i am young and inexperienced??

India
November 23, 2009 8:33am CST
gotch ya,ok i am talking about my mother-in-law here.seriously how does anyone handle their mother in law.there's just no compatibility between me an my in-law.its sad to see her fight with me for even the smallest of small things and doesnt care about how young and inexperienced i am in front of her.she expects me to be perfect while she can have as many flaws as she wants.what i do is always wrong in her eyes and if the same is done by her no one should even open their mouth.not even her husband.she's very dominating and my husband is a mama's boy.yeah it just makes matters worse for me.i tried everything.by keeping my cool when she shouts for wrong things,by answering back just to prove that i am not wrong,by staying in my mom's place for a month or so.but nothing seems to change her.when will this big brother drama end.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@babshish (1389)
• India
23 Nov 09
Hi, seems to be common issue with most of the married women ( ofcourse not all), what I can suggest here is just keep on doing our things and forget whatever anyone tells. In long run your in-law will understand and will start giving you value. Cant tell the exact time, but keep on doing the good work and think positive for everyone including your in-law and you will have your own satisfaction. I can understand how you must be feeling, but this is what I can suggest as of now.
• India
23 Nov 09
hi babshish,it seems as if you've experienced it.do tell me if you have.well ur right i am tired of these daily tid-bit fights and taunts and i am trying to keep my mouth shut.even mom says some day she will give up her childish habits but i hope i dont grow old till then.hehehehe
@babshish (1389)
• India
23 Nov 09
Well I am not personally experienced, but some of my friends keeps on sharing with me and thats the reason I am aware of. But the best thing is just keep on learning from our mistakes,as everyone makes mistakes, and try to keep her happy. If she still pretends that you are not doing the right thing, but somewhere at the back of her heart it will be there and at one fine day she will definitely appreciate you.
• India
23 Nov 09
ameen to your sayings.
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
23 Nov 09
When people get older or "set in their ways" it's hard for them to change their mind. Whether they be young or old, if they are "set in their ways" it's probably easiest to just let them be that way. I think that a mother who has male children becomes more attached to the males then they do the females. When the male gets married, it's probably hard to let go of their boy, especially if the boy has always gone to the mama for help and now the boy is going to the wife, or is just lost all together! lol. My husband was and still is somewhat of a mama's boy but it doesn't bother me one bit. Sure my mother in law and I have our bumps, I have times when I get upset, but I get over it, because I know she wants what's best for us, and that she doesn't meant to hinder us in any way. I am not sure if your mother in law is maybe just trying to do what's best for you and is not sure how to convey that to you, or if she is truly just a terrible person but whatever the case I hope you'll be able to move with your husband if your living with your in laws. Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder, and if you live in your own place you can set your own rules, etc, and have a bit of "you" time with your husband... Which is what any relationship needs, a little TLC and communication. Sources : I've been married for a few months, but known and lived with my MIL for two years.
• India
25 Nov 09
i am happy to hear that ur mil does what she thinks is right,but its not the same here tho,my mil know its wrong but still does it,eg if my hubby tells her he's taking me out to diner then she whines and cribs on how lonely it is to alone at home even tho my fil is there,so my husband cant say no and we all go 2gethr,including my father in law.i just hope she grows out her son some day.ur right its her only son and she's very posesive of him i guess.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
29 Nov 09
sounds like your mil just needs her own little time with her husband. Maybe he's not taking her out as much, and that would serve as a great distraction. I still think that your mil just doesn't want to let go of her son though. Either way good luck!
@coldmoon (1091)
• France
23 Nov 09
I think that every problems between you and your mother in law can be solved as you both love the same person-your husband. Anyway, she's older and more experienced than you in general, so it's worth to be patient listening to her, at least to show your respect. If you find there're some points which don't hold true in your epoch, don't argue with her immediately, but let her some time to realize the facts by herself and then explain to her your opinions. Of course, there're some mothers too conservative to discuss with, so the wife should try to pull her husband to her side. In the worst case, you can even ask him to determine which one is right, and if he choose his mother, he could live with her forever.
• India
23 Nov 09
its been four years of my marriage and since then she's staying with us.i think she doesnt like me so evryday she keeps giving me orders on how to d things when i really dont need it.and she lies a lot in front of her son which really hurts me coz my husband belives whatever she says.i am in a tight position,dont know how long it will last.
