Cassandra and Parenting

United States
December 8, 2009 11:25am CST
"What a terrible future! I'm never going to get married or have kids. I'll work all day every day until I die while another enjoys the fruits of all my labor. This crystal ball sucks, it must be broken!" -- Ant Cassandra http://pixzii.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/animal-photography-ant-closeup.png It seems to me that parenting is somewhat like the curse of Cassandra at times. Because we were once children ourselves, we know a thing or two about the world and how it operates. We try to warn our children of approaching disaster, but tend to be disregarded as if, we don't know what they are going through. "Things are different today." Something like that. Try to tell a young person dating for the first time that they'll get their hearts broken can be a waste of time. "If I remember correctly in matters such as these, all advice is meaningless." We can, sometimes, see heartbreak or other disaster coming. Despite this, our portents of doom and gloom can go unbelieved by a teenager who thinks their wit and wisdom exceeds our own. That is strangely like the curse which afflicted Cassandra. Do you have any examples of this? A foretelling or foreseeing of doom which went unaccepted or disbelieved? How did you cope with watching this misfortune become reality while feeling powerless to avert the sad fate?
2 responses
@raynejasper (2324)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
..hi.. I'm sorry but I beg to disagree with you.. my view on parenting is not the same with you.. As for me, I believe children have their way of discovering right and wrong.. most of the time, telling them that this or that is wrong is just meaningless until they've experienced it themselves most especially when they are already teenagers.. they usually want to prove what they can and they can't do.. only when they start to become mature that they realize that they don't need to experience something to find out that it was bad or it was wrong.. what children needs most from parents is guidance and understanding during their teenage years which is very critical because children find themselves in a world of competition proving their self worth.. they won't really believe anything we say.. other teens mature earlier so they understand easily when you explain things to them.. teens seem to do what they want even if you restrict them to do it.. but if you talk to them nicely and explain why this or that is wrong, I believe they will believe.. this is based from personal experience anyway.. but sometimes, experience is the best teacher right..?
• United States
11 Dec 09
.hi.. Hello. I'm sorry but I beg to disagree with you.. my view on parenting is not the same with you.. Never a problem on this end with listening to an alternative point of view. No need to say your sorry. :) As for me, I believe children have their way of discovering right and wrong.. most of the time, telling them that this or that is wrong is just meaningless until they've experienced it themselves most especially when they are already teenagers.. Not so much of a disagreement here. Most of the time, you seem to see it as meaningless to tell a child or teenager what is right and what is wrong. Apparently, at this point, it seems that you have seen children insisting on experiencing things for themselves. they usually want to prove what they can and they can't do.. only when they start to become mature that they realize that they don't need to experience something to find out that it was bad or it was wrong.. Somewhere along the way, I heard someone say, "The foolish don't learn from their own mistakes. A smart man will learn from his mistakes. A wise man will learn from other people's mistakes." Essentially, it is wisdom that is lacking. what children needs most from parents is guidance and understanding during their teenage years which is very critical because children find themselves in a world of competition proving their self worth.. I would agree. The childhood and teenage years are formative. The pressures to make friends and fit in can be formidable. they won't really believe anything we say.. Understood, we have the advantage of experience. An ability to forsee problems the child or teenager cannot. Despite what we say, they seem to have a need to go ahead and try things their way. other teens mature earlier so they understand easily when you explain things to them.. I can easily and willingly accept that some teenagers are wiser than others. :) teens seem to do what they want even if you restrict them to do it.. I believe this is called testing their limits. Some effort to establish their identity requires them to try things their own way instead of simply doing as you tell them. but if you talk to them nicely and explain why this or that is wrong, I believe they will believe.. Ah, and I have learned in life that trying to explain the error of one's ways nicely is non-productive. Not that I mean you should yell at someone, but too much effort at niceness allows another person to brush you off. To dismiss your concerns without really hearing them. this is based from personal experience anyway.. but sometimes, experience is the best teacher right..? [i]I would say, yes. One of the styles of philosophical argument is to ask questions instead of making statements. I believe some styles of psychology do this as well, essentially repeating or restating what you've already stated in an effor to draw out your thoughts. Sometimes, this is criticized as not being more helpful than talking to yourself. However, I think there have been times in our life where we have used someone we trust as a "sounding board." But, back to the point, the comment that experience is the best teacher probably gets to the heart of the matter. Despite being told, the teenager must experience the forseen or predicted disaster before they will truly learn what you were trying to tell them to begin with. Thanks for your response.[/i]
@ersmommy1 (12596)
• United States
24 Nov 10
As yet my kids are not old enough for this to be an issue. But give it time. The lyrics of the song "Impossible" tell a similar tale. You can warn them. Doesn't mean that they will listen. In fact, the opposite is often true.