Ever had someone overstay their welcome?
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
October 5, 2009 11:42am CST
I had a friend visiting last week, and when he left on Saturday I felt almost overjoyed. He'd told me a few weeks ago that he planned to come up for a visit, but I assumed a visit meant a weekend. After all, who goes and visits a friend who works during the week, unless you have another reason to be there?
Anyway, Friday, which was the day he was supposed to come, he texted me and told me he was held up and wouldn't be able to leave until Saturday. Late Friday, he ammended his plans again, stating he was going to help his dad with some errands and would be in on Sunday morning. Since I was really confused as to why he would travel 6 hours just to visit with me for an afternoon, I asked him how long he was planning to stay. "Until next Sunday", he replied.
I tried to talk him out of it, since I was completely unaware that he had planned such a long stay and found myself unprepared and uncomfortable with the idea, but it felt too late. After all, he'd already gone through the trouble of booking the time off work and I thought that after a few days of realizing how boring this town is, he would decide to cut his trip short.
No such luck. Every day he had the same routine, and despite having an extra set of keys for the apartment, did not leave even once while I was at work all day. It must have been the most boring week ever for him, but he did get fed well and didn't have to lift a finger (although it would have been appreciated if he had volunteered). For me it was arduous -- a total disruption to my life. I had to give up my bed, reschedule a date, cook and buy food for 2 people, find ways to entertain him while feeling tired after work, and I felt exhausted at the end of every day. Even if it were my best friend visiting, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it, and I know HE would make an effort to leave the house and entertain himself. This guy is just an old coworker -- not a super close friend.
The night before he left, we finally ended up getting into an argument. I'd paid for all of our meals all week despite being in the midst of saving for a move, and when we went for dinner that night he paid for his own meal and none of mine. I figured the least he could do after all that is pay for my meal as a thank you. He left the next morning without saying goodbye, and I really just feel like that's for the best. I don't like people who take advantage, and I think this trip caused irreparable damage to our friendship.
So what about you? Ever had the houseguest who seems to be there a lifetime? What did you do or say? Would you remain friends with that person? Did it hurt your friendship.
2 people like this
9 responses
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
6 Oct 09
Hey bree! OMG Yes! And the only reason I let him stay was
because we were sort of seeing each other and it was still
hell! It's a long story and it was two different people, both
were losers and both overstayed their welcome and I would
never do it again! And it really pissed me off that they
didn't pay for any food, lift their fingers or azzes to help
me when I worked all day, clean up their messes and one had
9 dogs in crates and the other had 2 teenage sons! Need I
say more! So count your blessings! You only had one azzhole!
2 people like this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
7 Oct 09
9 dogs in crates???? What was he doing traveling with THAT many dogs?
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
7 Oct 09
Like I said, long story! He was moving back from Texas and
was on his way to his "new home" and it wasn't going to be
with me! Thank God for that! And there were 2 more dogs that
were roaming around the apartment! And one was the size of
small horse! He was so sweet though! He passed away last
year and I was really upset to hear about it. We are finally
no longer in touch.
1 person likes this
@mesuaky (397)
• Singapore
5 Oct 09
wow, this is terrible, sorry to hear that, well for my case i did have friends who stay with me to visit but none of them took advantage of me, atleast they know how to help around and show their gratitude. i think it depends on the persons charcter. Maybe next time before a friend visits you tell them up straight that you only have limited time for them and place to avoid unnecessary arguments.
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
I agree. I wish I had just set down the rules prior to him even arriving. Perhaps he wouldn't have even bothered coming if he discovered I wasn't as overjoyed to have some person stealing my bed for a week as he was to be the one stealing it. Live and learn.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
No I have never had this type of thing happen before but next time he asks about staying at your place I would not feel bad to say you would need some help with groceries. Don't hesitate to say you have plans if it's a case of not wanting him there. Sounds to me for whatever reason he was looking for a place to go for a few days and as far as not paying for your meal that was rude as well as cheap. Friends like that who needs enemies? Don't let anyone crap on you my friend!!!
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
I think I would just rather that he never stay with me again. By the third day I was already irritated beyond belief with the way he was following me around the apartment whenever I was there. I'd go to the loo, and as I was closing the door would notice that he was behind me not realizing that's where I was going. It was weird and awkward as well as inconvenient.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
6 Oct 09
I have never had that happen and I think I would say something way before you did. I'm very assertive in my old age! I've heard that the best thing to do with guests is be very clear before the visit how long they are going to stay and if they keep changing arrival times, tell them you'll be away somewhere yourself.
What an inconsiderate person he was! If he never comes back or speaks to you again, you're well rid of him.
1 person likes this
@Bluepatch (2476)
• Trinidad And Tobago
5 Oct 09
Truthfully yes.
When I was very young we had a family of cousins who used to visit once a month regularily.
