Thou shalt have ONLY ONE FRIEND?!

@mommyboo (13197)
United States
January 24, 2010 6:09pm CST
Such sayeth the cult of jealousy inc?? Things came to a head this weekend with a person who used to be a 'friend' of mine. Keep in mind this 'friend' has spent the better part of the time I've known her more or less going around to other people I know and asking them if I'm mad at her or if I like her. If I still liked her, JUST THAT BEHAVIOR IN ITSELF would cause me not to like her! I actually have not been friendly with her in quite awhile. For the better part of the last year, I have been around her when necessary but not gone out of my way to talk to her. I have been civil when I have had no choice and will probably continue at least that nicety, as long as she doesn't flip out, refuse to do her job, or lie about me. She actually started this by stalking MY friend, and then brought me into it by telling my friend basically 'things must be great with HER now since *I* haven't heard from you'. On top of this, I ran into 'stalker chick' in a public place where I went with another friend of mine, and stalker chick seemed irritated and almost angry that I was friends with this other girl - since she goes to her church. Hmmm. So now I am no longer allowed to be friends with someone who goes to stalker chick's church? And my best friend should be HER best friend and not mine because people, nobody shall have more than ONE friend? LOL! To make matters worse, she accused me (in texts to my b friend) of both calling her and cussing her out (I never called her, the last thing I want to do is hear her voice) and then she said I texted her offensive abusive harrassing texts and was doing that all night. I know very well where I was all night, and my husband will verify it . I don't appreciate a liar. Do you know anybody like this piece of work? How long did you put up with them before you ENDED the pseudo-friendship? I am done with her. I was already done with her but my other friend was trying to be kind. Neither of us are in the dark any longer, I wouldn't be her friend now if her life depended on it.
1 person likes this
9 responses
• United States
25 Jan 10
yea,similar but different. i've known people that could be friends with everybody,but if you're talking to "their" friends,you must be talking about them(or trying to steal them... something confusing like that)they also tried to force me to pick between them and a mutual friend they were mad at,and when i refused holy hell broke out. so,they actually walked away from me first,cussing me all the way out. at this point,it goes under whatever.i don't need that crap in my life,always accused of wacked out things.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
28 Jan 10
People are really stupid. I have been noticing over and over lately just HOW stupid... if someone wants me to 'pick' then I will 'pick' the one who isn't acting like their brain exploded everywhere without cause!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 10
exactly. there was no right answer with these people..it got infuriating after awhile.
@TLChimes (4838)
• United States
25 Jan 10
*stalks in wearing my bright pink gear* I had a friend who ended the friendship with me for some petty stupid thing (I wouldn't stop being friends with someone who she perceived as bad) Fine... good bye and good riddance right? Wrong! She then started following me all over the net.... including here and facebook... she started friending folks who friended me...then at one point she was telling them that I was stalking and harassing HER, some of them listened to her and stopped being my friend. I wouldn't have known but another friend wanted the truth and told me to fill her in. I learned then who my real friends are. I haven't heard anything new but i have no doubt that some where she's stirring the pot. I learned that ignoring the nuts doesn't work, talking to them doesn't work, calling in friends that know the truth sure does kick tush! But as it is I just wait for her to show up again....
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Man, this is just going from bad to worse. This chick is actually accusing MY friend of flipping out and overreacting, and she still thinks somehow that I had called her and cussed her out. I can't remember having cussed out anybody over the phone in the last 10 YEARS, and since this incident was oh... two DAYS ago, I know for SURE that my short term memory is good and correct! I think the biggest problem is this girl is dense. I'm talking ROCK SOLID COULDN'T SMASH ANYTHING THRU HER HEAD WITH A STEEL BASEBALL BAT DENSE. She had the nerve to say today or yesterday to my friend in a text 'well I was just ASKING if your husband was home. If you had TOLD me then I would have left you alone'. The problem is, my friend told her OVER AND OVER AND OVER about 50 times in as many text messages that INDEED HER HUSBAND WAS GOING TO BE HOME. In fact, the amount of texts this girl sent her got things to the point where it actually ruined the afternoon with her husband and then he had to LEAVE to go to work. If it had been me, I'd have let my husband call her himself and cuss her out. I don't let ANYBODY interfere with hanging out with my family if that's what I prefer to do, are you kidding? So anyway, since my friend didn't answer her immediately, she sent multiple mutiple messages - which of course irritated my friend and in turn irritated her husband. Also, we all know that based on the title of this discussion if one isn't hanging out with their husband, they are only allowed one friend, so again she was mad that my friend chose ME and not HER. Now she thinks that all we have done for the past year is call each other and complain about her 24/7 - which has not at all been true until the DAY BEFORE TODAY lol. Blah. Ok now that I got all that out, I am still flipping shaking my head at events of the past week and how people and their double standards really cause all that's wrong in the world today.
