Are you a good judge of character?

@kitty42 (3924)
United States
September 16, 2009 8:27am CST
I am really bad at this, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt which only ends up with me getting hurt, I asked someone what does this say about a person, he explained but I can't remember, I don't consider this a bad thing but I do admire people that can say in one meeting watch out for that one I have a bad feeling, Me that person would be the one I will pick out all the people around I seem to lean toward the worst one in the crowd. My mom use to do this when I was coming up, I always felt this was here way of picking out my friends, she was always right, I learned the hard way, but as I got older I would bring people to my mom just so she can tell me how she feel about them, I need all the help I can get when it comes to things like this, being here at mylot I would say I have been lucky thus far What about you, are you good a judging a persons character? or do you have to learn the hard way like me? maybe you can give me some advice. Thank you all.
6 people like this
24 responses
@savypat (20245)
• United States
16 Sep 09
I have learned that it is not good to expect to much from anybody, especially when you first meet them. We each have good things and bad things about ourselves and the people we meet will bring out different sides of our personality. In today's world many are very self absorbed and many are frightened about what the future holds, if they have others that depend on them it may make this even worse. What happens then is that we do not always see the best of each other. A person may wish to make friends with you only for what they see or think they can gain from you, but they may still be a good person who just at that time has so much stress that they cannot see beyond their own needs. It's best not to judge a person when you first meet them, that way you will be able to see other sides of them and can then make up your mind.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello my friend I love your responses and I do agree,but what does that say about me gravitating to the wrong kinds of people, this is not a good thing, I mean I guess it could be worse but still I am tired of befriending the needy people, the ones that drain me mentally, I need to be lifted up myself sometime, how can I change this, is it possible, I know what you mean alot of times these people are not that bad, but it takes a while to actually get to know the real them,after the stress they have put on me sometimes it is too much my friend, but I do understand your point. Thank you so much for sharing this.
@savypat (20245)
• United States
16 Sep 09
If you are attracting needy people, it's because you part of your personal identity is a need to be needed. This is entirely within your power to change yourself. It's very common and comes from not valuing yourself just for being you. Look closely and you will see that the times you feel the best about yourself is when you are helping someone. This gives you a sense of power. Each of us is a total life within ourselves, we are here to live and learn and by doing so complete our lives. Helping someone else and receiving a sense of superiority is a very common thing even if it is something we tend to hide from ourselves. Just being able to see this part of yourself is the first step to overcoming it. When you can truly give with no expectation of reward or self interest you will find that you no longer attract the type of people whom you call needy. I am not telling you to stop giving to others, I am only saying become totally honest with yourself as to why you are doing so. I give because I truly believe that it is the way the world works and I look for no reward, not even a thank you, because I know that by giving I start a cycle which will return to me what ever is needed. This is a way I choose to live. It took me a long time to become aware enough to just let go and to give truly. Blessing to you.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello my friend I really like this and I agree with most of it,when you say helping what do you mean? I am speaking about my heart, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeves and people then take advantage of my kindness, I always like to help people but this is who I am, has nothing to do with feeling powerful/superior I have worked with the elderly for years I feel good when I do my job not superior, although I know where you coming from, I do not think this applies to me. I have a giving heart, people don't know how to appreciate me, which makes me mad, I don't like selfish people, they take/take/take and these are the people I attract to me selfish individuals that don't care for no one but themselves total opposite than me, in this case opposite does not attract,needy was the wrong word my friend, selfish/hypocrites this is what I should have said. Thank you,please return.
• India
17 Sep 09
Yes, if you feel to take decission from me then 90% i will satisfy to you, but some people do not take sugission from other people, becuase their ego not satistfied. But really i would say one thing i am not judge the people and their character. becuase every person not a good person, why because of each and every body do small mistakes from their life, so according to their each and every step one and all doing some small tipes of mistakes and big mistake according to their situation. some people asking suggessions based on their mental tension and their character. Some people like vip's are giving meetings and seminors, i am also watching them, but they are not show their real character. they doing something and they are speaking different things. sometimes i ask suggisions from opposit persons they giving replay to me again i compare with my selp, because i am already taken one answer from my side and the i compare with others which better one i have to find and take one onser to that one question. If suppose you judge the people character you have no freedom from the people, if you feel you have to judge the people character and you also follow the each and every rules whatever you said those all first you have to follow othervise don't tell to others. Thank You for one and all..
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello Judging a person sounds really harsh when you think of it, but some people can actually tell you so much about a person in one meeting, I don't know what else to call it, I would like to say I wish I was good at this, but maybe things would be totally different for me if I were able to do this, I do feel everything happens for a reason, some of the people I come across work my nerve but I am sure there are worse people in the world, I allow my heart to do the thinking for me alot of the time, and this leads to pain, if I could be normal and just use me head I will have a better chance. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Sep 09
than q for your comment
1 person likes this
• China
17 Sep 09
I judge a person by what he says and what he does.If his words oftten attacks others or he aways hurts others,I never treat him as my friend. The true friend can give you a hand when you in trouble,If one aways asks for many things from you,you should keep away from him.
