Handling confrontation.

@Pose123 (21661)
Canada
January 25, 2010 1:13pm CST
Most people at some time or other, have been hurt by confrontations that has left them feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to cause such anger, and we take their actions personally. I have had this happen to me and I've seen others devastated by it as well. At such times we may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak the way they did. It's important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or to make themselves feel better. The best way to shield ourselves from such an attack is to not take the behavior personally, and this is by no means an easy task for most of us. Instead of lashing out in turn which is always easiest, but never the right thing to do, we should take a moment to breathe deeply and remind ourselves that we did't do anything wrong, and we are not responsible for other people's feelings. If we can see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to us whether they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard, we may be able to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really bothering them. Remember, we cannot control other people's emotions, but we can control our own. If we can keep our heart open to them, they may let go of their defensiveness and give way to our compassion and openness. While this is by no means easy, it is always better than the alternative.
3 people like this
9 responses
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
26 Jan 10
Hello pose dear...I must admit I am very bad at handling confrontations.Especially if it invovles my loved ones.....I know that when a person is overcome with strong emotions like anger,he tend to say things which he dont normally mean.Though I tend to get hurt by such outbursts I prefer to remain quite and keep my mouth shut,because I know that if I retaliate it will only make things worse for both parties.I am a highly emotional person and can never thing of hurting or retaliating to my loved ones with strong words,and believe me this attitude has stood me in good stead most of the time...
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
26 Jan 10
Hi Rose, Thank you for commenting. My thoughts are only suggestions, if something is working for us, we shouldn't change it. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
27 Jan 10
Ho pose...You are absolutely right..thanks...
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
17 Feb 10
I always say its better to count to three rather than act immediately. Sometimes staying calm works in your favour. The other person will see that you don't fall in his trap and he might back off. Its not worth it ruining your day because of someone else shortcomings.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
17 Feb 10
Hi ronald, Your're right it's always be to take a deep breath, count to three or do something rather than act immediately. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@Cheiyen (317)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
hello, pose123. do you know that i'd been emotionally attacked this morning? coming across your very nice discussion is such a blessing. i have no plans of confronting that person because i'm not guilty of the accusation. your discussion has made me realize something very important right now. even two thumbs up aren't enough, please allow me to give them to you. thank you so much and more blessings to you!
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
17 Feb 10
Hi Cheiyen, Thank you very much for that response and I'm happy that it helped. Blessings.
@divalounger (3440)
• United States
26 Jan 10
I agree with you. It is difficult to do though. But if you think of it as a communication skill, taking time to formulate your thoughts can make it easier to deal with confrontations. I think confrontations are inevitable. It is just a questions of getting used to handling them in such a way that we get to say our peace without either getting or giving hurt.
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
26 Jan 10
Hi divalounger, Thank you for sharing your thoughts, that's mush the way I feel too. Blessings.
• United States
26 Jan 10
I agree with you on a few points and sometimes you have to release your anger so the other person can know that you are passionate about the topic. Emotions are raw and they are real and sometimes you can't just let them be scraped too often. Talking is always a better solution and sometimes talking loudly works too. Always fight fair and never go to bed angry with your spouse, stay up and fight!
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
27 Jan 10
Hi gitfiddleplayer, Thank you for commenting and sharing your ideas, I agree that you mention some good points as well. Blessings.
@allknowing (85988)
• India
26 Jan 10
Most of the time when we are attacked there is no reason to react if we know for sure that we are innocent and then it is clear that the person who behaves that way gets some relief in giving vent to his anger but it is hurled at someone who does not deserve it. When that happens it is best that we walk away from the scene.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
27 Jan 10
Hi allknowing, Thanks for adding to this disscussion. Blessings.
@barehugs (8984)
• Canada
26 Jan 10
What exactly are you looking for as a response here? It would make a good Sunday School Lesson! I am dum-founded, as if I wadded too far out in a mud puddle, and now my feet are wet! Oh! that reminds me of a story! A Pastor, walking along a narrow path in the jungle, met a Tiger. Quickly he whispered a prayer. "OH God show this terrible beast that I am your good servant, so that he won't eat me!" The Tiger licked his lips and growled, " Oh! Thank you God for giving me this tasty Meal!"
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
26 Jan 10
Hi barehugs, Thanks for responding and sorry for the confusion. Blessings.
@RULizzie (101)
• United States
25 Jan 10
While you make a good point the problem is that often an attacker may not interpret your response the same way that you do. I tend to not respond to verbal attacks, particularly if I know that my action were not the real cause of the attack. The problem with can become that the attacker views this as weakness or an admission of guilt and will use at another time. The thing to try and do is diffuse the situation and then discuss the true problem.
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
26 Jan 10
Hi RULizzie, Thank you for commenting and that's exactly what I'm saying, diffuse the situation and then discuss the true problem. Blessings.
@kquiming (2998)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
i agree with you. very good point. easier said that done though, it's especially hard for me to ontrol my emotions. i'm not afraid of confrontations though, and the suddent burst of emotions is quite expected.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
26 Jan 10
Hi kquiming, Thank you for commenting and I agree those things are easier said than done. Blessings.