She made the choice to die....could you?
By jillhill
@jillhill (37354)
United States
December 29, 2009 7:05pm CST
I had a friend who died on Dec. 20th. I never saw her without a smile on her face and I never heard her say anything but nice things about everyone. She was only 66. For the last 33 years...half of her life she suffered with Rheumatiod arthritis. Her hands had become deformed but that didn't stop her from returning to school to become a lab tech. And she was very proud of the fact that she graduated in the middle of her life to start a new career. It wasn't that long ago that she found out that something was wrong with her heart. In order for her to live she would have to have heart surgery...and carry a battery pack to keep it beating. But instead of going through all of that she chose not to.....and on Dec. 20th she died. Could you make that decision to let go of life? Are you concerned with the quality of life or just living? I am not so sure I could make the decision to not go on.....could you?
9 people like this
26 responses
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
30 Dec 09
She must have had felt no reason to go on for herself or anyone else. Maybe she was tired of living and didn't feel it was worth it being sick. I can't imagine not trying to fight for my life unless the pain was unbearable. What a shame, I'm so sorry for your loss.
2 people like this
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
30 Dec 09
First let me say that I am so sorry you lost a friend. That's difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family. Yes, I would definitely have had the surgery and carried a battery pack to keep the heart beating. I have too much to do and am not ready to leave. There is way too much fun left in my life to quit. Want to see our grandkids grow and continue to enjoy my life as a retired wife, mom and grandma. I love my life and want to be here as long as possible.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
30 Dec 09
My ex-husband was a strong man. He suffered for over 20 years with cancer and fought it valiantly. I really don't know how this man kept going like he did. But, he chose to fight as long as he could. He fought this disease to the end. I would do no less. Life is a gift and I will keep living as long as there is a way to do so. I know that I wouldn't want to live in a vegetative state though.
@AmbiePam (85677)
• United States
30 Dec 09
I have a cousin with rheumatoid arthritis. Seeing what she goes through I know that yes, I could choose to not have that heart surgery and go on knowing I was likely to die soon. I'm 28 and I live in pain. But NOTHING like what my cousin lives with. It's hard to explain, but complications from her rheumatoid arthritis recently led to surgery on her esophogas (sp?). She has a wonderful spirit about her and she and her husband do so much good work for the Lord. But even he would not try to stop her if she decided not to have heart surgery like your friend. I understand why people would choose to fight on for their life, and I understand why they wouldn't.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
30 Dec 09
i'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR FRIEND, jILL. sHE WAS A VERY BRAVE WOMAN. i THINK QUALITY OF LIFE MEANS EVERYTHING. I sure don't want to live as some people have to. One trip to the nursing home could make the decision for u, i think. I don't want to have to live like so many of them do. Of course we don't get the choice most of the time like she did. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Nursing homes are so depressing aren't they? I have had both of my grandmothers die in nursing homes. I loved them, but I really hated going there to visit them and seeing all the people in there just sitting around as if they were just waiting to die.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
30 Dec 09
I think a nursing home is the most depressing place i have ever had to go. sad, sad, sad.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Hi jill~ I am not sure what I would do in that set of circumstances.
That is too difficult a decision to make unless you are face to
face with it! I am not sure I could go in under those circumstances
either, but I am also not sure that I would be ready to die either!
But, I am pretty much a coward, so I pretty much would have been
scared to have the surgery and have to walk around with a battery
pack attached to me too! But, that is so sad to hear that you lost
a friend that way. I am so truly sorry. I would never want to be
in a position like that to have to make that kind of decision~ I
do hope that now your friend is resting in peace and you are in
peace too with her decision~ Hugs, Opal
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
30 Dec 09
I am soo sorry for your lost. If there is anything I can do, please write me a privater message. I could make that choice. It is the Quality of life not the quantity. She must have thought it would be a machine keepimg her alive and didn't wat that.I am sorry for all of her loved ones she left but she must have trully thought she wouldn't been able to keep that smile on her face toting that machine around. So instead of becoming gloomy, she left . She left you with a happy vision of her. Hold on to that! And remembr as long as we remember our loved ones they aren't Trully gone.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
30 Dec 09
Hi sarah ruth beth: I think the same. What matters is not life quantity but life's quality and if you know that something that will make you live longer will affect you in a very important way your quality of life there's the option to stop living. It would be always hard specially for the ones you love but we have to respect these decitions. Thanks for your answer sarah. Hope you are having a nice day. Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
1 person likes this
@rameshkumaar57 (5908)
• India
30 Dec 09
Yes, I can and I will make the decession to let go of my life. Even though I had a triple by pass surgery about three years back, I had it only because some body scared me that if I do not have it, I might end up with a stroke. I did not want to give anybody any trouble by having a stroke, and being a burden on them for the rest of my life. I am more interested in the quality of life. If a chance is given to me, I will be very very happy to let go of my life. Even if I die in the next minute, I will be very happy.
