What would you do if you feel your student is falling for you????

@laydee (12809)
Philippines
September 18, 2009 7:55am CST
I have this predicament, though I'm not yet 100% sure. I've been accommodating enough (professionally) with students who have queries and who needed advice in my field of expertise (the course I am teaching). I have opened up my mobile phone number, email and messenger for consultations. I am worried with one particular student who seemed to be 'interested'. Quite frankly, I don't really see why his actions have changed suddenly when I didn't do anything 'special' to make him feel otherwise. He's not really focused anymore with class and I always catch him just staring. He hasn't dared to confess otherwise, but his actions are really giving me the creeps. I try my best to stay 'normal' to all the classes, but I'm no longer comfortable with him in class. The only consolation I feel right now is the fact that the semester is almost ending and I don't have to endure this person's creepiness any longer. I don't know, perhaps I am putting malice in everything, but it just feels not right. You know the gut-feel you feel when someone is looking at you like that, right? I don't mean no harm, neither am I interested to commit a felony So, if you are in my shoes, what will you do?
3 people like this
18 responses
• China
19 Sep 09
This is the most interesting thing i have heard these days.You must make sure.Maybe you just misunderstand.If that is real,you should be careful,as his heart is easy to be hurt.And if you do something wrong,there might be something which happens beyond your imagination.So you should be quiet and don't show that you are uncommon as before.Or it will catch his eyes.I think you shouldn't treat him differently from others and you don't have to leave special time to think about him.Just forget it.That will be good.As time goes on,he will forget. ......... Do you have other choice?If no,that is the best.Just leave it alone.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
True! That best thing to do is to let it loose. Keep things in distance and in humor. He told me once that the main reason he liked me (he said "we like you" as students) is the fact that I was fun to be with and I made them feel comfortable in class. I just hoped that I didn't make them overly comfortable that they'd want to date me!!!! I was really glad that the semester ended. Though I was able to confirm of his feelings because he did send me an email containing some poem. And he also dared to ask me to my face why I didn't tell him I had a boyfriend. I just shrugged the question off and ignored! Whew! These teenagers really have these hormones that sometimes you just don't get what is happening to them. Then comes to this! Whew! I'm so glad that I don't get these types of things anymore! We should be professional when we deal with a student and with the parents as well. There are many of my colleagues who fell trapped to the emotions and they just ended up destroying their profession and their names. One should never attempt to play with fire - regardless the situation. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
I think that it is just normal for a student to fall for a teacher. They see you as someone worth emulating. They idolize you , they admire you. Of course you just have to take everything in stride. Do not let it trouble you. Good thing the semester is almost over. He may outgrow it later on.
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
True! That best thing to do is to let it loose. Keep things in distance and in humor. He told me once that the main reason he liked me (he said "we like you" as students) is the fact that I was fun to be with and I made them feel comfortable in class. I just hoped that I didn't make them overly comfortable that they'd want to date me!!!! I was really glad that the semester ended. Though I was able to confirm of his feelings because he did send me an email containing some poem. And he also dared to ask me to my face why I didn't tell him I had a boyfriend. I just shrugged the question off and ignored! Whew! These teenagers really have these hormones that sometimes you just don't get what is happening to them. Then comes to this! Whew! I'm so glad that I don't get these types of things anymore! We should be professional when we deal with a student and with the parents as well. There are many of my colleagues who fell trapped to the emotions and they just ended up destroying their profession and their names. One should never attempt to play with fire - regardless the situation. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@hotsummer (10526)
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
i am not good either on things like this. i will definitely just be happy that the semester will be over soon and i don't have to endure that kind of stare any more. specially if i am clueless if those look does have any meaning at all.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
I was really glad that the semester ended. Though I was able to confirm of his feelings because he did send me an email containing some poem. And he also dared to ask me to my face why I didn't tell him I had a boyfriend. I just shrugged the question off and ignored! Whew! We should be professional when we deal with a student and with the parents as well. There are many of my colleagues who fell trapped to the emotions and they just ended up destroying their profession and their names. One should never attempt to play with fire - regardless the situation. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
• China
19 Sep 09
If I meet this thing, maybe I will talk to this student, I will tell him that he make me uncomfortable, open my heart and try to listen to his thoughts, if I confirm my guess, I will try my best to make him to give up the idea. I can be his good friend, but he must to understand that is all. I wish you can solve this dilemma, and don not hurt his heart. You know, that maybe will affect his life.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
