When talking to someone do you look straight on his face?

@salonga (27786)
Philippines
October 27, 2009 9:07pm CST
I don't feel comfortable if the person who talks to me is not looking straight on my face. But I have an officemate who is like that. It is either he is shy or what but certainly I don't enjoy talking with him because he can't maintain eye contact.The problem is he always go to me to ask for some assistance on paper works but I feel really bored talking to him because while I am making instructions, he can't keep his eyes on my face. He would move his eyes to other direction from time to time and that distracts me really. I don't think I am ugly that she can't look on my face How about you,do you enjoy conversing with someone who can't look straight on your face or do you look straight on the face/eyes when talking to anyone. Just asking your opinion so I could get ideas why that guy can't do! Thanks!
5 people like this
49 responses
@maezee (42248)
• United States
28 Oct 09
I'm weird about eye contact, really. I rarely look people in the face because at least at work, as a cashier, no one looks me in the eye. It's weird. But by not looking people in eye, it's not as.. official. I can't explain it. But sometimes I feel UNCOMFORTABLE if someone DOES look me in the eye. *shrugs*.
2 people like this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Now I understand, there really are people like him who is born that way. Your post made me realized I have to understand that man if he can't really look straight on my face. Thanks dear for your contribution. It enlightened me!
1 person likes this
28 Oct 09
I feel the same way as yours. So don't do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
I usually look at the face and maintain eye contact with people I talk to. It is being polite doing that. It is showing the other person that you are listening to him. It shows that you are ready to respond to whatever he wants to impart. It is telling him that you are interested in the conversation.
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Yes, you are right. Looking on the eyes also means you are interested with the conversation and it is also a sign of politeness. I'm glad you have this good attitude too. Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Oct 09
salonga I try to always look at a person face to face but not just stare, as 'unnerving. but to pay attention youmust look at the other person, and they should do the same with you. I am shy but I always keep glancing at the other person then away occasionally ,but do maintain sufficient eye contact to let them know I am listening. But I do not always condem the person who does not look me straight in the e ye, they might be very shy., we really should not judge someone unless we really know them well.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Yes that is a good point Hatley. We should really not judge someone unless we really know them well. I know my office mate is a good person. He is just maybe really to shy to look at me eye to eye. Or maybe my kind of beauty is not his type!http://www.mylot.com/images/emotes/lol.gif
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Yes that is a good point Hatley. We should really not judge someone unless we really know them well. I know my office mate is a good person. He is just maybe really to shy to look at me eye to eye. Or maybe my kind of beauty is not his type!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
28 Oct 09
I have heard all my like that if a person didn't look u in the eye while talking to u they were not telling u the truth. I believe it to. As for your worker he may be shy .
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
In most cases a person who can't look in the eye is really hiding something and not telling the truth but my office mate certainly is not. You are right he is just shy but what I don't understand is why is he so shy!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
29 Oct 09
Some people are just naturally shy. I never had that problem.
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
10 Nov 09
It depends. If I am sitting down or standing in front of a person, I would look at them in the face when I speak to them - most of the time. My eyes wander sometimes but that's not because I don't pay attention or I'm aloof. Sometimes it just means I am thinking about what the other person is saying.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
Oh well that could happen really. Sometimes when we are talking, we do focus our eyes in something else but still paying attention. However, we also glance at the other persons face once in a while to show you are still with him. What my office mate is doing is rather different. He really does not look at me at all. Thanks for your comment dear and do have a nice day!
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
10 Nov 09
Maybe he has self esteem issues? Hehe. I don't know. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@weili163 (24)
• China
29 Oct 09
IF you have pimples on my face,I dare not look straight.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Well Weili, I assure you I have no pimples on my face. That is one thing I am really proud about. I was born with a normal skin type and I never had even a pimple in all my life. So you can look at me straight!
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
I'm just joking! I am not angry dear! In fact I laughed out loud as I read your comment.! Thanks for the big laugh that you gave me!
@Sreekala (34377)
• India
30 Oct 09
Hi salonga, The people who are not looking on eyes while talking may lack of confidence. I too have an office mate and behaving just like your office mate. I think eye to eye contact is very necessary when discussing serious issues. The other person is looking somewhere will send a message to us like, he/she is not interested to talk or not serious. I always look on the eyes when talking and if there is unnecessary topic is discussing then I won’t look on the person then just give a reply so that they can easily understand I am not interested in the topic.
