People that you want to help and they ask you for advice but...

United States
December 22, 2009 12:54am CST
Haven't you ever had those people that ask you for advice or some kind of help with something but they don't even take it?I get really frustrated sometimes with people that come to me and ask me for advice and then don't even take it. Have you ever had that happen to you before? Once, my cousin asked me for some help in how to deal with a certain situation and so I told her. But every time I tried to explain and give her advice on how to deal with it, she would constantly keep questioning with something like, "But if you do this...." or "But this isn't...". I mean, haven't you ever thought that the person asking for advie should at the very least listen to who they're asking for advice? In my cousin's situation, she was really bugging me because she wasn't really even listening to what I was saying, instead she seemed like she was trying to start some type of argument. I mean, I thought she wanted help, not an argument. What do you guys think? Have you ever come across people that ask for some advice or help and then they're not really even listening to the advice that you're trying to give them? Wouldn't that annoy you? I mean, you'd think that they're asking for advice because they wanted help, but what's the point if they don't even listen?
3 people like this
19 responses
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
You shouldn't be annoyed because it is only an advice. It's still up to the other person if she will take the advice or not. Usually people who asks for advice just wants a second opinion, if what they are thinking is somewhat in the same level as yours. Do whatever help you can give, but always remember that it is still their choice on what to do, because it is their life. Give them the freedom to judge for themselves. If they make the wrong decision, then at least, you can tell yourself that you did your best to help. I have 2 friends who keep on calling me especially when she and he needs advice. I tell them straight what's on my mind. They thank me for the help. Then later I find out that they didn't follow my advice, then they call me up again and tell me that things didn't work out well, and tell me that they should have followed my advice. Oh, well... That's life..
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 09
I guess not. It really is their choice. The only thing that annoyed me was that she was trying to argue with me over it when I could've not given it to her in the first place. Anyway, thank you for the advice =D
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
No problem. Just be patient with your sister. I'm sure she loves you. Sometimes when people tend to put up an argument, they just don't like to accept that your advice is correct. Human nature..
@nvtellan (1907)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
Yes, it is quite annoying when people approached you, occupied your time by hearing out their problems and you giving your best to give him/her the best answer only to receive criticism or negation from that person. If a person is like that, I'll just stop talking and go on my merry ways. Just ignore and remind myself not to give out advices to him/her again.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
23 Dec 09
Hi nvtellan: I think in some cases, people are too selfish, that they think that they are really asking for an advice but in reality they don't want to listen anything because they think they have the best ideas and in those cases, there is nothing you can do to make them change their minds. Thanks for your answer. Hope you are having a nice day. Merry Christmas/ Happy holidays. -Alvaro.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yeah it is. It gets really annoying when they keep trying to prove you're all wrong in every way when they are the ones to ask you for advice. Anyway, thank you for responding =D
• Mexico
23 Dec 09
Hi ishme 4 nowz: actually my best friend always does it. I think that, when people ask for advice but really don't listen, they are simply trying to explain to another person their opinions or simply they want that someone listen their problems but they're not really interested in what you need to said. I think that's annoying too, like a waist of my time. Thanks for starting this discussion, I think we all have given an advice that the other person don't listen. Hope you are having a nice day. merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays. -Alvaro.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yeah, I'm starting to realize that too. Maybe they just want someone to talk to about it. Sometimes I wish they would just tell me from the get-go that they just want me to listen. At least that way I don't have to give out unwanted advice. Thank you for responding =]
@Fulltank (2894)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
There are those people who ask for advice and never take them seriously. I would be annoyed with them but if you see it the other way, its not your lose actually but theirs. I often give advices about work related problems in my company. And I don't expect that all of them would be followed the way I say it. Advices are important to people whom seeking for the right action to do. But when the person do not even listen to your advices, then its his/her fault, not yours.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 09
That's true. I never really thought about it that way. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to help them out that I get frustrated when they don't appreciate my help. Thank you for your advice =D
1 person likes this
@Lucky09 (1771)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
hi ishme^^;; yes, i have a friend like that and i hate it. i don't hate her ofcourse but i hate this kind of behavior. well, i'm not really good at advices in emotional concerns but i can give some based on experience and most likely she's asking for help or favor. i would ofcourse tell her exactly what to do and im sure it would work when she follow it but she wouldn't do it. and the next thing, she would come again for help for the same problem which already gotten worse because it wasn't attended early so we have to deal with more difficult consequences. i hate it when someone is just waiting for someone to do it all without she herself exerting effort
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yeah, me too. I'm not very good at giving advice but when people ask, I give them everything that I know and I help them out as much as I can. Usually when I give advice the first time, it usually ends there and they don't come back with the same problem so that's kind of a good and bad thing on my part because then I don't have to deal with the same thing, yet it's also probably because they asked someone else for advice xD Anyway, thank you for your response =D
1 person likes this
@cobradene (1171)
• India
22 Dec 09
I have had both kinds of people. People who ask for advice and don't follow it when I help them, and people who follow every single word I say in detail. It also depends how well can you convince them to follow your advices, but yes, it can get extremely irritating, they come and ask us for some advice and then when we help them out, they will contradict our opinion or solutions to their problems and do only what they feel like doing, and finally end in trouble, and run back to us again and shout for help. I have such a friend and she is extremely irritating and I am just not picking her call these days.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yes, exactly, right? It's so annoying!! You'd think they at least just listen to what you have to say and not try to start an argument when they're the ones to ask for advice. Thank you for your response =D
1 person likes this
@Lee777 (31)
22 Dec 09
That would definitely piss me off. I have tried having such conversion a couple of times. What I did was face them and tell them straight to the point if they still want the advice or not. Or else, they might go away and stop wasting my time.