I think talking to the student about such things is something that one must never do. Most especially that he didn't do anything to cross the line. Further, why should I be uncomfortable about him looking at me? Shouldn't the students be focused on what the teacher has to say? hehehehe.. I was really glad that the semester ended. Though I was able to confirm of his feelings because he did send me an email containing some poem. And he also dared to ask me to my face why I didn't tell him I had a boyfriend. I just shrugged the question off and ignored! Whew! We should be professional when we deal with a student and with the parents as well. There are many of my colleagues who fell trapped to the emotions and they just ended up destroying their profession and their names. One should never attempt to play with fire - regardless the situation. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
Just go wit the flow and forget about it when semester ends, in this way you are in a win win solution, let her be, maybe you are very attractive that's why your student falls for you it's very though and hard.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
I was really glad that the semester ended. Though I was able to confirm of his feelings because he did send me an email containing some poem. And he also dared to ask me to my face why I didn't tell him I had a boyfriend. I just shrugged the question off and ignored! Whew! We should be professional when we deal with a student and with the parents as well. There are many of my colleagues who fell trapped to the emotions and they just ended up destroying their profession and their names. One should never attempt to play with fire - regardless the situation. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
• Singapore
19 Sep 09
I was in the same position before when I was teaching Adobe Photoshop and Dreamweaver in a boy's school. They can be as little as 13 not puberty yet till big boys taller than me. They don't normally express their feelings in class as I am quite firm trainer. But they show their feelings on Teachers Day when they give their presents to me. I will not accept the expensive presents like the montblanc pens that costs $400 or more or diamonds jewellery. One of the craziest experience I have was even the daddy was trying to chase me. I was walking out of the school, the daddy and the boy was in the car following me slowly as I walk and asking me if I would have dinner in their home with them. In my head was, what about the mother of the boy? I just told them calmly that my focus is to do my best giving the education to youths to be equipped in the world of growing technology. Dinner sounds great but its not the best time and situation, marking and work planning is priority and I had to go, a taxi came by (I wasn't driving then) hailed it, hopped in and left. The boy was cute, like father like son, the daddy was quite handsome too, but as a teacher we have to be professional and not fall into carnal temptations. Priorities and Emotions have to be kept in check. Because the emotions will affect the performance.
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
Whoah! Your story about the father and son was just amazingly creepy! I wouldn't have known what to say if I was in that situation! But I know I wouldn't accept the invitation either, did they ever pursue? Indeed we should be professional when we deal with a student and with the parents as well. There are many of my colleagues who fell trapped to the emotions and they just ended up destroying their profession and their names. One should never attempt to play with fire - regardless the situation. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
• United States
19 Sep 09
I would be very cautious in everything you say to him. Im assuming you must be talking about maybe high school age? He has a crush, very typical for teenage young adult males to have crush on older woman. Another thing i would be cautious to never be alone with him even for school related issues, try to have witnesses . If anything is ever brought up you would have someone to stay no it didnt happen like that. Im not saying it would happen but like you i usually go with my gut feeling on things ya got to cover your butt on this one. Like you said your not interested in committing a felony.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
No, it's in college and he is in the legal age. I was cautious and made sure that I wasn't alone with him in any way. Thankfully, nothing was brought up and after several semesters, he was in another class I was teaching and this time he had a girlfriend - which was easier because at least he was now "focused" on someone else. It did make me feel uncomfortable at first, but eventually, I got the hang if it. It's good that the infatuation was over. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@satan88 (586)
• United States Minor Outlying Islands
19 Sep 09
Are you teaching a highschool or elementary school or a university. In any case though since the semester is over i think you should just forget about it.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
I'm teaching in a college University.
@LittleMel (14033)
• Canada
19 Sep 09
I wouldn't do anything aside from what teachers are supposed to do I think getting involved with a student is not a good idea this will blur my professional judgement as teacher I'm not a teacher and I don't like teaching but I think it's even more important as a teacher to make sure some limits are not crossed This student might fail class but he will come around in a few years It's common for students to fall for teachers
1 person likes this
• China
19 Sep 09
On the one hand, I must congratulate you will not meet this students any more in a few days later.You will find a life style which can you feel more comfort and no longer upset any more! On the other hand,I think you should find the reason of this situation.If you can not have the solution of this problem,you will meet this again. I hope you can have a nice day!