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello And it really is this simple, I know someone on both sides of this, I am eliminating them from my life, just wish I would have picked up on these things sooner, they show you they want you to see, then . Thank you for sharing
@sender621 (14934)
• United States
17 Sep 09
I like to think I am a good judge of character. I have been right in this more times than I have been wrong. Nobody wants to think they can't size people up right away.
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello I can admit I stink at this, its fine it takes me time to understand or realize what is what when it comes to people, my problem is I expect everyone to be like me, this is what gets me in trouble, "with me what you see is what you get" this is not the case with everyone, I need to remember this. Thank you
@kutedarsu (254)
• India
17 Sep 09
Hi Kitty, I think i am a gud judge of my charater sometime other characters too. Don't live in other's pocket of advices ... You will come to know one day how to judge about your charateristics.. You will learn in the end but it may be hard (Harsh).. its called maturing character.. i have found that the best thing to do is to assume everyone is a liar..and out for only themselves... hummmm
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello Second time I am hearing this , hmmm wonder if someone is trying to tell me something, I like this because most of the time this is the case, there are some really selfish people around and they always seem to find me, and I fall for the crap, but I have gotten better, don't think I will ever master the art of knowing someone characteristics, but its o.k I will just treat everyone like their interest is what is best for them not me, until they prove other wise. Same thing. Thank you for sharing.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
16 Sep 09
I think I am a good judge of character, particularly because I grew up with so many people around. My Mom always had an open door for people, even if they're just horrible. I am observant and I don't TRY to be but it's just habit. I notice things about people and that gives me an indication of one's personality or traits. I keep my thoughts to myself if I notice something negative because I'd like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I am proven otherwise. I have met many people who have made me quite cautious and I was right to be. I am open to all sorts of people but I tend to keep people at a certain distance until I get to know them better. Well, the only advice I can give you, my friend, is to set limitations sometimes. It's nice to be friendly with everyone but sometimes you have to protect yourself and not give too much of yourself to them, especially if you don't know them very well. I'm not saying you should be brooding and suspicious but it's just precaution.
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello my friend I am an observer as well, for me it take too long,I am visual anyway,I love watching people even those I knew most of my life or theirs, I sit and wonder what are they thinking when they do certain facial expressions its a great way to learn things about people, I like your advice and I will apply it to my everyday life, slowly but surly I am learning to not give so much of myself, its funny because people don't realize how much they can actually know about me if they just payed attention, I am a open book very honest don't hide much about myself at all, but people are so use to people that lie its hard for them to know who isreal and who is not, this may have worked out good for me, now I can pull back lol and no one will be the wiser Thank you so much my friend.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hi Kitty...I used to think so, but I've misjudged someone's character as good and honest so often and been "taken for a ride," that I no longer trust my own judgment. Ugh! I can be very naive, too trusting, especially when someone tells me they are a "believer or Christian." So...yes, I learn the hard and painful way. Ack! Karen
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello my friend I know I don't have the ability to pick the right people, but I am glad my feeling was right about you lol, I knew from our first exchange that this lady is someone I want to be friends with, and look at us I am so glad we crossed paths my friend, so even though we have both been through pain from trusting others we are now able to share different experiences with each other as well as others, can't get any better than this. I love sharing my thoughts with you, and all the other people here at mylot Thank you for being my friend, smoochess to you. if nothing else I know I know I did something right, I am here expressing myself on a daily basis, and they have the nerve to pay me for it lol I have been told I talk to much (not here) now look at me lol talking getting great feedback, little or no complaints I am loving this.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 09
Ohhh, Kitty, I am blessed to have met you, too. And you're right, this is a place of beautiful people exchanging ideas, expressing themselves, learning about life and one another...and yup, they pay us for the blessing! Have a beautiful night, from your toes to your head! Karen
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
21 Sep 09
Hello my friend You are so great, thank you so much
1 person likes this
@patofgold23 (5075)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
hi there my friend.. nice question... I must say not all the time... There are times I tend to be right about how i see a person... Yet i can't help being too trusting sometimes, and end up betrayed... But I do not want to be always on my guard...that is so stressful. I want to be carefree.. all i know is, i would trust and be nice to people..if they betray me..then it's not my loss
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello my friend That is exactly what I say, your lost not mine this is why I said there is a reason I am not blessed with this ability, maybe something in me rubs off on these people that I have an issue with, there is one that I can't seem to get rid of, but she is changing her ways, she was young I forget that sometime, so I see a difference and sometimes she will say something to me that I have said to her in the past, but she probably think I forgot that I told her, then again maybe she forgot lol, anyway it shows me that she is learning and willing to grow, so sometimes we are put in this mess lol for a reason who knows, sounds good right? Thanks for sharing.
