When is the righ time to let go?
By bulastika
@bulastika (5966)
Philippines
December 14, 2009 7:13pm CST
Hi!..
Its hard to let go especially if that person is close to you.
Sometimes my mom said she want to die.
Yeah..shes old..and have kidney problem and with diabetes and hearth problem.
The doctor give her a month to live. But that is 15 months ago..
Now she still able. And maybe have two years more.
But she its everyday struggle for her.
She does not want to eat. And take two or three spoon per meal.
She have lots of medicines and needles a day.
She been in and out of hospital 20 times more or less in last two years.
And its frustrating cause we want her to live.
But where not ready yet for her to go.
And we do everything even its financially draining just to keep up with her medical needs..
And everyday she will always tantrum because see want to die.
And its frustrating in our part because we want to do everything just to make her well.
...
What she want is just go home and die...
...
Sometimes I wish the Lord will take her just to be done with our ordeal and also financially drained.
..
But shes our mom..
We do everything just to keep her alive.
...
Shes not suffering any pain right now..She just simply tired..
...
And shes a little bit guilty also because of financial reason.
but shes not helping when everyday she want to die..
..
3 people like this
9 responses
@mielshare (265)
• Philippines
16 Dec 09
It's time to let go when you are not happy anymore. As simply as that.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
No..I disagree its much more complicated than that..
Where talking about life..
Its not a job that if your not happy you will resign and look for another job.
If we die we don't have another life..
@kanna12345 (73)
• India
15 Dec 09
It is very difficult letting go of people you love .,but to see the loved one suffer is sad .so we need the willpower to let go and carry on with our lives
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
We can do that..
But its much easier if your mom accept that shes old.
The main reason that she want to die is not because of her health condition.
But because of her age.
She is afraid of being old.
She hates being old.
She rather die than to be old.
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
You know what topics like this always makes me cry.
I really felt sad upon reading about your mother.
About the pain the other members feel sharing their
sad stories too. It makes me realized that even if you want
your love ones to live much longer you cant deny that all they
wanted is to die. It might be frustrating...it really is, the conflicting
emotions and will. How I wish all the pain will be healed one way or another.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
Thanks..
But I think it will start in her.
Just accepting that she old and must take care of is enough..
She want to die..simply because she don't like the conditions of being old.
Not because of medicines and needles.
What so big deal about lots of medicines to take everyday?
And needles? its does not hurt that much.. Its like a bite of an ants.
...
If she relax and accept that shes old..
Then things will be back to normal..
But I think she will die not accepting her old age..
She just simply stubborn.
@allknowing (130066)
• India
15 Dec 09
This thought must be mutual that is both your mother and those who care for her feel that God shoudl take her away. Unfortunately it is not that simple. You do not have to feel guilty if you get these thoughts as even your mother does not wish. But you will have to go through this trauma till God decides to take her as putting her to sleep (Euthanesia) is illegal too.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
Yeah.your right..
But she has a livable conditions..
Her body is good if not at best at her age.
But she just don't want to accept that shes old and being take care of.
She want things to be normal..
She want to return to a life of being in command of everything.
She don't want to be treated as an old woman..
...
She rather want to die than to be treated as an old woman.
..
She don't want to retired..
@poingly (605)
• United States
15 Dec 09
I had a conversation with my parents not long ago where I told them that I would accept the fact that they will die someday. It's hard, but I think it's something we all have to prepare ourselves for--many of my friends still find this thought very unbelievable. This does not mean I won't be sad when it happens, but it's just saying that I know it will happen. My parents were actually very happy to hear it.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
Its better that way.
And it nice if your parents accept their old age and condition.
And also accept if you take care of them when their old.
My mom is different.
She don't want to be take cared.
She want to stand with her own feet even she can't physically, mentally and financially..
She just can't.
