to everything for him.
@prinzcy (5036)
• Malaysia
15 Sep 09
Based on your story, I don't really see you as someone important in his life, sorry for that. But I never know him personally to say this. But I do know if we're in love with someone, we want to be with him/her. Being in that person's presence make us happy and calm. It seem he only want to be with you if it's benefit him.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
15 Sep 09
thats how i feel too. thats why it makes me sad. We basically see each other everyday but im not really important to him, isnt that really sad?
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
15 Sep 09
Feel so crappy now. its always easier for people to see a situation from the outside if they are not in it. When ur inside, even though its logically better to leave, u get stuck on emotions :( wanted to talk to him about all this stuff but his phones not even on, it always gets delayed, and i dont know how to clarify it enough to just make it completely clear in one conversation.
@prinzcy (5036)
• Malaysia
15 Sep 09
Since he's living nearby why don't you visit him at his house? That way it's easier. Things will never be settle if you don't talk.
• United States
15 Sep 09
I was in a relationship like this! It was total boredom! He won't change until he probably looses you! He seems to comfortable in the state that you guys are in, you should make it clear to him that you mean business and want to do other things other than staying at home! If not, and your still fed up, why waste your time?
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
15 Sep 09
Yeah I have to make this hurting stop. Everytime I try to break up or even say it, i go all soft again. Because he acts sweet or soft again, maybe only because he's losing me :/
• United States
16 Sep 09
Men don't talk about their feelings! Who knows, maybe he is heart broken too and just does not know how to tell you...
@asweetie (1188)
• India
16 Sep 09
hi skaterx, This guy is taking you for granteed and he is not interest in a relationship with you other than having you in bed and having his share of fun. If a guy would care for you then you would know and wont need to ask for this question. Few signs to see if he does care for you 1) Does he take your opinion on important things in his life 2) Does he ask you what to order when you go out to eat. 3) does he listen to you more when you talk or do you listen to him more. 4) is he hurt when you are hurt. 5) phone him and tell him you are not well or sick and see his reaction, does he rush to you as soon as possible 6) Does he feel proud to introduce you to his friends 7) If he has to wait for you say one hour, what is his reaction.. the guy i feel so much for would always say.. you needed extra time to get ready and be so beautiful for me. 8) Does he wish you good morning..even if you dont live together then phone or sms/text or some other way. I get good morning msg daily. Look for signs and you would know if he does care for you or not.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
16 Sep 09
Wow I love how you get a good morning message. Yes he takes me for granted, plainly does. Its not because we are living close by, that's just his excuse. he doesnt even take me out to eat so obviously he cant ask. i know some of his friends but havent been introduced to any one i dont know... yes its really sad. Hopefully I can get my peace of mind back by just telling him all the unfair ways he has treated me, regardless of what selfish reasons he has.
@sblossom (2169)
16 Sep 09
Believe in your own feeling and listen to your heart. If you still are not sure, I advise you try to develop other interests in your life, including make more friends. The more friends you make the more you understand the relationship between people, and lovers. Time will tell you which your second half is. Back to your concern, if he really cares you, but you can not feel or you don’t feel happy with the relationship, there must be something wrong. Even you don’t know now or you are not sure about it. So try to find more friends and have a comparison.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
16 Sep 09
Yeah there's definitely something wrong. maybe I didnt defend myself or state my needs enough, but I don't think he cares enough about those, so theres definitely something wrong anyway. Dont wanna be something to him thats just 'there' when he feels like it :/
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
That's so sad to hear my dear , i think he really just needs your for his own benefits you know what i mean, better dump him or be in boredom for life with him, just a suggestion better find a real guy that really likes you it will just come by to you and say hi trust me, dont rush in it patience is the key. But for the guy your talking that so cold of him and he is punishing you right?
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
As I've read what you've wrote, it seems that the guy is just taking you for granted. If he really loves you, he should do something that would somehow make you appreciate and enjoy every moment being with him. Giving him a chance is okay, but if his attitude still don't change, then I think breaking up with him is the most reasonable option you can do. You deserve someone better who would really appreciate, love, cherish you, and never take you for granted. I hope the best luck for you. God bless always.
@cherrc (662)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
oh dear, better not see him anymore. u can still find someone who will really care for u and a friend to u at the same time. he's just there because he's benefited from u. dont waste ur time on someone who cannot help u grow with ur life. take care. :)