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
'sometimes we are put in this mess lol for a reason' lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz MY FRIEND................!!! I liked that!
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
21 Sep 09
Hello my friend Thank you so much
@rosepedal64 (4191)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello kitty..I would have to say that I too am one that does no good at judging people. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I know I have been warned or told something not good about someone but I just don't judge someone from what someone has to say about them. Yes I have hurt over it but I still believe in giving everyone a chance first. You have a nice day and keep smiling my friend...
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello my friend I know what you mean, I agree it is best to use your judgement, when I was younger I would take my moms word, she is getting older so I have to use my own judgement, I don't like when people tell me don't like someone because they don't, could you imagine, I don't listen sometimes they may be right but often times they are not,I think its best to take the bumps and bruises after all sometimes it is worth it. Thank you my friend
• United States
16 Sep 09
You are welcome..I agree with you that sometimes not to listen to someone else could be very rewarding to us. Smile kitty and keep smiling...
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Sep 09
Hi kitty! Sorry I'm a bit late but I'm here now! lol My mom didn't pay much attention to what I was doing unless it was something wrong or she didn't like then I got all kinds of attention! This is how I am, when I first meet someone, I like to give them a chance. It doesn't matter what social background they have or even their status. If they treat me right then they'll be added to my best friends list but if they do me wrong any one time, that's it, I use my caution around them and depending on how bad they've wronged me is whether or not I'll consider them still my friend or not. But at first, I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and go from there over time. The reason I say this is because, I wasn't given that chance when I was young but had I been given a chance, I would like to think they'd value the type of person and friend I'd have been.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
26 Sep 09
Hello my friend No worries get to it when you can You sound like me, I always try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, although I always end up hurt, its o.k at least I know I tried right, its sad when people don't value your friendship, some people just don't realize how lucky they would have been I learned now that I am older to not make such an effort either you are there or your not, your lost, not mine. Thank you.
@bunnybon7 (44431)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Sep 09
i think im just like you. i have a tendency to take up for the underdog, then find out to late theres a reason they are the underdog i did it with 4 marriages what a dunce i feel like at times. but hopefully its just because we tend to have an open mind and are not selfish with our care.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
21 Sep 09
Hello my friend You are a virgo down to your big heart, we wear our hearts on our sleeve and people take us for granted, I have said this countless times and will continue to say it, I am a wonderful person one of a kind actually, and when I give my heart/soul to someone they should be grateful because they should consider themselves blessed, when people don't appreciate me I smile to myself and shake my head and say you have no idea how bad you just screwed up, I love being me and with the drawbacks I will not change a thing why because I love being different then most, and there is a reason for this and someone will come along and earn the love I have to share if not then my family will bask in my wonderfulness and that is fine with me. Thank you for sharing my friend.
@hiniptl (16)
• United States
17 Sep 09
i am not good at judging people's characters. Cant tell when they are acting or really mean what they tell. People have taken advantage of my affections....So now i dont let myself attach to anyone. Have learnt the hard way..
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
18 Sep 09
Hello hinptl Same here my friend, but its o.k I don't feel too bad there was a reason for everything that has happened in my life, I know I am a good person this is why when people don't see me they miss me, but I can stay away from them so easy, they have no idea, buts its o.k there is a reason they are still a part of my life this is how I see things.] Thanks for sharing.
@subha12 (18450)
• India
17 Sep 09
yes I am good at judging characters. I can do it well from childhood.I can understand the nature or intention of person when i talk or hear something the person is speaking about.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
18 Sep 09
Hello Well at least I had someone in my life that was able to do this,I really grateful to my mom for that ability, I don't feel bad I know there is a reason most of the people I know have crossed paths with me, so its not all bad, I know all kids, and I saw something good in them I guess, but not good enough to keep me around, I don't have alot of friends but I like this, friends demand to much sometimes, I don't like feeling obligated to people. Thank you for sharing.
• United States
16 Sep 09
I think I am a fantastic judge of a person's character. I know within a few minutes of talking to someone, and I even know sometimes just by looking at them, if they are good or bad. I have always had this ability since I have been young. I guess I just have the ability to read people really well, and I have no idea where it comes from.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
17 Sep 09
Hello my friend My mom is really great with this, she meets someone and says to me, my spirit does not agree with her, I listen sometimes but not all the time, I have to learn the hard way, some people are really good at this and I love it, takes me a little while to realize, not years, but a while I already like them for some reason so it takes time to get rid of them. Thanks for sharing.
