Between father or to mother: Whom do you think the child is more attached?

Parenting: mother or father - parenting is a hard task and children is grown more attached to mother as it is the figures often seen by children while the father is away at work providing financial support.
Philippines
October 7, 2009 2:28am CST
In general, I could say that a child is more attached to the mother. As mother spend more time with their children and mother shows more emotional support to their kids. As a consequences, a child is more closer to their mother than to the fathers. A father is very proud of his child and their children is also proud of their father. Father may not be showy about his feelings but he takes it it upon himself to be a protective, responsible over their his children future by providing financial support and sending them to schools. Both parents takes turn into rearing their child to becomes responsible adults. In cases the children commit mistakes they engage the child in conversation in seeing their mistakes and corrected in such a way that children learn from it and benefited. Who do you think the child is more attached: to the father or to the mother? Who is more stricter when it comes to discipline? Kindly shares your thoughts. Thank you.
20 people like this
81 responses
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
8 Oct 09
I think it depends on gender of the child.. Some daughters are closer to their father even though they dun see them that often.. haha =D While sons are often alot more closer to mothers.. hehe ^_^ As for myself, i'm closer to my mom, for i see her everyday, and most of the the time.. As such, we have more things to talk about, and we have more communications, other than constant naggings.. lol =D
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@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
9 Oct 09
YEah, it's hard to judge who is closer to who, for, our thinking or mentality to things are always different.. There are times whereby mom agrees to what we are doing, but no our dad.. Thus, there might be some conflicts.. As such, we tend to grow closer to someone whom we can share, and they will agree with what we say.. hehe ^_^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
Likewise, me too close to my mother as I am the one who help most of the time in the household chores while in terms of discipline my father is not strict and mother is the one who makes a constant reminder like a habit everyday now and then although I already know what to do. I think i am over trained..lol.. Then, when it comes to girl talk I seek my mom advices as she know more than father. My brother is close to my mother too and the opposite as I am more closest to my father during my childhood days..I think I am over trained..lol..Well, my father scold me if I arrive at house late at night. But, both parents are all concern with their children life and future too.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Oct 09
Yeah, that is true depending on the situation as not most of the times each parent agree and may even contradict with the ways of proper parenting.. then if children is given all the privileges tend to be spoil and then being strict too lead to rebellious attitudes..
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@malpoa (1216)
• India
8 Oct 09
I think a boy child will be more close to his mother and a girl to her father. I have seen that in many cases but there was an exception in my case as I was more close to my mother than my father. There is a reasson for that, my father was very strict and I hesitated to approch him for any reason whatso ever. I was known as my mother's tail in my childhood hi hi
• Philippines
18 Oct 09
Well, same with me as you are the tail of your mother while I am the tail of my father. Thus, when I do not see my father I always cry. Then., I always accompany him in every visit to a neighbor, friends or even to church, supermarkets even inside the homes. So all the people laugh at me and I am also known as the Daddy girl as I really even pull my father shirt in order not to get lost of him or else i would cry. I think I becomes closer to my father because of his kindness and rarely see him in the homes thus I really miss him that every time he is at home I always follow him. While, my mother is closer to my older sister and to my younger brother. Since, I am the middle child I feel that I am not the favorites as the first or last sibling get the favor most of the times.
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• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Well, mother loves all her children but it could not be erase in every kids mind their always a sense of belonging and sense of trust of great respect favor those who care her most of the times..While, my mom is caring too...I could feel more her her more concern with the eldest and the youngest sibling as when have to respect the older sibling and care to look always for the youngest sibling. Thus, if something bad happen to them I am the one easily blames and now that my eldest sister already get married..I become automatically the replacement for my eldest sister..Thus, most if the responsibilities in the household lies on my hands most of the times.. Well, times changes and thus favorites too..but despite of this we need to respect parents no matter what as we owe them our life..
@malpoa (1216)
• India
19 Oct 09
I understand how you feel. My elder sister who is the second child used to feel the same. Now of course she is my mother's favourite as she has made her proud... I was just her favourite or maybe she was my favourite when I was a child, no more now...for some reasons...and my dad is no more..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
I am more close to my Mother because my dad is not always at home because of work.
• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Yeah, most children are closer to mother because she is the one available most of the times see by babies up to the toddlers age. and father is busy most of the times attending to his jobs and doing other activities.
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@Canellita (12029)
• United States
16 Oct 09
It depends on many things including whether or not both parents were nurtured as children and by whom. Not all women are natural mothers and not all fathers are stringint, distant disciplinarians.
