how can i deal with my husband

China
November 6, 2009 1:12am CST
I has married with a young boy three months ago,now i'm so confused how to make him more hard for our future. He worked for a small Advertising,so everyday he comes back a bit late,I want his job can become better,and then i asked him to learn more knowledge.But he said he feld so tired and don't want learn anything but playing games. I'm so worried,but can't put more pressure on him,now how can i do?
3 people like this
22 responses
@equdee (36)
• India
6 Nov 09
So your husband is a gamer, then show him sites that pay for playing games,then gradually other sites pay for discussion,then gradually he will start liking it.
• India
6 Nov 09
Its only three months you both are married so its early to think anything about future and career. Enjoy your times and get to know each other better. Discussions and plans for career and future should be discussed prior to marriage so that you both can plan the path ahead. Understanding and compromise goes a long way in keeping a marriage working…so when he’s free you can always sit down together and have such discussions. Don’t nag him or pressurize him to take more responsibility.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
9 Nov 09
It's a bit late now to be worrying about his work ethic. You should have thought about that before you married him. If he is not doing his job he will be fired...there is no reason for you to give him grief over this...How is your own job going? How would you like it if he told you you had to do better and improve yourself. Personally, I think your marriage is doomed.
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
9 Nov 09
I see that you are 29 and you say you have married a young boy. He is your husband...you are not his mother. You are acting like his mother and that is probably the last thing he wants from his wife. You care only for yourself from the sound of your post...think of his feelings for a change...I'm guessing it was an arranged marriage because you are much older....I'm guessing your boy/husband is pretty miserable right now.
• Italy
6 Nov 09
I think it's understandable he wants to relax at home, after all, he has been out all day working, I don't blame him for wanting to play games, work isn't everything after all! Don't pressure him, in the end it's his career, not yours. If you think you two aren't making enough money, get a job yourself if you don't have it, or pursue your own career. It's easy to criciticze others and put pressure on them, but how about you?
@syndrix (475)
• Malaysia
6 Nov 09
you right "paleorainy" it easy to criticize others and put pressure on them, but how about us? I believe to encouraged your partner to upgrade his/her knowledge for a certain field of specialization is a good idea, but to put pressure on the other hand I think will lead to misunderstanding. Most of the guy loves to play games and this is as part of their activity,but guys also should know what his responsibility in a married life. For a new married couples I think financial issue is the most common talks when you get married at the early aged.
• China
9 Nov 09
I don't it's advisable to push your husband too much.both of you are young,and you've just get married,I think it's more important to assort you with each other than to intend to make a big progress in career.we all kown that it's impossibe for a common young man to be promoted quickly in China,so just give him more time and patience,and enjoy your marriage.
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
8 Nov 09
I am sorry but you have married wrong, to a man with no ambition and interest on the future. You need to think hard about that, cause you may end up supporting him and his bad habits. If you don't make good choices he is going to just be living off your hard work and make you suffer.
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
8 Nov 09
Why dont you ask him what you can do to make it easier for him to learn. My husband is taking courses. I go through his texts and create quizzes and study aids to help him study . I also try to make sure he has an area to study in and avoid asking him to do other things.
• United States
7 Nov 09
After being married for almost 5 years, I have found there really is no way to put more pressure on your husband. Life tends to do that. With 3 children, my husband now knows that he really needs to move up and work with me. Remember that marrige is a team effort. What are you doing for your future? What can you do to make ends meet or put away for the future? Do you have a degree? Have you considered getting one? If you have a job there are schools that offer classes at night (I am currently going to one) and most offer classes online (I have done this too). The best thing to do is sit down and talk to him. Dont fight or yell but talk. Voice your concerns and ask what his concerns are. If you have no children, you are in a good spot and can get federal aid for one or both of you to go to school. I hope this helps.
@ladygator (3468)
• United States
7 Nov 09
Well hun, I am not sure how to help you here. What was the condition of the money relationship prior to marriage? You really cant expect to get much change out of someone if thats just not how it has ever been. But one good tip is this, if he would like things different as well then you have to focus on his good qualities and strong points rather than picking at him all the time. This may cause a reaction you dont want at all and that is leaving.
