Back-handed "compliments": ever received one on MyLot? Need opinions! :)

@maezee (38196)
United States
October 27, 2009 5:25pm CST
Wow. So I checked my picture comments for the first time in a while, and in addition to nice ones, I also got one that said: "you look swell but do something about your weight,cheers!". I was in SHOCK! Never has anyone on MyLot been that.. Well, I don't even know of a word to describe it that wouldn't get me in trouble. So, not that I don't have any personal opinions about what my "goal" weight is, and that I am 20-25 pounds overweight (and always off-and-on-again dieting), but is that ever really an appropriate thing to say to someone? I felt like I was slapped across the face! Ouch! Maybe this is some kind of cultural shock that I don't really get. Is it ever appropriate in other cultures to say this kind of thing? I know that we're not always wary of other cultures' ideas of what is considered to be "acceptable" and "unacceptable".. but damn! So, help me out here. What do you do when you receive a back-handed "compliment" like this, if you ever had at MyLot? I'm not going to delete it, because I don't really care all THAT much - and I'd rather have the world see what a jerk this MyLotter is (if you'd like to see what the person wrote, just go check out my pictures until you find the one with the comment) - but do you just brush it off? Ignore it? Or send him a mean message? Delete it and pretend like it didn't happen? And what on earth do you have to do to someone to get this kind of comment? I'd love to hear your own opinions & personal experiences. Thanks in advance! (And thanks to the guy who sent me the mean picture comment..for inspiring me to write such a long discussion. Ha!)
2 people like this
12 responses
@olydove (1209)
• United States
28 Oct 09
maezee I wouldn't even worry about it at all. Seriously first of all I saw your pics and all of them are beautiful. I miss being as young as you LOL! He is from another country and it's quite possible that in his country they are that "blunt" so to speak. One thing you need to know is that you're not obese and you look great. Besides that it's your body he's not the one that has to walk around in it right?I could be he didn't mean to be rude, or it could be that he did but if I were you I wouldn't even bother to respond because my guess is no matter what you say to him, he's not going to change his ways. Smile and be happy, and take it from someone with experience "yoyo dieting" doesn't work it's worse for you than good. I can tell you though I've lost 3o pounds since the beginning of this year just making small subtle changes in my life. The two biggest changes are that I am way more active than before. I don't do any crazy exercise or anything I just go outside walk around, do some yard work, help my husband work at the farm things like that. The second is when eating a meal instead of starting with the meat or other fatty food first, I start with my veggies, or salad or fruit first and always have a glass of water with supper. My down fall used to be that I love meat, but lately when I go grocery shopping, I almost don't even want to buy it because it doesn't look the same as it used to. The meats suddenly don't have the color they did before, and contain much more fat. I still buy it but I try to get the pieces with the least amount of fat on it, and at supper I've learned to cut my meat portion down to a small size. I did it little bits at a time, each week making my meat portion smaller, and adding more veggies or other stuff. Those two things right there are the only changes I've made in my life that have contributed to my weight loss. The odd thing is, that it seems once I stopped "trying to lose weight" and just concentrated on being happy, having fun, and enjoying my food without feeling guilty the rest is taking care of itself. Many of us starve ourselves, use protein drinks or other methods while trying to lose weight. You know what, forget that nonsense. Concentrate on being happy, go out and walk around have fun. While walking around if you're alone or with a friend take a bag with you and pick up things like pine cones, or sea shells, or some other thing that makes you happy, and put them in the bag to bring home, give away, or even toss in the compost, recycle, or trash if need be. That simple act of bending over and picking something up repeatedly will burn lots of calories without you even realizing you're doing it because you're having fun! Like you said, at least he inspired you to write a great discussion p.s.- I still have a lot more weight to lose, but it's a start, and I didn't suffer while doing it because I stopped "trying" to lose weight.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hey Maezee! I agree with another conversation that perhaps his English did not come out right. He is from another country and there are often mishaps on words. I would say your picture looks great and you should not take offense to it. I think things are acceptable in other cultures and you will never know his true meaning unless you ask. If you were interested in his thoughts you could always send him a PM to learn more.
@maezee (38196)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Ha, well, I'm just wondering: why me? Should I let him know that I've struggled with an eating disorder in the past, and in the course of recovery, I ended up gaining back everything I lost? I just wonder why he targeted me and not a lot of the other "overweight" people on MyLot. And it's not like you can really SEE anything from the pics. *rolls eyes*. Thanks for your thoughts. I might just send him a PM, or I might be lazy and not. .
• United States
28 Oct 09
I imagine it was not a personal attack and that he was not knowledgeable enough to know your history. Perhaps it is a higher forces way of keeping your eating disorder in check. Sometimes we are given tests to make sure we can endure, this may have been one for you.