They would stay till late at night and keep everybody awake until they left. Then it was goodbye in the living room, goodbye at the door, goodbye at the gate and goodbye while they sat in their car.
I guess daddy never wanted to hurt their feelings.
They were all his sister's children and grandchildren
Precious dad he was.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
Oh, I've had those guests before, too. The ones you just kind of feel like leaving in the living room while you go to bed and hope they finally take the hint. LOL
My ex boyfriend used to be really bad about overstaying his welcome when we visited his folks. It would be past midnight on a Sunday, and he'd still be there hanging out and watching their TV even though they were both clearly exhausted. I'd finally go out and start the car, and then 15-20 minutes later he might finally say his goodbyes and leave them in peace. I know they love him and all, but c'mon.. they need to sleep, too. :)
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
5 Oct 09
I hate to say this, but your 'friend'...isn't one. He's taken advantage of you for his visit, so be thankful that he's gone. Staying for a week is bad enough, but you'd think he could have lifted a finger while you were at work to show appreciation. If nothing else, he could have had dinner ready and waiting for you. And after feeding him all week, he was totally wrong to not treat you to a nice dinner out. The nicest thing he did for you all week is to leave, and if he ever has the gonads to call about a visit again, tell him you've already made other plans, and suggest a hotel...in some other town.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
I agree. The third day he was here I mentioned that he could maybe do the dishes while I was at work so I wouldn't have to do them when I got home, and then maybe we could go out right afterwards instead of me having to clean up lunch dishes. When I got home that night all the dishes were in the sink, and he was sitting on the couch still. So I did the dishes and we did not go out. He said he didn't do them because he didn't know where they went. Even though we clearly just leave our dishes to airdry in the drain rack directly beside the sink.
I kept waiting thinking maybe at some point I'd come home for lunch and he would have thought to whip something up before I got there, but every time it was the same story. He sat on the couch while I made food. Once he came in and asked if I needed help, so I set him to work cutting up veggies, and he was so slow that I was done all the other prep and he wasn't even halfway done cutting them up. I took over and he went and sat back down.
I am thankful he's gone. He tried calling me that night when he got home to let me know he made it safely, and I sent him a terse text message saying "I'm glad". Haven't heard a word since.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Oct 09
LOL No, definitely not the friend with benefits. Just an old coworker I stayed in touch with throughout the years. He came to visit last year, and that was much better (perhaps because it was much briefer??) and he had so much fun that I guess he assumed life is always a party here or something.
I think you're right, too. He does seem to want a mother. Unfortunately I fall into the maternal role far too easily, and then after a few days wonder "Why am I taking care of an adult who is capable of taking care of themself??" and get a little angry.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
5 Oct 09
That man isn't looking for a friend...he's looking for a mother. Some one to take care of him, so that he doesn't have to do anything. As far as I can see, there are only three good things about the visit. One, he's gone. Two, you're not married to him. Three, sooner or later the visit will be something to laugh over and about.
This wasn't the 'friend with benefits' that you wrote about earlier, was it? If it is, you forgot (or didn't know) who benefited...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Oct 09
What a nerve! In my country this guy would be called a derogatory name. You do not go and visit someone without being invited. You can suggest a visit but the person you are visiting has to agree. You bring gifts of food and drinks and you do your share of the work. You take the person or persons you are visiting out for dinner at least once. You do not visit unless the person you are visiting will be there. This guy would annoy me to the nth degree. He would be invading my space and stealing my freedom and I would be very uncomfortable under those circumstances. It would be a strain for me to get through each evening. I would probably loose my cool and pick a fight and ask him to leave and I would not remain friends with him. I would be sooo glad to see the back of him.
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
6 Oct 09
I REALLY feel for you here, Bree. I love my own company, and unexpected guests are a nightmare. Overnight guests are WORSE! I tend to feel I have to be entertaining, as well as the food aspect (which I hate). This person was plain RUDE. How awful, as the least he could have done would have been to take you out to a lovely meal to say thanks for the hospitality. Even though it left a bad taste in your mouth, it's good the rude pig left without saying goodbye - maybe he's out of your life forever! I'm betting he was feeling guilty about how shabbily he treated you, and now he certainly has time to reflect on it and feel BAD. Mind you, people like that don't seem to have a conscience!
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
6 Oct 09
Hi breepeace, you were really taken advantage of there and presumably won't allow yourself to be so gullible next time.
When I moved here suddenly people I hadn't been all that close to started suggesting visiting obviously expecting a free holiday apart from the plane fare. As I would never welcome other than close friends to stay as don't like to have my space invaded I simply told everyone who asked that I'd be delighted to meet up with them whilst they were out on their holidays and would they like me to recommend a nice inexpensive hotel. Funny that none of them actually holidayed here. Stand up for yourself more breepeace, it doesn't make you a bad person when you say no.
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