• Canada
19 Sep 09
Hi there, So you're a teacher whose got a boy with a crush on you. Are you really sure that you want people's opion? If you do, I'd say steer clear. You're supposed to be changing lives and mentoring to young spirits. I mean you have no idea the kind of power you have. The fact they're kids doesn't that have any effect on you? Do yourself a favour and just leave the kid alone.
@UK_Shree (3604)
18 Sep 09
Well I can understand that you must feel uncomfortable with the situation and I cannot blame you. If I were in your shoes right now, I think I'd be uncomfortable too. I think you should try and keep your distance from this particular student, and like you said the semester is nearly ove, so just try and stay a safe distance away from him until term is finished. Hopefully when the new semester begins he'll have found something else to distract him.
@Tantrums (949)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
I had this too many years ago... It was a bad bad Idea. I should have been professional and kept the student-teacher relationship instead. Some people started to look at me differently during that time...
@BStuff (498)
• United States
18 Sep 09
If he hasnt attempted anything or made any off the wall comments I wouldnt worry too much about it. It might be something you are placing in your head and that could get very sticky. I would just tough it out through the rest of the semester unless he attempts anything or makes any commetns that are offensive or just plain uncalled for. Then I would go to your boss about the situation until then just try to ignore him and be careful not to give him any signs that you may be feeling the same way. A boy with a crush can take the littlest things the wrong way. Good luck hun sorry you in this place!
@sid556 (30988)
• United States
18 Sep 09
It sounds to me as if you are handling the situation perfectly and professionally. I'm sure it is awkward but these things do happen. I remember having crushes on certain teachers when I was young. Try not to make eye contact with him or put yourself into any situation where you are alone with him. Even if nothing at all happens these things can be so twisted around. If he goes over the line and sends you a text or anything that is questionable then you should talk to the principal or someone about it. Good luck with this laydee. Hopefully it is just a teenage crush and will pass.
• Indonesia
18 Sep 09
hahaha...same case here. I teach in high school and some of my female students in every level that i teach felt the same like yours. Even some alumni keep making contact by FB, mail or YM some of my colleagues keep asking me : what have you done, how come you became so popular ( on the other hand i am not really a nice teacher anyway...some say that i am a discipline, un-negotiable one ) but, i can not build the students-teacher relationship further to personal so far, i keep being as normal as i can and i always treat all my students with the same treatment so i always avoiding in getting too intimate to certain students. They are on their age and they think their teacher is the best choice they ever had but sooner or later they will wake up and face their own life my key is i can not get carried away.
@malamar (784)
• Canada
18 Sep 09
What an uncomfortable situation that must be. I guess if I were in your shoes, the first thing I would do would be to have a confidential chat with either another teacher or someone in administration. We are living in unsettled, and sometimes desperate, times. Not to be an alarmist or anything, but it is best to take steps to prevent unforeseen problems, complaints, or accusations. This of course also depends on the age of your students. Little kids often look up to and admire their teachers, and this is normal behavior. Older kids or adult learners could conceivably cause problems in the future. An accusation of improper behavior doesn't necessarily have to be true to cause you grief and problems with your credibility and your career. You certainly wouldn't be the first teacher (or person in authority) to be wrongly accused of impropriety. Another thing I would do would be to NOT respond at all to any improper emails, phone calls, etc., from this particular student. Put everything you do as it relates to this person under your own personal microscope with an eye to seeing how it might possibly be perceived by others. Walk the high moral ground on this issue, and everything should be okay.
@modstar (9608)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
Wow, looks like we have a very attractive teacher here. hehe.. Well as long as you can remain professional then i guess there's nothing wrong with it. Lots of students do admire teachers but i don't think they would make a major move to win you. Besides, teacher-student relationship is not allowed in most schools right? So i guess you really should be careful in handling things like that. If he's not focusing in your class then it's his problem. I don't think that would create an impact on your quality of teaching since he has his own decisions too.