Something To Add About That Day With Mom
By CatsandDogs
@CatsandDogs (13963)
United States
October 21, 2009 1:39pm CST
It really threw me for a loop! I still can't believe what she said and don't understand her reasons either. What happened was, when my brother called and I handed mom the phone, it was awfully hot in their house so I luckily had a lighter shirt in my car so I went to get it. Dad was outside with the rental home A/C window unit cleaning it and we started talking and he said, "There's trouble in the family again" so of course I asked what was going on. He told me that my oldest brother is having trouble with his son with school and not minding my brother, his dad. After he finished telling me what was going on, I went to get my shirt and changed and went back inside. It's a dead end street, very country setting so no one saw me change my shirt! 
lol
Ok I went back inside and after mom got off the phone, I asked her what was going on with my brother and nephew and do you know what she said?! She said, "How do you know about this?" 
I told her that dad told me when I went to change my shirt. She got all bent out of shape and said "Your dad doesn't know when to keep his trap shut!" I interrupted her and said, "Mom! I'm family! Not some stranger off the street!" she said, "I know that, that's not what I mean, if the next door neighbor over here comes over, he'll tell them and if this next door neighbor comes over, he'll tell them! It's none of his business to be telling anybody! It's my brothers business to tell who he wants to tell" 
I dropped the subject and changed it as quickly as possible and that's when she decided to tell me and I told her, "That's alright mom, it doesn't matter" and moved on to other things. I was so pissed and very hurt but I let it go. She had to go to the post office so I dove into what I came there for so I could get the hell outta there. I'm so sick of all this crap, secrecy secrecy secrecy!! Since when did she start this crap? I don't know but it seems she's keeping secrets and now I know this "NO DAMN WONDER WE'RE HAVING FAMILY PROBLEMS!! DUH?!" Secrets will do it in a heartbeat! There's no need in telling my brothers because they'll in turn call them. I don't need the added crap that that will give so I'll just keep it to myself and from now on, my issues on ANYTHING is mine and mine alone. If she can keep secrets then so can I!
Now when mom left to go to the post office, I called my hubby inside and told him what happened. Oh he was livid!! He wanted to leave right then and there but I told him no, we'll finish what we came her to do and then we'll go, to leave before that, will cause even more problems and questions to answer and I don't want that. Well well, you will not believe what happened later on that day!
I was putting the clean curtains back up and mom was laying down on the love seat because she was so dizzy and dad in his recliner, we got to talking about how people can be so nasty and my dad's aunt in Idaho is like that. Dad spoke up and said my middle brother is the same way! He can make you feel like an inch tall! I slowly turned and looked straight at mom and then dad and said, "I already know that because I got a taste of his mean and hatefulness last year and is why we're not talking today." Needless to say folks, it got really quiet. Dad walked right into that one!! Hey! Make me feel bad for not talking to my brother and see what comes back to bite you in the rear!! LMBO!! Oh it felt sooooo good!! LMBO!! I don't think I'll be harped on about it for a while. LMBO!!
But the one thing I don't understand is, why all this secrecy? Since when did she start this crap and why? She's the one who's caused the problems in our family so she is the one who needs to straighten it out. I DID NOT DO IT! The secrets she and dad are keeping did!! So there! Damn it!!
lol
Ok I went back inside and after mom got off the phone, I asked her what was going on with my brother and nephew and do you know what she said?! She said, "How do you know about this?" I told her that dad told me when I went to change my shirt. She got all bent out of shape and said "Your dad doesn't know when to keep his trap shut!" I interrupted her and said, "Mom! I'm family! Not some stranger off the street!" she said, "I know that, that's not what I mean, if the next door neighbor over here comes over, he'll tell them and if this next door neighbor comes over, he'll tell them! It's none of his business to be telling anybody! It's my brothers business to tell who he wants to tell" I dropped the subject and changed it as quickly as possible and that's when she decided to tell me and I told her, "That's alright mom, it doesn't matter" and moved on to other things. I was so pissed and very hurt but I let it go. She had to go to the post office so I dove into what I came there for so I could get the hell outta there. I'm so sick of all this crap, secrecy secrecy secrecy!! Since when did she start this crap? I don't know but it seems she's keeping secrets and now I know this "NO DAMN WONDER WE'RE HAVING FAMILY PROBLEMS!! DUH?!" Secrets will do it in a heartbeat! There's no need in telling my brothers because they'll in turn call them. I don't need the added crap that that will give so I'll just keep it to myself and from now on, my issues on ANYTHING is mine and mine alone. If she can keep secrets then so can I!
Now when mom left to go to the post office, I called my hubby inside and told him what happened. Oh he was livid!! He wanted to leave right then and there but I told him no, we'll finish what we came her to do and then we'll go, to leave before that, will cause even more problems and questions to answer and I don't want that. Well well, you will not believe what happened later on that day!
