Why is socializing so difficult nowadays?
By nagikka
@nagikka (407)
Italy
October 8, 2009 3:02am CST
Here's my situation.
I cut contacts with all my previous friends (most of them disappointed me, such as coming up to me only when they needed me to fix their computer, disappearing when I was feeling down, moving to another city that's oly 20 minutes away from here and ignoring me and so on ...). Once I was done with school I was left completely alone but I was fine with it because I like to enjoy some quality time with myself and I have many hobbies. I then spent four years with my boyfriend, although it was a long distance relationship and in the end we split up.
This year I told myself I should have changed my life a little and that loneliness isn't the way, so I started to attend a swimming/gym in the water course which I really enjoy. I go there twice a week but it seems HARD to start a conversation with people: they join these course in pairs so they already know each other, or they simply say "hi" or answer to your questions with a "yes/no" and that's all about it. Why? I do my best to smile, greet people, try to say something but it doesn't work, it seems like they close themselves to the outside world.
I have been going there for a month but didn't make any friends yet, I even switched my course from morning to afternoon to see If I could meet "better people" but I found best friends who get there together, chat together, sit together and alone before the lesson begin ... it's like trying to break a wall with your hands.
And it's frustrating.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@kunizzul (1066)
• Malaysia
8 Oct 09
Hi nagikka,
I think that just your personality. You should be more like yourself than pretending to what you not. From what I read here you are a shy girl. Am I right or wrong? So be it. Don't embarrassed to be what you are.
When you be yourself people will have a lot of respect to you and your personality. It doesn't matter if you hard to find friends at first. One day your will find your true friend that either have the same personality with you or the opposite.
My advices just be yourself and don't push others to be your friends. They will come to you if they want.
Hope that will helps you.
Thanks.
@joy_evaldez (461)
• Singapore
8 Oct 09
I agree with Kunizzul. It really depends on our personality. Some person are sociable enough that they can find friends and buddies even in public places. I am not like that. I am not comfortable talking to strangers thus, I do not expect me to have friends in there. I gained friends duirng my school days but it took time before I considered them friends. Also since now we are on cyberworld generation, going out and meeting our friends become passe already. We can chat with them on the net, talk on the phone and see them using webcam. You will know what is happening in their life as they are writing it in a blog, posting pictures in facebook or friendster and updating important events in their life through twitter. World is changing so do us.
@nagikka (407)
• Italy
8 Oct 09
You're right Kunizzul, I'm a shy person and I've always been like that even though I improved a lot in the past few years because I used to get blocked by the stupidest things ever. It's kind of hard to be shy and try to make new friends because at 30 things change, people get married and so on therefore it's not as easy as it'd be when you're in school. I'm not trying to change myself, I just try to smile more because sometimes shyness can be mistaken for rudeness even though it's incorrect. I sometimes find it hard to do it, to smile I mean, when someone's right in front of me I look at the ground, take my eyes off them and people might think I'm rude :\
@dodyast3 (1514)
• Indonesia
8 Oct 09
You really have a difficult situation. It is not easy to find a friend in public place like swimming pool or gym. Most of people already make an appointment with their friends to meet in gym or pool. So you cannot just jump into the middle. Even though, if you find someone alone, usually they are not interested to start a conversation.
From my experience, the best place to find a friend is in school / college. If you have passed it through, then you can go to the next step, working place. I don't know whether you are working or not, but if you do or still looking for a job, you can have another chance to get a friend in you working place.
If you can't find it there, then you need to join social club or something like that. In my area, there is a club for Catholic church, Christian, and other religions. Or maybe you can join a hobby club, like specific car's club, sports club, etc.
Hope it is helpful. Good Luck
@dodyast3 (1514)
• Indonesia
9 Oct 09
Hi nagikka, don't worry. you will have a new friend as soon as you are going back to university. There will be plenty opportunity there. And then, when you finish your uni, you will have an opportunity again to meet new people in your working place. If you think the gym can make you feel better, then you can keep going to the gym. But this time, you can use the time to work out instead of making friends 
@nagikka (407)
• Italy
8 Oct 09
I am the queen of people who have been betrayed or cheated on I guess, starting from the guy who wanted s.e.x and said he d'dnt love me and that I was just a way to fill his spare time, or from friends that call you only when they need a favour (I have a huge list of people who needed help with their PC, who wanted me to sell them tickets for concerts and so on). I don't believe there are only cheaters in the world anyway but I'd like to see proofs:P
