need some advice

United States
September 18, 2009 9:46am CST
i have this friend that is in a horrible relationship. her family and her friends try to tell her that she needs to get away from him. she is pregnant and is due in dec. she wont let go of him because she thinks that she needs him for the baby's sake. he has been threatening her. she is so depressed that her doctor put her on anxiety pills. she is withdrawn from her friends and family. we had made plans and she ditched both days without telling me. i wish there was a way that her family and friends can get her to understand that he is a jerk. i wish i can get a restraining order on him.
11 responses
@mzz663 (2773)
• United States
19 Sep 09
Sounds to me like there are probably a lot of control issues or abuse issues going on with her. She won't leave until she is ready to leave. Some people never leave and die because they don't. No matter what someone is told and how much they seem to agree with you that they should leave, a lot usually leave and go back repeatedly until they can't take that kind of life anymore.
@jen14ed (866)
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
hi erbear879 help him and give him a advice, fell to him that she not alone comfort him tell to him she is not alone,
• India
18 Sep 09
I have been in a similar relationship with my own husband who has a 'deep rooted personality disorder' as diagnosed by our family Psychiatrist. I have been married for ten years and have a little one who is four years old. This is the second time that my husband has filed for a divorce. I know that he will offer a compromise in the end. I sometimes wish I could just get rid of him for good. However I am still surviving in this relationship because of my son and also because I'm financially dependant on him. My son needs a father and I need the money, marriage or no marriage! I have now decided to stay away from him since my life and my son's life is at risk if both of us stay with him. I am also on the lookout for a job. It is indeed a difficult relationship, but I do not have a choice!!
• United States
18 Sep 09
That is a hard spot for her to be in. I do understand that it is scary for her to think of raising her child alone without the father. However, I feel that she should think of her personal safety and the safety of the baby when he is born. Depending on what types of threats her bf is making, she should at least talk to some law enforcement person about. But if she doesn't want to do that, taking these pills while she is so far along couldn't be healthy. I think she needs a second opinion on that for sure. Good luck to your friend. She's lucky to have a friend like you.
@RachelleNH (1407)
• United States
18 Sep 09
That's quite sad...I never stay around anyone that makes me feel like that. My sister did though-6 years of abuse...you just have to stand on the sidelines for support. There is nothing you can do, in the end it's her choice. It sounds like it's also bringing you down, I suggest you space yourself.
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
Well in my opinion only.. If i understand this correctly, the bf dont want to leave your friend.. If that is the case the man is a responsible, and i think that is good. If the case is reverse that the man dont want to take any responsiblity for the baby then she needs to let go of that man. Cause if you force that man to "panagutan" what happen to that guy and the guy doesnt want it.. the relationship will not grow and your friend will be in a big mess. Today being a single mom is not a big deal anymore.Let put it this way maybe she is confuse now and all you need to do as a friend is support her and soon she will realized that what she's doing is not healthy anymore. for now support your friend to the maximum level so that the baby will be healthy to much stress and pressure is not good for a pregnant woman.
@BStuff (498)
• United States
18 Sep 09
Isnt it horrible that we live in a place where some owmen still dont understand the power they possess without needing a man there to hold their hand the whole way. Once she has the baby and give it some time she will get bitter enough and fed up enough if he keeps being a jerk that she will leave him. All you can do until then is try to be the best friend possible and support her completely and fully for the remainder of the pregnancy and as the baby grows. She need's an intervention type thing.
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
18 Sep 09
sadly there not much you can do, because guys like ok this say jackasses get females feeling low about themself and he get her to think that she needs him only. but guys that does things like this just are stuipd.. but until she sees and know she doesn't need him there is nothing none of you can do. wish you and her best of luck
@mrakobesie (1246)
• United States
18 Sep 09
She will understand it in time, just provide her support and eventually she will see it. People are not always listening to others and are often blinded, unless they see it themselves, nothing will work. She needs to understand it herself, it's the only way she will leave him. Baby makes things much harder, but the baby really doesn't need a father like that, he will only make babe's life harder. One friend of mine was married for many years and has a son from that man, but he started abusing her. She was trying to keep the marrieage for a few more years for her son's sake, but eventually she couldn't take it anymore. They are now separated and he keeps on calling her telling her how much he loves her. She had a heart attack because of all the stress he's been putting her through, and she finally left him. It happened to my great happiness. They are through and she wouldn't listen to any thing he tells her. I hope your friend will realize it sooner then my friend, but it has to be her own realization, only she can make the choice. Advise her to try alternative medecine for anxiety instead of the meds she was prescribed, anti anxiety meds can be very harmful and there are side effects that haven't been recorded yet. It might not effect the baby in such a good way, so it's best to avoid those meds. Valerian root worket great for me when i was under stress, it migh help her too. Green tea is also reducing anxiety. Deep breething and relaxation exercise helps really well
• United States
18 Sep 09
I feel for her, not because I've been in any situation even close but because I do get where she's coming from. Be careful trying to force her to leave. It's hard to understand that the father being in the home is not always what's best for her baby. If she's happy about her pregnancy and the type that would do anything for her child, regardless of her feelings, she'll leave if he's not a good person to have daily around the baby. She can still involve him in his childs life without it being daily, but if he's as bad as you say I suggest supervised visits.
@angelsmummy (1700)
18 Sep 09
Well I know you probably dont want to hear this but there is only so much you can do or say to your friend about leaving this man before you will lose her as a friend. She obviously loves him as she wouldnt still be with him! Also this doctor needs reporting as anxiety pills when you are pregnant are unsafe and can harm the baby so I would advise reporting the doctor.