I was putting the clean curtains back up and mom was laying down on the love seat because she was so dizzy and dad in his recliner, we got to talking about how people can be so nasty and my dad's aunt in Idaho is like that. Dad spoke up and said my middle brother is the same way! He can make you feel like an inch tall! I slowly turned and looked straight at mom and then dad and said, "I already know that because I got a taste of his mean and hatefulness last year and is why we're not talking today." Needless to say folks, it got really quiet. Dad walked right into that one!! Hey! Make me feel bad for not talking to my brother and see what comes back to bite you in the rear!! LMBO!! Oh it felt sooooo good!! LMBO!! I don't think I'll be harped on about it for a while. LMBO!!
But the one thing I don't understand is, why all this secrecy? Since when did she start this crap and why? She's the one who's caused the problems in our family so she is the one who needs to straighten it out. I DID NOT DO IT! The secrets she and dad are keeping did!! So there! Damn it!!4 people like this
8 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
21 Oct 09
SHE plays u like a fiddle , Cat & she probably does your brothers to. I feel sure she is the root to all your problems. I wish u could see that & quit trying to kill yourself doing for her when she doesn't even appreciate it.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Oct 09
She's playing ALL of us this way! Now I'm wondering if my brothers have any clue to all the things we've done and continue to do because she's so into this secrecy crap! It's no wonder we're fighting, my brothers don't have a clue to what's going on here! I am so fed up and want to tell them so bad but knowing they'll turn around and call our parents to "VERIFY" what I say is true or to tattle tale, and get me into trouble and my brothers will believe them STILL! I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. What gives?!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
22 Oct 09
I’ll be honest and say that if it was me I would have walked out and gone home there and then! Your mum sounds like she revels in drama and kind of enjoys all the conflicts. I don’t understand why the family can’t pull together and help each other put instead of keeping secrets from each other! I don’t know what to advise cats but I know that I would take some time away from them and let them fend for themselves! You are doing so much for them and it doesn’t seem to be all that appreciated to me!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
22 Oct 09
I was sitting here playing a game and in deep thought and crying when your response came through. The game was a blur, a distraction but I was thinking about all this crap going on and just wish I was never born. Mom was pregnant 7 times and had 5 babies but only 3 of us lived. Why me? Am I here to be tormented for the rest of my days? I so hate my family. I really do. I've been the black sheep for so long and I'm tired of it. I'm hurting so much inside that I honestly don't know what to do. It's like nobody gives a sh!t about me. I know mom is mental, there's no doubt in my mind but to get her to take her medicine is like pulling teeth. Nothing I do is good enough but yet she says she'll never be able to repay us for all we've done and how much she appreciates it. Just the other day she said she felt like we were growing apart and then she acts like a ranting raving idiot and makes me feel like an outsider. Gee, what's new? I've felt like an outsider all of my life, why not make it stick?! I just want to be included and I'm not. Yeah it hurts! You damned right it hurts but what can I do? Keep doing as I am until their last days so I'll have no regret while my brothers get the bulk of their belongs. Hell, why don't they just take it all for I don't want it anyways.
Sorry for the rant. I know I sound scatter brained but it's because I'm hurt and sick and tired of being treated this way.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
22 Oct 09
Oh cats I am so sorry you are feeling so bad! I wish I could reach out and give you a hug! I relate to the dysfunctions of families because my sister and I have parents who really we shouldn't even be talking to because of how they treated us while we were growing up but that's another story!
You need to concern yourself with your own family and take time away from your parents. It may help for them to see that you are not going to be at their beck and call all the time. I think that you don't have to do anymore for your parents not to have regrets, what I mean is that it is clear to me what a good person you are and you should not have any regrets at all but enough is enough, stand up to them and take time for you, distance yourself from the crap and if your brothers get more when your folks go so be it, at least you can look at yourself an say that you were a good daughter and tried your very best with them.
I know you are hurt, just keep telling yourself that you’re a decent and kind woman and of that you should be proud.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
21 Oct 09
one of the early forms dementia takes is a certain amount of paranoia, and strokes can cause a stroke related dementia - my mom suffers from that. Now, mom doesn't have paranoia, but other aspects of the dementia.
This is why you see a lot of early stage Alzheimer suffers with paranoia...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Oct 09
hi catanddogs wow so it is really your mom who is stirring up all the troubles, thats sad, and I am wondering, she was dizzy,now could this be somehow affecting her mind? I don't mean she is going bananas just that being dizziness can affect your thinking.
I have known people who just cannot stand everyone in the family being happy without making some sort of trouble. I just hate
that. why not just everybody talk things over and keep no secrets. family should be family and all should be able to relate things to each other, not talk behind their backs. Maybe your mom needs to talk to a mental health person.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Hi Hatley! She just started this secrecy crap and I don't know why. We used to be able to tell each other basically anything and everything, but not now. I was gone for majority of 15 years due to hubby being in the Army and mom had changed during that time so I guess I'll never know why. Family should be informed about one another and our problems, otherwise, how can we help each other? Like, one time about ten years ago, mom told hubby and I when we were home for a visit that my oldest brother and his wife were having a terrible time putting food on the table so hubby and I went grocery shopping and stocked them up really good! That's what families are SUPPOSE to do! Now everything is hush hush, a secret. I hate it!
