Are you afraid to be alone?

@Humbug25 (12551)
October 3, 2009 6:07am CST
About three years ago I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about husbands. I had just left mine which came as great relief to me. Her husband has treated her badly over the years and she even told me that he had, had an affair. When I asked her why she didn't leave him she actually said that she was afraid to be alone. All I could say that it was better to be on your own than in a relationship like hers. I do feel lonely from time to time but certainly not enough to regret leaving my abusive husband and I am definatly not afraid to be on my own. I like being with people but I am not denying that I do enjoy my own company too. Are you afraid to be alone?
10 people like this
47 responses
• China
4 Oct 09
hello Humbug, to tell the truth, I don't afraid of being alone, but I don't like to being alone, but if you require me to be together with a person who is chitchatting all the time, I would prefer being alone. I have been leaving home for a long time, more than 6 years till now, I have overcome the period of being afraid of to be alone, I think those who just enter into society are more likey to feel afraid of being alone, since they haven't get used to it.
@Humbug25 (12551)
4 Oct 09
Hi there mybeatrice I think that if you have never been on your own it can be a scarey thing. Thanks
@mansoak (510)
• India
3 Oct 09
No i am not afraid to be alone.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
Hi ya mansoak Thats good Thanks
1 person likes this
@kid221 (151)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Hello Humbug.. Giving up on a relationship affects many things in our lives especially the presence of our loved ones. However, there are some things that we have to put an end with and accept whatever consequences it might bring us. Being alone with out a partner make s our life incomplete because we are not use to wake without somebody by our side, will miss the fun of eating our lunch and dinner together, and enjoying our favorite music. Sometimes, we have to give up and pay the price for these decisions. The world has lots of people who loves us, who will care for us, and who will understand our needs once we are alone and need somebody to be with us in our lives. No one should be afraid of being alone for there is light at the end of the tunnel and lead us to the persons who will be there for us. Happy lotting..
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
Hi ya kid221 This is very true and very comforting kid, thanks for your lovely response! Thanks
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
3 Oct 09
No, Thank heavens i'm not. I have been alone more than i have ever been w/someone. I wouldn't have it any other way. I to was in an abusive marriage & have 'never' regretted leaving him & his drinking & mean ways. There are alot of worse things than living by yourself, we both know that. I'm glad u are out of yours to. Have a great weekend.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
Hi there ANTIQUELADY I have never been afraid to be alone and I don't understand why my friend is. She has lots of friends and family around her and her kids that would be able to support her. I guess she hasn't reached her limit yet! I just hope I can be there for her when she needs me, if ever she does! Thanks
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I have two places in my life that i did not feel comfotable in & i hated that feeling. I have lived here about 15 years & have always felt safe till we had the rapist on the loose here.Now that he is behind bars don't have that feeling at all anymore. I hope your friend can come to the terms of living by herself & not be afraid, bless her heart that is an awful feeling.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
She won't leave him though like I said I don't think she has reached her limit yet!
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
8 Oct 09
I love being on my own. I have always loved being on my own. I am divorced also (from person who "treated me badly" to put it nicely as you did), and have a teenage son. But am always happy to be on my own. I am very independent, and have always supported my self (since age 17) and have supported my son and I since long before my divorce. So it is hard for me to understand people who won't leave a bad relationship for fear of being alone, but I know what she means and that there are a lot of people that feel the same way!
