Can a person really forget? In the sense of erasing the incident from our memory

@manong05 (5029)
Philippines
November 8, 2009 6:10am CST
It is commonly said that once we forgive we also have to forget. But is this possible? I don't believe that the hurt done to us can be erased that easily from our memory banks although we have forgiven the person who hurt us. Personally, I take forget here to mean differently. To forget is actually to remember what was done to us and tell ourselves we are not going to hold that thing against the person anymore. Everytime the incident rears its ugly head in our minds, we tell ourselves, this issue has been resolved and it can not be taken against the person anymore. Fortunately, time has its own way of healing wounds and the feeling of pain will be gone and we do still remember the incident but it has no longer affect us. Can we really forget? any personal idea?
4 people like this
13 responses
@angelajoy (1836)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
Some psychologists say that we remember everything, but we are just not aware that we remember because we shove some memories at the back of our minds, at our subconscious. But memories in the subconscious would get out in the conscious if we would make an effort to do so. But I'm not an expert, so I don't really know how accurate this is.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
oh, how i wish i could remember everything. i can only recall bits of pieces of my life and never the full memory of it. i can only remember things that are strong for me and some which are pleasing too. but not all because some are not so good and others are really something that I'd want to forget
1 person likes this
@angelajoy (1836)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
Maybe you should try this therapy that Sigmund Freud invented. It is the "free association" of words. Just let thoughts flow in your mind and say out loud anything that pops into your mind no matter how stupid or embarrassing it is. Freud said that this will help you dig inside your subconscious mind. But you should ask experts. I'm not sure if they still use this technique.
@Agoenxz (554)
• Indonesia
8 Nov 09
Well, actually we cannot really forget about it at all... Unless we had severe an amnesia or somethings like that...LOL anyway just like what you have said above And also, it is more about how we deal, react and live with it... We must always try to have positive thinkings! thats what can make the difference on how fast we can be healed. Atleas thats my oppinion! :) happy postings!Well, actually we cannot really forget about it at all... Unless we had severe an amnesia or somethings like that...LOL anyway just like what you have said above And also, it is more about how we deal, react and live with it... We must always try to have positive thinkings! thats what can make the difference on how fast we can be healed. Atleas thats my oppinion! :) happy postings!
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
Yes, it is matter really of how we deal with the situation and the way we react and live with it matter most. Positive thinking helps a lot, definitely.
@Agoenxz (554)
• Indonesia
8 Nov 09
Well, i'm just wondering how could my response turned in to two...Hahaha i must be copy-paste it twice...Lmao That is an accident, really!
@shanemre (357)
• Saudi Arabia
8 Nov 09
no, we can never forget. The things the hurt or the things which gave us pain will always be in our memory. We forgive people but it doesn't mean we can forget what happened. We don't forget, rather we neglect the memory, we convince ourselves that everything has been resolved. but true enough, the pain will always be there, the wounds may heal but the marks will remain.
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
Yes, the pain will be long gone but the scar the wound left remains. The good thing is life goes on and we don't feel the pain anymore compared to the day we were terribly affected. enjoy life!
• Australia
8 Nov 09
Sometimes we think it would be a good thing if we had a "clear" button on our memory banks, but I am thankful we don't. As you already know, I suffered extreme abuse of all four kinds for the first 22 years of my life. I have vivid memories of that time but I wouldn't want them erased. In fact I am thankful for them, because they made me what I am today. I remember what happened very clearly - BUT I remember without any recriminations, without any malice, without any feelings of revenge, without any ill-will, without any self-pity, without any "bad" feelings of any sort. I remember with deep feelings of pity for the perpetrators and a desire that they could have known a better life, then and since. They suffered later but their suffering was not on my shoulders. I wish they could have known a better life. Forgive and forget? No. Forgive and forget the feelings of ill will, of grudges, of "poor me". Forgive and remember with a clean heart. Forgive and remember, being thankful that you have been enabled to rise above.
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
Nice thoughts cloudwatcher and a wonderful way to put them. It's really different when we are talking about life experiences, the discussions get very meaningful and profound. This is really one of the reasons why I love it here, it's nice to have a heart to heart interaction with friends and the total community as a whole. enjoy!
