my husband will leave if i keep the baby
By poppoppop111
@poppoppop111 (5731)
Canada
January 19, 2010 12:23pm CST
follow up on the discussion of abortion or not. well i discussed with my hubby today who wants me to have an abortion that i'm not so sure about that. we had discussed not having kids but it's different when the mistake happens and you are pregnant and actually faced with the decision. he told me basically he'll end up leaving if i have the baby. Really don't know what to do. what if i do have the abortion and then he ends up leaving anyway then i did that for nothing.
5 people like this
32 responses
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
20 Jan 10
I saw your previous discussion about this, although I didn't reply. If your husband was so adamant about not wanting anymore kids why in the world did he wait until after he found out you are pregnant to do anything about it? Could he not have gotten fixed anytime before this to avoid this "accident" from occurring in the first place?
I'm not completely against abortion. However, in this case it just seems so wrong. I hope your husband has a change of heart, and soon. After all, it is his child too.
Good luck.
3 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
20 Jan 10
actually i just found out 3 days ago i'm 5 weeks pregnant. and next weeks was his appointment to go get fixed.
@TheCatLady (4691)
• Israel
20 Jan 10
You are so right. If he really didn't want kids, he should have had a vasectomy. I also have no problem with abortion if someone really doesn't want to continue with the pregnancy for some reason, but having one because the spouse can't deal with a kid he helped to create is not a valid reason. A man like that isn't worth having.
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
20 Jan 10
I think that the timing of your finding out about the pregnancy so close to his appointment to be "fixed" makes the point that ultimately, our lives are not in our hands. "The Lord does work in mysterious ways."
For those who say the husband should have taken care of preventing a pregnancy, I agree, but I truly believe that in the end, it would not have mattered. Other than abstinence, no form of birth control is an absolute guarentee against pregnancy. It is obviously God's will that she got pregnant.
Though I sincerely hope that he will, I would not expect too great of a change in the father, since he didnt have much to do with his other kid(s). Some people just dont seem to be "parent material". I think we should try to be a little more objective and understanding about the father. I think he is horrible for issuing the ultimatum to her in the first place, but to say he doesnt deserve to be loved isnt right. He is still a human being.
Let us just pray that he will discover what the will of God is and have that change of heart for her, the baby, and even his own sake. If you have ever held a new born baby, then you know what little miracles they are and how fast they can change your views on life.
@TheCatLady (4691)
• Israel
19 Jan 10
You are the only one who can make this decision. Do you want this child? If you want it; have it.
Don't let your husband bully you into an abortion with the threat of leaving. If he does he will use the same threat any time things don't go his way.
This type of man will probably end up leaving anyway as soon as he realizes that his little wife has a mind of her own and isn't afraid to use it and stand up for what she wants.
3 people like this
@laglen (19759)
• United States
19 Jan 10
wow, I am a single mother but would never recommend it . Except now. Dump him and have your baby. If he would leave because you wont murder your baby, he will probably leave because you ran out of milk.
@maximax8 (31047)
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 10
Sometimes pregnancy can be a surprise and no form of birth control is 100% effective. It sounds like it is just your husband that wishes you to have an abortion. It seems to me that you don't want to have an abortion. I think your husband is being really unfair and nasty. He is being very difficult so if you have an abortion he might end up leaving anyway. If you have an abortion and he stays you might end up feeling hostile towards him. That is because you are not the one that wants the abortion to happen. An abortion is killing an innocent little baby and adoption is a better choice so that the baby can live. You would make a wonderful mom and maybe in time your husband will get used to the idea that you will make a lovely family. I wish you lots of luck. Take care.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Jan 10
Hi poppop,I'm sorry that you have such a tough choice to be making here. I was in that situation when I got pregnant with my youngest child. The difference being that I was not married to the guy. He wanted me to have an abortion. after much thought, I decided that I could not do it. I would raise the baby on my own if need be. He left but came back a couple of months later. In the end he was not that involved in our childs life and the relationship did not work out. My daughter is 15 now and I have no regrets at all. I can't imagine my life without her in it. If you are not comfortable gettinng the abortion then don't do it. If your husband would leave you over something like this then well....he'd leave you. If you let him push you to get an abortion when in your heart you don't want to then I think you'll grow to resent him and you'll probably wish you had let him leave.
2 people like this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
19 Jan 10
Not one person in this world can answer that question...only you can. Do you want this baby or not? It's not up to him, at all. I'm not going into what or how I feel about the subject, it's not what this discussion is all about. It's how you feel about it inside. We're talking about a baby, and giving that baby a life or not. Do not let his threats change your mind or corrupt your mind, it's a personal decision, and ONLY you can answer it. And, read your last sentence again, and again. Yes, that can happen, there are no guarantees, or, YOU MIGHT leave him someday too.