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• Philippines
16 Oct 09
Discipline and parenting skills are required for all parents to achieved the optimum results for their children to be motivated. Thus all of those learning and exploring should start at the home with the parents to be the one to gives a good examples and when children do their own parts a good or responsible parents they would be easily lead by parents when their trust and loyalty remain with them. It is then the time where both parents or in cases of single mom/dad could easily train their children to imitate them by doing all the household chores then gradually introduce it to children. Thus, if children see both parents care for them, teach them well and feed them they are likely to be close to the person who are always near or beside them who are open minded, kind, and caring and do not used a harsh discipline to fear children to obey their every command.
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@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
8 Oct 09
This might vary in different families but I think children are more attached to the mother than they are the father. I also think the father is stricter when it comes to discipline. Sometimes it's the other way around. I have known of families where the mother was stricter when it came to discipline. Kathy.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Well, that is true depending on the situation of the family as some family is not complete with the absence of either the father or mother..then some children are raise by their grandparents or abandon in a shelter., Thus, some children grow to be taken care of a complete strangers and the child develop much attachment or closeness to the person who take good care of im, feed him and teach him good values to become a good person.. In my own experience to my mother is the more stricter and disciplinarian most of the times while my father is more lax in treating his children. But, it does not mean the father show no concern but deep inside love too his family but only shy to show it..so the mother is shown as the more compassionate, nurturing because she is showy to show her feelings than hiding it..
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@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
20 Oct 09
This is so true and something I didn't think about. I don't have any children and that's why I never gave this any thought, I guess. It does make a lot of difference if you don't have any. I have a dog and a horse and they are like children to me, lol! Kathy.
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
8 Oct 09
I have often heard that girls are closer to their fathers and boys are closer to their mothers. It was the other way around for my sisters and me, though. We were always closer to our mother than we were our daddy. They were both good parents but mother was always more easy going and easier to talk to. Kathy.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
8 Oct 09
Most young children is attached very much to the mother. As they grow up, the relationship between mothers and sons generally grows stronger though they are often seen in the company of daughters in shopping trips. As for fathers, it all spends on his relationship with the children. Most times he is;though some do become close to their daughters as time goes by. They is a belief that most of the daughters would look like their mothers when they were younger and it is the same love shown to the mother that the father is now showering onto his daughters. Likewise mothers see a younger husband in their sons.
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• Philippines
18 Oct 09
Yup, that true most children becomes closer to the mother because it is the person whom they see most of the times in the house especially if the mother is a full time housekeeper and not a working mother. Thus starting from their earlier ages up yo the times they reach adulthood this feeling of attachment would not changes as the children only recognize one mother and one father. Thus, the closeness remain uncut after marriage and both parents receives the same respect, kindness and trust which they show to their children helping to provide their needs , sending them to schools, feeding and giving them a good environment are many of the factors which could inspire children to learn the values of working, living independent and becomes morally uptight as shown by the examples given by their respective parents.
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@ladygator (3465)
• United States
8 Oct 09
I think that it depends on the each situation. With us. My two oldest are mostly attached to me. Our third, was very attached to us both as an infant. She had to see us both in a day and spend time with each of us. Or if she did not she would have a big problem and be very grumpy. Now that she is older, she is more attached to me. Our youngest which is a boy, is more attached to his dad. He is affectionate and close with me, just with his father more. However his dad does spoil him (on a side note).
• Philippines
18 Oct 09
Well, that is true as you cite depending on the situation as not all mother treat their children equally as they have their own favorites and father too have their own favorites and in consequences the children too have their own favorites. Thus, children likely becomes attached to either to the mother who gives them care and attention most of the times and thus who always giving in to their wishes. The parents though have their own favorites but they not likely to show it as children may get jealous with the unequal treatment and thus children may develop competition or simply sibling rivalry vying for the attention of both parents.
• Kottayam, India
7 Oct 09
first of course is mother, who solves all their problems.Otherwise sons attracted to mother and daughters to father, of course it is different in some homes.
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• Philippines
13 Oct 09
yeah that is true mother are more closer to children and children too in return appreciate the mother for her sacrifices doing all the household chores serving the meals to her children and to her husband. Doing endless housekeeping which is very monotonous to do but mother have no choice she is committed to be a loving, responsible and kind mother to her children. Most likely the one who are close to mother are the male children and daughter is closer to his father and vice versa.
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@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Oct 09
I think it just depends. My oldest was more attached to her dad until she started developing and having 'female questions'. Now she's gravitated more towards me. My son is far more attached to me. His twin kind of goes back and forth, but right now she's more attached to her dad.
