What do you do if you think a friend likes you romantically, but you don't?

@skaterx (530)
Finland
October 31, 2009 8:30am CST
If you feel like a friend is becoming attracted to you, but you are not interested in them in any way like that, what do you do? Do you say anything? If he hasn't said anything, but you feel its kind of like that, what do you ? Is there some easy way, or a best way? He's heard that i have a bf, maybe he doesn't believe it? What am I supposed to say? Just say it directly? I dont want him to be obsessed with me.
13 responses
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
31 Oct 09
I would wait until some conversation about would come and then i would clarefy everything.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
31 Oct 09
I would talk about my bf more, but i dont want to be like rubbing it in, so i dont know how to tell my friend anything, like that i am not interested in him. and hes very pessimistic and depressing, and i also dont want to feel responsible for making him feel worst. but i kind of cant even hang around him when hes like that . and that when he also wants to be around, and doesnt have any other friends, it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable.
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
31 Oct 09
Try to present your friend to new friends and maybe everything will change. Maybe yr friends problem is more a question of lonellyness and is projecting everything on you. To not hurt his feellings hang out with him and other friends maybe that someone will come to make to change his heart.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
31 Oct 09
Yeah he is very lonely. he's quite silent. actually mentioned to him about finding more friends, because he moved to this city like a year ago or something.
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
2 Nov 09
hai skaterx :) personally, I prefer not to say it (rejection)..if I'm not interested, I would never give her hope or any sign of acceptance..its all over my face (also in my body language), even a child can tell what's going on..its cruel, I know, but it's also necessary and best for her :) unless if I'm interested, even just a bit interested, I'll show her that i love to have her around..say like, texting or try my best to get the conversation going. so, bottom line is, if I'm in this kind of situation, I choose to send her the sign of rejection, rather than try to talk her out of it..action speaks louder than words!! I'm a believer, and always will
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
2 Nov 09
well in a way i use the word FRIEND so much, like that im his FRIEND, and that he should hang out or find some more FRIENDS to hang out with, its hard not to get the msg unless he just totally wants to ignore it. thats the frustration. Or that he is antisocial and doesn't know how to understand when a girl doesn't like him in any sense. its become like hard to like him generally too, hes just so negative all the time. getting a bit angry about it, which was one of the reasons i wanted to just say it to him, but dont want him to die either, which he prob wouldn't, but dont want him to do something stupid or hate me so obviously its a really stupid situation to be in. Maybe some people just get like that? I've had maybe a few guys in the past they would msg me on my phone even tho i had nothing to do with them. One was a man who was renting out his apartment. only met him because i wanted to rent an apartment, but obviously not with HIM living there also :// he started trying to flirt with me on my phone, was gross. Another guy also wanted flatmates, but he was not creepy, he just couldnt see i wasnt interested and still kept trying to invite me, i think till i basically moved countries so im not sure whether he still msged on that phone!
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
8 Nov 09
you moved countries?? wow, sound like obssesion to me.. anyway, if given the same situation, if she didn't text me back, say 1 time..out of curiosity I'm gonna text her again..let say after 3 times still no respond, to me its clear she's not interested...and its best to leave her alone rather than makes her irritated and starts to hate me.. in your case, I think he choose to ignore the sign..and its best you say 'it' to him...trust me he's not gonna die--if he's a man that is.. :D some may see being persistent is attractive, but to me, honestly, its just being disrespectful.. guys, some time its best to let go..
• Indonesia
1 Nov 09
It's a good thing if a friend suddenly likes you romantically, because you can utilize him better and he will do it, i mean it happens to me, i mean just go with the flow, who knows as time goes by you might like him in return.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
1 Nov 09
wow gee. its like i dont want to feel like im using him. I feel bad if i need a favor sometimes, like if i need to be driven somewhere because i dont drive, but he does. but i ask that as a friend. But it makes me feel like waht does he think, that if he's there for me that i would like him? i like him only as a friend.
@cripfemme (7710)
• United States
1 Nov 09
In most cases, you can just say "I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way about you and just move one with your lives as friends." In some cases, however, like the one involving me, unfortunately, people just don't get a clue and wouldn't even if it bit them in the butt.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
1 Nov 09
He's never said anything about that yet. Is it okay to say that if he's just inviting me out somewhere, if i feel like he wants to be my bf?