Now I can understand family issues kept within the family but mom is keeping EVERYTHING a secret. It's no wonder my brothers don't believe me when I told them what was going on. It's not right nor is it fair to me. If they knew the truth, maybe then they'd be down here helping. If I were to call them and tell them, they'd call mom and dad to verify what I say is true and they'll deny it! Who ends up doing all that needs doing? Hubby and I. That is not fair to load us up with everything when I have two brothers that can help. You may be right, she may need to talk to a mental health person but I doubt it'll ever happen though. She's too stubborn.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Oct 09
My grandparents were very closed mouthed about things and didn't tell the kids stuff, but that was more like old fashioned thinking and this seems more like, I don't know, meanness or manipulation or something. Don't blame you for being fed up with it.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Oct 09
That's exactly what I think too dawn! It's like she's still mad at me for my childhood, giving her a hard time so she's continuing to punish me. Yet she's so appreciative of all we do. It's mind boggling as hell and I hate it! She hasn't said anything in 2 years about all the crap I've done to hurt her because I put an end to it but yet, she carries on with this crap. My childhood was no easy thing and I've explained myself several times but she supposedly doesn't remember but yet she can remember the bad deeds I've done! (Nothing like burning down a house or anything like that but more of a self destructive type of thing) For mom to tell me over the phone a few days before that she felt like we were getting further apart, I didn't deny it one bit, but instead I told her "I know and agree for I feel it too, mom" and she pulls this crap! What gives??
1 person likes this
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
21 Oct 09
We deal with this with my husbands family all the time. They hide everything from us then come up with excuses for it. Things like pregnancies, deaths, people moving, wills. They not only hide but lie about a lot of it too then ask why my husband doesn't want to have anything to do with them. we are actually in legal action because of his parents hiding paper work to hold on to his ss# "just in case" which lead to his brother getting his hands on it and taking out credit cards in my husbands name to their home. It is so hard to deal with it when it is family. We do not want to get into legal litigation with them but he maxed out 4 cards and the companies want us to pay for them, we cannot, (it's over $80,000 and he did that all in a manner of 3 months and has nothing to show for it) and the only way to make him is to go after him. So the rest of the family is mad at us because he will go to jail for this (it's fraud, id theft + a few more things). Yet they are not mad at him for ruining my husbands credit and our chances of buying a new home, car or anything else we might need. AHHHHHHHHHHHhh, sorry I answered your rant with a rant, it just seemed like you would understand. My family just doesn't have anything to do with each other on anything but holidays and as bad as that sounds at least we do not have all the drama.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Wow OpinionatedLady! Sounds like we're in the same damned boat! We're up sh!t's creek without a paddle!! Not a good place to be in at all but all we can do is paddle on in hopes for better and cleaner waters. Like Princess Diana said, she had to either sink or swim, "I choose to swim" Look, don't let your hubby's family rule you two!! His brother did a horrible deed in which he needs to pay and if it means jail time then so be it! He wrong the two of you and his family should support you guys not the dirty rotten scanderal! They got it azz backwards!! What's wrong with people these days? Damn criminals have more rights than the victim does! What the hell?! I don't get it either because it's not right. It's crooked and needs rethinking but to get them to do that is like pulling teeth. Go figure.
Anyway, rant all you want for it seems you need to! Mylot has saved my sanity so many times and maybe will for you too.
My mother has just started this secrecy crap and I don't know why. We used to be able to tell each other anything and everything, but not now. I was gone for majority of 15 years due to hubby being in the Army and mom had changed during that time and I guess I'll never know why. Family should be informed about one another and our problems, otherwise, how can we help each other? Like, one time about ten years ago, mom told hubby and I when we were home for a visit that my oldest brother and his wife were having a terrible time putting food on the table so hubby and I went grocery shopping and stocked them up really good! That's what families are SUPPOSE to do! Now everything is hush hush, a secret. I hate it!
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
22 Oct 09
It sounds as if Mom is ashamed and doesn't want things to get told. Maybe she thinks it would make you feel worse about your brother. I bet she gave him the devil after you guys left. I hate secrets.
@tcup345 (358)
• United States
22 Oct 09
Most older folk are very private about family things, but it sounds like your mother is working on a mental problem. Her paranoia and penchant for arguments could be a symptom of an mental illness or perhaps a undetected health problem. The trick will be to get her to a physician, maybe an intervention will be the order for the day, to get her to see that she is causing upset in the family and needs professional care. I have a feeling that your dad has a lot more to tell you about her bahavior, talk with him in private and get the low-down then take it from there.
For your own peace of mind, take a vacation from your mom and if she doesn't get help, stay away. I know it's hard to turn your back on your family but if they won't help themselves you will only compromise your health, and the peace you have with your husband and children(?), by exposing yourself to that negativity. I really feel sorry for your dad, he's getting the worst of it, if you think you have it bad, think about him, he's living with her 24/7.