Yes I can make the decision to not to go on. 
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Dec 09
hi jillhill I am sorry but I think she took the cowards way out to leave her loved ones to grieve and wish she had hung on,after all the good Lord will take us when he feels its right anyway. I think it took lot of guts yet its also incredibly selfish. she had to have had people who really cared for her.Could I make that decision? I dont know, I do not think I could. they asked me to pull the plug on my husbands ventilator, you are asking a person to kill the person you love most, how can anyone expect you to want to do that? I refused but God knew best he took my husband home two hours later. no man made interference just God. that s the best way.,
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 Dec 09
I can't understand giving up on life myself, but I know that people do. My mom did, I'm pretty sure. I think if you're in pain enough or tired enough or depressed enough it can happen.
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
If the life we have is good and well and nothing to worry about the sickness or disease we encounter daily, then, we wish to add more life. But if there are problems like difficulty and sufferings of our body, we wish also to end our life. For me it is the case to case basis. Like what i have told before, we wish to add if we feel good and happy and wish to end if not good. In her case, I better not to use that battery to add my life because I suffer too, even i have that deviced. I know too that in the decision i made to let my life end, God has allowed through making the decision made. Waiting to end the life until the last breath, for me it is God's will.
Have a nice day my friend..
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
30 Dec 09
Hiya jill,
For me it would depend on the circumstances around me. Sorry to hear about your Friend though could she not have had a transplant a heart transplant I mean?
Well I know with all the Health Insurance issues over there that is a hard question to answer. What a shame though she was very young and after all of her efforts.
My condolences to you and her Family.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
30 Dec 09
Hi jillhill: I feel happy with my life and I respect it as a God's gift so i think that in this case, I'd chose to stay alive. It's difficult for me to understand her decition even if I think that, if this was what she wanted it was her choice and it must be respected. I don't understand her decition because, if she can live with a Rheumatiod arthritis i think that this surgery her life would not be affected but maybe she just didn't want to keep fighting after all she has lived. Thanks for sharing with us this story. I think it's really sad. Hope you are having a nice day. Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
@yylkmi1986 (47)
• China
30 Dec 09
i think i cannot decide to give up my life present,but i like her positive attitude of life.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Wow, that is sad. I can understand her reasoning though. I'm not sure if I could make that choice either. I want to see my children grow up and have children. If I can make it to see great grand children that is even better. I enjoy my family so much, the thought of leaving them makes me really sad. But I think that they wouldn't want me to live in pain, so I would hope that if I made the decision to stop living that they would be at peace with that.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
30 Dec 09
It sounds like your friend was at peace with her decision. My aunt had a bad heart and went through 3 open heart surgeries. She told her family that she didn't want to go through another one so they all knew that she wasn't going to make it out of surgery. She told the doctors to just let her die on the table if they had to get her heart going again. She knew she didn't want to fight it anymore.
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Hi Jill,
I'm so sorry for your loss!!! For a woman who suffered half her life with the kind of pain that goes with RA, I can understand her need to quit hurting so badly every day of her life. Many of us also suffer with non stop pain but each person has a different level of pain tolerance. I've hear that RA is excruciating so I do understand her decision. For me, I want to live as long a life as I can becausethere is so much I want to do. I feel that God has more for me to do. But if I felt deep inside that it was my time, then I would choose to live till the heart said no more. She was a very brave woman. Hugss
Leenie
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
I may do the same thing. Probably, not because I don't want to live any longer but in consideration of the others who love me who might suffer due to the unavoidable circumstances. I can't bear to see my family suffering and sacrificing other things just to help me live another day. Besides, 66 years of fruitful life - are there things I have to pursue more at such age? Is that not good time to retire, albeit in other world?
@shirley183 (252)
• China
30 Dec 09
I also can't make the decision.First,I must say I was appreciate your friend,shes so great that she can still go work while she suffer with Rheumatiod arthritis.then she has the pathetic life.
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
30 Dec 09
That was sad... 
My condolence to you and her family. She made her own choice and she's already prepared with her decision. Frankly speaking, in a normal and healthy condition, I would definitely say that I would fight for my life, but I don't know what will happen and how I will react when things might go wrong and when I am in pain. I just hope that those people I love will always give me moral and mental support for me to make the right decision and to live.
My condolence to you and her family. She made her own choice and she's already prepared with her decision. Frankly speaking, in a normal and healthy condition, I would definitely say that I would fight for my life, but I don't know what will happen and how I will react when things might go wrong and when I am in pain. I just hope that those people I love will always give me moral and mental support for me to make the right decision and to live. 