Fear of Attraction

That's exactly it right there. I don't want some desire for romance by the other person to interfere with how I interact with them. I simply hate the worry that "oh maybe I shouldn't say that because she might think I'm interested in her". Or trying to analyze something I want to say, to see how it might be miss construed. I have a cousin that worked at a bank, and another co-worker girl, decided he was the man for her. It didn't matter what he did, or what he said, or how many times he declined her invitations, she sent him flowers, presents, toys, cards and on and on. At first, he enjoyed the attention, as I'm sure most would to some degree. But after awhile, if you are not interested, then this becomes stalking. Some guys joke about how cool it would be to be stalked by a women, but in reality, it's not fun. Especially when he met a girl he really wanted to date, and then these gifts from another woman caused a really big mess. It was a full two years before he finally got through to this lady, that there was no "US" or relationship. But it was only after he quit the job to put distance between them, that he was able to make that clear. As for the girl that I have had a problem with, I had a very straight up direct chat with her, that I simply wasn't interested in marrying. For whatever reason, it didn't seem to get across. She continued to act like there could be something more, with subtle hints. So I had to move on to the next step, that being distance. When I say distance, I don't mean completely ignoring her, or blocking her, or like walking around the entire building to avoid her. I just mean like saying I'm busy and doing other things. We still talk, just not as much. And it seems to have worked. She hasn't been as aggressive at all lately. So I think the point finally sunk in. The only good thing, is that being a guy, girls do not often become aggressively pursing us. Thus it's not often that I have this problem. I can imagine how much you put up with guys. Right? But like I said, I communicate directly my intentions, or should I say, lack of intentions. I would hate to inadvertently trick some girl into thinking there could be some huge romance between us, when that isn't the case.

Neither. I'm in Columbus Ohio, and I am most certainly not a chick magnet. I just end up in some strange situations... often. Can't explain it. Yes, I can imagine that your boy friend being scared of the family is a turn off. However, when I look at the world around me, I think instilling a healthy dose of fear, if not outright terror, is a good thing. Some guys need to be reminded that this girl they are taking out, is not just a object of their amusement, but it's someone's daughter and sister, a person with family and friends. So I'm all in favor of making that absolutely clear to any guy that wanted to take out my daughter. Too many bad things happen when stupid boys don't have a grasp of consequences to their action, when it relates to women. The guys in my sisters case, were bad kids. They didn't want to come down to the house because they were screwed up people, and my father would have hauled them to jail. That happened at 1 AM, and both my parents were asleep, otherwise she would have been stopped. My sister made some massive mistakes during that time in her life, some she is still dealing with. A clear warning that small choices, and simple mistakes, can have life long consequences. She's better now, and things are improving for her, but she went through some majorly hard knocks. I wish more women like her would share their stories and pain, so the younger gals would hopefully learn and not screw up their lives. Yeah, hanging out seems alright. But this right here, is about all the hanging out I do. Just chatting and being friendly, is good enough for me. Perhaps if something comes out of that, then I'll go from there. Seems like if I dare to do more, I end up with the crazy tight black dress gal who thinks a fortune cookie is an omen of our future matrimony.

lol, I have my share of guys who don't seem to understand that I am not playing hard to get. I have literally said to one guy "if you give me your number I will not call you", but still he thought he could persuade me otherwise. This situation has so many different diminsions. On the one hand you can feel really bad that someone cares about you (although it seems more that they care about a fantasy they think is you) while you don't feel the same. On the other it can be very scary when people really believe that they can make you feel for them the way they feel for you. Often we associate the dangerousness of this when the person pursuing is a guy, and he is after a woman, but it can also be just as dangerous for a man as a woman, the only difference is that guys generally have a size advantage. I have had men curse me out when I am not interested in talking to them on the street. I have had guys try to grab me to get my attention, or follow me. Sometimes no matter what you say with certain people you can find yourself in a very scary situation. As for the woman you dealt with, maybe you should have said I don't want to date you. Saying married sounds like something that can change after dating awhile, however if she'd decided on you then nothing you said might have made a difference. I'm glade the distance seems to be working for you. I tried this with one guy and he popped up about every five years. He hasn't done anything too crazy, but if I feel threatened I have a cop, and two FBI agents in the family.

Thanks a lot for the advice. Despite the fear I did explore the opportunity. It turned out to not be for me, but I still checked it out because writing is something I really want to do. I did learn a lesson from the encounter, and don't regret it, it just made me curious. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me.

I'm not officially a freelance journalist. I was just being a concerned citizen, presented with an opportunity to become a journalist. I did end up meeting this person, and turned out they were soliciting work, but was not interested in the story I presented as much as the potential for a free article. Its not always easy to seperate emotion from work. For me I put everything I am into what I do. I didn't want any type of attraction though. I wanted a professional relationship and I was very worried that physical attraction in addition to easy dialogue could get in the way. This is a constant issues. It isn't that I am not interested in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship, just that I don't want this to constantly haunt me when it comes to every other aspect of my life. Thanks for posting. I agree that with work there should be no emotion between workers aside casual friendship. I just have seen one too many Romance Comedies I guess.