question about relationship

love - thing called love
Vietnam
January 7, 2010 10:52am CST
Hello everyone, I plan to go abroad for MSc studies, which will take me 2-3 years to complete. Yesterday my boyfriend of 5 years told me not to leave and "What if I have someone else?" And I start to think: what if he DOES have someone else? He cheated once long time ago, what if he did it again? He said that he don't believe in 8-years-relationship, and that we should move to the second step. I need both the MSc and my boyfriend. We've gone through a lot of hardships and I really don't want it to end somewhere in the next 2-3years. We both are lacking of faith in long distance relationship. Anyone can tell me how to deal with long distance relationship? how to make sure that your partner doesn't cheat on you. thanks a lot
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10 responses
@Esmechan (53)
• China
8 Jan 10
If you assure that he is your Mr. Right, you can get engaged before you going aboard. That is help to guarantee your relationship. If you are still not quite sure if your heart will always belong to him, i think you have no right to worry he will find someone elso. That is equal, Girl !
• Vietnam
8 Jan 10
Well you got me here. So embarrassing. With 2-3 years, people may change a lot. Just like I said in my question, we both are lacking faith in long distance relationship. I'm not sure if I won't change either. That's why I want to ask if there are any tips for this relationship, for us to have faith in each other. Engagement couldn't guarantee anything if there is no more love, don't you agree. That is what I think , and that why I don't want to be engaged before I go. Married people even cheat.
• China
9 Jan 10
haha, yor are so frank, thank you ! If so, i advise you just go ahead and let it be naturally. Maybe both of you won't change anything and you will be still together; maybe you can find another belove. Nobody knows. Just go and follow your heart.
@anqial (58)
• United States
7 Jan 10
can he go with you,i mean find a job or school there? first, he doesn't want you to go, so if you leave, he will be angry and then, that will be the biggest excuse for him to have someone else. and, i can tell he knows you love him much more than he loves you by "what if i have someone else". if he really love you as much as you do, i think his should be worried about "what if you have someone else, if you aren't happy with me". so in my option, i choose my education. becasue education will never cheat on me. second, for long distance relationship , you guys have to work it out together. if he doesn't care, whatever you do, won't work. my husband and i had long distance relationship for 2 years before we got married. we both worked very hard. call , chat online, be honest, work hard keep us busy and the most important thing, we trust each other.
• Vietnam
7 Jan 10
Thanks Anquial! I really really need the real one that has experienced long distance relationship before to give me some advise. Your happy ending gives me hopes :D it's not that he doesn't love me enough. He asked me what if I have someone else before so many times, this time I think he just wanted to give me some pressure to make me stay [and he was successful about the pressure] what a childish boyfriend heh.
• Vietnam
7 Jan 10
ah, and he can't go with me. He has a job here that he really enjoy and he's doing extremely good. I don't want to be selfish and take away his happiness.
• China
8 Jan 10
It seems you and your boyfriend have a complicated relationship.You want to keep this relationship,and the new world also make you excited.There is unknown waiting for you,maybe a real Mr.right. So for my opinion,there is no problem for your boyfriend,the problem is yourself,what do your need?If you konw that ,just do it. Thanks.
• Vietnam
8 Jan 10
thank you. I think I've figured out something and I'll do it just like you said. Today, my friend told me "Go by your feelings when you're in the relationship, use your head once you've lost it" and it's so true
• India
8 Jan 10
Its very clear from what you have mentioned. You should choose you priority. I am not telling to leave him but you should decide what is you priority. From my point of you I would prefer my priority and dump him. Dump him with reason being explained to him. Not just cold dump, a warm dump. I don't understand one thing. If he has already cheated you in past, why you want to take risk at all. You should learn from your mistakes. If you keep doing same mistake again, then you are the only responsibile for your condition. So dear, Please make study and your career priority. And just listen to a beautiful song by Robbie Williams, title is Something beautiful. The reason is that somethig beautiful (not just in appearance) is waiting for you. Good luck...!
• Vietnam
8 Jan 10
yeah, maybe I should. When I told him about this discussion, we got a fight. I feel really really bad right now and I think break up with him is a right thing to do. Thanks a lot for everything.