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
1 Nov 09
Hi friend! So you also have an office mate who behaves like that!So you should really know how it feels talking with that kind of person. Yes you are right it is lack of self confidence on the part of that person. Maybe I should just understand him. Thanks for your comment!
@jlamela (4899)
• Philippines
4 Nov 09
Yes. Because I find it silly talking to a person without looking at his or her face. I cannot convey the message and understand the words if we don't talk eye to eye or straight to each other's face.
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
I'm glad you too have the same feelings as mine. Indeed, it is so hard to fully communicate when avoiding eye contact. Eye contact is always necessary to convey the exact message you wanna relay to the other person. Thank you for your comment dear and do have a nice day!
@jaiho2009 (39158)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
If i am talking with friends and co-workers,i always like to stare on their faces and eyes.But never with a stranger. There are really people who are too shy to look at us,even if we worked with them for years. They seems aloof and distant,i guess it is their nature already,unless he got a crush on you(uhmm,kidding...)
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Oh yes maybe he has a crush on me! Well just joking also! I think he must be just shy really and sometimes I wanna ask what is he shy about. Well come to think of it, maybe one of this days I will ask him directly if he has a crush on me.
@jaiho2009 (39158)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
oh yeah,why not dear,ask him directly and let me know his reaction(weiii..giggles)
• Boston, Massachusetts
28 Oct 09
Hi Salonga, Yes i look at them straight in the eyes so that they will feel my sincerity and at the same time i will be able to see if they're doing the same too. Sometimes, even without words you will be able to assess if one is sincere. In your case it's a different thing, he seemed to be shy and not comfortable maintaining an eye contact. Maybe he feared to be misinterpreted. You can ask him about this in a nice way! Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Yes, maybe one time I will advice him to look straight to my face as he has nothing to be shy about. Anyway, he is my office mate and I think he will not find it offensive if I talked to him tactfully about this matter.
• Boston, Massachusetts
28 Oct 09
That's the attitude. Go girl you can do it. Cheers!
@regina36 (28)
• United States
28 Oct 09
I don't like it my husband can't look at me when talking to me also. I like for someone when talking to me to look at my face and have eye contact. But my husband seems to not be able to do that. It aggrevates me so much. If you get this answer to this I would like to know also lol.
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Well cheating husband can be caught through their eyes. If they can't look straight to your eyes when being asked where he has been and why he was late the night before then vigilant my dear. Chances are , he is playing around with someone else! Well, I hope not though!
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
I mean be vigilant! Be watchful and look at his every action and sooner or later, you will catch him!
• United States
28 Oct 09
Most often I look directly at a persons eyes. Sometimes that gets uncomfortable though because it can become to intense. I then change my eyes to look at another point on the persons face. I think it is rude to not look a person straight on when you are talking to them and I also think it is a sign that a person is lying or trying to hide something. I tend to judge people when they are not straight talkers and steer clear of them in my personal life because I feel they are shady.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Well of course we need not make the eye contact so intense. It is just letting the person know you are listening and you are sincere in answering back. It is really quite rude and as you said a sign of lying. Surely liars can't look directly to the eyes because the eyes are the windows to the soul and lies could be revealed through eyes alone. Thanks for sharing dear.
• United States
28 Oct 09
Ah, I love that saying, "eyes are the window to the soul." They really are for sure. I work with many people who tell lies regularly and I can't tell you how many times it was the eyes that gave it away. People even try to change their eyes to be less conspicuous but that is very difficult to do and only very skilled liars can do it well.
