How can you end up a realtionship w/o hurting or leaving the person in despair?
November 5, 2009 4:33am CST
I had a close fiend of mine, who asked for a help in regards to her relationship with her boyfriend. They had a long time relationship, and months from now, they're gonna celebrate their 5th anniversary. He was her first boyfriend and they were together back when they were on their high school years. He was her childhood crush and it was a dream came true to her when he started courting her, until they were officially together. Being together for almost 5 years, she can say that she became happy being with him. They both love and care so much for each other. Until there was a time when my girl friend suddenly realized she's not growing in their relationship. His boyfriend started to become possessive until it comes to the point that he started to control her. She can't make any decisions in her life, because everything that she does should be in favor with him. But she does admit that she really love her boyfriend until this time, but she's afraid that time will come wherein she can't stand anymore his attitude. Does it signals the end???
5 Nov 09
Could you site some examples what your friend decided to do but was denied by her boyfriend? Did he often forbid her to go out with friends without his knowledge or go out with friends but he would not permit her? Does he exhibit jealousy toward friends and family?
6 Nov 09
If that is the case then that is no longer love. The BF is a manipulative and selfish being. If he truly love your friend he should be supportive of her plans and goals. Advise your friend to have a serious talk with the BF. And let him explain himself why he does not support your friend plans. And even if he does not agree with your friend's plans, advise you friend to do it anyway as long as its the right thing to do. So what if he gets angry, what would be the worst thing that could happen? If she is unhappy and feels suffocated then they should have a cooling off period and see where they both stand.
8 Nov 09
Yeah your right, we both have same opinion regarding that matter. That is also the advise I'm giving my friend. Maybe in that case, it's not really love anymore. After all they always end up in trouble. But, my girlfriend was afraid that if she leave that guy, it might be the end for him. The guy threatened her that if she leave him, he will not continue his schooling and pursue his dreams, because it will all be worthless without her..
6 Nov 09
i've been in a relationship for 4 years with a man that i love a lot. He's practically like my soulmate. We thought alike, and we laugh easily when we are with each other. However, on the 3rd year together, things went ugly. He became very very possessive. Not only was i forbidden to be with my guy friends, i'm not even allowed to be with my girl friends. Either i stay at home, or i have to spend time with him. i felt like a puppet. i was so blinded by love that i chose to stick with him for another year. i woke up one day, and came to my senses. called him on the phone, and told him i want to broke it up. i immediately changed another new handphone number and cut all contacts with him. He cant come to my house as my parents dont like him that much. he continue to send flowers, begging for another chance. but i was so determined to be strong and to get away from him that i persevere. it took me one and a half year to be strong again. Please this is one of the red flag, ask your friend to think carefully on how she want to lead her life....dont waste her youth on someone that's not doing her any good
8 Nov 09
hi euniceeleanor. you and my friend experience same situation..But i think my friend is not that brave enough like you to do such things. She is afraid of taking risk in life, because for her she doesn't want to end up, regretting to the decisions that she make. She doesn't want to destroy her boyfriends life, because this guy threatened her that if she leaves him, he will not continue his schooling and pursue his dreams, because it will all be worthless without her in his life. An open communication will be a big help, but this guy always doesn't want to listen, and doesn't want to accept his mistakes. I wish they could settle this things as soon as possible before it will be late.
7 Nov 09
i think they should revive their happiness moments for her not to fall out of love... breaking up must be the last resort...but if she thinks that happiness is no longer there... or she things would never be the same as before... then leave... it will cause heartaches and pain to her bf but that is the best thing to do... you cant hide the truth forever anyway...
14 Nov 09
well just tell your friend to talk to her boy friend to clear up things and thus you know what is on his side.since they were lovers for 5 years that is quite long for boy friend and girl friend.but indeed when relationship worth it don't give up ans just be positive talk to any misunderstanding that bothers her.so that his boyfriend will know and the will adjust by not controlling her decision and likes.