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
25 Jan 10
By the way - my intention when I make a friend is to make a friend for life. Now some people do not cooperate with this and loyalty is one of those big things - I extend mine, I have to hold my breath sometimes and see if I receive it back from some people. However, no worries, if any weird person crops up and tries to tamper with anything, you know I'll tell em right where to go, and hope the door doesn't shut on their asss Unlike the folks who keep smacking at me trying to make me prove myself over and over and OVER, that's over and done, you already proved yourself faithful and kind, and worthy to call a friend.
• United States
27 Jan 10
With friends like that who needs enemies? I would not put up with somebody like that, who needs that kind of grief? I don't, unless she has a medical condition they don't know how to cure then she needs to go bother somebody else. She will damage friendships along the way and won't care who she leaves in her wake.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
29 Jan 10
Part of the problem with this girl is she seems to have no morals when it comes to her asking people for things but at the same time she wouldn't be willing to do it for you in return - OR... and here the kicker - YOU would NEVER ask HER to help you but she asks you over and over and over again and doesn't get the hint when you try putting her off nicely! For example, I offer to take care of most of my friends' kids, sometimes if they go to work or have an appt or want to go out on a date or something. Most of the time we trade off, I take care of their kids, if I need childcare another time, they would take care of my daughter. This particular girl - I would NEVER offer to watch her child. I just wouldn't. I also would not want her watching my daughter at her house and I wouldn't want her at my house without me there.... SO. Given the situation where I would never ask for help from her, she doesn't really have the right to expect she could ask for help from me. There's no natural friendship give and take with us like there are with me and other friends. I tell you the honest to God truth though - this girl THINKS there is. No matter how many times I try to tell her 'no dice', she has her own reality she lives in. She does this to everybody. I think it really could be a mental disorder.
@illfavors (592)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Since I moved from my hometown, I have not made one friend. So it is lonely not to find a friend other than my husband to share things with. I live in a small town, so you would think it would be easy to find a friend, however the people here all keep to themselves so I haven't had any success.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
26 Jan 10
Where did you move to? I lived here for almost a year before I made any friends - the first one I made was the mother of a boy that went to my kids' school that they were friends with. I didn't have a big desire to explore much or make friends, I had my husband and an instant family - his kids and ours on the way. Outside of the one friend, I didn't make any others until I met the mom of a friend of my older daughter - and then it was just the two until I started mommy & me classes at the community center when my daughter was 17 months old. I branched out after she was two and met a whole group of moms - mostly because I wanted her to have socialization and a chance to start making her own friends. Is it just you and your husband? What about mutual friends, does he have friends that have spouses you could meet? Some suggestions for things that often work in new places - community centers and community/city activities, gyms, churches, classes (college or just for fun), volunteer work, coworkers, etc.
@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
25 Jan 10
I know women who are like this. They really want to be at the centre and to have everyone very dependent on being their friend. I ran into one person like this at a bus station once. I was in line, and she walked by. She stopped and we chatted and then she left and went to her spot in line. I texted a friend that i had seen her. Crazy woman texted another friend that I was "ignoring her". Except those two friends were having lunch together, so they really thought this was odd. I'm not even friends with the crazy woman, she's friends with my friends. She just doesn't like it when her friends have other people as friends, or when they go out to lunch without her, etc.
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@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
26 Jan 10
I've never been able to understand that because I don't see anything that way. Occasionally I have been sorry I introduced someone to another friend - because the someone ended up saying something rotten to the friend and embarrassed me, but that's about the extent of it. People get busy with life. I think it's odd when someone mistakes that for 'purposely ignoring them' and then gets so worked up and bent out of shape that when you hear from them, they are practically ripping your head off. Then again, it sounds like maybe a mental condition if someone seriously does what you described. That sounds exactly like our psycho-ex-friend, my friend and I were actually together when she was sending all the texts whining about her not going over to pack up her apartment and such, and then she accused her of 'calling me and complaining' and we had actually met up so our kids could play. It was just ironic.