• United States
22 Dec 09
Haha, I don't know if I'd be quite brave enough to tell that to their face though I'd be very tempted to do so if there were very little to none consequences if I did =] Thank you for sharing your thoughts =D
@krkavsy (192)
• India
22 Dec 09
I dont midn giving advice but there is a saying that do not advice anybody because wise dont need it and fools dont take it. It is very pissing that people dont take help even if it is offered to them. Why should I waste my time. I have my own life.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yes, I am as frustrated as you are. One of the reasons it's so frustrating is that a good friend will call me up or talk to me - and everything they say is a gripe or a complaint and they are upset in some way about a situation. Then they ask me how to handle it, what I would do. I proceed to tell them what I would do. They go back and forth admitting that I'm right. But then they DON'T DO IT. And then an hour or two later, a day later, they call me up again and complain AGAIN about the same situation they did not deal with earlier. I feel like if you ask for help or advice and then you aren't planning to take the offered help or advice, then don't complain to me after. It's very very frustrating because I know with 99% certainty that all would have been well if you took the advice I offered WHICH YOU ASKED FOR. I mean if I had offered it unsolicited, I don't believe it should have to be taken, but if someone specifically calls me and says 'hey, if my toilet is overflowing, what should I do??' and I ask them if they have a plunger and they say 'yeah' and then I say 'well use it to unclog the toilet' and we hang up... and an hour later they call me back and complain again and I say 'well, did you use the plunger and unclog it?' and they say 'well no... because'.... then really, who is to blame for the continued situation?
• United States
23 Dec 09
Ah, I totally agree about the complaining part. If you ask for advice that you don't end up following and everything just goes wrong, you shouldn't blame it on the advice giver. Thank you for sharing your experiences =D
• United States
23 Dec 09
god,yes.i know too many people like that. i also know people that come to me over and over with problems(and many are the same people)-and i listen patiently out of friendship-but boy,the second YOU have a problem,they don't want to hear it,or you "complain too much" and are "bothering" them.. i pretty much tell people to ask someone else now.if they're going to be like that,i don't have the time for it.
• United States
23 Dec 09
I know what you mean. I just don't have the time for people that don't appreciate my help. Thank you for sharing =D
@arystine (1275)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
Yes, I understand completely. I have friends like that who constantly bugs me, asks for advice, listens but argues endlessly on how their point is better, on why they should not take my advice. It is so annoying, I feel that am wasting precious time. I wanted to ask them why they asked for advice in the first place. I felt pulled down in their misery after several hours of arguing, explaining, you name it. I hate when friends do that and lately I have mastered he act of being indifferent rather than to have my time wasted by toxic friends who just want to screw my mind out.
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yeah, I know right? It gets so annoying because you expect them to at least listen to the advice instead of constantly refuting you while you're trying to help them out. Thank you for sharing =]
@Hatley (164260)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Dec 09
ishme4nowz hi oh yes I had a tablemate here when I first came that continually asked for help and advice,but when I gave her my advice she always said yes, but, and never ever took it so I just gave up after so long a time talking my head off and not getting anywhere with her.
• United States
23 Dec 09
Ohh, I see. Well thank you for sharing your experiences =]
@pumeza (56)
• South Africa
22 Dec 09
a few days back I responded to a mylotters request for advice, you wont believe, for each response he/she got she/he had an argument but he/she asked for advice and on top of that he/she already knew what he/she wanted, I just left the discussion and never looked back. I guess they just want to hear what the next person has to say, the best way to deal with this kind of situation is to ignore and keep in mind that its not about you. The person feels so inadequate that she/he wants to be heard. I normally just give my opinion and thats it, i dont entertain any further arguments. If the person is still talking, i just keep saying ok, ok because all he/she wants is to be heard....just give him/her the opportunity but dont respond.
