How to deal if your partner is doubtful?
@Bianca_mergillano (1067)
Philippines
December 8, 2009 11:14am CST
I have a boyfriend and what I don't like about him is his attitude of being doubtful. He has always doubts on me especially if I did something wrong and even if I did a right thing, there are some times when he has also doubts about those things. Like now, I sent him a message on his phone before 11:00 p.m. because he's going to call me. I told him that's its alright if he would call me that time. Then on my first message, I didn't put an "I love you" there but on my second text, I put it. He is so doubtful and he always thinks negatively on my actions. He replied about my message that I didn't put an "I love you" there and its a big deal for him? Then he told that he's going to call me around 11:00 p.m. but until now, I don't receive any calls? The thing that's on my mind now is his attitude. I know he can do that. He can ignore me because he has doubts on me though I know that I'm not doing anything that could make our relationship go wrong. And this is what I hate most about him, even the smallest things, simplest message, gestures, eye contact, tone of voice, and everything he notices has a meaning to him. If I said something in a different tone of my voice, he would tell that I'm lying.If I didn't look at his eyes even for while while having a conversation, he would say that I'm also lying on him! If my gestures are something different and everything!!!!!!!!!! Even the simplest message or words has a meaning on him also. If In wrote or said something that is nothing to me, he would also give a negative meaning on it. His mind is always thinking negative about me. He also likes to test me. He would do things to test my faithfulness on him. I just don't like it! Another, he always says that he would do this and that, but none of those things are done. He always keeps me waiting. I always have a time for him but he doesn't. I'm very careful with my actions because I know that he would give it a different meaning. I hate his way of thinking. It makes me feel that I've done something wrong though I didn't. I even don't have a close friends which are guys because he would also think that I'm in a relationship with them. Then whenever I confirm that he must trust me, he always says that he has trust on me but look, what is he doing? He's testing me, he has doubts on me and my every word and action has a meaning on him. I just don't like it because sometimes, there are instances that he ignores me and I don't know the reason why? Then he would tell me that I did something wrong though its not? I have to adjust for him?! Its so unfair. How about you? What would you do if your partner has doubts on you? like mine?
3 people like this
7 responses
@DenverLC (1143)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
It only means he cares much for you. Doubt is a part of anyones relationship. Sometimes it is baseless, but just try to understand the situation, especially when you have a lot of good qualities your boyfriend might felt insecure about, thinking someone may took his place in your heart.Doubt will remain doubt without conquering it while you both still can.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
9 Dec 09
Hi Bianca!
It appears that your boy friend is not serious in your relationship. He probably taking you for a ride, as long as he can. He has no business to doubt you, if he wants a steady relationship with you. A relationship on the basis of suspicion cannot survive for a longer period. You should tell him that you do not like all his negative activities and he should either mend his ways, or you will have to think otherwise.
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
9 Dec 09
What you have is a very controlling person. VERY!
If he will pull this on you now while you are still boyfriend/girlfriend it will be ten times worse if you marry. My advise to you is run, do not walk, away from this man. He may have a very negative outlook on life in general but he is carrying that way to far with you.
The last thing you should ever have to do is worry that no matter what you do he will not trust you. Trust is what it comes down to and he seems not to have much.
This may have come from something in his past that makes him control what ever he can so it makes him feel better. You do not need a controlling man. He will take away all your independence and more.
What would I do if my wife acted this way? I would be gone.
Speaking of my wife....her first husband was very much like this. He had control of everything to the point she had no real independent thought of her own. Finally she could not take it any longer and took her daughter and went to live with her mother. While it was in another state he still knew where she was so continued to hassle her. Finally she decided the only thing to do was go where he did not know how to find her. She did that with no prospects of a job but only a friend to help her out. Eventually she gained her self respect back and begin to live as she should.
Do not stay with this man. He is way over the top on this and it will only get worse.
1 person likes this
@yanzalong (19091)
• Indonesia
9 Dec 09
Assure him that you are not the one whom he thinks you are. If you have done that and he still thinks the same, I'd suggest you leave him. He may turn out to be even worse after you two get married.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
9 Dec 09
To me, this speaks of someone who is very suspicious, insecure, and jealous. It might just be youth, but if it cannot be resolved soon, I would leave before I'd spend each day trying to "proove" myself worthy.
It is signs of worse trouble ahead, in my experience.
Karen1 person likes this
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
9 Dec 09
I hope I'm not being too forward, but he doesn't seem right for you. He really seems way too controlling. Have you told him how he's making you feel? You shouldn't be feeling like this in a relationship. I really don't think he's being fair to you. If he continues, I would break up with him. How long have you two been together?
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
9 Dec 09
Bianca_mergillano,
Talking about looking the wrong way, wrong choices and wrong readings, I think your boyfriend would have gotten an Academy if there's one in this category.
Love is a constant - it isn't a variable. It doesn't matter what your external circumstance is, but if this basic condition of Love still lies undisturbed, indeed, this relationship has transcends the need for a marked boundary to function as a 'relationship.
What kind of Love does one command, or wished to command, if his is so easily influenced by his environment?
Because a relationship is but two entirely separately individuals, with vastly different psychological mindset, personality and home environment, coming together - via freewill - in this imaginary bonds we call 'Relationship'. The truth is that we are not bounded into any relationship like what you could do to two items by tying them up with a thread.
But we stay 'bounded' because in our hearts, we appeared to have melded into one. Therefore, in that sense, if we could detach this heart away from another just because the circumstance seemed 'fertile' for it, perhaps this love isn't functioning the way it ought to be.
Love never stays stagnant; it either provides growth or degenerates. Therefore if you cannot seem to achieve growth, chances are, it could be declining subtly without your acknowledgment.
In love, you need someone to walk your life with; side by side, hand-in-hand. Not someone that craves for your attention to predictable intricacies and play with them all day. In that sense, your growth will only limit itself to companionship and you will never grow out of this shell to fully experience the extent of love's true power.
Seriously, I say you deserve better. Personally, I cannot stand "needy" partners. Not because I am emotionally cold, but because my aspiration in life cannot be tied down by a partner who is needy and only seeks the intricacies of whims and fancies in companionship and not greater things in life. If someone is simply not suitable, dragging and lengthening your relationship might amount to nothing at the end of the road.
You simply can't make an unsuitable man... suitable.
Take care and compliments of the season.
