I never thought this day would come.......
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
January 12, 2010 6:40am CST
My mom and I used to be best friends. We did everything together. About 6 years ago things started to go bad. She has always been obsessed about my younger sister, who is a royal F*ck up! Sorry but she just doesnt get it. She always using something to get high. I believe she and my mom started using together. In fact I am almost positive. Never the less I always gave my mom money even though she has a good job. She was my mom and best friend. She even had my oldes living with her because she was always so close with her. When my grandma was diagnosed with alzheimers my daughter lived with her to take care of nana when mom wasnt home. It got ugly really fast. My daughter would call me crying saying she smelled something coming from my moms bedroom and her and my sister were in there. I would flip out and call there and they would yell at my daughter for telling me when in all reality she was scared. This has been an ongoing thing for some time now. It got to the point that if she would use us kids against each other. Even my daughter. So I finally got fed up and told her off about 7 months ago. I told her I didnt want to talk to her she wasnt being a mother. She was sucking the life out of me and it didnt even seem to bother her.I have always been one to respect my parents, never gave them much of a problem so for me to say this they knew it was becuase she had hurt me. SO we havent talked. I also took my daughter home with me. She wont let us see my grandma. she's letting my uncle take care of her when she works. He is a lazy *ss and yells at her. Since I have been out of the loop things have been great. I must admit I miss my mom. I tried to talk to her just recently because my daughter was in hospital and she was so ignorant. Yesterday I get a text message from my sister saying my mom was involved in a head on collision and was at hospital. I call my dad and he tells me "She is in the car with me, we are on our way home. Mind you my parents always said that when trouble comes family bands together. I asked my dad to ask my mom if she needed me or needed anything I would come right over. She replied very ignorantly NO thanks Im all set!. I am not going to lie I was so mad. She wants to continue this than fine. I never thought I would disassociate my self from family. Today I did. There is supposed to be a relationship between mother and daughter she doesnt want it. I was so upset when she kept the argument going. Now I realize I have to help my kids and make sure this never happens to us. I promise as a mother I will always keep my kids close. Im sorry for the length but I needed to let it out. I am so mad, hurt upset, you name it. Please comment. dl
2 people like this
9 responses
@gloamglozer (1289)
• Australia
13 Jan 10
That's a rather heart breaking story. It was good to hear that are breaking away from such a relationship from a substance abusive parent even if it meant having to break family ties. I'm grateful that no one in my direct family has any involvement with such things.
1 person likes this
@tingtinggu (40)
• China
13 Jan 10
Fell sorry for what you say. I hope everything will be better.May be you can try to connect to you mother,and talk what you think for her.
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
12 Jan 10
i feel you. my dad was kind the sameway with my brother as well. if my brother would swear at me and i get mad back at my brother then my dad would jump on me saying he has issues, yeah he did he was a a$$hole.
but i guess sometime parents will give more attention to the kids who have more issues then the kids who dont. but allowing your sister to smoke pot in here room is mess up, specail if your daughter is there as well i would be highly upset at both of them, i think i might have called the cops and report them.
but we should forgive them everytime they do wrong, and pray for them. and maybe your sister is pressuring your mom into things.
i would talk with your dad about this and how you feel. and life your life either or. its cool not allowing this happen with you and your kids.
1 person likes this
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
12 Jan 10
You cannot control the lives of others, it does not matter if they are close family or not. I am sorry to hear about these problems that you have had to deal with and I believe that you should stay away from them and let them sort out their problems on their own. I think your mother will come back to you eventually if she sorts herself out.
The best thing that you can do is to make sure that you have a great open and loving relationship with your own children and hopefully then they will grow up to be happy and open with you. I hope that it all works out for you.
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
12 Jan 10
I am so sorry to heard that... Having a younger sister or relative who's enganged in something like that is such hard, more so if also your mother... And the fact that your daughter knew about it, is such a bad example...
Understand how upset you are... Sometimes we just need to let it out... And it is a good thing that you writing... it will somehow lighten your feeling...
I hope they change soon... It is hard, it needs their cooperation, lots of work, but it is possible...
Good luck dloveli!
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
13 Jan 10
Oh dear why do our parents behave in the way they do? I feel so very sorry for you coz I have had similar nasty arguments with my mom on issues which really shouldn’t come up between a mother and a daughter. I’ve talked it out with friends here, ranted here and connected with similar people who’ve had such bad experiences with their parents. So don’t think you are alone and don’t despair…the best we can make of the situation is that as parents ourselves, we can learn a good lesson on what not to do as a mother and how best to bond with our own kids.
@ciriaca07 (14)
• Philippines
13 Jan 10
I am sorry it happened to you. I was worried at first that your daughter is staying at your mother's house and glad at the end that you get her from there. It is not good that she sees her grandma and aunt doing some bad stuff, it might influence her too.
Anyway, I think you should not detach from your family because they really need guidance even if they resist it. Whatever happens to them it will surely affect you too. You do not want to be haunted with guilt do you? Just be more patient and constant in guiding them.
But do not be overwhelmed in doing all those things because you also have your kids and husband. They too need you.
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
12 Jan 10
There is a similar scenario going on with me & my parents right now.
It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am and my sister started doing the same as me, but I don't call or visit except twice a year, once in the summer and once sometime between Christmas & New Years.
Disassociating with them has been a hard thing for me, with a little heartbreak and not being able to get my kids to understand why they don't go see grandma & grandpa very often, but it is so much less stressful and it feels like there has been a massive amount of weight lifted off of my shoulders.
My parents have always played one of us against the other and it seems like they are more interested in the bad things that happen instead of the good and it actually makes them happy when something bad happens to someone (not just their kids)
I had seen the distance with my Dad & his mother & siblings. I had seen the distance between my Mom & her parents, I think it's something handed down from one generation to the next and it's something I don't want any part of when it comes to my own kids. I keep them close and they know good or bad, they can always talk to me without me trying to judge them or calling everyone making things look worse than they are.
For some reason out of the six of us kids, the ones that do disassociate themselves with the parents get along a lot better without being around the parents and aren't pitted against each other. I never seen the point & don't do that to my kids and don't plan on ever doing it, either.
The only advice I can give is to live your own life and make it as great as you can without them in your life and hopefully one day your family and mine will figure out that family is more important than the little games they play and the grudges they seemingly want to hold onto.
*I go on my semi-annual visits just to make a showing and if something happens to them & they pass away, I'll feel bad, yes, but I won't have the guilt playing throughout my life that I didn't make an effort to see them at all or to try to make things better.* (Selfish? Probably.)