• United States
23 Dec 09
Yeah, I mean it's one thing to ask for advice and not take it, but it's a whole 'nother when you ask for advice and then argue it. There really was no point in asking for advice in the first place if they already knew what they wanted to do. I'll remember that next time. I'll remember that they just want to be heard if they're willing to argue so much over advice that they asked for. Thank you for your advice =]
@kevinll (967)
• China
22 Dec 09
I know this feeling, my friend often ask for help, now i already do not think of it, except he express different situation which i can feel. Cause i know he did not mean it most of time. He did not want a advice he just want express himself. After speaking his worrying he would feel better.
• United States
22 Dec 09
Ah, I know what you mean. I think if I were seeking advice, I wouldn't just want to receive the advice, but I would like to express what I was going through as well. Thank you for sharing =D
• China
22 Dec 09
that's human and even myself also often ask for other's advice but never use that. sometimes people are not come for advice actually but for the wish you can also convinced him that he have got the best choice . if you stand cool and tell the advice based on fact then they may not like that.
• United States
22 Dec 09
Ah, I see what you mean. They just want options to deal with whatever they need help with. Thank you for your advice =D
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
I guess that people you are talking about needs an option not a solution. they need something to weigh about. Me too when someone advice me something I sometimes follow their advice, because of the situation I have and the people involved on it. Because there are times the adviced works for them but not on me, because of the different people involved. That is also a reason when a friend ask me to listen to her problem and when you she ask me to give her an advice I first say to them it is depend on them if they will follow my advice or not, sometimes I am hurt sometimes I get used to it. That is the reason also why I am to tired of giving advices, because their decision is still winning, anyways that is there life not mine.
• United States
22 Dec 09
Ahh, I see. I think I know what you mean when you say option. They just need some ideas thrown in front of them before they really decide on what they should do. And I agree that it is their life and not ours. It's their choice. Thank you for sharing =]
@sublime03 (1809)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
I have already experienced this many times and so instead of seeing it in a negative way what I do is I just tell myself for as long as you have given your opinion on the matter then that's it. We are here to help our friends but we should not force people to take your advice because we should not. That's all it is. We need to make sure that we do not cross the line where people should choose the path they want to go on.
• United States
22 Dec 09
That is true. We can't force people to take our advice. In my situation, I didn't mind if she was going to take it or not, but I just didn't like her argumentative attitude while I was trying to help her. But yes, instead of the negative, I will focus more on the positive and that I did what I could to help her. Thank you for your advice =D
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
22 Dec 09
Hi ishme,Don't take it to heart. When people ask for advice it is because they want other ideas and when they appear to be arguing, they are really tossing the ideas around...giving it consideration. When someone asks my advice, I just tell them what I'd do in their situation. I don't expect them to take my advice. it just gives them food for thought so to speak.
• United States
22 Dec 09
Hmm, a very interesting point that you brought up. I never really thought of it like that =D Thank you for your advice =]
@raynejasper (2324)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
hi.. yeah.. sometimes, that is a very irritating thing.. I had a friend who always ask for an advice from me but she don't even try to do my advice.. She just ell me that my advice is good and she thanks me, but after a while, she just let go of my advice and follow her own will.. I wouldn't say it is bad for her to follow her will, however, the fact that she asked me to give her some advice, she should have consider dong it.. this is why at present, I just listen to her problems and I don't give any advice because I knew that my advice will just be wasted..
• United States
22 Dec 09
Yes, it really is irritating -
@maezee (38140)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I don't get frustrated when people don't take my advice. I did my part, and that's how I usually feel about it. Obviously, when it's their lives - we aren't the decision makers nor the ones in control in this situation. It's up to them to do the right thing. I like to think that giving advice (when it's asked for) is as simple as laying out that person's options in a rational manner (as sometimes when we're frazzled we don't always think rationally..) But of course, when anyone ARGUES with the answer that I give them - there I can understand where your frustration comes from. Beggars can't be choosers! If you ask for advice, if you ask for someone to do the FAVOR of listening to you blab about your problems and acting as a confidant (which isn't always easy, I'll tell ya), they better at least PRETEND to like and appreciate the answer you're givin 'em!
• United States
22 Dec 09
Yeah, I usually don't mind giving advice when they just accept that as a possible option, but when people just try to argue, it just really gets on my nerves. Exactly!! The very least the asker could do is at least pretend to listen!! The giver is taking time out of their daily life to help them out so they should at least listen to what is being said since they asked in the first place. Thank you for your thoughts =D