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
20 Jan 10
It's better to have a child with no husband than to a have ahusband with no child. If I were you, think of the future. What if your husband will eventually leave you? If you will have a baby, you will not be left alone. better choose to have a baby.
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
20 Jan 10
If he truly loved you, he would NEVER ask you to get rid of the baby.
I've known some losers in my time.. but none of them would ask their wife to abort their own child!
So much for unconditional love, eh?
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
20 Jan 10
Sounds like you need to abort him, get him out of your life before he poisons you with this childish stupidity of his.. A defenseless unborn child is no match for this evil, you have a responsibility to protect the child..
What will he leave you for tomorrow, if he gives this type of stipulation today, what tomorrow?? With this type of "man", there will always be stipulations, do this or I will leave, do that or I will leave.. I can tell you without a doubt, I would tell him to hit the road and don't look back..
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
19 Jan 10
oh man, ok first of all yeah no offance to you
he's a jackass if he is man enough to lay down with you and not take the neccary step to keep this from happening and now he should be man enough to want and take of the baby. and like for real i pray you keep the baby,the baby didnt ask for this, but if your man leaves stick to him with child support so either way he will have to take of the baby.
but i hate to say it but let him leave a real man would take care of his
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
19 Jan 10
dam how I wish all men thought like you!!!
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
20 Jan 10
thank you, this is why most so call men dont like me. me and my wife was 18 and 17 when she had our kids, i did what i had to do, took care of them
1 person likes this
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
23 Jan 10
First of all if he threatens to leave you if you don't have the abortion makes him a class A JERK. It's a control issue for your husband and chances are if you DO end up having the abortion he may end up leaving anyway. You have a child growing inside of you and your first priority and responsibility is to your child. If he was my husband I wouldn't wait for him to move out because I would kick is A#@ out of the house! Even if it means moving into a shelter to survive so be it. We're talking about the life of your unborn child and you need to send that message to the jerk.
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
20 Jan 10
Let him leave! Seriously, If he can't stick by you or his own mistake (as you put it) then let him leave. I don't believe in mistakes when it comes to bringing a life into the world. YOU were given that child for a reason. If you have to choose between a man and your child, you should choose yourself. Do what you feel is the right thing to do and don't abort YOUR child because of a man that obviously won't stick by you in hard times. Don't keep YOUR child in spite of him either. It's YOUR body to make that decision with. I'd let him go.
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
20 Jan 10
hello,Poppoppop:-)
I am sorry to hear about your situation....cd mn
Pregnancy is beyond our control, no matter how we tried to control it, but, the decision to keep the baby or to have it aborted is solely in our hands...
You are the mother, my dear. You are the one who will be carrying and giving birth to a child. That baby is solely dependent on you.It is defenseless against your husband's evil will (sorry).Can you sleep peacefully at night knowing you have deprived your own flesh and blood the right to live? It is not its will to come to your life. It did not choose you to be its mother or ask you and your husband to create it.
There's no guarantee that if you go for abortion, your husband will stay with you. It is all up to you.I pray that God will guide you to do the right thing...
@kaylachan (66889)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
19 Jan 10
I have strong feelings about abortion. I think its murder plain and simple. Now, I understand where you're coming from. My partner, George has told me on more then one occassion, that if I end up pregnant (which will happen to or could happen to) anyone at anytime. that he would leave me. Though I took this with a grain of salt.
What is happening is that your husband was taken aback and not quite ready for children. Sometimes it takes people a long time to come to terms with the situation. And, sometimes, they don't fully grasp it completely. It appearse to me that it is early on in your pregnancey. Give your husband time to cope with the situation. If he loves you, and providing your marrage has survived hard times. (Which considering how long you've been married, which I don't know) Probably will or already has.
Keeping this in mind, carry your child to term. And, understand he may have said something he didn't mean. Don't bring up the subject unless he does, and try to stay calm. Too much stress could cause a misscarage. If you want keep your child, then you should. You can discuess what else to do if you can't suport it after birth.
1 person likes this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
19 Jan 10
Actually my husband is 21 years older than i am, he feels he's too old to raise another child (48) he raised one which he didn't do too much the first time anyway. he told me don't expect any help we both didn't want more kids. don't expect him to babysit. doesn't he realize it's not babysitting when it's your own kid. he said this will cause a lot of problems and he'd end up leaving for it. so basically he's giving me a choice. not too fair if you ask me. i too don't beleive in abortion. yes we discussed not having kids but then it's a little different after we made a mistake and got pregnant. it's not like i planned it so now i feel we have to deal with the baby even though we didn't want more. we shouldn't just kill it cause we discussed not having any. grrr i'm upset and stressed and confused. sorry for venting
@kaylachan (66889)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Jan 10
He sounds like George. George says he doesn't want to raise kids. But, I stick by what I said. Getting prgnant isn't a mistake. Don't you dare ever let anyone tell you otherwise, or let yourself believe for one second that it is. Your husband may not agree right now, and it sounds like he's confused and scared just like you are. Most men his age feel they are too old, but you should try to reassure him that it is possible he could do a wonderful job if you decied to keep your chilld.