@jesssp (2739)
• Canada
16 Sep 09
I consider myself a fairly good judge of character. I'm not very trusting so I like to take my time to get to know someone, and I don't usually give them the benefit of the doubt in the meantime. I can usually tell quite a bit about a person's intentions and personality when I first meet them and I have found that I'm rarely wrong.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello Some people are blessed with this, I am not so I have to do what I think is best right or wrong its hard work connecting with the right people, I will not give up, nice meeting new people, just have to be careful if I fall I will get back up and no problem. Thank you for sharing.
@JenInTN (27546)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hi kitty! I used to pretty much learn the hard wya but over time and lessons I think that we all tend to be more guarded. I still give most people the benefit of the doubt to be honest. I just look a little harder at their actions than I did before.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello That is the best way, what else can we do, I am not one to have a lot of friends anyway, but its nice to meet new people and build long term friendships, I need 1 maybe 2 and I will be happy lol, I will take my time hopefully I will have 2 friends to last me a lifetime going through some hard times is worth it, to make us more observant I always did this, I just care to much to fast time is helping me, so is this discussion. Thank you so much.
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
16 Sep 09
my mother also knew which of my friends are to be trusted. personally, I consider myself a good judge of character. I tend to get the feeling weather or not someone is a good or bad person on our first meeting, even. it happened that I doubted myself when people turned out to be better then I expected, but then more times then not I found them to be truly as bad as I thought..
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello juli_angel That is so cool, if only I was able to do this, I guess it was not meant for me, my mom helped me alot through the years, now she is getting older she would say yes when they are a no lol, but its o.k I don't tell her, I am not the one with alot of friends so its not too bad, I will take things really slow when I meet people and guard my heart with my life considering that is what I have to protect. Thank you for sharing this.
@Hatley (164214)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Sep 09
hi kitty I am not sure if I am or not, I know so many times I think I know this person and then he or she does something so completely alien to my thinking that I have to say I didnt really know that persons character at all. I do know that the few people I have met years back that my dog snarled at later proved to be of extremely poor'character. this one politician who came to our house politicking really drew our dogs anger.and sure enought a few months later he was arrested for embezzlement in a big way.so my dog did know character really well. I can tell if a person is untruthful by the way they never really look at me, their gaze shifting onto the floor or off in space. they are ones who have something to hide.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello my friend How are you today? LOL I am the same just when I think I finally got it right, they do something to make me say what the heck, never fails, I heard that pets like kids can pick up on things like this, I don't like dogs so I can't walk around with 1, really funny, things are getting better which is a good thing, I have been drawing really good people to me this is great,I learn from everything I go through the good and the bad, my little issues are nothing compared to some, glad I had my mom to help out coming up, now I just take my time I don't have alot of friends to begin with, so its not bad at all. Thank you my friend.
• United States
16 Sep 09
I can usually tell, but because of the times I have been wrong in not supporting someone who I should have, I've adapted my thinking. I'll trust everyone once and I'll know if I can trust them again.. ENJOY!
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello I like this, sounds like a plan to me, although I have always been the trusting one I will keep it up why not,I will not give alot of myself until I know for sure this person is worthy of friendship, makes sense when you think of it, the older I get the better things have been so I will not have to worry about sorry individuals much not like I did growing up. Thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@dramaqn (1990)
• United States
16 Sep 09
In general I am a good judge of character. I'm a good judge about when I'm working in the field ( I do door to door sales) I can tell how I need to present myself, and know off the bat if they are going to be rude, ignorant, or viscious. I can tell if the person is going to give me half a chance of letting me do my pitch. I can tell if the door I'm at I need to be very brief and get the heck out of their because there's and unsafe vibe. I can also tell when someone knocks on my door. I can tell if someone I meet at work or in general is going to be a back stabber. However, unfortunately I am not a good judge of character when it comes to my heart. I'm terrible when it comes to dating. But I guess it is utilized where I need it most.
@kitty42 (3924)
• United States
16 Sep 09
Hello my friend Wow this is really cool my friend now when it comes to my heart I am great, I don't have six sense or anything like that I just careful who I give my heart to when it comes to relationships, friendships I can be weak, relationships I am strong and I you have to work hard to get into my heart, I can like you/love you even but I can forget you so fast its not funny, I think being hurt helped me to do this, not sure if heartbreak means the same for all of us, I was hurt "once" and it took a long time to get over that,I refuse to feel that pain again, I thought I would never get over him, but once I did, whew. I guess like you said being able to sense these things is what is important right now,I like this, you have a scary job my friend, you have to be really careful, make sure you always listen no sense having this ability and not paying attention too it, who knows when the time is right you may be able to apply this to your heart as well. Good luck my friend,thanks for sharing.