Arranged Married

@singuri (571)
India
January 23, 2010 8:36am CST
Arranged marriages are a big problem in our community.My mother always says "Boy I will pick up a good girl for you".Nonsense is it a shirt or a ring to pick up one.I get frustrated with my parents behavior.I tell them its my life and leave the options to me.They don't understand me.How to convince them and tell them it is not correct way of doing.
13 responses
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Not all arranged marriages are bad and even though I haven't yet read a story from online about couples who are arranged, I think it makes sense still except when you really dont want it. And if it can be your culture there why not the other way around? I think your parents will understand what you want, just speak to them like patting on their chins. When I didnt continue college my parents forced me but I only ignored them and never studied. Right now they have no choice but to let me in this way unfinished in school. But I do try to earn from online like now.
• Indonesia
24 Jan 10
i agree with cowboy but must finished school
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
i don't think it is proper for parents to choose who would be your partner in life.. they won't be the one who will be there to get through will all the sufferings.. i have a cousin who married a guy she does not like.. had 2 sons with him, but she could not take it anymore..she left and move to another.. arrange marriage is not a good way of having a family.. emotional stress not only for both parties but to the child that may come to such arrangements
• China
24 Jan 10
Hi, Singuri! I am from China and in old China, the marriage for young people was also arranged by the parents as you stated. It was common that the bride and bridegroom never met each other before their wedding. Fortunately, this old custom has been away in most of the big cities in China. We can persue our ture love. I think that day will also come in your community. It is not simple to convince your parents if they never see the world outside. They always think what they choose for you is the best for you. Just open their mind and tell them the world outside. Let them imagine what do they feel if they are forced to accept something they don't like. I think they will understand you. Try to have a discussion with them. Good luck!
• India
24 Jan 10
Yes i agee with this statement
• India
24 Jan 10
There are many parents who think that children are not yet grown up to choose who is a right choice for thm at the time of marriage. So, they force arranged marriage and choose partners according to their choice without taking the view of their children. I think, love marriage is better than arranged marriage. This is because you get enough time to know each others like,dislike,merit and demerit. But in the arranged marriage , the couple will not be able to know each other in a better way. So, there will be lot of misunderstanding after marriage and there can be no peace and harmony in the home. Regular misunderstanding, quarrel will result in extramarriatal affair and ultimately divorce. So, you have to make your parents convince about the disadvantages of arranged marriage in this modern times.I hope your parents will understand you because they love you very much. So, they think to choose a better partner for you.
• India
24 Jan 10
Yes, it is important that we get life partner of our choice; however, family is very important and you should take your parents help to find a girl of your choice. This will make both you and your parents happy. If you are already in love, inform your parents and convince them. I am sure they will definitely agree.
• United States
23 Jan 10
This is a topic that has always interested me. I don't come from a culture where marriages are arranged. I always wonder if it's a trait that will eventually become extinct with the coming generations. I'm not sure how to answer your question. It's a practice that has been instilled for so long is it possible to change your parents minds? Do you think they don't understand you, or are they just convinced it's the right thing to do? The only thing I can equate it to is that my parents religious belief is different then mine. They didn't like it, but I'm stubborn. They finally had to come to terms with the fact that, while I didn't agree with their faith, I had my own and it was just as valid.
@janale6 (52)
23 Jan 10
is it still existing? well maybe. but it hurts in the part of the arranged couple because they are not given the freedom to choose and be with the one they love. and choose the one they want and need to be with for the rest of their lives.
@joyadalia (1408)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
The problem with that situation is that the parents think that they are right because of this being within the culture of the people. Well, if you really are willing to face the consequences of disobeying your parents, then you can choose your own partner. Still, will your family accept you? If they won't, will you be able to stand on your own feet? Do not make rash decisions until you examine both sides. We do not have fixed marriages in my country but I still think that you should consider all possible scenarios before you truly rebel against your parents.
@maximax8 (30119)
• United Kingdom
23 Jan 10
When I was eighteen years old I had a friend that was from Bangladesh. She worked in the same office as I did. Her parents arranged a marriage for her. She didn't know the man very well or like him and she certainly didn't love him. She married him against her wishes. She was pregnant within the first year and they had a baby daughter. Arranged marriages are the norm in some parts of the world due to tradition. The grown up child sadly doesn't have a choice. If he or she didn't go ahead with the arranged marriage the parents would be horrified. Good luck.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
The only way I can think of is to try to talk to them. Convince them that you're a responsible person who can decide for yourself and make them proud. But perhaps you should try to see from their side too? Aside from tradition in your community, perhaps your parents see something in you that convinced them that they should decide for you. Maybe they think you're too young, or too innocent, or too... irresponsible, even. Because if it's just how your community does things that they have going for them, you can say that life is different now and love matters, too. I'm not saying it would be easy. It might probably be one of the hardest things you have to do. But nothing worth doing, or having, is easy to achieve, yeah? Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck. Just show them how mature you are already, how responsible you are, and then try to talk to them at a time when they are really satisfied over something. This is marriage you're talking about - you deserve to be part of the process. ^_^
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
23 Jan 10
It is the correct way of marriage.. Only ur parents know what will fit for u and this marriage is a tradition of the community and u gotta follow very strictly.. They brought and bought everything for you and they will know which girl will exactly fit for u. If u don't like the selection u can tell them that u don't like and u can select of ur choice. But 90% of arranged marriages are successful and remaining 10% are love ... Look out the ratio and follow parents
@menolly22 (217)
• United States
23 Jan 10
I can understand your frustration. I would not want an arranged marriage either. Is this someone you would already know? Or is someone that your folks picked out and one day they say, "hey, your going to marry this person"? Either way, I feel for you. My only advice for you is to sit down with them when everyone is calm and talk to them about your feelings. Let them know you are not comftorable with this. Let them know you want to marry for love ( if that's what you want). But don't say it in an accusing way. That way, maybe you will get your point across to them. Otherwise if you feel that strongly you may have to go against your parents wishes, as hard as that can be, and go your own path. But make sure that is what you really want. Good luck to you!