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• Philippines
25 Oct 09
Well, the same things happen to me as when i was still a child I am the tail of my father and I follow him wherever he go. Thus, i ended up being the object of teasing as when i do not see my father i always cry. But, when I become a teenager I am still close to my father but not really attach as I too develop some curiosity which only the mother could reply wherein my brother is closer to my mother too..But, in terms of male activities thus my brother join my father and they get along well..Thus, I could say that children is closer to their mother during younger years and those closeness varies as one grow older. Both parents are reliable and have their own unique ways of caring for their children needs.thanks
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• Philippines
8 Oct 09
In a case where the mother is a stay-at-home wife and the father works full-time, I agree with your assessment. From what I've read and seen, though, if both parents work full-time and take care of their children after work, there is a pattern I've seen: Daughters: often closer to their fathers. The relationship might or might not change during the teenage years (as daughters tend to seek help from their mothers regarding body changes/social stuff) but more often than not, I've seen daughters having a closer relationship with their dads in a family where both parents work. Sons: often closer to their mothers. As with daughters, the relationship might or might not change during the teenage years and beyond, but the tendency is the same. Eldest: often close to the fathers. Or at least, the fathers often pay more attention to the eldest. Youngest: often close to the mothers. Or, again, the mothers pay more attention the youngest. This is just based on my experiences with friends and family though. I don't know whether it's the same with everyone.
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• Philippines
19 Oct 09
That what i experience too as during my childhood within the age of 2 up to 12 years old I am my father tails as i accompany him in every walk. It even becomes worst at the age of 5 years old I always pull my father shirt and cry when i do not see him. Thus, i am always end up as the object of laughter of every relatives as even when my father have to pee I still follow him..I am really a daddy girl but when I reach the age of 13 years old I am still close to my father but not showh it most of the times as I no longer follow him as his tails as I becomes shy of doing it again as I am now a full loom woman.. While, my mother i owe her a lot for her teaching me to becomes responsible, God fearing and also expose me to learn house hold chores or learn the values of working.. Yup, with your experience they may be truth with them as citing my observation too both of my parents favorites are my eldest and youngest sibling too. Daughter are closer to the father and with my brother is closer to my mother. But their are cases too where they could confine too either of the father or mother their worries or problems depending on their needs.
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@agv0419 (3022)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
We are more attached to my mother than to my father. He always been away because of his job because he is a soldier. Sometimes it is hard to open up a problem to our father because they can't give you good advices. Our father is much more reserved that's why we don't have to talk to him regarding our problems. Unlike to our mother we can tell anything about her and she can advice us properly. I know that both of the parents have an obligation to the upbringing and rearing but sometimes only mothers are present at home.
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• Philippines
14 Oct 09
Mother is very nurturing, caring and sensitive to every issues encounter by chidren she get to know it first if her children have problems or needs as she always around to hear her children complain and thus often end up as the one who resolves the problem. A mother is very eager for her children to have a good future and for children to grow as decent children she gives a lot of advices including moral support. While in your case the father is away because of his job and may support your family financially. Thus, father could saves a lot if mother know to budget all things in the household and sending children to schools too. Both parents could be good in terms of parenting which they equally shares with their children.
• United States
8 Oct 09
In my view...I believe when they are young, daughters are closer to fathers, and sons are closer to husbands. When the children leave the home to get married or school, then I think it reverses - daughters get closer to mothers because then they are more of a friend to each other than parent and child, and the same for the son who gets closer to fathers because they can now do adult male things together. When it comes to strictness, the one who stays home and does more of the discipline can appear to be the stricter one, however it is often only because they have to dish it out more than the other parent. And it is often that the children don't listen to the stay at home parent as well, because they hear that same voice all day long, and they get used of it. Whereas when the working parent comes home, and they have to lay down the law with their kids, the kids tend to listen more because they are not used of hearing that authorative figure all day.
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• Philippines
20 Oct 09
Their are true in some aspects in those things you mention as i could attest to the fact that i am a girl and a closer to my dad than my mother but when I reach adulthood i am still close but not longer showy with my liking unlike when I was still a kid I am the tail of my father. I always cry when I do not see him and you know I look funny having to pull his shirts then follow him even in comfort room. My father get my attention when he care for us and have always gives us sweets every time he arrives from work and all his children would comes beside the door to surprise him. Father is kind, patience, responsible, silent and sweet too. While mother is the same person whom I see during my younger days and the one who train me too know house hold chores and introduce us to know God above all..learn to respect others and learn the values of working...Both parents have their own shared responsibilities and now that we already grown up we take turn in helping them. Mother though is the constant companion as she work too for a lot of sacrifices and yet she did it..manage to produces adorable and responsible children...
