What should I do? It's been eating me.

United States
October 14, 2009 3:51am CST
Ohkay... So far I've been liking on this guy at school for about 3 years. Tho it really did pained me, he has a girlfriend and all. I have'nt had a crush since freshman year. So he gets a trophy for my first ever. I really nevr had a guy of interest like it. So I found the guy, the type i would like, finally, found out he has a girlfriend, a dud, then I still like him, sadly. It's really been eating at me. At some point my obsession got a bit worse and i've been having dreams of him. First it starts out in my dreams he was just there in the distance, sometimes we actually talk in there, but in actuallity, we are never close. The dreams are as close as I can get to him. All these years I never got the gut to talk to him or anyone. I have a 'bit' of a social problem since fitfh grade. I do sometimes caught him staring at me, but I tend to overthink a lot, and he might be just looking at me because i stalk him. I don't really, I just happen to know, when it's obvious when he says something out loud and i like him so it sticks to my brain. Which makes me feel bad... I had did some embrarassing stuff in front of him too. I fell off a wall, small one at least, and just being in his sight is shaming me enough. My friends advise me to talk to him, but i can't summon it up. I'm not like other people who can just talk their thoughts out. I'm a introvert. And just today, his friend mentioned to the class that was his birthday, and i wanted to say happy birthday to him, but i did'nt til the he left the campus afterschool. Tho I was far from him, and i just yelled a bit loudly "Happy Birthday!" then i ran like a sissy behind a building. THAT i regret. I did'nt see if he looked at me or that he was talking to his girlfriend on the phone. I just wanted to say. Thank you for being born and it hurts to see you there. When i'm clearly untouched. I hate the teenage hormones... I wish to forget him, and maybe just want him as a friend, can you help me or give advise to my painful,shameful, state of this?
1 response
@eLsMarie (4348)
• Philippines
15 Oct 09
i think you longed for him so much because you weren't given the chance to express your love to him or you won't be able to show signs to him just because he was busy glancing to another girl. if you love him, think that he'll be much happier with that girl and believe me it's worth the sacrifice. well it's easy said than done but you have to. one day, you'll wake up that you're no longer obsessed with him and maybe you'll be able to realize that the person you're looking for is just right beside you waiting for him to recognize by you or it could be possible that the person that you longed today would longed for you in the future... :D be positive girl! don't waste for somebody who's not deserving of your worth... :D smile always!