A good wife/partner should definitely learn how to keep your mouth shut!

@laydee (12811)
Philippines
September 16, 2009 8:54am CST
With this age of computers, freedom of speech and most especially Women's Rights, learning to shut-up is definitely an issue on gender sensitivity. But I have come to realize that more conflicts would have been solved if we just learned to shut up for once in our lives. I may be speaking on my own here, but it has come a long way for me (when I do have the will to shut up and listen). Do you think learning to just close your mouth could truly make a relationship last longer? Do you know how to shut up? For guys, would you love for women to learn to shut up as well? hehehe..
1 person likes this
21 responses
@Annmac (949)
17 Sep 09
I think you're being sexist whether it's intended or not..... lol. Why should it just be us women who need to 'keep our mouths shut'. Why aren't men advised to be better husbands or partners by learning to shut there mouths? We've been doing it for centuries, and though it might have made for a longer relationship, I don't think it made for a better one! If your relationship is strong and based on true love then you BOTH learn over time when to speak out and when to listen. Conflicts can only be solved by both sides 'talking' and coming to a compromise that is going to work for both parties. The trouble is started when both are too angry to listen and both think what they want to say is more important! This applies to any relationship though and not just 'marriage.
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@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
Familiarity bridges contempt, regardless how much you love each other, sooner or later you would feel comfortable and no longer shy in terms of talking to you partner. So, it's fiction to believe that with True Love conflicts would be resolved faster. I don't think I'm being sexist though, I am a woman, and I know I need to learn to be quiet. Simply because we women tend to talk when we're worried, aggravated or stressed. That's how we function - we talk and nag (unless you're part of a minority who'd rather keep quiet). On the other hand, men are know in general to be inexpressive with emotion, thus they tend to have difficulty in expressing their thoughts (most especially if women nag while they're trying to express themselves). Not to mention that neither genders or partners would ever accept that they're wrong. So when both try to prove themselves right, then who's there to listen? That's why I was thinking, it'll be best if someone has the ability to keep quiet and listen and since I, as a woman, tend to talk a lot when stressed, that's why I pointed out (generally speaking) that perhaps it's time that women (like me) try to shut up first.
@Annmac (949)
19 Sep 09
I was married 38 years and in the early days we both had to learn to listen to each other. Though my husband found it much harder than I did! He HAD been brought up to think Good little wives didn't answer back lol! I was brought up to believe that Marriage was an equal partnership!
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@tcup345 (360)
• United States
17 Sep 09
No matter the gender, there are times to speak up and times to shut up. Knowing when to use either option requires, common sense, maturity and sensitivity. Some of us have it, some of us don't. Some of us use it, some of us don't. Using either option can make or break a relationship. Not speaking up can make a person resentful, they feel meaningless in the relationship. Speaking up too much can make the OTHER person feel meaningless and resentful. A careful balance must be found and kept. See? Common sense.
2 people like this
@coolcat123 (4391)
• India
16 Sep 09
I surely agree with you that a person to be successful in relationship must learn to know how to keep their mouth shut especially at the time of quarrels. to keep quite is the best medicine to make a relationship more dominating and thus the relationship lasts much longer in these cases as compared to others.
• Bulgaria
16 Sep 09
Its important to know how to listen, THAT can make a relationship last longer, especially if you understand as well , but just to shut up... that can only make things worse in my opinion... because if you relaly have a reason to say something , even if it causes an argue , holding it in can make it a lot serious. My main problem with girls is that they want to shut up all the time... I mean they dont wanna talk about the problems and such , so they cant get solved , so it get serious... But in terms of shutting up when you are WRONG and u KNOW it , then that is good
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• Bulgaria
16 Sep 09
Yea but that should be a thing that both sides do , or else its not fair and still wont work...
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@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
Hehehhee.. I like the abacus thought. We can't seem to accept that we're wrong and keeping count of who does what only gives strain to a relationship (most especially if all you need to do is just to shut up, right?) :) Well, shutting up would only work if the other has a temper, and eventually when everything cools, you can talk about your sentiments. Guess counting and stating who's got to do what only fends more wood to the fire.
• Bulgaria
17 Sep 09
Yea , but to most people , no matter how much you wait for it to cool down , it gets just as bad again the moment u throw the topic in again...
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@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
16 Sep 09
Actually, to an extent, I think you're quite right. We differ in opinions so I sometimes tend to hold my mouth especially when I know it's about something we strongly believe in but don't agree on. That's just to avoid conflict. I don't think our disagreements would end our relationship but it would most definitely put a strain if we kept butting heads so to speak.
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@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
True, butting heads wouldn't solve anything but would cause much aggravation.
@aprces (1082)
• China
17 Sep 09
Even if we keep butting heads,so to speak,I don't think our disagreements would end our relationship.I firmly believe that if love is truely intense,I think nothing can break it badly
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@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
That is one of the very hard thing for me to do. If i know i am right, I will not shut up or close my mouth for that matter. But you are right...when two loud mouth collides it will be like world war 3. Maybe in the near future I will learn to close my mouth even if I am right, just for the sake of peace.
@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
The bad thing there is because regardless who is wrong, no one will ever admit they're wrong. There will always be reasons. So it's really best to shut up.
• India
17 Sep 09
Hey laydee, I agree with you on your point that lots of relations hips falter mainly because neither partner shuts up and both want to make their point clear.. Nobody wants to adjust and without adjustment, a relationship cannot move much further.. All this I agree with. Only part I didnt agree with is that knowingly/unknowingly you mentioned a good "Wife" should learn how to shut up. Why only the wife? Why not the husband? or the male partner? I have often noticed that when relationship-gurus suggest that a partner must adjust, they invariable refer to the female partner only.. I do not understand that.. Why can't a male adjust and shut up as well???