@solared (1210)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Oh my, I can't believe that said, can't say I ever got a back handed compliment. Oh lemme think, you look ok for a red head, thats been said to me...lol
@maezee (38196)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Ha that sounds like a back-handed compliment if I ever heard one.
@sacmom (14250)
• United States
4 Nov 09
I think the word you're looking for is brass. Or better yet, drop the first two letters off of brass and you get, well, you know. LOL I sure have maezee! LOL And it was a doozy! It happened a few months ago. I contemplated as to whether or not I should leave the comment up. After all, it didn't really bother me. In fact my husband and I got a kick out of it when we saw it. LOL But a few hours later I decided it would be best to delete it as I didn't want to take a chance at it causing any problems for me. What's funny is that this same user posted a comment on one of my other pictures as well and they didn't put anything as bold as that. Go figure! LOL I thought about contacting this user and ask them about it, but decided against it. What good would it do anyway? I didn't just delete the comment, but this person from my friends list as well. The last thing I need is for them to continue giving me such "compliments". As the saying goes, with friends like that who needs enemies? Oh, and I don't think it is acceptable in any culture. That was downright rude of that person to leave such a comment no matter where they are from. Like you, I ended up turning my experience into a discussion. Hey, might as well earn from it, right? Happy mylotting!
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
28 Oct 09
I also got one that said: "you look swell but do something about your weight,cheers!". WHAT?!?! are you serious??? some ppl are just so effing ignorant its almost mindboggling..... I would most likely laugh it off though since stupid ppl DO in fact exist ya know..
@se7enthbird (8325)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
what a rude thing to say. so is he saying that taking pictures now are for people who are thin? you have the right to put pictures and people who looks at it has no right to comment that way. yes he is not from a country that english is not the first language but still he has to be careful on commenting something like that with people who speaks english. i am from asia like him, and i guess there are more women who are underweight in his country and maybe that is the usual for them. dont mind it. weight is just a weight, same as age. its still the personality that counts the traits. my mother told me that if you dont have anything nice to say shut up har har har. so i guess that would be a good thing to say to that person. if he has nothing nice to say then he should just keep his mouth shut or get away from the keyboard. i hope mylot can give us notifications also when someone comments on our pictures so we can read it at once. just a suggestion
@thea09 (18317)
• Greece
28 Oct 09
Hi maezee, well he's actually generally quite bad mannered as doesn't respond to many of his responders on his discussions and I remember him now wanting to set up a clique of Indians to mylot together instead of just joining in with the rest. I knew the name from somewhere which is why I didn't immediately delete his F/R but couldn't be bothered to check it out. I did assume it was a teenager but he's 47 so obviously hasn't learned much about women in all that time. I'd say just delete the mean little message and presume he has some facial abnormality which makes him bitter. Gentlemen don't make comments like that to ladies. Have to dash to delete the F/R.
@free_man (7336)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Some people are just plain jerks and have no respect for themselves much less others. I would just figure that person is inbreed and has no common sense and don't know how to be around people. I would report it to my lot. No matter where you are from it is wrong to be so rude. If that person is on your friends list I would send them a note saying that you are going to delete them and for why. My mother taught us better manners. If we would have said stupid stuff mother would have done a real back hand across our face!
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
28 Oct 09
Telling somebody something nice and then criticising them is like taking with one hand and taking back with the other. People should be more generous than that. If you compliment somebody just do that. Don't add criticism. Its a come down when people do this. I've had a lot of people do that to me. They say this is okay and then drop a real downer on you. Its better they said nothing at all in the first place.
@solared (1210)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Ok so I checked out your pics an I saw that comment...lol My only question is he still your friend? I think you look good weight or no weight, people shouldn't say such rude things.
@KrauseHome (36772)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Wow!! This is not the kind of comments you would think someone would normally leave you that is for sure. I wonder if they meant it as you took it, or a nice gesture of something you might consider? Personally I have never checked the pictures I have listed here, so I cannot see if anyone has left any unusual comments. But you could delete it if you want or leave it, but I would never leave a negative message to someone back for sure.
@yan_blue8 (1438)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Hi maezee.!Wow! such a long topic for discussion! :)I've actually checked on your pictures and saw that comment too. I'm so sorry that you were shock in seeing that and might feel horrible about it. I also checked on the guy's profile and saw which country did he came from.I don't even know that person who leave that comment to your picture. Don't get me wrong, but in my own opinion, he doesn't mean anything bad about what he said. You know, in other countries (especially those who do not speak English as their first language, just like me!) at times doesn't really know how to express feelings nor state the word/s we need to say. You never know, maybe he is referring to a different word or words on his comment. yan