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Oct 09
Hi ya quinnkl Well I think everyone has there limit to how much they will take and she clearly hasn't reached hers yet but I hope it doesn't take something too harmful and traumatic that is the straw that breaks the camels back. Thanks
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
9 Oct 09
Exactly. I hope she finds the support and confidence she needs to leave sooner rather than lather. But, right, everyone has to come to that "time" on their own.:-(
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Putting up with A affair would be more tolerable than abuse and/or mulitible affairs. Especially when you consider...the person most likely to kill you is your spouse. Then to if there are mulitable affairs there is high risk of vd's too. Also just because you are alone doesnt mean you have to be lonely.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Oct 09
Hi ya jdyrj777 Her husband would be the type that if he did catch an STD he would say that it was her fault and try to make out that she had been unfaithful and given it to her! Anyway, I am sure she will see the light of day one day, at least I hope so. Thanks
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
9 Oct 09
Oh yes, iam way too familiar to that type of guy. Why do guys like that even marry? I do hope she does see the light of day before he gives her something uncurable and deadly.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10422)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Hello Humbug. I have done exactly as you...left an abusive husband by choice...and lived alone, also by choice. In spite of lonely moments, I love the freedom of living alone. No one can maintain good physical or emotional health in an abusive relationship! When the fear of staying becomes larger than the fear of being alone, your friend will probably leave, too! I hope so, anyway. Karen
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Oct 09
Hey there PeacefulWmn9 You know when I left the thought of being alone never crossed my mind because it really wasn't important at the time, getting out safely with my kids was! Yes I hope that she will leave but without feeling alone or scared but it is a decission that only she can make. Thanks and good for you too
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 09
It is wise to know that. We long so much to help others, but yes, only they can make their own choices! xoxo Karen
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
For me, I'm not afraid to be alone if happen I have a wife and left me. But we need always to consider the love that will bind us in a relationship...Even do we are suffering from physical and mental abuse there is always a consideration...in our parts...have a nice day!
@Humbug25 (12551)
4 Oct 09
Hi aerous That is good that you don't feel alone even when your wife left you. Best wishes and thanks
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
No wife,my friend am single and no worry if i am alone...(MJ song..lol).Have a nice day, my friend
@shalk_man (189)
• Morocco
4 Oct 09
to my mind , being alone is something that i don't believe in , because i have never been alone , and i have never felt that i am alone , because when i am someplace where no one is with me and where there is no one around me , i remember that i have someone who is with and will be with me forever , this one is ALLAH who created me and made me as i am now , so with him i can't say that i am alone . i have a important point that i have to shed light on , when we worship ALLAH and obey him and love him we have to be sure that he will ( a promise ) make people love us , and this is 100% . and as we probably know when people love us they will never let us alone . to make a long story short , i am not afraid of being alone since i have ALLAH with me.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
4 Oct 09
Hi there shalk_man I glad that you have comfort with your faith and you never feel alone even if you have no one with you, you are not alone. Thanks
• Morocco
4 Oct 09
yes my freind , i am not alone and this is something i thank ALLAH for , and as i said it before when you love ALLAH , he will make the others love you , and then believe me you will never be alone if people love you ... thank you and have a nice day !!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
hmmm. DEFINITELY NOT. well, if we're talking in a temporary manner ;) i enjoy being alone in the house because i get to clean my room without any disturbance :) and i ALWAYS watch movies in the cinema ALONE :)
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
Hi ya irissiavodka and welcome to myLot Yes it isn't a bad thing to be alone! Thanks and happy myLotting
@Archie0 (5175)
3 Oct 09
when ur afraid it is called scared,and for some people it is normal that u can not stay alone for more than 30 minutes and some people could stay alone for more than 30 minutes alone
@Shebang (244)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Your friend was afraid of being alone because she was "co-dependent" towards her husband. That means she developed excessive emotional or psychological reliance on her husband. Naturally, because she is married and that is her husband. You've shared many things in your life already. As to me, I am not yet married but I can't also say that I'm afraid to be alone because I'm not yet in that position. I can only hope not to be codependent.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
Hi there Shebang Are you not worried that you will never find a partner and settle down and therefore being alone in that sense? Thanks
@Shebang (244)
• Philippines
5 Oct 09
I do. I can't deny that somehow a part of me is afraid of not having my my own family. But then I always believe that who I am now, where I am now is part of God's plan for me. If it is His will for me to be alone then God's will be done. :)
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
Im not afraid to be alone, Because sometimes i need the feeling of being alone for me to think things. Im not emo. But it is just me. Sometimes my friend asked me, whats wrong with me? I just answered nothing and they worried about me. I just thanked them. I know it's more enjoyable if your with them, but we need to have time for oursleves too.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Oct 09
Hi ya ayebelle Yes we do need time alone to think, it is hard to think when we have others around us. Thanks
@sallysue (326)
• Canada
4 Oct 09
Even when your in a crowd of people sometimes you can still feel alone.
