Why do women want to change men?

United States
November 15, 2009 5:28am CST
Here is a question for you ladies (men can answer too, of course): Why is it that women always seem to want to change men? Too many times, not just in my relationships, but other friends have told me, that women want to change their man once they are in a relationship. Don't they understand that 1) you can never really change someone else, you can only change yourself, and 2) you need to accept that person or reject that person for who they really are. I had an interesting conversation with one lady who wanted to change me. She was always telling me how to act, or how to do anything, but when I would ask her to change something, she just said "Why can't you just accept me the way I am....?" Interesting...
5 people like this
29 responses
@qamarep (4447)
• Pakistan
15 Nov 09
yes women want to change us because they believe men have been superior to them now itslike a retaliation of them on us they say they want equal opportunities but infact they want more they want to make us inferior. and this is one of their way to make this goal achieved.
@babyania (161)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
relationship isn't a game that there is a goal you have to achieve! it is about give and take! women are just concerned for men that is why they want them to change!
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
18 Feb 10
this is a very interesting question. I believe that nobody is perfect and there is always room for improvement. When you are in a relationship it is a learning curve therefore there is room for change in order to be better. I have learned that it s very difficult to change others but its better to accept them as they are.
• United States
19 Nov 09
I never try to change a man. Why would I want to do that! The only guess I can come up with is that they are afraid that there is only This guy out there for them and they Have to work with what they have. So instead of seeing a guy for what he really is, they see what they make him into. It is sad and a total waste of time.
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
19 Nov 09
If a woman wants her man to do certain things or say certain things it's her way of telling him what she wants. If a guy is inept or not sure of himself it's up to his lady to show him what pleases her. This isn't changing him, it's teaching him and it's up to him to reciprocate...it's called communication. I understand that if a guy, for example, uses bad language and this makes his lady uncomfortable and she asks him to stop and explains why...then he may resent the fact that she is trying to change him, yet she may truly love every other aspect of his personality and nature. Helping someone you love be the best they can be is what makes a loving relationship...it's a two way street too. But a couple need to start of liking each other first and then they learn and grow together, both of them changing as they grow.
• Philippines
19 Nov 09
It is case to case basis why women want to change men. In my case I have been totally change my man for personal reason. He got some vices that really need to take away and he is not concern about what will happen next in his life. So Ive tried to change the way he is. With all the patience and effort gladly say Ive been successfully changed him.
@haiershen (1082)
• China
18 Nov 09
when a couple start to siting together,there are also many differed with their style of life, so both of them need to be changed a little and adapt of the new life style.it is normal thing in order to keep the family happiness. both men or women all need to be changed. good luck and have a nice day!
@sugarlen (138)
• Philippines
17 Nov 09
you are right you can never change a man you just have to accept him as he is. if you love a person you should love him unconditionally. no ifs no buts... hope you'll find that person
@szlhff (10)
• China
17 Nov 09
she love you ,so she want you to act as her liked way
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
17 Nov 09
My thoughts exactly. Are you reading my mind??? Im a female, but i find things the other way around. Men trying to change women. But i see the women doing that too. I will never figure that out. Thats one major reason i have desided to stay single now. I understand you completely. Going into a relationship thinking you will change something in the other person is totaly wrong. Unless its something the other wants to change it just is not going to happen. Iam who iam and thats who iam. Love it or leave it.
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
16 Nov 09
I think those kind of women is not contented on the flesh they have. They don't know about love and love for them is only a sort of words and not for sake of their heart. I understand that they do such things to please their own greediness for flesh. Even men in that situation. They also like to explore something really makes them contented on their greediness of flesh. All of those is not for the sake of love and undisciplined behavior...
@jacksong (130)
16 Nov 09
That is right, I have found that I always want to change my woman, I told her what to do, how to do, you should to this, you should not do this. In the other hand, she does the same thing to me. I think that is the reason of arguments happening. Maybe we all should change ourselves with the mind and behavior first. Best Regards,
@dloveli (4368)
• United States
16 Nov 09
I dont think I want to change my man as much as I want to have him be able to understand. I am not him. I AM ME! I think that if men could understand the differences not just anatomical but mentally. Men think that women are persuaded by gifts, or sweet nothings. Some are I admit. But if a man wants a woman worth her weight in gold, then listen up. We want to be treated as equals. Not maids, or maidens in distress. Just women. Stop trying to be the boss. Be the one that loves her. dl
@jinbotol (102)
• Indonesia
16 Nov 09
i don't agree with your opinion ,that is about loyality , if you have it.... you never tinking about that .
• India
16 Nov 09
I don’t think that women want to change men consciously. You’ll have to look at it from traditional roles that men and women play in society and family life. Subconsciously, whenever a girl is falling in love (whether or not it endures)…she’s looking for a life partner, for someone with whom she would want to start a home and family. In a home or family, you know very well how different father and mother is from each other…women are more into serious day to day chores…like cleaning the house, arranging the rooms, cleanliness of kids, discipline, studies….etc (I hope you get the picture) while fathers are more fun to be with…guys are generally happy-go-lucky types while girls are more serious about everything. I think that is why the moment a girl starts on a serious relation with a guy, she starts imaging him as her future husband and tries to mould him as to her best convenience. But the moment a guy tells a girl to change something in her (until and unless its pretty horrible or obviously troublesome and embarrassing) few girls would go ahead and welcome it LOL…it has to be like this you see…for one, girls mature much much faster than boys so yes, they do know a lot of things better. And secondly, girls go on to run the family, so they have to have more confidence than boys otherwise they would not be able to start their home from the scratch!
• Philippines
16 Nov 09
just like ky gf hehehehe......, mybe they are like that coz. they want to be there bf to be perfect or to be the ideal man what they are looking for. you know just try to say to your gf that try to accept me to coz. this is the real me since i was a child. and right now my gf try to understand me for what i am.
@LisaGuo (242)
• China
16 Nov 09
It's not really true.I'm a girl and in a relation,I never try to change him.He too. May some girls want to change theit men,may some men want to change their ladies.
• Indonesia
16 Nov 09
Yeah, like most other women, everywhere! My wife did, too .... I think the best thing a lot of mistakes, behave badly, do not have the tolerance, it is: men. Of course I am also a man ... my wife often reminds me not to get too emotional on the road, because sometimes I'm often fussy or angry when on the road there is another vehicle, no driving manners, or, say, a speed demon with the behavior very bad. Or I often angry if something is damaged. Often I also lied to the wife, if I use the money to buy equipment for my bike, and found out when I lie ... Well, my wife would be furious if I had a habit of such things mentioned above. And I thought, was reasonable. A man needs a woman in control of emotions, and other negative behaviors. Hey, God created man and woman to complement each other, right?
• China
16 Nov 09
this is an interesting question. why woman wanna change man? actually, the fact is that not the woman wanna change the man, just some acts or personalities of man can not be accepted or agreed by woman. so the woman will think that if he is or he will do what, that would be better. actually, if you are together and loved each other, we can change ourselves for each other, if you do not want, so be gentle and compatible.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
16 Nov 09
I find this question sexist. Women always want to change men. When it is a man who wants to change a woman, it is usually regarded as "suggestion" or "concern". Not all women generally want to change men. If I deemed that a guy is not fit for me and I cannot accept his shortcomings, then I'd leave. I wouldn't ask him to change. If he wanted to change, well, I'd say do it for his own good but not for anyone else. If not, then it's just a matter of me wanting to accept the way he is or not.
@Iram786 (498)
15 Nov 09
because the ones that do try and change their men are control freaks and their trying to mould their men in to something they'll never be. they aren't satisfied with their men.