@trisha27 (3495)
• United States
25 Jan 10
I have had a similar situation such as this in a way as well. This friend of mine that I had gotten into a fight with over five years ago, we found each other again on myspace and started talking again. So, well anyways, we had this friend that we both also knew when we went to school together and the other girl was asking if she could be added to myspace and have my number so we could chat. I'm like sure thinking nothing of it right. Well, me and this friend started becoming really good friends, not sure why we were never really good friends while in school. So then the other girl started getting jealous and started stuff with the both of us, picking on us and saying just cruel things to us and starting fights and all. Till one time she said something really cruel to me and I ended in tears and so did my other friend. So our friendship ended because of the huge fight. Well anyways, while we were trying to become friends again, for sure she had to stir up some other stuff, while claiming that I was jealous of the friendship that the other girl and her had. Which was untrue according to my friend because she had already ended the friendship, because of the statement that she had made to her. So that just proved to me that she was jealous of our friendship the other girl and me. She was jealous that we were getting along so well and she even stated that she wish that she never told the other girl that I was on myspace, because she believed that I was taking away her friend which was not true. Anyways, then on top of that, when our friendship had ended, she went around asking friends on my myspace page for friend request. I had friends calling me like crazy wanting to know who this crazy lady was sending them a request. So I lied and said I don't know . Sorry, and yep then she started stalking me all over myspace, sending really ugly messages to me and checking up on my statuses and all. can you say physcho. Anyways, all in all in the end the girl is still stalking me, me and the other girl are still friends, and I am no longer friends with the physcho girl.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
26 Jan 10
Ugh ! Well I feel less alone after seeing your story - which is also horrible! Why are there so many people out there who really believe someone can't be friends with more than one person? It is creepy. I think anybody needs several friends - because one person cannot be everything to you, available at all times, or even be into all the same things. It reminds me a little bit of being little girls, I'm talking like 2nd grade or something, where two friends are pulling on my arms saying 'she's MY friend' and 'NO, she's MY friend' and running home and crying all over my mom and saying 'I think my friends broke! Help!' I don't understand the people who stalk each other and shadow people all over myspace, there's a little counter thingy that tells you how many times someone has viewed your profile, even if they never post anything. At least you still have one good friendship out of the whole deal, not the way the psycho girl wanted but usually how it rolls!
@Opal26 (17686)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Hey mommyboo! Yes, I'm afraid I kind of had a similar problem with two friends of mine! The two of them were always jealous of my being friends with the both of them! And I had a fight with one of them and stopped talking to her for almost two years which made the other one thrilled! Now the other one came by last week to apologize to me (both are neighbors, one next door and the other across the street) and now we are friends again! So, here we go again! Now the one across the street is starting up with her jealousy sh!t again and I can't handle this! My bf is leaving and I am already stressed out enough and don't want to go through this all over again! The two of them were never really friend to begin with except for me! So, I really can understand your plight! And I have no time for liars, which is why I stopped talking to the one next door to me and have warned her that I won't tolerate not one single lie again! Why do people have to be so stressful?
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Oh I don't know Opal . I just had a big FB blow up with people in my family too, which happened right before THIS incident. I think the problem has to do with expectations that don't match - I posted another discussion about that. The jealousy comes from the whole idea that it's all about THAT PERSON - the one who is sooooo ultimately needy that they end up driving others away. I know that's what is going on with this girl, she is needy and smothering. I had even told my friend that various times while still trying to be nice, letting her know that the best way to handle it would be to NOT be available, NOT help her, and to kind of cool off and NOT be friendly. She is an ALL or NOTHING type of person, if you are nice to her once, she thinks you're like her best buddy in the world forever and ever and will be willing to pack her apartment, watch her daughter, let her come over and invite herself to dinner, stay overnight, pick her up, do her homework... yeah now i'm getting ridiculous but if you say ONE nice thing to her she feels that means you are closer than brothers and she can expect all sorts of sh*t from you. WRONG. I don't want people to have those kinds of expectations from me without a long and illustrious relationship during which we give and take, EACH doing things for each other because we each WANT to, not because either person felt obligated or EXPECTED it. OMG, I didn't tell you the funniest part - she actually asked my friend if she thought *I* was jealous of another friend of ours if they spent time together without me. WTF.. I don't care. I have never cared who spent time with who, and the idea that I would be jealous was so funny.... that it occured to HER of course made sense because everything is about her and she was projecting HER feelings onto me in saying that. I am not looking forward to having to see this girl - I will see her probably when I go to the gym. If she says nothing, then I'll say nothing, if she says anything rude, well - she asked for it. I am not the type of person to sit idly by and watch a good friend get harrassed and battered and USED by a freaking psycho. She's lucky I held my tongue THIS long. I have had urges now and then to go off on her in the past and see, I am a nice civil person, I didn't.
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
30 Jan 10
Nope, I don't, but if I did, I'd be ending it too...
@iris31 (16)
25 Jan 10
I must desire friendship of God more than anything else.The more you become God's friend, the more you will care about the things he cares about...