i CANNOT stand my drunken father! Ugh!

Tweet

Here's my rant-discussion for the day. I'm 19 and still live with my dad while I work part-time and go to school full-time. He is an alcoholic, and while I've come to peace with that aspect of his life, I still cannot stand his drunken ramblings at midnight - 5,6, or 7 days out of the week. I'm usually locked in my room, writing or reading or trying to catch up on homework - and while he drunkenly cooks or sits in the kitchen doing his loud, obnoxious, drunken monolog for half an hour to an hour. It literally makes me cringe and want to start punching walls when I hear him - because when he's drunk, he literally nags about everything, like how he can't wait until I move out, and how much electricity I take up of his, and stuff like that. And after his rant, he'll always say "I love you" - but I literally end up screaming at him to shut the bleeep up. I am so incredibly sick of dealing with this for the last 7 years. It is his house, but I'm in no financial shape (struggling to pay tuition!) to move out, and my mom's out of the picture. What's worse is that there's no "right" way of dealing with him at this point. Yelling at someone who's hammered-beyond-belief is a waste of time, and actually gets THEM aggravated as well, and ignoring them.. just doesn't work for me anymore. My main issue is not that he is a drunk / alcoholic - as that ship has come and went - but my main issue is that I get so annoyed when I'm around loud, obnoxious, and INSULTING drunk people that I literally do not know what to do anymore. Especially when I'm sitting in my room and trying to do homework. I'm sure all of you have had a taste of what that's like (and now try to imagine it for 7-8 years). It's coming up a lot more now, because as I'm getting older - he has more TO nag about (now in addition to me taking up space and using too much electricity, I'm also over 18 - so he can officially complain about me getting my own place and whatnot), and because I'm out with friends less often at night. I have an early morning job now, so I like to be in by about 10 at the latest. As soon as my father steps in, should I leave and go for a run until he's settled and sleeping? Should I take a couple swigs of vodka as he starts his nightly drunken rants, to get to his "level"? So at least we're on the same page? Or should I kneel down and take it, because I am after all nineteen WHOLE years old and I should technically be on my own. What do you think? I'm super upset right now, and I'm sorry if you feel like I shouldn't have started this discussion. It is my official "rant" discussion but if you have any similar experiences or something I'd love to hear them, along with suggestions. Thanks, as always.