its happening again.....
@AithneFireStorm (212)
United States
January 15, 2010 12:07pm CST
I posted on here in October 2009 about my husband screaming he wanted a divorce.... well we tried, err I tried to work on things to keep our marriage together.... well last night he yelled it again... I cried and I told him off... He never admits when he is wrong but when he knows he is wrong he doesnt say anything.... i had him quiet more last night than ever before....he is going to Houston tonight after work to work on his motorcycle at his mothers house.... he will be gone until Sunday... I think we both need this time to think..... I am not gonna whine I am gonna take this opportunity to think things out and see where it goes.... Obviously, he has no respect for me so we will see what becomes of this short time apart and if divorce is what God has in mind then I will cross that bridge when I get there..... The best I can do is keep taking care of my two boys and myself..... if he is not going to respect me like I deserve I will... my boys need to see their mommy happy and loved! So if you have thoughts or opinions that might help that would b great... Thoughts or prayers!!
Thanks all and lots of love,
Crystal
2 people like this
6 responses
@ykkkuan (59)
• China
16 Jan 10
Hi, whether divorce or not, it maybe just a style of someone' life and it is not the essential solution for your marriage. In my opinion, one you can find your own problems that possible happens between yours, that is enough, then all of a reunderstanding you'd give your better half. Eventhing is changing, as long as you follow its speed. The confused thought you have sound like you are not ready for a sudden change, heven't you? In you, try your best to avoid your husband's looks like unkind response, instead to discover what are your diffenences to the certain situation. Men and Women are so different in everything. Do not expect they can give more time on you than costs in what they are interested in. Here is another point, if you can not handle it this time, you will encounter in the next time, because you are not able to square up to the reality of difference. I recommend you a fantastic book named "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". If you have time, see it and the words here may help you a lot. Please do not overexpect the beauty of love, nor over exaggerate the pain when you lost. Everyting goes better!what we should do just to do it!
Good luck to you and take care your sons and yourself.
@ClassyCat (1214)
• United States
16 Jan 10
So sorry to hear of your situation. I hope that your husband has not raised a hand to you - that would be the start of something vey bad.
It is a shame that he has so much pride, for that is what refusing to take responsibility for our words and actions is all about.
I just lost my husband of 50 yrs. last spring, and we had our ups and downs, but he never spoke of wanting a divorce.
Perhaps you should ask the Lord to help your husband open his heart to what God wants, and not what 'he' wants. It says in the book of Proverbs (in the Old Testament of the Bible), that God 'hates' divorce. I do believe that there is forgiveness if for some reason that yours doesn't work out, but divorce is so hard on children - - and yet, you shouldn't have to stay with him just for their sake either.
Many remarriages don't work either. There are so many that are just not truely in love when they marry - - in lust? yes - but not truely in love, and when s-x is all that is keeping a coupld together, eventually it will get boring, and that's when all of a sudden some will begin to justify looking elsewhere.
I pray that there will be a good solution here for all of you - - but if he's being so overly critical of you, and never seeing or willing to admit his own short-comings - - that can make for a very 'iffy' road ahead.
God bless
C. C.
@ykkkuan (59)
• China
17 Jan 10
HelloCrystal, Though easier said than done, you'd better consider what were yours possible problems between marriage life in a open and rational mind. Then find a suited time to do a fair dialog with your husband, the good time is not coming as quickly as you expect, so hold your horses:)
Have you thought that maybe your husband wated to avoid frontal argument instead of silent? May he hided something in his mind, and the reason behinded it was that he must handle them? We need more understanding to upgrad relationship~
Everything has own solution. Just remember you need to attract all good things like a magnet, and more and more amazing things will be happening.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Jan 10
I don't know if he means it or if he doesn't, but not a nice way to handle it.
If he's serious about wanting a divorce, he should just sit you down and talk about it. And if he's not serious, he should never scream such a thing if he doesn't mean it.
It is possible that some time apart will help, but what about some counseling also? If you find the right counselor, it might help you.
Also, check out marriagebuilders.com . I don't agree with everything they say on that site, but a lot of it is really good.
Good luck.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Jan 10
It sounds entirely one sided and it is impossible to save a marriage unless both people want to work on it. I can't speak for anybody else, but I don't believe in a God that would blame you for what your husband is doing.
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
16 Jan 10
Hi, Crystal.
I have no advice for you but I am glad to know that you know your priorities.
It is indeed important to keep in mind that you have to take care not only of your boys but also yourself. That way, you will be able to make sound decisions about your family. I also think that you and your husband need a breather. Whatever is the result of your time apart, I think you will be collected and would not make any bad decisions when you meet up again.
Take care, Crystal.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
Hi firestorm, if I base it upon Christian teachings, I don't think God would want two people that he bound in marriage be separated or divorced. But I guess I am not here to be preachy or anything. I'm here to sympathize to your situation. I believe God saw how much you tried and yet it still didn't work out.
Have you tried marriage counselling though? I haven't really followed your discussions so I've no idea what kind of interventions you've subjected yourselves into, but I guess as of now, you need some time-out. Some space to think things through. Divorce is a very big step, and sometimes we could be hasty if we are in the situation. A little air might really help us be objective.
You need that space, you owe that to yourself. And your children deserves a peaceful family. But if things end up with two getting separated, always make your children understand the situation. If possible, don';t make them harbor hate towards any parent.
I've seen couples who became better friends when they were no longer together but saw to it that when it comes to children there had to be some arrangements for them to have equal time with both sides.
Wish you all the best. You are a very strong lady.
@dmrone (746)
• United States
15 Jan 10
Hi, Crystal! You are correct that your sons need to see their mother loved and happy, but they also need to see her respected. Also you need to feel loved, happy, and respected. I am not an advocate for a divorce, but neither am i an advocate for staying with someone who does not love, respect, and make you happy. Maybe this time away from each other will help you both decide what is best for you both. I have been divorced, but it was to the point that it was the only option i could take to preserve my sanity, and that of my children. If you haven't tried to talk with your husband when it is just the two of you, and there are no interruptions i would give that a try, but in case you have and it didn't work then you need to think of you and your sons. I will pray for you, and your family.
@AithneFireStorm (212)
• United States
15 Jan 10
Unfortunetly we have tried talking when our kids were away and or asleep.... he insists all our problems are my fault... I admit I have played a role in us getting to where we are but I refuse to accept full responsibility for it... I have been loyal and faithful to him but he only wants to see our past financial issues...(I had to let some bills go as we did not have the cash to pay any unnecessary bills) Regardless he has not been the person he wants the world at large to think he is.... I am going to pray to God that the right decision is made regardless of whether we stay together or not.... I am not gonna lie and say I will not be sad if our marriage ends because I do love him but like he has said to me love is not always enough... especially when it seems it is only flowing one way!
@varron (453)
• Philippines
15 Jan 10
Hi Crystal, its nice to keep your family together,exert all effort to make it but if it failed then let it go...what the used of your marriage if only things gets worse...and you and your husband are not happy anymore...its up for you to decide...your 27 your young and beautiful...you will find another man who will love you and your kids...its up to you to decide and i hope that you will have the right decision in your life...varron
@AithneFireStorm (212)
• United States
15 Jan 10
Thank you for the kind words... I know the situation is unfair to both of us.... but it is what it is and what is important is what is the next stop... I hope God can help both he and I reach a decision and treat each other the way we should be now... pray for me i will need it.