However, might I suggest open adoption? If you don't feel that you and your husband could raise the child yourselves,Then perhaps, that may be another direction you can go. I'm an adoptee myself so I strongly suport it, and I know there are thousands of motheers out there who can't have children of their own who would love a child.
The reason I suggest open adoption, is because you and your husband chose who gets the child, and if you still want to see progress with the child and be in that child's life, you have that option as well. And, you can feel secure knowing where the child is going.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
20 Jan 10
Any man who would make me make a choice like that isn't work keeping. I'd keep the baby and leave him!!!!
But someone might think differently, so why not have the baby, and adopte her/him out to a nice family who wants a child? That way the baby doesn't have to die, and you get to keep your husband.
...but if it were me, I'd leave the b@stard!
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
19 Jan 10
Yes you're absolutely right you will have nothing in the end and a heart wrenching decision you alone will need to live with.
Ask me my husband left me and I have nothing, and I do mean nothing!!!
If your husband is threatening you about leaving because of a baby he place there then what else will it be next time?
It's your decision and I will never hold any opinion I may have over anyone.
I do believe abortion is there for a reason, I just don't support your husbands reason.
I'm sorry and hope you're OK. Ever need a stranger to talk to (it does help sometimes) then PM me I'm always available for myLot friends. I check in daily.
(((BIG HUGS)))
1 person likes this
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
20 Jan 10
After reading your post, there are many emotions and responses I could give you.
I would like to say first, and foremost, that I do not believe in abortion. As for myself, there is no valid reason to have one. I believe God gives us these gifts, even if we fail to see children as precious gifts all the time. I believe that an unplanned pregnancy is more of an accident than a mistake.
I think you should not worry so much about what he is going to do. My opinion is based strictly on the limited information you provided, but I dont think he is a man I would want to keep around.
I think you have to do what is best for YOUR BABY and YOU! YOU have to live with the consequences of your decision whatever you choose to do.
Has being pregnant changed your desire to have children? The fact that you are asking for advice suggests to me that you have. Can you support a baby on your own? Do you have other family that will be able to support you financially and emotionally? If you chose to have an abortion, will you be able to live with the regrets that will come afterwards? These are things you need to think about.
I would be concerned about how deeply he loves you if he could give you an ultimatum like that. I would also have serious doubts about the relationship being able to survive no matter what you choose to do.
I would not make such a serious, and life changing decision based on what someone else may or may not do, but then again, I would not have to make such a heart-wrenching choice if I were you, because that man would be out the door and out of my life!
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
20 Jan 10
I am sad to hear about the decision of your husband, it is really hard to belive that such man still exist in this world. I dont know why he doesnt want to have a child because I belive once you are married, you should have a baby to complete your family. If I am in your situation, I will leave the man and keep my baby because I can have many husband as I can but I will only have one child from my own. But the decision will always up tp you if you really love your husband more than your self then I guess you will obeys him but take consequences of your action.
1 person likes this
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
20 Jan 10
How could your husband threat you like this?..why he hates you for being pregnant? and the fact that, he is the father of that baby inside your womb..how could he be so mean to you and to your baby.
I think it's just his excuse, that if you keep the baby, he'll leave you but the truth is he already have the intention to leave you., If he is a real men, he won't ask yo to choose between him and the baby..what kind of husband is he???
Im sorry... You must be in pain this time, this is disappointing.. but I would suggest you to keep your baby, then if he will leave you as what he said, then you can move on and live happily with your baby, but try your very best to make your husband understand the important of baby, of a child in this world, not every couple bless a baby, like our eldest sister, she's been married for almost 10 years and yet no baby until now..but they're patiently waiting and praying for a baby. baby is a blessing.
Good luck to you, I hope everything will be alright.
1 person likes this
@Chalagurl (45)
• United States
19 Jan 10
Ok...if you're serious about your husband threatening to leave you for keeping this child, then he is not someone you want to keep around. Obviously his selfish desires are more important than how he feels for you. I cannot believe men sometimes. No offense to any of you good ones out there, but that is such a terrible thing to say to one's wife. Especially when she is already faced with this emotional problem, and being pregnant plays with your hormones as it is, and now having to make this difficult decision. I can't tell you want to do. But I can tell you what I would do in this situation. I would have this child and hope and pray that my husband would change his mind about it, and learn to love him or her. And if he does end up leaving, there are soooo many programs out there to help out single mothers its ridiculous! Not to mention the child support he will have to pay. And like I said before, if he really felt that way, I wouldn't want him around anyway.
1 person likes this