@liujuanxh (170)
• China
8 Oct 09
for me,i am more attached my mother.i love my mother and can share my emotion with her ,but for my father ,i have nothing to say,and i donot know what i can speak with him. Maybe it is cause i am a girl,so i am attached my mother
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• Philippines
8 Oct 09
Most of the girls are closer to their mothers as the mother is the person they always see in the house, do the household chores, care and feed them. Thus, when a girl seek advices she go for the mother for assistance which makes their mother and daughter bonding more closer and strong.
• India
9 Oct 09
Yes,I do agree a child is more attached to his mother than his father .The Father is more stricter when it come to discipline the child.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Oct 09
Yup, it is obvious all children are attached to the mother because it is the mother who carry the child in their womb for 9 months and also the one frequently seen by children attending to their every needs. Both parents have their own ways to discipline a child and they only differ with the manner they impose it on the child. It is true most of the times mother is strict but the father is the one whom children fear most. As father is silent most of the times and only talk rarely or once get mad children follow him while mother also makes her own rules but likely children disobey it and they develop less fear with mother is very forgiving despite children misconduct..
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@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
7 Oct 09
It depends on the age and the gender of the child. Both are attached to their mothers in the early years, but soon the boys stick with their fathers. The fathers are also sterner disciplinarians while the mothers sort of let them get away with things and that latter is not a good idea. I have noticed that if the father does not like vegetables, the sons will not like vegetables either (until they get married and their wife does the shopping) but the girls go after the mother as far as food habits are concerned. So I would say it is more fifty-fifty.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
21 Oct 09
It is a bit different in a traditional family than in a single parent household where the mother never married the father or is divorced. In the single mother case (as opposed to a widow( the mother will likely spoil the child as she does not want the child to hate her and so that the child will think of the mother as better then his father who is never around except to bring diapers, etc. Children need both parents, the fathers are better at disciplining children then most mothers. As for who loves the child the most, it depends on what love one is talking about. Is it the genuine love to see the child succeed or is it the false love where one wants to give the child what he or she wants depending on whether he or she needs it or not. So both parents sort of balance each other out.
• Philippines
22 Oct 09
Yeah, that true..you have a good point in there as single mom perform both the role of a mother and father with the absence of male need to learn to become independent. Thus,in the process the mother and child bonding is more closer to compensate for the fatherly figure absences.. In general children need both parents but some things are not perfect like when a parents divorces so the children are left to be in the care of either the mother or the father and in extreme cases the children are left to be taken care of their grandparents. well in terms of the general attachment citing your examples, a child is motivation comes out from the inspiration she get from both parents or to the one closer to her thus acting on to becomes responsible whether with or without rewards.
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• Philippines
18 Oct 09
Well,that really depend on how well each parents treat their children as mother love her children most of the times gives all their needs and teach them a lot of things aside from good values formation. Still their is a child in the family which a mother or father may have their own favorites and it is hard to hide it as the other sibling may notice it too. Then, children too develop likeness or attachment to either mother or father who likely to give in to their every wishes or need. Thus, they are likely to becomes more obedient, kind, respect and develop closeness rather than to the one who only show them less care and attention. Thus, parenting is not perfectly done without the cooperation of both parents should have shared responsibilities in order to becomes a successful parents to their children.
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@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
29 Dec 09
Thanks for the best response. i like the idea of children being attached to both parents. It makes life so much easier.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
2 Jan 10
Thank you and hope you have a happy New Year as well. I do not like the idea of parents and children being good friends because I am comfortable with my sons calling me anything other then Mom or Mother. I do think that both father and mother should back each other up in case one of the children want to use one of the parents against the other.
• Philippines
2 Jan 10
You too, Have a wonderful new year..Well, that would be really fine it really define the role that should a mother occupied differently associated from a friend treatment. Yup, that really a better strategies to remain fair should be no favoritism at all to have equal treatment with each other.
2 people like this
• Philippines
29 Dec 09
Yup, by being closer both parents and children could treat each others like best friend and confide anytime they have problems or need help and their is constant communication and transparency. merry Christmas and happy new year to you.
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@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
8 Oct 09
I think it is pretty natural for children to bond with their mom first, then the dad. Things that are wanting to be discussed or complained, normally a mom would listen on first. Unless in different situations whereby the mom is super fierce and wouldn't want to hear any queries from children, the dad would be the place of comfort. Like in my situation, I'm more closer to my mom than my dad. I love my dad too, but I could tell my mom just about anything and still be independent about it, if you get what I mean. Good topic here, neelianoscet..