@nagikka (411)
• Italy
18 Oct 09
I'm really afraid to be left alone, basically because I cut all contacts with my old friends so If it weren't for my family I'd already be completely alone. I'm scared of when I'll be older, because my sister said she'd move to Asia and I'd be left here by myself. This scares the hell out of me.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Oct 09
Hi ya nagikka I am sure you will be just fine. As we get older I think we become a bit more comfortable with our situations. Thanks
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
I am not afraid to be alone.I've been single for the past 2 years and it feels good.I don't mind being single for the rest of my life.I don't want to get married for the sake of saving myself from being alone.if I become a spinster,I would work hard and focus on myself.I would go out and meet lots of people.I will continue learning.I would work on way to be a sexy spinster - a very,sexy and smart spinster.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Oct 09
Hi ya my_name_is_coco Hahahaha good for you! Thanks
@LittleMel (14033)
• Canada
15 Oct 09
I certainly would pick being alone than being abused, no matter how small the abuse is. maybe to some people it is small but to me it isn't. and I'm not going to lie down and be a door mat forever. I am happy to say that I am in a blissful marriage for almost 9 years. I won't say I've never been hurt, but I didn't dwell in a hurtful relationship so in a way I didn't waste much time for something not worth my time and happiness.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Oct 09
Hi ya LittleMel I am so glad to hear that your marriage is good, so few are these days, I don't know why. Thanks
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
11 Oct 09
I've been single with no kids all of my life and I've never been afraid of being alone. There have been times where it would have been handy to have a helpmate around to help me in certain situations! LOL! But, no, I've never been afraid of being alone. Like you, I also enjoy my own company, but, there are also times when I appreciate the company of others. Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
11 Oct 09
Hi ya kellyjeanne Well I guess if you have been single all of your life then you would little difference then. Like I said I do enjoy the company of others but actually not always and those are the times I am quite happy to spend on my own. For example when the kids are in bed and I can relax I certainly don't feel like company becaue my time is then my own. Thanks
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
10 Oct 09
im not afraid to be alone... being in a relationship for more than ten years, there have been times that i wanted to just be alone, and be by myself. i have missed the days when i can do things for myself and not for other people. but personally i dont want to live for the rest of my life being alone, i still want someone to be beside me. what i want is some space and time to be just by myself. i think we all need it, so we can think clearly, think things over, give time and just enjoy myself.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
10 Oct 09
Hi ya jayrene Yes sometimes we do need space to ourselves and sometimes we can actually have too much time to ourselves and can become quite selfish in that respect. Thanks
• Indonesia
7 Oct 09
I am not afraid to be alone even in living alone in the dark or maintain their own home
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Oct 09
Hi there dodiapriani Well I am glad to hear it. Thanks
@littleowl (7157)
7 Oct 09
Hi Humbug, I love my own company and have beenon my own now for 10 yrs I love it the fact I can do whatever I want and whenever I want is brilliant, being tied to my husband was the worst thing ever, he was mentally abusive too, even though I know have the house to myself it doesn't scare me at all and like my own space...LoLo
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Oct 09
Hi littleowl Oh I hear you loud and clear. Once my kids have gone to bed I can watch what I like and just chill out, I don't have anyone else to answer to until the morning!! LOL Thanks
@dawnald (84206)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Oct 09
I'm afraid to be alone somewhat. Not as much as I used to be. I am afraid of hurting other people and sometimes I do things that are at my own expense to avoid this...
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Oct 09
Hi ya dawny Sorry I am being thick but why would you hurt someone by being afraid to be alone? Thanks