@coldmoon (1091)
• France
23 Nov 09
I see and I'm so sorry for you. I don't like to tell the others to break their relationship, but I think it's useless and meaningless to maintain a relation under too much pression and endurence. If you and your husband feel well staying with your own mother and don't miss each other, you must relook your marriage. Of course, love is the first condition to form a happy marriage, but there're many other factors to count on. Good luck.
@madie8008 (209)
• Malaysia
24 Nov 09
One way to show your mother-in-law that everyone have their own value is by showing her what you can do best. Maybe you can cook some special dishes very tasty, or you can decorate the house like a castle, or your intelligent budget while shopping. Sometimes, give her some compliment so that she can see that good side of you. Have good relationships with your mother-in-law so that God can bless you. Be loving and you shall be loved. Good luck and all the best.
• India
25 Nov 09
thanks for giving those great ideas i'll try anything to change her.
@drmt57 (295)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Hello, are you living in her house with her? If you are maybe you need to tell your husband to move you into your own place I think that would be your first step to take I am sorry to hear that you and your mother-in-law does not see eye to eye. I have heard a lot of negative stuff about mother-in-laws over the years but I hate to say what I am about to because there are some terrible mother-in-laws out there and there are some good ones. Ok here it is check yourself sometime it is not the mother-in-law it is the daughter-in -law I am divorced for 17 years and I never had a problem with my mother -in-law not even when I was having problem in my marriage she stayed in her place and I stayed in mine and guess what when my marriage ended our friendship continued. we live in different states and we talk almost every day. You say your husband is a mama's boy he will always be mama's boy no matter what and if he treat his mother good you have a good man. try talking to your mother-in-law in a calm manner maybe the two of you can resolve your difference it is worth the try especially if you have her grand children hope things work out good for you.
• India
25 Nov 09
no my in-law's left their house empty to stay with us.initally right after marriage we took a new home but the next month they moved in with us.and its been four years since they are with us.the problem is i dont mind him treating his mom so well problem he should atleast belive when i am wrong or right.but he always blames me for evrything and anything and that hurts.and she does nothing to suitations like these.
@Jensie (120)
• China
23 Nov 09
You have to learn to get used to it. There is nothing you can do on your own. If you really want to change something, you should try to work it out with your family.
• India
23 Nov 09
huh what.i know she wont change so i dont even think of it.my suitation now is like bear and grunt type.hopefully i'll get over with it.
@rainmark (4302)
23 Nov 09
Hiya moondoll. I understand what you feel, I am just lucky that my mum-inlaw were not staying in our house, so there is no big trouble happens all the time. All i can say is, just be humble all the time, so there is no trouble going to happened between you and your mum-inlaw while you are staying in her place. And you can tell your hubby to move to other place as quickly as he can. Hope you will be okay.
• India
23 Nov 09
hi rainmark how i thee envy thy you.sorry if its not correct.but i really envy girls who arent staying with their in-laws and enjoying life.its really hard to find privacy when ur in-laws are with you.evrything has to happen within the four walls,and it gets really boring.oh well i just hope my husband just once listens to me and hopes to move out.trouble is he is their only son.
@mylosha (286)
• India
24 Nov 09
very good way to escape from this problem is convey ur mere feeling and ur critical stage to ur husband at typical time or change ur self as perfect as ur mother -in-law.
• China
24 Nov 09
hi,moondoll! I am really sorry for you to have to tolerate a sticky mother-in-law. in my opinion,mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should respect each other and don't ask the other side for too much.I guess she probably will show respectation to your husband's colleague who comes to visit,why can't she respect her family? unfortunately your husband doesn't speak for you,so I don't think there is somthing you can do.just live in another apartment if possible,so you can stay away from her nagging and offense. have a nice day!
@dpk262006 (56727)
• Delhi, India
23 Nov 09
Hi dear! Everyone feels that in-laws are difficult to handle because they frame pre-set notions about in-laws in their minds. You need to understand that there is difference between your parents and in-laws home. Also, everyone is not perfect, neither they may be perfect nor you are, therefore, you need to adjust and accommodate them, they are also supposed to give the same treatment to you. All the best.