Will you keep your mouth shut if you knew that the truth hurts?

@Fulltank (2894)
Philippines
December 22, 2009 11:38pm CST
I have a friend once in high school were I found-out that his girlfriend was dating with another guy. I knew that it would hurt him if I tell him the truth as he's so sensitive. So I keep my mouth shut for a while waiting for the right moment to tell him the truth. The good thing is (that what I fell), somebody tells him first before me.And the result is devastating. My friend tried to commit suicide out of anger and despair. And I knew he is capable of such thing. After that experience, I don't knew if I can tell a truth to somebody knowing that it would hurt the person so dearly and would result to more problems. How about you, it the truth hurts, would you still tell it to a friend?
3 people like this
24 responses
@sbeauty (5869)
• United States
23 Dec 09
There are times when I don't tell everything I know for fear of hurting someone's feelings, but that's only if the person doesn't stand to lose out by my silence. In your situation, he needed to know the truth. Much as it might hurt, he still needed to know what he was dealing with. In this situation he needed to take action based on the correct information, and if you really cared about his feelings, you should have broken the news to him as gently as possible instead of waiting for someone else to blurt it out to him. He would have appreciated your intervention in the long run.
@Fulltank (2894)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
Yeah, I know that its only a matter of time that he will know the truth. But as I said, I knew him that he's capable of such thing.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
It is true that sometimes, knowing the truth hurts. What you have done is understandable for you have shown empathy to your friend. Giving him the respect and considering his feelings about the matter if supposedly said to him. Sometimes, It is not bad to tell WHITE LIES if your intention is good and would bring less damage and problem. Considering one's feeling is a show of respect and concern for the person. Even you are not the one able to tell your friend, still it is a learning experience for both of you that " the truth shall prevail" and that " the truth will set you free" and both of those saying " relieved both of you" no matter how it is hard on your friend. You parted your presence for him, supporting and understanding what he is going through at that time. A good friendship had tested both of you.
@Fulltank (2894)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
Sometimes "white lies" do work. But many times too, white lies back-fires and the result are more problems. Its hard for me to say "white lies" to big problem as it my back-fire on me. thanks for the reply and I hope that you come visit here again in myLot to check your dashboard and friends.
@lelin1123 (15634)
• Puerto Rico
23 Dec 09
Not if they were capable of sucide. That is to scary to be responsible for. I wouldn't be able to live with being the cause of someone killing themselves for what I had told them. I would keep my mouth shut. Now if I knew they were strong and would want to know I would definitely tell them.
@Fulltank (2894)
• Philippines
24 Aug 12
Hi again, i just revive another discussion of mine hoping that it will bring more members to response. I just check your dash board and good to know that your still active here in myLot.
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
That's a very tough situation huh? I have experienced it lat year when I found out that my friends husband is having an affair with another woman but I just keep my mouth shut even if its not my nature because I am not in the position to tell the truth but when my friend find out about it & asked me it was then that I fell so awkward to tell her what I knew about it atleast I find my way out. She understand me why I did not tell her about it.
@Fulltank (2894)
• Philippines
25 Aug 12
Just trying to revive this. How about now, is the marriage still strong or falls apart? Simple that its been three years already and just wondering if your still here in myLot to answer this question of mine.
@redhotpogo (4427)
• United States
23 Dec 09
No. Especially in a situation like that. You might save him from some pain in the beggining, but when he finds out the truth, and he will, it will be even worse. and that his friend didn't tell him.
@Fulltank (2894)
• Philippines
25 Aug 12
Thanks for responding. And after three years, I still wondering, what if I'm the one who broke the news to him. It would be a different story and he may still be alive today. Its not guilt, but simply a question of "what if".
@bingchen (1126)
• China
24 Dec 09
i think that we should talk the truth,although the truth would be hurted him.but this thing could not cover for along time,he would know truth one day.i think when you talk the truth before,you could make an attmept for him and look at his reflection to it and do work about his mind,you can talk to truth at the right time.so this could less his suffering and make him keep cool to accept the truth.
• Australia
24 Dec 09
Hi, usually when there's a question like this, you should try to put yourself in the position of your friend. Would you prefer to be told about this sooner and by a friend or a bit later when you're even more deeply involved in the relationship by someone else? However, i think in this case, it would have been best if his girlfriend confessed... Yeah, the truth does hurt and you would have to be the one who had to say it, sometimes the person who you're telling the truth too would blame you even though you are only the messenger though sometimes, it is best to tell the truth but you would need to choose your words really carefully... REALLY carefully in fact!
