When Friendship Turns Into A Relationship
September 24, 2009 10:48am CST
I find it important to have friends, but it's not THAT important for me that, in the offline world, I'm somebody's friend because he simply calls me that. The German word 'Freund' is the correct translation of the English word 'friend', however, it's connotations are different. In English (or as in the Spanish 'amigo') it's pretty easy to call somebody a friend, who in German terms would just be an acquaintance. A new friend of mine kept popping up at my place, he's married with a kid, and he likes to get away. I understand that. I just asked him to call beforehand, I might be in class or I might just not be in the mood to talk to somebody. But this 'friendship' turned increasingly into a relationship, as with a woman (in my case, I´m a man). We started arguing, would you believe it. And THAT'S not my idea of a friendship. I asked him for example not to show up when he's been drinking, not without making clear that I didn't mind about his drinking (it's his business), but I just don´t like it when people get feisty with me. Would you believe it, he called me back the next day, how I could say a thing like that, he would have never thought THAT of me. My male friends, does that sound familiar? I started thinking about this guy, wonderimg whether he would leave me in peace after I told him I didn't want to see him anymore? Does that sound familiar? And he found pretext after pretext to show up here, until I kicked him out. Now I'm single again, what a relieve! I like friendships to be mature, not some kind of battle field for personal issues. It doesn´t mean that I don´t like to talk about personal issues, but please, not like that! Do you have any similar experiences, where a 'friend' started living in your head without paying rent? Please share.
24 Sep 09
Ya, gotta love it when you have to break up with a friend! I generally don't get too close to 'new' people to avoid that very situation. I have my friends and that's fine, and I am always open to making more, but I guess you could say I prefer more casual acquaintances than real 'friends' as well. I'm not supportive, I'm not the sort of person that wants to be embroiled in peoples' problems and issues. I'm just the kind of person who likes people to come over for a drink and a visit now and then and if I don't talk to them for a week after that then so be it.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 09
People who monopolize your time are not friends. They are using you. It doesn't matter if the friendship is between men, between women, or a man/woman friendship. If one person is going beyond what's reasonable for amount of shared time, and is becoming a burden to the other 'friend' (you in this case), something has to change. Let them know what your hourly fee will be, and then send a bill. I guarantee you'll see a LOT less of that person...lol.