@vjagra (147)
• India
15 Dec 09
I sincerely empathize with you and your mom's condition. No doubt, there is pain, frustration and anguish. It would help tremendously if stop listening to mad doctors -- a lot have gone insane thinking that they are bigger than god and can decide how long someone should live. They are wrong more often than not, but are too stupid to talk sanity. There are alternative system of medicines in India and China; you might like to explore them through Internet. You may pray more often, and if possible together. Sometimes the bond of mutual love is strong enough the reduce the extent of suffering. Rest assured, the grace of almighty would work sooner than later and help you both.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
Thank you..
But the best solution right now is acceptance.
If she just accept that shes already old and needed to be take care of the better.
That our problem today.
She don't want to be take cared of.
...
She can't accept that shes old.
She don't want to use wheelchair.
She don't want to do walking..
She feel ashamed to do does things because she don't want to be branded as old.
but she is old and need attention and exercise..
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 Dec 09
It sounds like it is her time. My mother hung on long after the doctors predicted. She felt that my youngest brother just could not live without her. When we figured out that that was what kept her hanging on we convinced her that he would be ok. We all were ok with her passing as it was so hard watching her "survive" as she did. She wasn't really living at all. It's ok to say goodbye when their quality of life has been drained to nothing. They are just breathing air but on so many meds that they make no sense...can't even enjoy conversing with friends and family. Thats not living...that is just waiting to die.I know it is hard but talk to her and assure her that you'll be ok without her. say goodbye.
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
Yes she has lots of medicines and needles..
But she can still communicate and everything.
She can walk.
She can talk.
And she can relate.
She even good at spelling than me..
But her problem is acceptance..She can't accept that shes going old.
She so upset when she can't walk without back pain etc.
All common old people pain and even some young once to..
...
All in and out of hospital is purely and mainly her fault.
She refuse to eat because she want to do things she do before but can't because of old age.
Imagine your grandpa do some motorbiking..
The things that is easy to give up when your old.
But she don't want to give up her daily routine.
She want things to be back to what it is before.
...
If only she accept the fact that shes old..
Then she be fine with herself.
And it will be better for us and for her.
..
Just like you said..
Your mom hangs on because of your youngest brother.
My mom don't hang on she want to die because shes afraid of going old age.
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
yeah i understand what you mean. she is your mom and you really want to be with her as long as possible. and i think that she is saying that she wanted to die just because she find it hard to live with her condition. but she may not mean it. deep i her heart she still wish to live. may be she is just saying those words to express her pain and to cope up with the situation. just understand your mo and just pray that she will live a healthy and long life
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
Your hundred percent right..I know she does..Its all in hear mouth but deep inside she also want to live.
Her condition is fine only if she accept that shes old.
She has good condition at her age.
Problem is because of her mental state her body weaken..
...
She not in pain physically but mentally yes..because she don't want to be old.
Thanks..I'm praying that she will accept her faith that shes old and must be take care of.
She hate to be take care..She want to be independent..She don't want to be treated as helpless old woman..
@chadster42 (74)
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
15 years ago, my mom passed away after three years of battling cancer. She went through the struggling process of the initial operation and then kemo theraphy and then blood transfusion. It was a struggle for everyone, but it was more difficult for my mom. She bravely fought the cancer until it re-appeared after some time. Of course, all of us wanted to do everything for her to continue living, but in order to do that, she had to go through the same process again. Well, her faith was very strong and she was brave enough to go through it again. Of course we wanted her to go through it again just to extend her life hear above the earth, but it came to the point where we were thinking more for ourselves rather than thinking what our mom was going through. It was very difficult to accept but it was more difficult for her. It came to a point that she said she was ready to go and she was happy.
Please try to understand, she is in pain, she's tired and she is suffering. If she wants to fight it, then GO! But it is important for the family to gather and talk about it. Everyone just has to be strong not only for yourselves but for your mom. God Bless...
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
She's not in pain..
Yeah..She has lots of medicine and needles..but needles are like ants bites..
Not so painful. But she just tired of all that..
She can't accept that shes old.
That the main reason..
She just want to have a body of a 40 years old.
Imagine at age of 80 she want to ride motorcycle..
How do you think she can manage that with her weak body?
Because she don't care about herself what she care about is that she want things to be like before. As if she can still and able.
