husband to wife: listen to my mom, she's right!!

@manong05 (5028)
Philippines
October 3, 2009 8:59am CST
I am in the home and furniture business and in one of my projects I overheard the discussion going on in my client's newly constructed house. Not that I am nosy, it's just too loud not to be heard. LOL The family just moved in to the house and the husband's mother lives with them. They were arguing about the interior color of the house and the placement of furniture and house decorations. The wife's suggestions were all countered by the mother and the husband always took sides with his mother and told his wife to listen and follow what his mother says. I had a talk with the man later in the afternoon and asked him whether he knows that he is hurting his wife. His main reason was that his mom is old and he wants to make her remaining years happy. His father died when he was young and the mother didn't not remarry instead she devoted her time making night day working for them to survive. As a debt of gratitude, he asked his mom to stay with them and try to make her happy. The man's reasons may be valid, but how about his wife's feelings? Put in a similar situation, how will you feel? Any thoughts?
3 people like this
7 responses
• India
4 Oct 09
I really don’t know how the relation between husband and wife is, but if genuine love is there then the husband would explain to the wife from the beginning itself about his position and request her to accept it. The colours of the wall and placing of furniture would not seem that much important if the wife understands and accepts the husband’s feelings towards his mother but on other more serious issues, I hope the husband consults his wife and not his mother. If I were in the husband’s place I would of course talk to me wife privately and even apologise if required but request her to accept the situation as it were. I would also talk to my mom and request her to be more flexible but you know, how sentimental and childish people become in old age, its very difficult to control them.
@manong05 (5028)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
wise approach. i agree that some older people do get sentimental and childish sometimes. thanks
@seanbryan (351)
• United Arab Emirates
4 Oct 09
Hi manong, I understand the intentions of the husband to be grateful to his mother however, the husband should also consider the feelings of his wife. Unconsciously, he may be insinuating the wife to build an ill feeling towards the mother, consequently the rapport between the two would be worsen, in effect husband and wife relationship might be at stake. On the otherhand, if the mother is good natured she must have her own way of telling her son the proper way to treat his wife as once she had been a wife to the father of his son. Bottomline is, the wife, the husband and the mother should compromise on some decisions concerning household management. Good Day!
@manong05 (5028)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
I think so too. Many problems will be solved if they learn to make compromises. The son's reasons may be valid but he must think of his wife's feelings as well. have fun.
• Canada
4 Oct 09
I feel sick at the thought of what that man is doing. March right back there and tell him to find a new way of making his mother happy. Simply ask him, " do you really think your mom is happy with you knowing that you are disrespecting your wife"? "Do you think that your mom sees this as a dishonor to the family"? I am sure if your mom deserves your respect and desire to make her happy then she must be a very good women and would not be proud of her son when he is disrespecting his wife. If he doesn't stop this I bet one day his mother is going to pop him right in the side of the face and say grow up son and honor your wife.
@manong05 (5028)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
Good point. If she loves her son, she should not disrespect the wife. have fun.
@KrauseHome (36629)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Personally this is not right, and he is not respecting his wife's wishes. That is a quick way to force a definate split in their marriage and make the wife want to leave him. In my house it has always been 50/50. I never do anything that would distract if my husband does not like something and he always checks with me first as well. It should be between husband and wife really as they are the ones who should be living there the longest.
@manong05 (5028)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
In fact the Scriptures teach that the man shall leave his father and mother and the wife as well, and they shall be one flesh. Yes, they will be together long after the mother is gone. cheers!
@miamilady (4916)
• United States
4 Oct 09
The marriage is DOOMED! lol There really isn't much more to say here... Of COURSE the wife's feelings matter!
@manong05 (5028)
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
What if the mother passes away? they might be able to recover. LOL have fun.
• Ireland
3 Oct 09
Well I do think it's admirable for the man to want to make is mother happy, but I think it's sad that he wants to do this at the expense of his wife. When he married her he would have vowed to love her and respect her, but his actions are not doing this. A husband and wife should have equal say in the household, and if this man wanted to spend the rest of his life pleasing his mother over everyone else then he should not have married. He could still make his mother happy, without letting her have the final say on all household decisions.
@surfette (674)
• United States
3 Oct 09
I wonder if he has explained his reasons to his wife. If they have a good marriage, she will probably be very understanding. However, if he just sides in with mom, without explanation and just orders his wife to go along with the decisions, that would be very stressful and would not make it a happy home for his mother to spend her last days. He may actually destroy his marriage in the process. The key to this issue is communication and if they all sit down and talk, learn to compromise a little, they might be happy. As a woman, I know that it is very difficult to have two women trying to run the same home. Even though he respects and loves his mother, his wife should now be first in his thoughts.