Is your significant other older than you?
@amandakringle (109)
United States
January 4, 2010 2:39pm CST
Hi fellow my lotters, I need a little advice. My bf is several years older than me and lately we seem to really clash. His tastes and mine are completely different because of our age and it seems to be tearing a rift between us. I try to be mature and try not to do things that would cause him to feel that I am immature. He seems to feel that he has to teach me how to deal with life and how to act more like an adult. It really hurts my feelings alot because the more I try the worse that I do. I try everything that I can to be more mature, but the only thing that it does is cause me to feel old and tired out. I have tried talking to him about this, but everytime I do I cant get the words out and I just shut down. Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
1 person likes this
16 responses
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
hi amandakringle...
My situation is partly similar to yours.
My husband is 5 years older than me which is not much of a gap.. but I believe that age does not really matter,..for me partners clash because of pride.
My husband also have this attitude of... he knows everything, there are things that i want to do in life but he always going against me, I can't decide for my own. I always do as what he told to avoid arguments., but Im not happy doing all his wants.
what to do????
@amandakringle (109)
• United States
5 Jan 10
Mine is like that too sometimes, he always says my life would be alot easier if I just did what he says. I really try but I feel like I am being denied my own existance.
@koalatbs (2229)
• United States
5 Jan 10
Hi amandakringle - It is just the opposite for me and my husband. This is my second marriage and I am 6 years older than him. But, with my first marriage he was 14 years older than me but I was still the more mature one of the two of us! lol Hope it works out for you guys but if not then it wasn't meant to be. You shouldn't have to change to please him. How long have the two of you been together?
@amandakringle (109)
• United States
5 Jan 10
we have only been together for a year, but since we work together we are around each other all day, 24 hours a day, it seems like alot longer.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Jan 10
I am 41 and my Hubby is 55...there are times when he thinks he knows it all but that's just men for you. It sounds to me like there is more problems here then just age...it sounds like he is trying to mold you into what he wants rather then just be happy with who you are. The only thing I can tell you is to be who you are and either he will learn to accept you as is or you'll find someone who will. Good luck!!
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STANDING STRONG IN MY BELIEFS**[/b]
@bhabytart (1116)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
hello there dear.... we are on the opposite side. mine is younger than me.we do experience things like that, we do clash sometimes.i often cry when things do get worse.Some say that im the older one so its me who should be understanding the other one. But that is not the way i think.I still believe that in a relationship it is a TWO WAY.When one talk the other listen and vice-versa.It is a GIVE AND TAKE not just take and take.So when things go crazy for a while we take a few minutes to think or breathe or cool are self a little then we talk. If im wrong i ask forgiveness and vice-versa again.it is a matter of communication with your love.
have a nice day!!! nice topic!!!
@sublime03 (2339)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
He is one year older than I am. But again age does not matter for my relationship with my hubby. We have a good relationship and we enjoy each other's company. We may have changed during the years but we still compromise with each other. Life will always be not perfect but together as a couple you help each other face the world and what lies in it.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
5 Jan 10
Hi amanda kringle: These problems make part of a relationship between people from different generations. I think there is nothing to worry about it if both of you act for the sake of your relationship. I think that a couple therapy is ok, just to make your communication skills better. He is the mature one so he should understand that you are in a process that every human being must passed throught, i think. You don't have to "grow up for him", this is a natural process and if you both face this situation i think that you'll be able to have a better relationship. Thanks for sharing with us your problems. Hope you are having a nice day. Happy New Year and Keep Mylotting. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
5 Jan 10
I am the opposite. My boyfriend is four years younger than me. I am older than that guy I am dating, but I do not mind it. He keeps me young, and I love it that way.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
my wife is five years older than me. we didnt have any problems for i act more of an adult than her. she is bubly and friendly while i am quiet and i would rather be alone. i can say that i adopt a few of her traits and sometimes says joke and laugh with friends and siblings already. nobody can teach someone to deal with life.... you learn that from experience.
@bingchen (1119)
• China
5 Jan 10
you can be tired for this,i think that if your bf love you deeply and tolerate all of yours.so you dont be tired to be mature for him.at the same time i like to live what i want,if you change original you,do you think that it is you?is it love?i think that the love need to be tolerated each other,we can share the love happyness.so you should talk about this problem with your bf sincerely for your happyness in your life.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
5 Jan 10
I am 3 and a half years older than my husband which isn't much of a gap but my Dad is 9 years older than my Mum. He is 72 and Mum is 63 and there has always been a clash. However, they have been together over 40 years so they must be doing something right! Mum keeps him young(er) in his outlook on life and my Dad is the practical sort. They also have their own space. Personally, I think your partner should be a bit more understanding. I mean, why should YOU be like HIM? Why can't HE be like YOU? Just a little bit. If this happened then I am sure you would become closer over time. Give and take is what it's all about my friend. :-0
@ishprash (46)
• India
5 Jan 10
age does not matter in any kind of relationship, the matter is problem of ego,complex etc in all kind of relationship..in the case of yours feel,act and stay something like your bf and try to make your bf to feel,act and stay something like you,,something you and something him..reciprocity and compromise to some extent being cores of any social relationship....
@SkiBabe1814 (109)
• United States
5 Jan 10
Me and my man are 5 years apart. When we met he was more of the partier type and I was a little quieter. Now though, he has moved into my apartment with me and wants to just stay quiet. But I like to go out and do stuff. I don't like to be crazy, but I like to go out on the weekends but he is becoming more of a homebody. We actually got in quite a fight today and ended up talking about this. We talked about a way to compromise doing the things that I want to do and doing some of the things he wants, like when and how often we should hang out with friends and when to go out with each other or separately. I don't know how this will work but we are going to give it a try and see what happens.
@b3th92 (46)
• United States
4 Jan 10
I've never been with somebody more than 3 years older than me. But I think you should just stop letting yourself shut down. You need to say what you need to say. If you hold it in, he'll never know what you feel. Just be brave!
@shaggin (71664)
• United States
4 Jan 10
I havent been in that exact situation no but sort of similar in a way. My husband and I agree on nothing. We have no common interests and we argue a lot. It is nearly impossible for us to get along. He is about 18 months older then me so thats not much. I actually like guys who are a lot older then me. I am 26 and I like 50 year olds. I like that you know what your getting into before you get close to them just by observing the way they are and the things they are into. By that age they are pretty set in their ways and arent going to change so you know what to expect in the relationship.
@doormouse (4599)
•
4 Jan 10
i know how you feel,i'm 32 and my man's 56,we've been together 5 1/2 years,we used to get on really well,but lately we clash,i used to like going to the coast with him,and popping to a nice cafe and have a cuppa,but over the last year i prefer to go to my mates and have coffee with them,or just do my own thing,i was quite ill with M.E for 2 years but now i'm having a good patch i want to make the most of seeing people,and doing what i want when i want,he doesn't like that,he thinks i should still go out with him,but i find that stuff boring now,i want to live my life,he also thinks everytime i go out without him i'm up to something,and he's paranoid that i'll leave him for someone younger