@Sandra1952 (6051)
• Spain
8 Nov 09
No, some things just cannot be forgotten, even though they may be forgiven. And as these incidents have obviously had a major impact on your life and the person you are today, I don't think they should be forgotten. What we should avoid is allowing our experiences to embitter us, so that we develop a warped view of life and people. Learn from all experiences, good and bad, then store them away and move on. It's the only sensible thing to do, in my opinion.
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
I like your description of things Sandra, well said. Being bitter leads to a warped view of life and people and in the end we are the ones who are badly affected. Good words my friend. enjoy!
@kush20006 (515)
• India
8 Nov 09
you can never forget anything it is just the feeling of hurt changes into sorry and goes to your idle banks as we reconcile unfinished task first so hurted ones appear earlier then others thus we should finish tassk and refresh ourselves for new tasks of the world it helps in growing as a peerson
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
Good point kush! Yes the incident goes to our idle banks and they are labelled as "sorry" incidents and the feeling of hurt is gone and we in turn became better and not bitter persons. cheers!
@hani20 (60)
• Saudi Arabia
13 Nov 09
I had a bad experience with my colleagues when I was new to my Job. It is really discouraging and frustrating that I was misinterpreted many times. Of course nobody wants to be degraded and downsized at times but I have learned that forgive then forget at times is really needed. I think forgive then forget is just natural in this world full of imperfections. We just need to be aware and to be awake all the time as we continue to take our path, possitively and negatively, vice versa. In my case, I think I should not blame others for their mistakes and what is happening around. Otherwise, the world will be perfected. When someone is giving, there is someone receiving. Heartily giving and receiving without gusto is unfair. I would just accept the situation as it comes then I will shine. I won't compete with them but I will not forget to prepare myself with the challenge.
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
No, it is easy to say that i already forgive those person who hurt me in the process and reconcile with any differences I have been with this person who causes a lot of troubles in a my life. But, it is in the process of forgetting that it is hard to totally eliminated. I do observe that i already forget then it is forgiven or the reverse situation like it is already forgiven that is why it is already forget which is not true most of the times. Just like you I do believe the pain and hurt is no longer manifested as long as the source of irritation is no longer present or rarely seen then it is slightly forget but not definitely deleted as their are cases when we encounter similar scenes/situation, seen or heard that we could relate and thus past now comes back again like flash back from the past just like in a movies it is retain in the mind still fresh and vivid like it just happen yesterday. I could say that the mind is a greater storage of memory is more complex than the memory of the computer hard drives which processes all information and store it all in some parts of the brain once it is been photograph there it stays forever, even though the mind may program to forget but the fact it is really been store like in a bank ready to be dug/withdraw anytime it is been recall.
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
hello manong, I think it is best to forget the emotion on how you got hurt instead of forgetting the whole. because once you recall the memory, there's a chance that you also might remember something of emotions out of that terrible event. but if you remember them all the time with out emotional attachments, maybe you might get used recalling the past with out recalling the negative emotion on what happened to the past
• India
9 Nov 09
we cannot forget what has happened to us even though we forgive them .time has to heal our feeling or eles human cannot live with the old memories .even though we forgive n forget our painfull days and hurt when we think about it small pains comes back to our memory so all bad things cannot be erased from memory
• United States
9 Nov 09
Forgive and forget can't occur simutaneously. You either forgive first then forget thereafter. We can always forgive totally at the same time forget totally. If a person wrong you and apologies. If the person adjust nd started putting joy and happiness on your face or making your day consistently, you will definetly forget his/her wrong doings. E.g a lover affair between two person. I cote: If we didnt forgot the yesterday wrongs charges........
@SouravRC (248)
• India
9 Nov 09
Fantastic question. I think it's not possible for any human being to forget any good or bad incidents of his/her life. We tend to forget small and insignificant matters but more serious matter - positive or negative we don't forget. Though we try and they say we can but, simply we just can't. No matter where you are and how far you have gone or how much you try, somewhere someday - some bad memory will make you cry.
• India
9 Nov 09
Forgiving takes some effort. But it's easy when we realise that those who hurt us are our best friends because they help us grow spiritually. They are to be appreciated because they prompt us to look within ourselves and ask why we are facing the situation. Like begets like. That is why The Buddha always thanked his detractors.