@Paarl20 (20)
• South Africa
31 Oct 09
Romping other people into the fray is one of the best ways forward, and in particular the one you're involved with.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
1 Nov 09
sorry?? :S totally did not get what u mean.
• China
31 Oct 09
To be or not to be? This is a fix. It seems that you have wavered between telling him your feeling and being afraid f his propable affection on you. You have to make a decision before he goes too far. Given that the hurt is hardly preventable, earlier and less pain is much better than later and more. Perhaps there is never a perfect remedy for such matter.
@Ravenladyj (22919)
• United States
31 Oct 09
I woudl just let him know that I wasnt interested that way and value our friendship too much to mess with it...If he hasnt said anything but I suspect it I would ask him I think and THEN let him know how I feel about it
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
31 Oct 09
The hardest thing is, i dont want to open up a topic like, "hey u might like me, but i dont like u (in that way)". seems like kind of a shock. i think some guys feel like a fool or get really angry when u tell them directly that u dont want anything to do with them romantically? or maybe ive just had some ex-friends who were like this. Maybe they are just being unreasonable, but hence thats why im having trouble just getting the point across in a good way.
• China
31 Oct 09
Well, it doesn't cost too much to solve your problem. frist, put a ring ,somethiong not expensive that representing affection , on your middle finger if possible and tell him that's from your BF. second, reveal now and then that you have dates with yout BF and you have little spare time. third, place your BF's image as the backgound of your cell phone or PC. In general, make him understand ,in a mild way, that there is no more space for him in your heart.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
31 Oct 09
Yeah i know I could go on about my bf, but it seems unnecessarily cruel. I mean, if this friend has feelings for me, i dont want to hurt him. just dont want to lead him on in anyway, actually started to avoid him and thats because i feel uncomfortable doing any activities with him if he gets the wrong impression. its more like he's really lonely maybe.
@StarBright (2799)
• United States
7 Nov 09
It's been a lot of years since I had your problem, but I still remember how I solved it. It always worked for me. I always seemed to have as many male friends as female friends. I was equally comfortable with both. When a fellow started to get interested in me as more than a friend, whether he expressed it or not, I always managed to maintain the friendship. I simply started talking about how he was the best big brother a girl could have and how much I appreciated his friendship. It was seldom a sit-down let's talk kind of conversation. I just always tried to work that in to our every day casual conversations. Sometimes they would come right out and tell me they did not want to be a big brother. I would then try to keep it light and be honest in letting them know that they would find a girl who cared for them the way they deserved and I would be the best sister-in-law she ever had. Why lose a friend if you can help it. If you know how he feels, then you owe it to him not to lead him on. Your silence is a way of leading him on. Even if you let him know you have a bf, there is always the chance, in his mind, that he can lure you away since you are spending time with him. Since you are friends, you will find a way to let him know. I have faith in you. Good luck.
@jerimiyah (232)
• Philippines
1 Nov 09
i will tell him that if he tells me that he has plans of making a move that is if he has feelings for me. if he doesnt then he can go on with his feelings and not tell me and i can go on with my life. i mean im married and its such a hassle if i have a male friend who is flirting with me.
@solared (1209)
• United States
1 Nov 09
Well just be honest with them an say, I only like you as a friend, if you can't understand that then we can't be friends anymore.
@mdaazam (826)
• Indore, India
31 Oct 09
I would never break a girls heart straightly like that , what would it cost any way . I think will be even more happier to be loved by one more ! It wouldnt cost that much i think and i wont mind hanging out with her when im free atleast i wont be breaking her heart . But this is a very good question i must say you know !!! Nice one really , thanks for posting , cheerz !
@hireshd (492)
• India
31 Oct 09
I would not suggest u that you dnt say anything to him till the time he doesnt say anything, and at the same time, keep on trying to tell him what all you would like to have in your boyfriend that should be completely opposite to what he is, in this way even if some day he says u can say him nicely i have some different image and u do not fit in that he wnt feel that bad after that...