Do you still stay or let go?

Philippines
October 1, 2009 2:40am CST
I have been into a relationship for 8months already. I love him and treasure him for letting me into his life and value me as a very significant to his life. He is been true to me and loyal ever since we started our relationship. I always look forward to settle with him and have a family on our own when he graduated in his college. I am working and he is a students because he is a 2nd courser. Because of this, I forget my priority and obligations to my family. I must admit that my can still provide anything to my brothers and sister but they appreciated it most if I can share something to them. I give priority to my boyfriend because by supporting some of his needs because his mother leave nothing to him and his aunt supported him for school expenses but sometimes it isn't enough to him. I almost give up and want to let go of our relationship because I feel guilty towards my parents because they doesn't know that I give something to my boyfriend.
4 people like this
13 responses
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Hello irene3184! Having that guilt feeling will bring you no good at all. Pray that feeling of yours will sooner fade and end. In God's time you will see and understand that whatever may happen family will always be there for you. Love is a matter of sacrificing and trusting. If you think that risk is worthy then go on. But you must weigh things so that in the end you will never regret for whatever you have done.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your response. I'm trying to weight things and I with my boyfriend is looking for something for additional earnings.
1 person likes this
@bettydeng5 (1772)
• China
2 Oct 09
Love is holy, my personal think if your boyfriend love you and treat you very kind, and the most important thing that you feel happy after you knew him, though he was a student and didn't work and his parents don't give something to him, it's not the point. I can understand your feeling, you didn't tell your parents that you give the support to your boyfriend, but I think the most important that he love you very much, and he will be your forever partner.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your understanding and response.Yes, he will be my forever partner and we hope that we can cope up this things.
@artistry (4153)
• United States
1 Oct 09
...Hi irene3184, It is wonderful that you are trying to help everybody. But you must try to have a balance. Maybe it would be good for you to suggest to your boyfriend that he find a part time job of some kind, so that he will have soe sort of income. The other thing is this, human nature is strange, you are happy to give him support, he is happy you are supporting him. You believe the love between you means that he will never leave you, great, but when people help someone and then they get on their feet, there is a feeling of obligation which turns to resentment towards that person. The person starts to change and does not want to be around the individual who helped them, because it reminds them of the time when they had to depend on them. Just a thought, I've seen it in my own family, and in other relationships. Hope it doesn't occur here. One other thing, you title your post "Do you still stay or let go?" Which makes me wonder is there something deeper that you are dealing with, in your relationship because you could have asked whether you should keep supporting him or not, rather than leave him. Sometimes I read too much into things so I do wish you well with this, but try to find a balance, your boyfriend though should try to help himself a little but more. Take care of yourself.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your response. I give title to whether stay or let go because I am confused if I should have to let go because some close friends questioning me about him but I always shut my mouth.
1 person likes this
@ebuscat (5945)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
For me if you still happy by doing that in your life then go for it but never gave a hundred percent attention to your boyfriend be good to your family first because your not married.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your response. I know that I should have to give priority to my family towards to my boyfriend.
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
I am not aware of every details of the situation but basing solely on your post, I tried to put myself into your boyfriend shoes. You are not that well off financially and has a family to support, I will hesitate to accept anything from you not that I don't need them but because I care for you, I understand your priorities. I will appreciate your trying to help me out and I am thankful for what you give me from time to time but you must sort out your priorities. I will not be happy to accept something that is better given to them and meet specific needs. It has got nothing to do with love and our relationship, it's just being practical. I will feel a lot better if you give them priority, I am here and I will always be here for you.
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks for your response. That's one reason I give him a bit financial support because I am confident that he is sincere, loyal and he love me so much. I just want to give back what he had given me before when he still had the support of his mother. It just happened that his mother is lost again after meeting up after 22 years. He is very generous when he has almost everything before.Again, thank you and looking forward to have more discussions and response.
@gohigh00 (65)
• China
1 Oct 09
hello, irene3184,the problem is not a choice,you consider the problem as a choice. It does not means, you have to choose A or B, not means, you have to choose your boyfriend or your family. You can have them both. You must be a kind and good-natured.Don,t be guilty just because of your sponsor your bf behind them. They are your family, if you can really get the happiness of love, they will be happy for you. Then next is the things about money.I think you should have a good talk with you boyfriend, tell him you feeling that you want to sponsor you family as well but your financial ability is limited. You have say that the guy cherish you so much. Yes, I believe he loves you. After talk with him, he will take some responsibility to make you happy, to make you feel more easy. It is always my principle that if you face some problem in a relationship, never put it to an end just by yourslef. Talk with the other, is the firstthing, then decide what to do, otherwise, you must feel regeretful someday later!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks. I get your point.I think no one give me a choice either.Maybe this things is all in my mind of feeling guilty because I wanted to extend my earning to my sisters and brothers which my parents never really require me to give something. I appreciate your response and I've learned from it.
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
Hi, irene3184! Giving some help to your boyfriend is not something you should be guilty of since you are doing it because you love him...besides, it is not your obligation to provide for your brothers and sister, it is because you love them and your parents so that you made them your priority. It is not a choice between staying in relationship with your bf or letting go because you were not being true to your promise to your parents but to resolved in yourself that you are doing what you think as right to the ones you love so you should not be guilty unless your parent's did not know you had a boyfriend then here where the guilt lies. Just so everything in balance since you loved them both, you family and your bf deserve the same attention! Happy mylotting and God bless!
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
Thanks for your response and I appreciate it very much. Well, I know my family will understand somehow. My family is aware with my boyfriend and he always been invited with some family gatherings but they didn't that I give something to my boyfriend to pay some of his bills.
