Put Your Big Boy Pants On
By miravu
@miravu (100)
United States
January 30, 2010 11:46pm CST
Everything I said about my man yesterday, I officially unsay tonight. A few weeks ago I was approached by a recruiter offering an opportunity 400 miles away. My man (now ex-man) supported me into following it. I was offered the job and then he supported me into deciding to taking it. We talked about him in the long term moving out with me. He met my family. I was supposed to meet his parents tomorrow. And then, tonight, he says that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to come, that it wouldn't be feasible, that we haven't been together all that long (6 months), that he wouldn't be able to live far from his family.
I respect his decision, but at some point, when you hit 30, you have to come to a point where you put your big boy pants on and realize that relationships proceed to serious places where you have to share love and trust. Apparently since he can say goodbye to me so easily, he doesn't have those feelings for me. Is it commitment-phobia, fear of losing his comfort blankie, or is he just not that into me?
Does anyone ever have a happily ever after?
2 people like this
2 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Feb 10
Hi Miravu,
I'm sorry things turned out this way for you. I could not take a guess at what your man's problem is without knowing him. I'm a woman and I've been married twice. I know that I would not give up my job,my apt. and all my friends & family to move far away with someone I've only known 6 months. Maybe when I was just starting out, I'd have considered it. but as I got older I've come to think that 6 months is not all that long of a time. I'm just thinking that maybe this man was really into you but just moves a little slower than someone else might. I mean you are moving with the prospect of a better job and all and he isn't. I have dated guys for 6 to 8 months and had it all fall apart. I could have him all wrong but that's how i'd be.
@miravu (100)
• United States
4 Feb 10
Thank you for the comment! I wasn't exactly ready for him to move right in either. We talked about giving it several months before making a decision. I guess what really got me was that he was sitting there after I spent 45 minutes driving to see him just to tell me at a diner that he was too afraid to move. He has a right to his decision, but it was the way he approached this whole situation that bothered me. Anyways, thank you for lending an ear (or an eye as the case may be)...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Feb 10
Guys are not always easy to understand. You sounded as if you were hurt and also that you really cared for this guy and thinking that he doesn't care for you when that may not really be the case. Is it possible that he just was not ready to make such a huge move but also did not want to hold you back from something that obviously was good for you and that you wanted so badly? Could it be that he really does care about you? Is it possible to continue the relationship long distance and maybe down the road he could move closer? If you guys really, really love each other you'll find a way. If not then maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
31 Jan 10
Hello, and welcome to MyLot. You've had a big disappointment, but it's probably better that it happens now, because you can make a complete new start. Your man should have voiced his reservations before, and I'm afraid it sounds as if he used the job relocation to get himself out of the relationship, which is very cruel.
You're probably better off without him, even though you won't believe it at the moment. Somewhere out there, there's someone who is truly worthy of you. You will have a happy ending, I'm sure.
