Do people stop trying to look good when...

@saundyl (9686)
Canada
September 20, 2009 12:12am CST
My exboyfriend and i recently broke up. In the end it was more of a mutual agreement that we are just too far apart and its just not working out. We are still friends. I honestly consider him one of my best friends and well still talk to him alot. However that being said...I wasnt completely happy in the relationship - mainly due to the distance and well lack of communication at times. I've noticed that since i started being unhappy about things...I stressed so i ate more therefore i gained wieght, I stopped doing things like painting my nails or doing things that just plain made me feel sexy. Since we broke up I know i lost 5 pounds in the first week because i wasnt stressing over things and reaching for that oh so tempting bag of chips. I've been getting out more and i even painted my nails. Is it common for people to stop doing things that make them feel good when they arent happy with a relationship? and to restart doing things once broken up?
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10 responses
@UK_Shree (3604)
20 Sep 09
Yes I think it probably is. When we are stressed we all forget to do the things that we might otherwise do, like painting nails for example or taking that little extra bit of care of ourselves. In addition we do reach out for comfort food, even though we know it is not good for us. But the stress makes us not care, and just think about the moment. I am glad to hear you are less stressed now and it confirms you made the right decision! It's also great that you are still able to be friends despite ending the relationship.
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
I think i was more upset about the idea of loosing a friend than i was about the relationship ending when it did end.
@UK_Shree (3604)
21 Sep 09
Yes I can imagine. That is why I think it is great that you have remained as friends.
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@gary1125 (174)
• Australia
21 Sep 09
Probably there is no certain answers for your question. Every people has their own way to get out of the condition of sadness. I broke up before, what I did was tried to be happy and stay with my friends. The person we loved broke my heart, we shouldn't do the same thing to me again.
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
The best one can do is try and stay happy. It gets better.
• United States
21 Sep 09
I did that with my last full time boyfriend. He lived with me but there was tension because of trust issues. We were trying to work through things and it just wasn't working out. I was fully comitted and he wasn't even when he didn't have a car. He would get online and talk to people and ended up meeting up with one of them in virginia whenever he left me. Supposedly she is twice his age. Older than my momma is and my mom is 48, he was only 21. Anyways, I done that exact same thing. My health was in really bad shape when we got back into full swing. Especially when we moved because he claimed that he was under so much stress that he couldn't perform(excuses, excuses). Anyways, I started scratching in certain places and not washing my hands when I used the bathroom. I would later go back when he wasn't looking and wash my hands and brush my teeth and shower. I even went like a week without washing clothes. I still showered. he had started working again by that time and I was having to take him back and forth and one night, the night before he left I got so pissed off at him becuase my dad had just got out of jail where he had been in for 4 months and he wanted me to tend to his every need including taking him to another store for him to work an extra 2 hours which he only made 6.00 an hour to begin with. Anyways, I finally told him that if he didn't like the fact that I was tending my daughters need for her to see her pappaw that he needed to go find somewhere else to live or someone else to drive him home. Then he left the next day. After that I started back on my daily routines of doing laundry and doing dishes andkeeping the house picked up and half way clean. Now grant it I'm not perfect, but I didn't have the heart to tell him to move out because he claimed he had no where to go, no friends(ladedadedad) and so I was going to talk to him and give him time to find somewhere to go. We weren't sleeping in the same bed. He was sleeping on the couch and I would have kathryn sleep in my bed with me(which she did before we started dating). I'm not saying i do that now but I did some stuff just to get him to leave so I wouldn't have to kick him out. I went to the doctor and within two weeks of him leaving my blood pressure was down to normal and so was my mom's blood pressure. I had lost 10 pounds and was able to push through for my galbladder surgery. So things deffinately got better. But I totally understand. And it's not that I do those things on a daily basis I just did it so he wouldn't want to be around me because I didnt want him touching and by the time he left I didn't want him being there. It is possible for you to get so caught up in what is going on in the relationship that you forget to take care of yourself and alot of that has to do with depression. I took that weekend and just cried at night when I laid down to go to sleep. Most of it was crying because I was sad that it had to come to that but it was also happy crying that things were going to get back to normal. I started out taking care of everything and it wasn't working that because I couldn't take care of myself because of me taking care of him and me and my little girl and my mom's daily stuff. So when I started making him do his chores like his laundry and do dishes and cook for himself that's when more and more problems started. So there are ways and then there are ways. I think I just made him miserable and I didn't want to feel like his you know what (BIt$$#$#) all the time. I was tired of feeling the way I did and I got to where I couldn't trust him with my money and so when it came to that it was over for me. I started looking out for me instead of him and that's when things started turning around.
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
Wow, it sounds like you had a rough go of it for a while. I'm glad things are better for you!
@Opal26 (17686)
• United States
20 Sep 09
Hey saundyl! Hey my dear friend, I am so sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend have broken up. I know that it is so hard to keep a long distance relationship going. Heck, it is hard to keep any relationship going! But, what you are saying about how you are feeling now and wanting to lose weight and paint your nails, that means something! It means that the relationship wasn't really right for you and now you are feeling less stress and better about yourself and you really want to look good and feel good for YOU! You are now doing things for YOU, not for someone else! That is the best feeling in the world! I know when I decided to be "alone" (without a man) and have fun and enjoy my life and do whatever I wanted whether it was alone or with my girlfriends things began to change, I began to change and care more about me! It is a feeling of relief! Enjoy it girlfriend! It can only get better!
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
I am already enjoying it! I've been happier in the last two...three weeks than i have been in ages. I've decided never again for long distance relationship like that. Its just too far.
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
My girlfriend wants to break up our relationship. because she said I have no time for her anymore. Im busy with my studies but I really love her. Dr. Love please advice me
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
I'm no Dr. Love lol.
@dbabcook (389)
• United States
20 Sep 09
People in relationships do tend to stop "trying to impress" for a lack of better terms. We tend to fall into a comfortable zone. But when the relationship starts to unravel we do begin to get a bit depressed and stressed and tend to let ourselves go even a bit more. Once the relationship ends and you finally get through your next stage of depression then you start to see yourself in a new light and start to feel better about yourself which in turn allows you to get back into treating yourself as you should and you then start feeling better about yourself. It isn't just you, there are many of us like this including myself.
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
The way you put it makes alot of sense. Thanks! I'm glad it really isnt just me.
@hexeduser22 (6703)
• Philippines
20 Sep 09
I think it's not about the relationship that an individual stop trying to look good. It's generally because of depression and being unhappy with relationship is just one of the factors of depression. In your case it's really about the relationship, you tend to find something that could actually make you feel good. Food was the one thing settled with to satisfy and relax yourself. It's a good thing you broke up him because it has helped you see what you are actually doing to yourself out of frustration and depression:)
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@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
21 Sep 09
I think it is a good thing too.
@neildc (17251)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
22 Sep 09
hi saundyl. i know some people doing exactly the same thing. when they broke up, they seem to forget about themselves. so they will end up looking and feel bad. why not have something more healthful things to do like aerobics or gym or better spend more time online chatting with us?
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@elmiko (6637)
• United States
20 Sep 09
absolutly, if you were not happy where you were at you can lose intrest in everything. its normal for you to pick up where you left off once you were out of the unhappy environment.
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@ronnyb (6117)
• Jamaica
24 Nov 09
I have always maintained that you should never be defined by any other person that is you should never make another person the centre of your being .I believe that when that happens ,should in case teh other person leaves you then you will never be able to live .Consequentlly I am happy that you were able to bounce back and start looking well even after he left you