It this a good way to end a friendship?
By alohagems100
@alohagems100 (565)
United States
January 10, 2010 6:48pm CST
I have a good friend here, we that thesame dialect so we enjoyed talking with each other in person and by phone. She is married with 2 kids. We were classmates during a training program here in Hawaii. When I went to the Philippines, she asked a favor for me to bring some goods from the our country. I said, why not as long as it is not more than 2 kilograms. She said oh, its just more than 1 kilo the most. So when I picked up her stuffs from her brother in the mall, I was surprised why it was heavy, I told him, oh it's heavy. He said, oh, it's just around 5 kilos. So I brought it with me and check all the stuff and even weighed each. There were 7 pack pulvoron(like flour with sugar, margarine, etc) at 600 grams each = 4.2 kilos. Whitening soap (15 boxes) at 200 grams each = 3 kilos, plus other stuffs. It was 8 kilos in all. I tried to call her before my flight was did not reach her. I was worried because aside from being heavy, I don't want to meet some problems with my luggages, they might think that I am bringing some illegal drugs and the whitening soap looks like an immitation with no manufacturer's address. So I just bought almost 2 kilos. I left the remaining 6 kilos. When I reached home she called me and told her about it, and I handed her the luggage, I told her to send all those stuffs by mail. When my sister handed back the remaining luggage to her brod, he said that I should have asked other passengers to bring those stuff. I am not that stupid. lol. I know her family was upset or angry with me because I did not do what they want. Now, she did not have any contacts with me and she did not appear in the place that we agreed to talk.
Do you have any similar situations where your friends stopped talking to because they can not get what they want?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
it's not good to be taken advantaged of by a friend like that. she should have known better. and out of respect she should stick on the less than 2 kgs. if she could not understand why you did what you did, then it's not worth to be around her at all. there's a hint of selfishness there on her part. and if she doesn't even realize that, well... i kinda doubt if she's a likeable person even. hehe
some people are like that back home, to save on shipping and handling costs, they would sometimes ask fellow countrymen to bring this and that for them. i had my share of those, and i tried to accommodate as much as i can when traveling. and i admit that a few times i suffered a bit for being good-natured enough to accommodate them. but i guess i was lucky enough to have met people at the airports offering the use of their excess luggage. i would hate to ask, but it's nice when strangers offered.
luckily i don't have friends like the one you have. i don't recall having a friend impose on me like that and vice versa. and i haven't experienced yet having even the smallest of fights amongst my friends.
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@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Thank you myles for your response.
What you said is true. I also never had fights with me friends. Some of my friends enjoyed my company because they said I have a good sense of humor. But as the friendship ages, we can see who is true and not. Who among them are worth keeping. As for me, I will stay as good as I am and will not keep any grudges. She is still welcome to talk to me if she wish.
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@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
that's quite a good and positive approach you have there. keep it up and i hope all your friends appreciate that. including her. 
@ramplified_17 (105)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
I think that what she is asking you is too much and I would say that she is taking advantage of your kindness.
We just have to accept that there are people in this world who would do their best to benefit from being a parasite.
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@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
You are exactly right. For me, I made the right decision of not bringing those heavy stuffs and another way of saying 'NO' in the future.
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
..hi.. well, for me, it's nonsense continuing a friendship with that kind of person.. in the first place you've told them what you can only carry so I guess it's not your fault anymore.. just leave her if she doesn't send any message to you.. after all, you even made her a favor.. well, you can always get back as a friend to her but you have to wait for her to make the first move.. maybe right now, she is really upset.. but she needs to understand your situation.. anyhow, you can find other people and make friends with them.. maybe you are not her friend after all because she did not have any consideration to you.. just move on..
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@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Hi Raynejasper, thank you for the response.
You are right to move on. I only did what is comfortable for me when travelling, afterall it she was just asking favors. I thought it was too much to carry those stuffs. The tranferring from one terminal or checkin area worries me, I wanted to travel light as much as possible.
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@kurtjames (36)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
have a nice day to you...there was a saying that goes "Friends love at all times." sometimes we are get offended with the friends who are taking advantage for our goodness and generosity, but thats a normal reaction as a human being - on how we react, it could be positive or negative that made our friendship stronger in the future, in your case, if i were you i will react the same, but not to extent that i will end our friendship, talk to him directly and tell what is your side with that matters, tell her honestly, being honest and talking straight forward sometimes can made people stop taking advantage with you. By doing so, you must observed the reaction of your friend and do some actions with your friendship...by her reaction you can judge what is her personality as a friend for you....or i may say that she is a friend that taking advantage....
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@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Thank you kurtjames.
The moment we talked for the first time thru phone, she already know my feelings and the reasons why I did not bring all her stuff. She said it was okay. But the time when my sister handed back to his brother the package, the brother reacted and said, I should have give it to my co-passengers who are going to my destination. It is better said that done. I never did that all my life. There was a time that a policeman asked me after seeing my light luggage to bring some stuffs to manila and I refused.
I guess the family is upset with me. Anyways, my door is open for friendship always. Just an honest smile works for me..
@iocustheoda (70)
• Malaysia
11 Jan 10
friends don't use friends, friends help friends. And what is help? To do someting wholeheartedly and what is capable. You had told her that you can only bring things less than 2 kilos. She gave you 8 kilos. They said you should have asked others to help, does she think others are happy and cooperative to strangers?
It's obvious she doesn't think or care for you, or she'd be more worried of your journey than her items. Brush her off. One time she use you, she won't stop.
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@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Thank you iocustheoda
I like your line, " once she uses you, she won't stop". These words are what exactly in my mine in terms of bringing these items that I was not comfortable to carry. That's why I made up my mind not to bring it all. At least she knew now that I will also refuse her in the future.
@chikahdorah (269)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
Oh you really shouldn't be friends with her anymore. She's using you. They should have said "thank you" at least. Or "sorry" because you had a hard time bringing those luggage. Some people really have attitude problems. You should know better now that people like them are no good for you.
Don't worry about the wrecked friendship. You have many friends other than them and really true friends.
1 person likes this
@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
So far we have are in good terms and enjoyed each other's company except for this incident. This might be a test of friendship. She is worried now how to send a dozen of whitening soap and it will cost a lot of money. I told herm you can order order, she said, that was made from her dermalogiest way back home and can not be found online.
@vineetkotnala (71)
• India
11 Jan 10
hii..
i think ..its nt good wt happened wid u.. she took the advantage of ur freindship..nd u supported her as a freind..so brother its nt ur fault...so u r nice person... you shuld move on... buye take cr..
@alohagems100 (565)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Hi vinee . Thank you for your kind words and response. Sometimes friends took advantage of our friendship.
@stand87 (664)
• Bulgaria
11 Jan 10
Yes! The same situation with me !
I've had a friend of mine. We had very good relationship. But nothing more than just friendship. Let's call this ex-friend of mine V. She had very bad influence from her parents. They were always telling her to became a lover with me because my parents are rich! It's so stupid, because my parents were never rich :) It's all about my mother's small boutique in town. Their way of thinking was - Oh, she makes lots of money . . . Thousands of money! . . . Hah!
Well she was different, she knew that we're just friends and nothing more. Hmm, until the day I found that she's not. After years of big friendship she told me that she was always loving me and etc. V. was like a sister of mine . . . and I just didn't fall in love with her. She was so angry about it and never called me again. I thing she's in Italy now. I already have no contact with her.
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