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@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
I think it's because most of the times, it's the wife who keep on talking - it's our instinct as women to nag. But if your husband is the one who nags, he too should learn to shut up.
• Canada
16 Sep 09
You make a good point and I'm sure there are times when my husband would love for me to shut up :) At the same time though, when I choose not to say anything that would rock the boat I find that he tries to bait me into an argument so I'm kind of damned if I do damned if I don't.
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@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
Hmm.. I guess they just know how to look for trouble and then complain when you bite the bait ey. hehehe.. Thanks for the response.
• United States
17 Sep 09
It is not so much as shutting up but opening your ears and listening and hearing just how to understand what your partner is saying and what they want from you. Then deceide if you are willing to give what they want and need to make the relationship last. I have been with my soul mate for 21 years and shutting up and listening sometimes is hard and if you manage to do so then everything gets worked out fast and easy. Computers, freedom of speech(which really does not exist now) and women's rights have brought many problems not just for men but for parents as well for they read things into things that really are not there in the laws just as my aunt does when it comes to the bible and after you go read the verse then you go back and let her know she is reading things into the verse for it does not say nothing of the sort. Much as many relationships do over time. I think with divorce and abortion has come easy ways out of relationships instead of making good relationships and keeping them together. I think some of the old fashion relationships and ideas are very interesting and I live with the use of old fashion ideas and beliefs for they impress me and keep relationships real I feel.
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• India
17 Sep 09
i am also a woman , i know it is very important to keep quite at some time i previously use to correct with my husband which use to turn into urguement , so now i have stopped doing it and left him with his problems , now i am very happy
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• India
17 Sep 09
I dont think so. Shutting up will solve the current situation but it can be dangerous if wo do not speak what we want/think. I think speak every thing but in right time and right manner that everyone understand what we want to speak and hurt none.
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@gcorp09 (940)
• Singapore
17 Sep 09
Well, I agree with you in a certain way too. It will be good if we know when to talk and when not to talk to the other half. I'm a woman too, and had been married for a few years. There are times where it's best not to talk or argue so as to keep the peace in the house. In my earlier days, I had not learnt these and actually caused some rift in our marriage. Luckily, it was solved now, and I learn to keep quiet when need be...
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@BStuff (498)
• United States
17 Sep 09
I think sometimes we need to shut up both physically and mentally because lord knows a lot of us have our minds going 90 miles a minute in a 75 mile zone. We should be fined! Anyways, we tend to be over thinkers which make us over talkers and grude holders and a lot more unpretty things. I am one of the most opinionated women in the world but soometimes I know when I need to lose the battle to win the war. Love is a battlefield just were suppose to be fighting together not against each other. I probably know some guys who would be praising this topic right now ha.
@dhart87 (53)
• United States
17 Sep 09
I think it goes both ways. There are some women out there that had a loud mouth and always want to have the last word. But, there are some men out there too who think their are always right and never wrong. I think that each person should be act like an adult and not children and take time to listen to what each other have to say without the yelling, cussing, and loud talking. By, doing it this way it will be a smooth sailing, and each person point can be heard, and can have an better understanding of what their are trying to say.
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@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
17 Sep 09
Something goes wrong within my parents these days.My father can never be a good speaker in his life.He tends to be very impatient and easy to anger.His words always annoys my mother.But my mother is not a person who knows when to shut up,so I can see they are having a hard time now.I do agree that a relationship can be better if one party knows how to keep his/her mouth shut.
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@daliaj (5686)
• India
17 Sep 09
Yes, you are exactly right. A good partner should do that, but we forget it often. I keep blaberring when I am upset or if I shut my mouth, I won't open it at all. I mean I will stop talking to my partner. We should no what to talk and what not to talk. Whe should not hurt somebody when we are tensed or angry. There is no point in feeling guilt after hurting the partner.
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@Hatley (164338)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Sep 09
hi laydee, a good wife and a good husband should definitely learn 'to not just keep talking whenthe mate is ready to blow hers or his'stack. it takes a bit of understanding human beings to realize'that sometimes the best thing you can do in an argument is to shut the heck up and listen. we are all so bent on what'we are going to say next we dont listen to our mates.that sometimes is'allthat triggers a fight.that inability to shut up and listen. 'you whether man or woman have to listen to the person you love'inorder to understand him or her. some fights probAbly would never have started if one or the other had paused and respected his or her partner long enough to find out what the partner was saying.
@Tantrums (949)
• Philippines
16 Sep 09
This is very effective, every time my wife and I have an argument, I just shut up and let her do all the talking. I'm afraid that I might make the situation by saying something wrong, or worse, my wife is black belt in Taekwondo and she kicks high and punches like a dude! I'm good at "away-kanto" fighting style (that's Street fighting) but I can't hurt women!
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@Archie0 (4668)
16 Sep 09
Well i think yes it is necessary sometimes to keep your mouth shut, i have read it that sometimes to progress in your life it is really important sometimes to keep your mouth shut.In your life you will very less get a chance wjere you have to keep your mouth shut just take advantage of this chance its important i guess for everyone just not for women.
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@dolmitta (221)
• India
16 Sep 09
I agree with your point. It is hard to accept that women always have to shut up during a loud argument but it helps a lot. Men just don't realize what they are talking when they are angry. If women take those words seriously and talk back, it will end up in a very bad way. I think women are smart and clever to handle such situations. No matter how angry we are or irritated we feel, our silence speaks more strongly than their loud angry voice... ;)
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