I don't know what to do...

United States
December 10, 2009 10:33pm CST
Should I ignore my spouse's calls if we have two babies together and he cheated on me??? In other words, how do I go about it when I dumped him but still has feelings for him and at the same time we have two babies??? Gosh, I don't know how to ask or if I am making any sense about this... Let me try again... You know what, never mind.. I just have to deal with the fact that we are not together anymore and even if we have children I should just suck it up and move on and just cope with him calling or coming to visit with his kids.. Even if I just found out he cheated on me, and it hurts, I am willing to forgive him for the sake of our kids... But then again, if the mom is not happy, neither will the kids... I'll just be another "Mrs. Doubtfire" case.... Ay people, I am sorry to confuse you but I myself am confused... Should I just ignore his calls till when??? I also don't want to take away his responsibility to be with the kids....
1 person likes this
11 responses
@ladysakurax (1161)
• Canada
11 Dec 09
No you are not confused. I know how you feel. Not that it hapenned to me but i know someone who experienced the same thing. You are angry at him but you are still hesitating if you should go back or not. It's because you are attatched to him. I recommand that you don't go back with him. It's good that you are thinking about your children but you also have to think about yourself. If you go back with him, probably that he will do the same thing over again and won't take you seriously. And then the routine will appear again as you being unhappy. Life is soo short. I think you should spend it for the best for yourself and not waste into misery. Anyway, it is still your decision afterall. Don't answer his call yet until you feel ready about what you really want to do about this. If you decide that it's over between both of you, answer his call and talk with him for only what is necessary. You can make him visit the children from time to time but still can separate. Before you decide on anything, go to bed and think about it. Take your time.
• Canada
12 Dec 09
:( i am really sorry that you are still down with your situation. Of course, it's not something to decide in a blink. I think you should go out for a day and have fun although it is hard. get some fresh air if you can and try to throw all the negativity into the garbage. It's better to think when you're not angry. Everyone is different. I say not to go back with him but the thing is that I am not you. The person I know endured it for 3 years. 3 years of cheating, monney abuse, physical abuse, but she hoped he would change. How about your husband? I don't know him in person. Only you do. Is this the firt time he cheated on you? Or did he do this again and again? These are questions that will give you a clue on which you should give a second chance or not. If you still can't decide, there's only one thing you can do. Accept his apologize and go back with him. If he's still unfaithful in the future, you will be fed up with him and will eventually leave him. I wish I could help you more. goodluck
• United States
12 Dec 09
Thank you soo much... There are days where I am sure and some that I'm not!!! I am not the same anymore... I stay in bed just so I don't feel or think about the situation... Although I am with my kids, I feel alone... I am a mess inside... But I am giving myself time...
@hisoka147 (606)
• Philippines
11 Dec 09
Since you already have two babies, there are still a lot of responsibilities that he needs to take care of for the benefits of your children. It will going to be very hard for you as a single parent to take care of those children. If you think that everything can be solve through proper conversation then that would be better.
• United States
11 Dec 09
I am having a very hard time with this... I know I can do it alone, fend for my kids but its sooo hard!!! I have a 2 year old and an 11 month old!!! But, I don't know how to go about with what I am feeling...It is confusing to me... Should I just ignore him till I heal??? What do I do in the meantime when he wants to see his kids????
• United States
11 Dec 09
Help!!! I cannot afford counseling, this is the closest to what I can get!!
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
11 Dec 09
It just like being torn between the devil and the deep blue. Here's my two cents. are you willing to forgive your husband? if yes, then all is not lost. If he asks for forgiveness, forgive him. I always believe in second chances. one of the problems that your going to face when you forgive him is trust. Once trust is broken, it will take a very long time to regain it again that's why if you're going to forgive, its forgive and forget. It's no use forgiving if you can't accept the fact that he cheated on you. If you can't do it, then you can be separated for a while to think things up and to teach him a lesson. Cheers!
• United States
12 Dec 09
Thank you... It makes me feel a bit better having to hear this...
• United States
11 Dec 09
mariaf324 Hi, Alot of people here are giving you great advice. You my dear must decide. If you take him back and he's late coming home from work are you gonna be okay or are you gonna wonder is he with her or a new lover? Its a trust thing more than anything here. You can forgive and forget all you want to (at least try) It will always be about the trust. We all know how hard it is to be in love and be betrayed Many of us know what it is like to fear for the well being of our children. As mom's we can and do it because we are strong and we nurturers. Your babies are young, and really don't understand yet. Just do yourself a favor and please get it through the hubby's head that if splitting up is the only way. That you never talk bad about each other to the children. All they need to know is mommy and daddy just couldn't get along anymore but mommy and daddy did love each other very much when each of them where conceived. This save alot of grief on the kids later thinking it was their fault. Good luck dear, go sleep on it, look at your future with this man you'll know what to do.
• United States
12 Dec 09
Thank you... I am reading all your posts and I am soo grateful... I could barely see the screen from soo many tears that are coming down... I appreciate everyone dropping a post for me because I really do need an ear and input.. Thank you guys also for speaking intelligently rather than slamming me on this subject...
• Philippines
12 Dec 09
I do understand your feelings and I empathize. Mistakes are nothing but normal. I know it hurts but you just have to live with it. If you truly love him, you'll forgive him and give him another chance. If he is really sincere then he will change sooner or later. Just try to answer his calls and try to listen to him. Just follow what your heart desires.
• China
12 Dec 09
I can understand your meaning ,and I summerize the following srveral.First, you still love your spouse.Second, you have two children,and you want them happy.Third,your spouse always cheat on you, and it seems that he will do that again. In my opinion, you should leave him thoroughly. If you still have feelings for him ,I think it's just a little bit hard to put him down at once.But you should try your best to forget or disregard of him. The second,you shoule give your children freedom to choose whom they want to live with.If they choose you, you can let them to go to see their father themselves if they miss him. You've said he always cheat on you , it means he is not trustworthly.Entrusted to him, he is not worth a lifetime.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
11 Dec 09
Hi mar! It is better to take a decision then not to take a decision, so goes to dictum. You should take either of sides instead of lost in the dark. It is you who has to spend his life with your partner and if you find that he is not fit and suitable for you, you need to severe relations with him. Please also keep in mind that in case you decide to live separately, how would you manage your two babies alone. All the best.
• United States
11 Dec 09
Of course you have left over fellings, you where blindsided with something you never knew about yor partner before. I say its time to stand up fro yourself and show him that he cant betray yor trust like that. Once a cheater always a cheater. I have never had a guy cheat on me just once there are guys who never chaet but every guy that I have ever given a 2nd chance cheated again. So if you guys are already "not together" he should not be calling you unless it is to discuss the children so you should take his calls in case it is important but if he gets off of the topic of the kids put him in his place he is your Ex he shold get used to the idea
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 09
hi mariaf324 he cheated on you when he and you made two babies, and you still love him, why? I do not think I could take that as i would want my man to love me and his and my kids, not go out on a fling with some floozie.no I think I would really hesitate to go back with him just for your children'sakes. how about your sake for goodness sake. the kids will know if you are unhappy and its going to be even harder on them. A cheater usually will cheat again. I would not trust him myself.
@jassi1 (170)
• India
12 Dec 09
i understand its a crucial matter but you are in the situation of indefinity so where brain stops work then leave everything on god and listen to your heart because sometimes you think alot but nt reach to asny decision so it will ease to take your decision
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
11 Dec 09
It's up to you what your decision it is better he take the responsibilty to the kid like in feed,school's,and time to communicate your two kid's so that they not feel ignore in this world like saying why? am I born in this world.