1 person likes this
@kid221 (151)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hello Irene.. You have a gargantuan problem to solve with your present relationship. May I ask if both of you are living together? If yes, why not settle down with the blessings of a married couple. If not, then you should weigh your options of continuing the relationship. There is nothing wrong to share our blessings most especially to our loved ones. But the question is "Who is/are our greatest priority?". Getting married doesn't end our obligations and responsibility to help our family during times that they need us. We can still help our immediate family if we have our own family. It is all about making budgets for our priorities and your partner's ability to help you in coming with financial support by doing odd jobs like this online. The relationship can still work harmoniously together with your lifetime commitment to help your family. Prayers, patience, understanding and perseverance will make it work for you.. No need to press the panic button to break up with your partner. Assess your options and objectives for your life. Cheer up!! Good luck! Happy lotting..
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your response. Yes, we are living together for about three months and we love each other no matter what happen. I set my priorities toward my family and my boyfriend.
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
1 Oct 09
irene3184, First of all, let me assure you that you are way too early to actually decide if you should be staying with or walking out of your current relationship. But, I am seriously worried about your choice of actions. If you re-read your own post a couple of times, you could have realized that you have made decisions that could result in putting yourself into dire consequences, which you end up paying dearly for. Oh, and let me assure you here that this payment will be littered with misery and much emotional turmoil. Do you really need to go to the extent of going behind your parents back to be in this relationship? Do you really need to support him financially to the extent of not being able to save a single penny for yourself and your very own well being? Is there anything logic or wrong that your boyfriend is not having enough money for his academic pursuit? How could it be that your boyfriend's family is incapable with his school fees and financing his studies? When you need a shoe, you buy a shoe. You don't purchase some leathers and attempt to make a usable shoe out of it. Therefore similarly, if you seek a good boyfriend, you don't go for a cannot-make-it version and tries to convert it into a good boyfriend - that never happens in love. I can assure you this. An innate partner stays innate - until he becomes a shoe, he will always remain being some leathers. No offense here, but as a man, I just cannot and would not accept a single cent from a relationship especially when my love is suffering and not have a cent of her own hard earned money for her very self. Is financial problems so difficult to manage? Why can't I depend on my family and myself to work things out? It is just not right and a love relationship is and will never be a relationship of benefits to me and in my dictionary. But of course, if you are insisting to buy that piece of leather, no one can and will stop you. But when you eventually realize you cannot do anything with piece of inferior leather - you only have yourself to blame. What happens is that you will probably suffer until you implode one day. Nobody can or will do anything to alleviate your pain because this is the price you pay for your decision(s). One of my good friends took five years to understand this - I wonder how long would it be for you. Do take care and hope you will be able to see some light here.
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
I appreciate much your significant response but I pardon you about buying something to my boyfriend. I didn't buy anything for him instead a support to pay some of his bills because his aunt's support is not enough for other needs. His aunt shoulder totally the school expense and food expense. It just happened sometimes we can't accommodate our lifestyles of going out every weekend which sometimes I am on behalf of those expense. I just want to give back what he had been giving me before when he is still had the money and he never expected that his mother will left him hanging.
1 person likes this
@iamfine (740)
• China
1 Oct 09
hello, irene, firstly I would like say, it is not wrong that you have the mind to support your boyfriend, but does he really accept your financial support? You are his girl friend, no matter how poor he is, he is your boy friend, he should not accept your financial support always, why doesn't he try to do a part-time job? he is a college student, it is very easy for a college student to find a parttime job, I remeber that when I was a freshman, means the first grade in the colleges, I earn more than RMB 300 per months by being a family tutor of a 11-year-old pupil. The man should think more about you, if he just accept selfishly, then I think he does not deserve your love!
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your response. Honestly, he was looking for a part time job but his schedule is not suitable to do part time job. At first, he really hesitate to accept my financial support but I force him not to follow his pride. I just want to give back what he is given me before when he has still the support of her mother. He is too generous and never expected that his mother will left him hanging.
@xannebull (1800)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
you must not feel guilty about this because in fact,you are helping them both. but if your parents would know this, i'm sure they would get mad at you because you are a girl and girls shouldn't give money to boy, that's what they think of. but you love your boyfriend and if you love somebody you would give anything for him to make him a better person.
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
It does your preference? I don't think it will take it that way. Relationship would still go for give and take but still I appreciate your response.
• India
1 Oct 09
I think you are a wonderful and caring person.It is because you are such a caring person that you are in such a predicament. Look at it this way, you have found that you love both your boy friend and your family very much. Your helping your fiance is nothing wrong, when he needs support you must be there for him. But your family needs you too. So you must divide your resources to support both sides. There is nothing to be ashamed of, just follow your heart and you would be all right.Good luck!
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Thanks and I appreciate your response. I also try to make-up with my family by doing something good but I know they aren't requiring me to support them because they are independently had their own business but I just want to extent my little earnings to my sisters and brothers.
@riyasbass (121)
• India
1 Oct 09
I wish that your love be a successful one...Love is very unique one... you get the chance for real love and you are now a sincere lover (which is visible from your open mind)...Now i just want you to tell you that love is as tough as being loved..you might loose many with your love...But don't completely blame your self for it....You have to say to your family that you have fallen in love which you feel so nice,,,At any cost you have to make them understand that you are in real love because they are very important in your life.................
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
My family is really aware of my boyfriend existence but I never told them that I give him a bit support for some of his bills. Thanks and I appreciate your response.