@lilgold (89)
• United States
24 Dec 09
Hell yea i would unless it really cam down to the point where i had to
@pumeza (56)
• South Africa
23 Dec 09
My aproach in life is to care abouth things and not concern myself with them. If you think about it no one is under any obligation to tell anybody anything. Its his life, i have mine to live. I will not hide it either, i dont have a chest for secrets, if it comes out it comes out. I care about people but i dont take their responsibility away. Its the girl's responsibity to tell she's cheating and nobody can control what he does, its his choice, its that simple. When there's some secret looming from people i know, i just mention it in the conversation if it fits in, i really dnt have energy to hide things. even my own life, i dont hide anything, if everyone knows about it nobody can use it against me. say i sleep with a frens boyfrien or something like that, no i wont hide it, i will tell as long as it fits in the converstaion, i will say it. i dnt do secrets, its a waste of time and energy.we all need to take responsibility for our actions.
• Germany
23 Dec 09
i think you shouldn't lie to someybody you just have to say it in the way that nobody is offensed. so don't shout the truth in his face! you have to say it a little light
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
23 Dec 09
In this kind of situation I think it is best that you didnot tell your friend what you knew. A lot of times people will blame the messenger for the message especially when it comes to love. Most people have also found out that it's better not to say anything when it comes to couples because a lot of times the other person already may have a suspicion their mate is cheating but just don't want to face it right now. So when you break it to them they literally end-up blaming you. Overall I do believe in being honest with people. When you lie to others, you lie to yourself. I want to have a mature, open relationships with others and this definitely requires being honest about my feelings and opinions. You just have to be careful about telling someone the "honest" truth about someone else they may have a relationship or friendship with.
@jpertin (60)
• India
23 Dec 09
in this case, i prefer to tell the my friend about the truth. it is always better to hear truth from your trustworthy and they can comfort you in a better way.
@nedallo (12)
• United Arab Emirates
23 Dec 09
will i guess this situation is not so complicated because in the end he might look for another GF ,it doesnt matte too much , but it would be worst when you know that your friend's wife is cheating and having an affair with someone else ... and you dont know after you tell him whats gonna happen ... and also if your friend is having 4 kids ... which mean you are going to distroy his family ... what do you think ?
@elmiko (6635)
• United States
23 Dec 09
thats bad to hear but its not your fault. some people just take things too hard.
@jilshi (271)
• Malaysia
23 Dec 09
Well this situation will depends on how close that friend with me. If that person is just a normal friend, i might not tell him the truth because he might not believe my story. He might blame me for making bad stories about his girlfriend. Whereas if i knows that my best friend or close friend met with this situation, definitely i will tell him the truth althought is hurt.
@chriszh22 (433)
• China
23 Dec 09
I feel very sorry to your friend who is too emtional. People should take care of himselves even without lover. If I were you, I'll keep watching his girlfriend until I can make sure that she is cheating him. I might tell him the trueth that she's cheating on him and she dose not deserve his love any more, just dump her before she dump him. Go and keep finding his true love. Of course I'll accompany him to get over the hard times of this failure in love.
@gunjanpri (603)
• India
23 Dec 09
I will not disclose truth if it hurts people but the condition is that it should not harm anybody for being hidden. If it really affects somebody's life adversely by hiding a truth I will disclose it and try to be mild while disclosing it to hurt least
• United States
23 Dec 09
Even though it's wrong to keep a secret like that to myself, I still wouldn't tell the victim the truth. I'm just not the type of person to see somebody get hurt, especially when i'm the one to confront something like that. It could be the biggest secret of all time and I still wouldnt be able to open my mouth. That's just not me.
@zed_k4 (17619)
• Singapore
23 Dec 09
I agree with one responder; this is a tricky situation. That's because sometimes when we don't tell our best friend, they would blame us. But if we does, then something happens, we will definitely be blamed. Very tricky there. Therefore, normally what I'd think would be to give out clues to the person whom has been hurt by the other party. Provide clues and ask away like what if she or he is hurt by this kind of circumstance and stuff like that. If they can't take it, you can sense from their answers, then it's better to keep quiet. If they seem to be able to take it all in, it's best to tell even-though the truth might hurt.
• India
23 Dec 09
sorry my friend i can't shut my mouth if i knew the truth BECAUSE i think if i doesn't tell the truth my friend or someone its a cheating with him/her.BUT i think you are also right to wait for right time But Yet tell him the truth is right way. don't worry truth is always sour.