@puppynut (370)
• New Zealand
8 Jan 10
It's such a tough one. Is there no way he can relocate to by you either? I guess you would really have to take advise from someone who had had aa successful long distance relationship. It's all very well to trust each other but distance sure makes things hard. If you are seeing each other regularly still for holidays and the like it could work?
• Vietnam
8 Jan 10
No he can't go with me, he has his job here and stuff (he's very good at his work, and enjoy it as well) And yeah, I hope it could work. He said he will visit me once a month and I will come back home once a month. But I don't know, I just don't have that much of money hehe. He's quite ok with the money, but I want him to save for our wedding as well :P I'm a bit too much, I want everything.
@bingchen (1126)
• China
8 Jan 10
actually we often met many selection in our life and could not keep balance between the career and love,especially as women they sacrifice too much.when you go abroad for 2-3 years.it is too long process for him to wait your coming,actually noboby can promise what happen during this time.maybe you can lost your love.maybe you could not be here together even you give up your education.nobody know what happen in the future.as for you.i think that you should select your education.although the time is long.but nobody hope to do regret thing and you should do what you want,as for love,i think that if he love you and can wait for you.then he can understand your mind and leave you go,not prevent your step.
• Vietnam
8 Jan 10
Hic, I knew that. People may change. I'm afraid that he won't be there anymore when I come back. Oh God I don't want to think about it. But I have to go no matter what and I know it. Everything is set.
@missweety (628)
• Latvia
7 Jan 10
Hello! If your boyfriendhas cheated on you once there is no proof that he will not do it again exspecially when you will be far away! You have to go!don't stay because of your boyfriend. and if he doesn't believe in 8-years-relationship then probably his just not ready for moving on or hes just afraid that you could leave him...you have to go and then you will see how your relations will move on - don't regret anything!!! We live in this world for too short time to regret something or doubt to do it or not! Just be happy and don't worry about him too much!
• Vietnam
7 Jan 10
yeah, I want to go (for my future) and I won't stay just because he said so. I was just confused, how to keep this love alive while I'm not stay by his side. He said if the person who finished high school, and all he do is study, study, and keep study, someday he will bored of it. He has to move on, get a job and else. Like us, we can't just love for too long, we have to move on, and get married. and what he said does make sense. I feel bad because I make him wait for too long. How can I don't worry about him like this :(
@Hatley (164259)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jan 10
well nymphantom if he did cheat once, and hes going what If I have someone else, then he is saying dont go or I will cheat again. either marry or dump him, if you can go together all that time why not commit, if you cannot commit find someone new with whom you can commit and get the heck married. this living together is the bunk.
• Vietnam
7 Jan 10
he's not that bad, relly :( I'm in love but I'm not blind yet, he really is not that bad. He's just weak when it comes to relationship.
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
If he truly loves you he will let you grow. What is the purpose of your study? To have a better life in the future right? If you can have a better future someday he should not take that opportunity away from you, that is unselfish love. Your main purpose of going abroad is to study and not to find another man. Before you convince him you should have convince yourself first so your mind set is not changing. If he fooled around again, then let him go. Five years is nothing compared to the lifetime you will spend with the wrong person.
• Vietnam
7 Jan 10
In this big world how can I know who is my Mr.Right. That's why I have to fight to keep my love which maybe the love of my life. If he cheated on me again while I'm still in love with him, how can I let him go :( you know, I really weak when it comes to relationship or love. You're in my friend list, then keep in touch please, I'll need you advise very soon ^^
• India
7 Jan 10
Hey if he really loves you he'll really understand you and he'll also understand that msc is also important for you..but if he doesn't its five year of infatuation. relationship doesn't mean hanging around with each other and kisses n hugs, its also about understanding each other and keeping on the faith.Aniwez you do have phone and internet and its just about 2 to 3 years and i guess you'll be coming home for vacations.Romance after a long time has a special meaning in itself and is filled with magical indegrient if its real love but not infatuation.
• Vietnam
7 Jan 10
My boyfriend is a bit childish :P and he always want to be the most important thing in my life, he feels uneasy when I put my career first instead of him this time, I can understand that. You are right about the part that love doesn't mean hanging around and hugs and kisses, but it's better that there's your lover by your side, kisses you and hugs you tight than nothing, right. I really like the last part of your post. Guess that I should give him some space to grow up this time ^^ Thanks.
1 person likes this