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Hi! There are a lot of people who are a bit uncomfortable doing this, as it makes them think you are staring. But actually, eye contact helps you to know if that person is being truthful. Weeelll, not that everyone who doesn't make eye contact with you is lying, but most people who avoid making eye contact have something to hide. I, for instance, make eye contact most of the time. Especially to my students, so that they can feel that I am sincere in teaching them. I think it would look funny if I stare in another direction while talking to them. BUT, if I like someone, I sometimes find it hard to make eye contact because I get distracted and I end up staring instead ! Talk about getting mesmerized! Hahaha
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
How funny and quite weird if the teacher is teaching but she is looking at the windows. Ha!ha!ha! Well it is a different thing if you are talking to your crush, well you will really end up staring with your heart pounding so excitedly. Maybe you will look like this smiley:
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Exactly! It would be really funny if a teacher would stare out of the window or just stare into space while talking to her students. I can even imagine their reaction! Hahaha.. They'd most probably follow where the teacher is looking and look for that certain something that they think might have caught the interest of the teacher! I think I'll be branded as weird if I do that. Hahahah And eye contact helps me to know if my student understands what I'm saying. As for crushes... oh well, I think that's that hahahaha
• South Africa
5 Dec 09
Hey salonga , i kinda have the same thing with certain people , i cnt seem 2 look them in the eyes, well its mostly because im shy around certain people especially those im so attrected to , havent u ever been in that situation were u look at a certain individual in the face and unexpectedly he looks at you and you just look away and u dont knw y u looked away. I think the guy is really shy around you he might even realy like you alot , check how he is around other people in the office , whether he looks away while talking 2 them or not , that should tell you alot ,OR YOU JUST MIGHT WANA ASK HIM LOL. Great discussion thank you
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
7 Dec 09
I'm certain he is not attracted to me. I'm too old for him ha!ha!ha! I think he just hasnot much self confidence so that he feels so inferior talking to his superior. Thanks for your contribution dear. Do have a nice day!
• United States
29 Oct 09
I feel strange if I'm not looking at the person that is talking to me. I realize that some people hate long bouts of eye contact so I try not to stare someone down if I can help it. However, I do try to look at them as much as possible because I think it's respectful to look at them while they are talking to you. It does bug me whenever someone doesn't look at me because I'm pretty sure I'm not being listened to and that really bothers me. People kind of ignore me way too often so I just kind of deal with it as I go.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
It is really distracting! As you said it is as if he is not listening to you at all because he is focusing his eyes somewhere else. I feel quite offended with that gesture nevertheless I must understand that he must be really just too shy! Thanks for sharing dear!
@Bebs08 (10683)
• United States
29 Oct 09
Hi friend, I would assume that this person is intimidated with you. Most persons who are lower in rank felt awkward talking to someone whom they think superior to them. I would call it their defense mechanism to look in other directions while listening but actually they are listening to what you are saying they just can't look at you straight because they are inferior. Me? is different. When someone gives me instruction of what I will do? I will not look at his face but look at the papers and follow the instruction, demonstration or whatever. I would once in a while look at the face of the one giving instruction but most often I will focus on the object he wants me to do or on what will I do in it.
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Hi my friend!. Yes, you maybe right! Maybe he feels inferior and it is his defense mechanism. You have good points there. Even when he is the one talking he can't also look at me. He always look at the computer or at the paintings, or to the ceiling. I'm not that ugly that he can't stand my face! Ha!ha!ha!. I'm not a "terror" person too so I really can't understand! But you are right, he may feel really awkward talking to his superior. Thanks for sharing my friend and I hope you have a nice weekend!
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
30 Oct 09
Hi salonga! Yaa meet some people like that makes us lazy to talk, because it is feel like ignoring us, naa you don't ugly, in fact maybe you are too pretty, that's why ( i think they also didn't brave to speak closer, they always keep a distance when talks ) the problem is with him not you, i think it's because mental behaviour issue why one person always do that when talking with some one ... I'm not enjoying it also, but when they came to me, i'm doing just like what they are doing to me so i don't feel being ignored
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
1 Nov 09
Thank you for thinking I am beautiful friend! Indeed the problem is with him and not with me dear. I hope he can soon have a boost on his self-esteem so he could carry a good conversation to anyone. Thanks for sharing!
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Yes, it makes them feel you are talking with a great sense and real concern. I even look at them straight in the eye to convey the message I want to share with them.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Oh yes, great sense and real concern, those are good points! So better look straight on the eyes! Thanks sharlionse for participating in this discussion. I appreciate it! Have a nice one!
@iceydon (342)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
I normal maintain eye contact every time I have to talk with somebody. In that way I can convey my sincere agenda when I talk. And in a way I can relay to the person that I am serious with what I am telling him. I get annoyed when someone talk to me looking down or everywhere. I have a notion that the person is not telling the truth or he has a problem with me. Or in a very conceited way the person likes me that why he/she is very shy talking to me.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Yes it is kinda annoying to talk to that person! With my officemate I don't think he has problem with me but I am certain it is just a personality problem. He must be feeling too shy to look at me because I am in a higher post than him
@gnase99 (172)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
i dont look them in the eye its been a habit of mine that i cant take away.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27786)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Well dear, if you want to make a better impact and to build up your personality it's about time you learn looking on the eyes. Sooner or later you will find out that it feels better if you can not only communicate through words but also through your eyes. Try it now!