• India
7 Nov 09
Your problem is just because you have married a young boy, you think he is immature, and you want to correct him in a hurry. I do not know the age of your young husband but You have to understand young people will always love to have a good time.They will not get the responsibility over night, and the responsibility will come at its own time. For some it comes at a very early age, and for some at a later stage. So stop nagging him, and when you have a baby, this will naturally come.
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
7 Nov 09
surely there was something you were n'sync with him before you got married. capitalize on that and reap the reward it's bound to bring maybe not now but in the future and be satisfied for what your partnership through marriage turned out. but as of now, if having him have his way is the only way to have peace in the house then let him do what he wants. otherwise, depending on the culture of the country you live, perhaps a divorce?
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
7 Nov 09
That's really hard to get married for young one, my friend. Because it's thinking is always like being a boy and want to play games than to improve himself. You must be patient to persuade him to continue on higher education so that he can find much better jobs. Don't be upset because you choose younger than you. There's really a person like your husband that do not consider future but endeavor on what he want to do. I think your husband think more when you have child because he knows that he have responsible for his kid...
@dpk262006 (56737)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi dear! You are married for only three months and you have started to worry about your husband's attitude.. Please try to persuade him that married life means responsibility and he has to get along with you and run the show without any hassles. Please try to make him understand politely that having more income and more money would be beneficial for both of you. Also, please try to explore the possibility of you contributing anything in your family income. If you have potential and the requisite qualifications, you can also do some part-time job. Best of Luck! Keep enjoying your married life.
• China
7 Nov 09
It will be very difficult to change a man.If you give him too many advice, he will not only not to comply, on the contrary, he would go to resist. The best approach is to stimulate him, give him more pressure. Man will mature and progress when he is on the pressure.
@Hatley (164171)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Nov 09
hi whicloudly you are also very young I believe, and you have only been married three months.do you expect really for him to become the president of his firm in three months? look in this today's economy you had better be damned glad he has a job at all. let him proceed at his pace, and support him do not try to'make him older than he is.let him get good experience where he is and he will know when it is time to move up.Do not do any more pushing, relax and love him for who he is, surely you did not marry him expecting to change him into a very rich man soon or did you? You cannot really remake another person. anything he does to move up has to come from his own motivation. right now be glad he is wor king. and if money is such a problem how about joining the work force yourself if you have not already done so.He is learning knowledge every day where he works. do not be so hard on him. get a job yourself if you wish.
@fiazio (735)
• India
7 Nov 09
Hey, I think he's getting over stressed with his work. What might help him is probably refreshing him, taking him for a diner outside or just a party, refresh things up. Have a talk and make things go back as they were before you were married. Try giving a massage(back) when he's back, that helps a lot in removing stress. After all this talk about the future, that will make him work harder, also try to help him in his decisions, you should probably give him some suggestions as well. HAve a great day, good morning, cares
• China
6 Nov 09
Work harder and earn more.Playing games won't bring you cash afford your life.It's you,the unique person,can help him out of the way,Maybe a child will let him to stand more responsibility.
6 Nov 09
Well I think you need to share your goals in life what you expect from the future. See what he responds to that if he likes only playing games then he should go to school for graphic design maybe that would motivate him to still have his current job, study then when he graduates from graphic design school he can do that. Hope this helps.
@surfette (674)
• United States
6 Nov 09
You said that he is young and sometimes young men mature at a different rate than young women. As you two get to know each other a little better, you will plan your future together. Sometimes if you get stressed, it is easy to put stress on your partner. He may have his own plans for the pace that he wants to pursue his career. The key is to always TALK to each other and learn the wishes and hopes and dreams. They will come, I'm sure, so please try not to worry. Let me tell you a little story about a young man that sat in the chair behind me in high school algebra class. He goofed around all the time, getting 30's and 40's on his math tests. He always made jokes and acted like he didn't care if he even made it out of high school. Well, he did mature and went to college later on. When his mind was ready for the future, he got very serious about it. Now, he has a wife, five children, a lovely home and he has written his second book about Marketing. If you had asked me in our Algebra class if this boy would become the man he is today, I would have laughed. But he proved me wrong. Maturity comes at different times for different people. I wish you both all the love and happiness for each other and a bright and successful future.
• United States
6 Nov 09
I think you should be happy that he has a job and maybe he is taking it seriously while he's at work...When he wants to come home and relax let him! If you keep riding him about things its just goin' to cause problems between y'all!