• Philippines
18 Oct 09
hi zed, well that is really the case most of the times children are more closer to their mom than to their dad. This is maybe have to do with the maternal/woman instinct as a mother have a very sensitive thoughts and she could easily sense if her children have problem or something troubles them. Thus, children too find their mom like a best friend whom they could talk freely and ask for advices as mother is always available compare to father who is always busy with their work. As usual children come to their mother to confine their feelings and mother would always be their with open ears and hearts to listen to them, even up to the stage where children becomes grown up adults this types of set up does not changes. And it is also true if the situation is reverse from what you mention those things happen too depending on the situation which favor a child they seek comfort to the one who show deepest sympathy, care with unconditional love.
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@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
19 Oct 09
Very well said, Neelia.. And with that, I don't think that diamonds are forever, it's actually moms are forever and ever..
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Yup, that truth mom could be compare to diamond and for me their greatness too is irreplaceable... well..you really are mama's boy..
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@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
I thinks it depend whom the children more attached in this case...Have a nice day!
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
That what I notice to some of the families, my friend. But in terms of disciplinary actions father is much strict than mother...Have a nice day!
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
yeah, father is stricter especially to their daughter and with less restrictions in cases of the boys. Have a nice day too..!
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
Hi aerous, yeah it depend on the situation and whom the children see as their companion then their attachment to the one who they see most and care for them their loyalty and love also goes to it.
@indybaty (368)
• Panama
8 Oct 09
As funny as this sounds, children are more to liking whomever is taking care of them or spending more time with them, if mom takes more care of them in time, it would be her, if its dad, then dad gets the cake! Now, if there is a nanny or a maid involved... I think only when they are older but not when they are too young, since they can distinguish who mom and dad are. Daughters tend to be more attached with their fathers while sons are more attached with their mothers as well, thats what Ive heard!
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
That is true when mother had just given birth she use to care for her baby but since their a need to help in the family income..even mother need to find a work to help the husband to save money and put the child in good school. Thus as what you mention their is a need for a nanny to care for their children which may not equal with the same treatment by the mother but at least it could still ensure that the children receives the optimum care without neglect. While father may not show all the times his concern, sympathy and care but it does not mean father is heartless. He show concern to the family too by working hard and bringing the earning to feed his family, send children to reputable schools. Thus,it may be the reasons the father known little of whatever happening inside the household or about his children as he is not always around to witness it. But, despite of this all children need to gives due respect to father too not only to mother as they are very important, without them we are nothing. So we owe to our parents our life and in return need to care for them as a favor in caring us while we still young.
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
I observe too that children especially the young ones do not know who is the motherly or fatherly figures who need to care most of the time as their understanding is not yet develop. Then, you get a point in them for saying that children develop strong bonding to the person whom they see most of the times. I myself is more closer to my father than m mother it only differs when I like to talk about a girl things I am asking my mother as she is more expert on those matters than a father.
@indybaty (368)
• Panama
9 Oct 09
Well, when I was growing up, my mother worked several hours yet she tried to make it so to see us. By the time I was born, it was my mother who I saw most of the time. By the time I got older, it was the nanny, and my mother that disciplined me in a way. Now, as an adult, all of us, (my brothers and I) only speak to our mother about everything while our father just pretty much stays out of the picture. When he complains about it, my mother reminds him that he was barely there while we were growing up.
• China
7 Oct 09
Like you I also think that most children are more attached to their mothers.Children spend most of their time with mother from birth,as they need to be fed by mother.Mother sames to be more tender and considerate than father.So child prefers to talk with mother instead of father.Father always sames to be quiet and serious.When coming home,a child will talk a lot with mother while talk little with father.Mother and father have different responsibilities in the education of their child.As a father he has to be serious and mother has to be tender.A father always keeps a distance with his child.
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• Philippines
13 Oct 09
Children are more closer to the mother because she is the one who carry every child in her womb and the only person whom a child see around the homes since their childhood up to their adulthood years. Both parents irregardless of genders have their own shares of responsibilities and most of the time if the mother is a full time house keeper she get to supervise her children on the right things to do, educate them by teaching different good morals values, respect, courtesy being honest and let them develop their cognitive and emotional abilities through exposure in educational material and training them to become a valuable part of the society. The father too seem distance with the children and they do not show their tender or emotional sympathy since they are males who like to be taken as strong rather than the weak ones. But deep inside they are also emotionally concern for their children that they seem not expressive but do love children too like a mother do but keep a low profile in terms of expressing it.
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